Latest Posts by tasty-soda-pop - Page 5

I can live out weeks, even months, in my own head, I have fantasies that last for multiple days in real time, I can stop and start them again at will until the story line I'm on ends or I get distracted by another thing to think about and then I start something else and live more time in my fucking mind. I could make a movie, no, a TV show with multiple seasons of what goes on in my brain except for the fact that some of it is sexual and also I don't want to explain any of it to anyone ever because it would be way too weird.

In case it isn't painfully clear already I just want to say that I would love to date

*guys who are fluffy and cuddly

*girls who are bug enough to kick me in the face if they wanted to

*enby criptids

And almost anything else in between!

My cat is is so fat and eats so much that I have started to call him "fatso", "fatass", and "you fat fuck" so much that I sound like I'm talking to Eric Cartman. Which makes sense because they're both assholes who act like they don't care.

I love this

Things the gays own

- rainbows (duh)

- the state of California

- names that end with aden

- the F word, its ours, straights can't have it

- Home by cavetown

- mismatch socks

Add more if I missed any!

Blood is thicker than water, but syrup is thicker than blood

They say blood is thicker than water

But the people I know are not bland, boring, ordinary water.

The people I know are syrup, sweet and good and interesting.

My blood is thicker than the water around us, but the syrup I surround myself with is thicker and sweeter than blood.

So if you're toxic I'll drown you in Pancake sauce buddy.

What kinda toxic ass relationship does she think is okay.

I give and I give and I give and all she ever does is take and never gives anything in return.

She loves my dad but doesn't even care about me.

Before you even ask who hurt me, it was kitty, my cat, who I named, who I petted, who I gave a special treat that she doesn't usually get.

And she just went back to him, because apparently I'm not good enough.

Oh what a bitch!

Random shit post

Person A: *walks into room*

Person B: *unwrapping a square of cheese*

Cat, sitting next to person B with a square of cheese on it's head and two more on it's back and one on its side: *waiting patiently*

Person A: what the hell are you doing?

Person B: I'm making a sculpture so I'm measuring the dementions of cat in cheese because the ruler is straight and the cat is not straight.

Person C in the background: neither am I!

Person D: *walks into room* what the hell are they doing?

Person A: measuring the dementions of our cat with cheese.

Person D: oh! I was gonna knit the cat a sweater, hey (person A's name) how many slices of cheese are in the sweater region?

Person A: about 12 or 13 I'd say.

Person D: I should probably get a second ball of wool then, thanks!

Person C: you might want to take your art project outside, the kitchen is on fire again.

Person B: what the fuck!? What is with you people?!

A joke my boyfriend came up with

Okay, I was doing an accent and I said

"it sounds like a mix of Scottish and Russian"

And he says

"Its a ROTTEN!"

That was the funniest shit at the time

Some days I feel like a girl

Some days I feel like a boy

And some days, all I feel is

Boot soup

You have no gender roles if you have no gender

All you have is roles

Mmmmmmmmm tasty rolls

Hanging in the woods part 5

Hanging in the woods part 4

Hanging in the woods part 3

Hanging in the woods part 2

Hanging in the woods part 1

Say hello to my plesiosaurus, plesi for short.

Do you feel my wrath

What is this feeling?

What is this feeling of "my body could run a marathon if I wanted it to but my everything else is too tired of everything to want to do anything ever" called? For context, I slept the same amount I do every night and I don't usually have this problem, all Google is giving me is "you have insomnia" or results for this being a chronic thing but it's not.

I know this is supposed to be a funny place but I actually want a better answer.

GOOD NEWS! The dick dealer is now colorized!

I have come up with this wonderful idea.

The dick dealer! Lmao.

I have made me me memes

I want all of you to know I'm here for you. #lgbtq #gay #bi #lesbian #transgender #pansexual #asexual #demisexual #nonbinary #genderfluid #genderqueer #agender #queer #ftm #mtf #protectgaykids #lgbt #protecttranskids https://www.instagram.com/p/B5ZoEUGpfwL/?igshid=z5dwg0fecmgm

Elves are just slave leprechauns.

I have created this lovely being, the dick dealer. (Does not sell drugs, only dicks)

I have come up with this wonderful idea.

The dick dealer! Lmao.

I have come up with this wonderful idea.

The dick dealer! Lmao.

kill off my character from the script of life

DICK PUSSY ASSHOLE

CHEESE ON TOAST

Still my best post

Knock Knock!

It’s the milk man.

Here to milk your man.

I had a thought and had to share it.

This is what went through my crazy ass brain in the hallway.

Skideetle SkidAtle,

My dick is now a saddle.

[Insert skideetle skidootle your dick is now a noodle image here]

I'm Pan, Polyam, and a switch, and people still wonder why I'm indecisive!