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Laughing headcanons for the royal retainers?

Hoshido:

Saizo - Did he laugh? Did he not laugh? It’s a mystery. Once, someone reportedly heard the smallest ‘heh’ coming from the space around Saizo’s head… But honestly, Saizo’s laugh is like a mythical artifact; impossible to find and most likely nonexistent. People have spent far too much money on betting whether or not they could get Saizo to laugh.

Kagero - She enunciates her laugh, it’s weirdest thing. It’s quiet, but you can hear very distinct ‘ha ha ha’s when she laughs, as if she’s worried about proper pronounciation. It’s very polite and demure, but not unheard of; compared to Saizo’s cryptid laugh, hers is more of a happy surprise.

Azama - It’s honestly the most sarcastic thing you’ve ever heard. Azama laughs, and everyone in the immediate vicinity feels worse about the lives they’ve lead. However, once in a blue moon, Azama actually genuinely laughs, and flowers bloom in his presence. Azama denies that he could ever produce such a pure sound, though.

Setsuna - It’s very… distinctive, for sure. Setsuna’s giggles can be quiet and almost polite when she’s mildly amused, but when you really get her going, you’re gonna hear gasps, with the occasional ugly snort thrown in. Tears in her eyes, doubled over, clapping her hands like a seal- when Setsuna’s having a good time, you’ll see it all. 

Hinata - Hinata’s laugh starts in his belly and travels up his throat, until it sounds like he’s basically shouting. Hinata’s laughter is probably the most dangerous- he’ll often be slapping the back of the person who made him laugh, with enough force to leave hand-shaped bruises. He’s truly a sight to see.

Oboro - Her laugh is honestly the cutest. It starts out as a giggle, maybe hidden behind the hand, but from there it builds until she’s bent in half and barely able to breathe. The strangest things can get her going, too. Oboro has an odd sense of humour that just gradually gets adopted by the whole camp; she truly is Hoshido’s greatest meme maker.

Subaki - The poor guy is so self-conscious about his laugh. He tries to hide it when possible, or, if it can’t be contained, he marshals it into the most polite and dignified laugh possible, more of a forced ‘hahaha’ than anything else. His genuine laugh is closer to a breathy chuckle, punctuated with the occasional gasp.

Hana - Her laugh is more of a visual spectacle than anything else. Hana’s laughter is almost silent, but her whole body contorts into rather interesting positions. It’s probably the most dangerous to herself- she barely gets the chance to breathe, since her body is too busy forcing out silent laughs. Hana once reportedly passed out from laughing too hard after Subaki tripped and fell into the pegasus manure pile, but on the bright side, she gets the best abs as a side effect.

Nohr:

Laslow - You know that Sexually Confident Villain laugh that sounds smug, yet vaguely arousing? Yeah, Laslow is more or less the opposite of that. Instead, he gets high-pitched wheezing, punctuated by the occasional snort, before he degenerates into full-blown witch cackling. The poor guy of course conceals it from the others, but it’s useless. He can’t hide from the truth forever.

Peri - When she doesn’t have a murderous giggle going on in some way, shape, or form, Peri’s laughter is actually pretty normal? Like, it’s pretty much just a bunch of ‘hee hee hee’s thrown together, with some natural breathiness added in. Honestly, the most shocking factor in her laughter is literally just how average and non-creepy it is. Truly, the most unexpected laugh.

Beruka - The poor girl is almost as bad as Saizo. The straightfaced retainer never rarely cracks a smile, let alone a grin, and something like an actual, audible, laugh? Unheard of. Camilla claims that she once made Beruka laugh, many years ago, when they were alone together. She describes it as sweet and gentle, soft enough to charm a bear. Honestly, the reason why Beruka laughs so little is because she probably doesn’t want to compromise her assassin image.

Selena - Loud and brash, that’s how you describe Selena’s laughter. She doesn’t worry about volume, nor does she worry about how her laugh sounds. She will have as many wheezes, snorts, and coughs as much as she dang well pleases, and if you don’t like it, well, that’s your problem. She will still fight you if you dare comment on it, though- she has some boundaries that she isn’t quite willing to cross.

Odin - When faking his laughs, Odin ranges from a confident and heroic ‘ahahaha!!’ to a more villainous chuckle. However, when he actually is genuinely laughing about something, it’s fairly… cute? Like a high-pitched giggle, but his eyes will get all scrunched up and his cheeks will turn all red, and it’s honestly just really adorable. However, Odin Dark, scion of the ages, will never allow someone to see such a weak side of himself, so he hides it like he hides the rest of himself- under about 23 fabricated personalities.

Niles - It’s…. deceptive. Niles’ laugh starts out surprisingly sweet, being just lighthearted chuckles. But, if it builds too much, he starts gasping for breath, and then he gasps on purpose, and then he starts throwing moans in, and then it just gets weird. If you want to hear Niles’ laugh, surprise him with something mildly amusing, but for the sake of your own comfort, don’t take it too far.

Arthur - The laughter of JUSTICE is one that can never be defeated!! -Arthur probably. Imagine the most overdone, heroic, confident, fists-on-hips laugh you’ve ever heard, and then multiply that by 10. It’s strong, very much Arthur-sounding, and 100% natural. He doesn’t even need to try and make his laugh sound like that, it just comes out normally. Arthur’s laugh is one of the things he’s proudest about, and to this very day, he says that the luckiest thing in his life is that when he laughs, he sounds like the hero of justice he truly is.

Effie - It is, without a doubt, the most powerful laugh in the entire army. No, it can’t knock people over, or blow down buildings, but? It is just about the sweetest darn thing you’ve ever heard. You might thing that bench-pressing trees or whatever is Effie’s greatest power, but when you hear her tiny, tinkly little giggle, you will have a strong desire to do whatever she asks of you, or maybe just to squeeze her and never let go. But beware- if you go with the latter option, Effie might get cuddly back, and then a few ribs might be broken.

gay culture is all gay guys being furries to a degree and all gay gals being down to fuck a robot

why does wiggly sword exist? What are they good for?

Skill: Shows off the blacksmiths massive horse cock. In a time before modern machinery some crazy Germans and Swiss hammered beyond natural human limit. They probably did it as a meme then realised it was actually useful as a weapon. Sharpening a wavy blade would have been a nightmare.

Functional: Good for duelling sword vs sword. A traditional sword allows you to slide off an enemies blade if your swords clash, because the blade is straight. The waves in a flamberg blade creates vibrations which hurts the opponents hands, that doesn’t sound like much but it gives you an advantage. Very useful for parrying since the enemies sword will strike, then the blade gets stuck on your wavy blade or they pull away from the impact shock. Either way you will have an opening to attack. Also the waves cut much deeper similar to a serrated knife. If you got cut once by this blade, you would not be able to stitch your wound shut, you are pretty much sliced bread.Aesthetic: Someone challenges you to a duel, while they unsheathe their boring longsword, you unwrap your wiggly sword. They immediately apologize and run because you are rich enough to afford a wiggly sword and probably have multiple wenches giving you ankle parchments.

Some nerd: Pokémon USUM sucks

Me: You can do a photoshoot with God

Nerd: What-

Me:

Drawings from my ipad zzzt

Humans Are Weird

So there has been a bit of “what if humans were the weird ones?” going around tumblr at the moment and Earth Day got me thinking. Earth is a wonky place, the axis tilts, the orbit wobbles, and the ground spews molten rock for goodness sakes. What if what makes humans weird is just our capacity to survive? What if all the other life bearing planets are these mild, Mediterranean climates with no seasons, no tectonic plates, and no intense weather? 

What if several species (including humans) land on a world and the humans are all “SCORE! Earth like world! Let’s get exploring before we get out competed!” And the planet starts offing the other aliens right and left, electric storms, hypothermia, tornadoes and the humans are just … there… counting seconds between flashes, having snowball fights, and just surviving. 

inspired by reasonsmysoniscrying

So you can just sorta… chill near octosnipers/commanders, and if you are close enough they can’t do anything about it.

imagine if your fridge did what you do to it everyday, every half hour goes to your room opens the door and stares at you for 5 minutes then leaves

Humans are adorable.

Supporting evidence:

1. Humans say ‘ow’, even if they haven’t actually been hurt. It’s just a thing they say when they think they might have been hurt, but aren’t sure yet.

2. Humans collect shiny things and decorate their bodies and nests with them. The shinier the better, although each individual has a unique taste for style and colouring

3. Humans are not an aquatic or even amphibious species, but they flock to bodies of water simply to play in it. They can’t even hold their breath all that long; they just love to splash!

4. When night falls and the sky goes dark, humans become drowsy and begin to cocoon themselves in soft, fluffy bedding.

5. Some humans spend time in each other’s nests! Just for fun! It’s not their nest; they’re just visiting each other.

6. Some humans use pigments and dyes to make their bodies flashy and colourful! They even attach shiny dangly bits to their cartalidgous membranes!

7. Humans are very clever, and sometimes adopt creatures from other species into their family units. They don’t seem to notice the obvious differences, and often raise them alongside their own young!

8. If a human sees another creature in distress, they can commonly be observed trying to help! Even at their own risk, most humans are deeply compassionate creatures!

9. If a human hears a particularity catchy sound or tune, it will often mimic it, even to the point of annoying themselves!

10. Sneezes are entirely involuntary, and completely adorable. Especially when the human in question becomes frustrated

11. Humans love treats!!! Some more than others. Many humans will save these treats specifically for a later date when they are in need of comfort or reassurance. IE, pickles, pop tarts, Popsicles, etc

12. They’re learning to travel in space!!! They can’t get very far, but they’re trying!!! So far, they’ve made it to the end of their yard, and have found rocks