the-froggy-jester

Latest Posts by the-froggy-jester

Memories #1

Reminder: TW. Verbal and implied/threatened physical abuse, lying

It was just after I moved in with my sis. We were cleaning the room I would be staying in by chucking all of the furniture out of my window into one of those big containers, listening to Matt's music. We were all having good fun, I don't think she was mad or anything. It was mainly me and Matt working, but the kids helped. Back then, Maya wasn't as much of a little [nice person], but José didn't like me cuz he hadn't gotten used to me yet. Things seemed more or less normal, yet I couldn't help but feel a certain pressure. I thought it would get better over time. I thought maybe if I got used to the rules... and it was so big of a change... and with the new environment.... I should've listened to my intuition. I kept saying "It's too late to get out of it now, you're already here and started to renovate and everything", hoping I was wrong and it wouldn't be as bad. The change came gradually; at first, she was super sweet to me. Not even two months later she screamed at me for the first time and I got to see the best side of her. It's not that she hadn't chastised me before, but she never raised her voice like that.... or thrown kitchen utensils at me or the kids. As the children and I were on the ground, gathering the knives, forks and spoons on all fours, she kept screaming and throwing things, and that was the first time she threatened to hit me. She raised her hand to grab something else very close to me and I flinched. She berated me for it, saying I've never been hit before and so I shouldn't act like it, that I don't have the right to react that way. I don't remember much else from what she said, mainly calling us selfish and lazy (which, as you will notice, she did a lot) and reminding me that I could always move out if I don't want to comply with her rules (which is also something you'll hear a lot). The most memorable part of that entire situation is the fact that when she stopped screaming and came back from smoking outside, she smirked at me and said "Now you saw that I can get a bit mad sometimes." The idiot I was I told her it's fine. I didn't want her to get mad again. God, I was so scared, I wanted to get the hell out of there first chance I get. But then I kept getting deeper and deeper in the legal process of everything, and, in the end, I just,,,, didn't say anything. I kept lying to authorities to not cause any trouble. Telling CPS I'm doing great here, that we sometimes fight but only in the fashion normal for siblings, and every time I said something I would look at her for approval and to see if I had said something wrong. I didn't want to make her mad or look bad in front of these people.

Entry #34, 1/29/25, very short

Wow. So glad I remembered the password. Time for a new entry, I guess?

Sooooo much happened. So very much. And honestly, I'm kind of sad that I didn't continue this blog while I lived with my sister, because ohhh boy would that have been fun to read now. It was a shit show. But luckily I still have my diaries from that time... it almost feels like I survived a war or something. I think I'll just start writing down random things I remember and want to have written down somewhere before I forget them, so from now on, imagine a fat tw in front of every post concerning that topic. I'll specify if certain subjects are more prominent in a post, but you can almost certainly expect verbal abuse, helpless rage and probably swearing.

To give you a quick idea of where I am now:

- I live alone (or, well, independently. I share my flat with two dudes. I'll call one Tom and the other Marc.)

- Since my last entry, I was in 2 relationships. Both of them were toxic. Now I'm with my boyfriend, who I'll be calling Derrick, since November last year

- I went no contact with my oldest sister (the one whose place I was at in the entry about Christmas and how disappointed I was)

- I also went no contact with my mother (formerly known as ___ or Voldemort)

- I'm in therapy, got diagnosed with ADHD, got meds for it

-My grades plummeted . But now I'm doing better, thanks to the meds.

- I'm now 19 years old and go by Jamie since 2022 around friends and like early 2023 around teachers, nowadays everyone refers to me and knows me as Jamie. Pronouns-wise, all are fine, but I prefer he/they. I'm enby and pan, should you care

- All racists, homophobes, transphobes and similar people that just have to get up in everybody's business, feel free to contact me if you want to have a respectful convo about it to exchange views :)

Seeya!

So. Uh. Hello Inkwell system?

Uhhh,,,, this is my old blog from like 2019 or something,,, and it still has my blog entries on it, and I don't mind if you read them- idk if I'd show the others though if I'm honest. It's not that in-depth, obviously, and I'd like to detach myself especially from the last entry. So yep,, uh, this is I!

Entry #33, 14/4/20

I’m so sorry I stopped updating! I kinda forgot I had a blog--- but I’ll try to remember and update more often from now on!

Anyway... a quick summary of what happened (of course with the help of my diary because I forget everything way too fast):

1.: Me and my ‘‘best’‘ friend Cel stopped talking. She barely has any time anymore, so I gave up on trying to contact her. I told her how i felt about the whole situation, and kinda--- emotionally detached from her again?? I came to terms with the fact that we won’t talk anymore, but instead of breaking off contact I decided to keep her as a ‘‘friend’‘ for roleplaying, cuz she’s the only one I have a bnha-roleplay with.

2.: The guy from the German equivalent of child services was here twice, and we’ll probably get the family-helper peeps after this whole ‘‘situation’‘ with the pandemic is over.

3.: Pesto (my ex-bestie) texted me a while back. I said i would give him a second chance, but honestly... I was really disappointed when I found out he hadn’t killed himself. I tried to make him do it passive-aggressively, but he got a gf and his mental health was very good in general, so I’ll just wait until he has another depressive-episode (he’s bipolar)...

4.: A guy from my school, that I literally talked to once before and that we’ll call Dennis, asked a good friend of mine (Freddie) if he could get my number. Freddie told me and asked if I was okay with him giving Dennis my number, I said yes... big mistake. Dennis started texting me every twenty minutes, it got really annoying, but I was too scared to hurt his feeling, so I didn’t tell him off. He started talking to me in school too, gave me a drawing (a bad one at that) and just made me really uncomfortable in general. After getting a bit of advice from a couple other girls I told him I was uncomfortable with texting him, he said he understood, but was clearly hurt by what I said (I tried to be as nice as possible!). Anyway, I’m glad I don’t have to deal with him right now... >~<°

5.: I got an interview for a politics-project I need for school. It went well, I got all the info I needed, yeet.

And since I’m a meanie, I saved the best for last:

I got a girlfriend!~~ (31.3.20 UwU) She’s in all of the discord servers I’m in, and even before we got together we talked super often and complimented each other constantly... She’s super cute! Whenever I talk to her I feel so much lighter, happier and just overall better...~ and if you’d have asked past me if I could ever imagine getting a girlfriend instead of a boyfriend as my first ever relationship, I’d have shouted ‘‘No way!’‘- and now look where that got me. It’s not even like I was homophobic, I just thought it was weird for me to like a girl because that’s just how I was raised. (My gramps was a really religious christian, and of course the whole ‘‘very religious grandpa’‘ stereotype wouldn’t be complete without a heaping pile of homophobia...) Now I’m happily in love, I even imagined how awesome it would be to move in together, adopt a kid and get married... which I never could before (with anyone, not just girls) without feeling a little weird about it. But now I can imagine all I want and even feel like it’s the right thing to do!~ God, I could go on and on about how much I love her... <3

There’s something else I want to address as well tho, so no can do. I got into a fight with my mother just a couple days ago, and I’m giving her the Todoroki-Treatment again (I talk to her as little as possible, and when I do, I have a monotone voice and neutral expression). She accused me of so many things I didn’t do, and even said to my face that I was born as [deadname] and will always stay [deadname]. I’m using the word deadname not because I’m trans (cuz that’s where it’s actually supposed to be used), but because I hate the name I was born with and don’t want to be addressed with the name that I link so many bad memories with. The very next day, she took away my phone and laptop because I was ‘’disrespectful’‘. The day after that, (12.4.20, Easter+ my little sister’s b-day) she wanted to talk about what happened again and admitted she was wrong. She apologized, even wrote ‘‘Mary’‘ on an egg custom-filled with chocolate to ‘‘buy’‘ my happiness in a way. Didn’t work. She was just being really pathetic... like always after a fight when she ‘’regrets saying those things and that she actually didn’t mean them’‘. I’m just in complete control whenever that happens, and it’s really awesome bc I can make her feel really bad by just not talking to her lmao-

Anyway, that was all that happened. I’ll let you know when something interesting is going on. Bai! ^^

Entry #32, 11/2/20

Bonjour, mes amis! I hope you’re doing well! ^^ There hasn’t been much going on lately, so I didn’t really have anything to tell you. I just wanted to quickly get out some facts about the school changing and put them out there.

So, number one: I won’t be able to change schools until after summer break. There’s no space in the classes right now, but hopefully they’ll accept me next year ^^

Second: Class starts at 7:50, so 10 minutes later than right now. I think it ends at about 12:45 as well, I’m not sure.

Yeah... not much, I know, but I didn’t intend this to be long anyway.

Oh, there is one more thing though! I got my report recently, and I only got 2 D’s this year! I’m honestly kinda impressed by myself, since I didn’t really study... But I want to change that! I need a really good report when I graduate, so I think I should start actually studying by now ^^° Anyways, that was it for now! Seeya soon!

~Mary~

Entry #31, 25/1/20

Heya, dear void! How’s it going? ^^ I thought I’d just quickly let you know about some stuff that happened recently, since it’s kinda important to understand the possible action that will be taken throughout the next few months.

Last Friday (17/1/20), I had a ‘meeting’ with my current school’s principal. He asked me why I wanted to change schools, why I thought I didn’t belong in the class and how my mental health was involved in the whole thing. At the start, he didn’t seem very fond of the idea, but was open to what I had to say. I thought h would say ‘no’, or try to keep me from doing it, but at the end of the whole thing he told me that he’d support me and even let me come back if the new school was worse.

After the meet-up, I told my mother that we had his approval, and she spoke to the school I want to change to. The teachers had a meeting where they discussed the situation, and if they had room for a new student. Everything depends on that, and if they decide that I would be too much, everything I did would have been a complete waste of time. But before I can officially change schools, I need to check out what the routine is like, anyways, so I can get a better picture of what it’ll be like, because right now I have no information about the schedule and stuff like that. Heck, I don’t even know when school starts! (My current starts at 7:40, ends at 12:45, and I’m usually home at about 13:20.) Ah, whatever. As for now I can’t do anything but wait anyways. Wish me luck...

~Mary

Entry #30, 11/1/20

Hewwo, my dear reader/s!~ I just wanted to give a quick update, instead of just leaving you out because nothing particularly interesting happened.

I found out a couple of my grades! I probably have a B in French, a B in chemistry, a D in German (it’s so hardddddd--) and probably the first B I ever got in English. On the report card, that is. I had plenty of B’s on minor tests and sometimes even exams. But it’s only the report for the first half-year (?), so it’s fine.

I just remembered! I have a ‘‘meeting’‘ with the principal of my school this Friday! He was talking to my mother a couple of days earlier, and she then told me that he’d asked for a chance to talk to me in his office, alone. As I probably let you know before, I don’t feel much, but right now, just thinking about it- I’m pretty sure I’m either nervous or excited! After all, no student ever talks to the principal, except for the ones that violated a school rule (i. e. smoking on school grounds, selling drugs, consuming alcohol etc.). It’s actually kinda something to be proud of... just like the fact that I talked to the mayor of my little village. How many people my age, or just in general, can say that about themselves? It might not seem very special to anyone except myself, but I think it’s an honor to even get that chance. Anyways!  I’m kinda scared as to what he wants to talk about. I mean it’s obvious that he wants to talk because of my school-changing plans, but.. what if he doesn’t understand me? What if he won’t allow me to do it without a more ‘’valid’’ reason? I’ve been told that I won’t be needing one, but it’s always better to be prepared for everything. I’ll also be meeting up with the principal of the new school soon. Of course he’ll be wanting to talk to me (or really any other new student) before accepting them, especially in the middle of the year. I just need to make a good impression, and my report card isn’t particularly bad, either... pretty average, tbh. I mostly have C’s and B’s, maybe two or three D’s... based on my grades I’d probably be accepted. Especially to a public school. But if I screw up the ‘‘interview’‘... it’s pretty obvious what will happen. Soooo I just gotta do my best, let my widest polite smile shine, and best not wear make-up. (’‘Normal’‘ make-up wouldn’t be bad, but I only wear eyeliner and dark-blue lipstick. If I wear that I’m sure to get kicked out after the first 10 minutes) Apropos lipstick: a bro of mine (let’s call him... Don) ordered me black lipstick, without me even asking for it. I was just complaining about a classmate of mine that wouldn’t mind his own damn business (and I quote: ‘‘You should stop wearing that. Either black or nothing.’‘ and yeah, I told him multiple times that I couldn’t find black lipstick in any store I was in, but did that stop him? nope), and Don asked me why I didn’t just order it online. I told him that my mother would never allow that (internet= bAd; typical gen x), but he was already looking for it on amazon to prove a point. He showed me, I repeated myself, and we changed the subject. Thursday he came to me and said the following:

‘‘It arrives on Saturday.’‘

That.

Nothing else.

That was the first thing he said.

I think you can imagine how confused I was. Apparently it was really easy to tell that I was confused, cuz he clarified what he meant, which just led to me being even more confused.

Why would he do that?

I didn’t ask him to do it... I never even implied that I wanted him to do it?? Why would he waste money on something for me? I mean yeah, he’s a nice dude, but it’s just fake like from everyone else, right? Oh. I know what he’s planning. He wants to make me believe that he likes me, just so he can tell his friends how pathetic I am for thinking that. Or he wants to make fun of me because of our financial situation. Or he just wants to give me hope or whatever and then ‘let me down’, just like everyone else always did. I mean.. what reason would there be for him to genuinely give me a gift? None. I’m not even funny enough for him to consider me his friend. We barely talk! I guess I better get ready for public humiliation on Monday...

Anyways, that’s it from me. I’ll tell you how it all went when it happened.

Regards and hugs,

~Mary~

P.S: I finally watched Sanders Sides, and I find it very funny! ^^ I’m thrilled to see the next episode!~

Entry #29, p.3

Welp, this one is going to be short. So: nothing really happened on the majority of the 26th, but at about 6pm, when 0 went to take a shower, * and ___ got into a huge argument. Before it started me and my niece were in the kitchen with the two. I was drawing, my niece watched me, everything was going good. But then * started to tell my mother about how the behavior of 0 is unacceptable for someone her age and that she’s getting treated like a princess etc. My mother (obviously) denied it, and then they started yelling in Spanish. *’s boyfriend got my niece out of the kitchen and went to watch a movie with her and my nephew. I just sat at the table, silently looking down at my sketchbook, a blank expression on my face... I didn’t know what to do. I hate it when the adults, especially my family members, fight. I always feel so small and unimportant when they do... after a while, I felt like I’ve heard enough, but instead of going to the kids, I went up to my niece’s room and sat down there. I started talking to myself, crying, and soon enough I tried to calm myself down again. I felt like a helpless child, crying in the dark like that... and very pathetic. So, the only thing that came into my mind, was going to the others. After that, I was called into the kitchen, needed to apologize for how I talked to * while I was on vacation, then went back to watching the movie.

Aaaand that was everything. Nothing more happened, and honestly... I’m kinda glad about that. Cuz if something would’ve happened, it would’ve been something negative. So I’ll just say goodbye! Love ya :3

Happy new year, by the way! May it be better than any you ever had and bring you lots of love, luck and fortune!

I’ll see you, my lil Nekos~

~Mary~

Entry #29, 1/1/20

Hey there, everyone! (Or no one, depending on the audience I have... or not have ^^°) Anyways! I hope your holidays have been good! Mine have been... okay, I guess. But lemme start at the beginning like a normal person-

Before I get started, I’ll describe the way the home of my big sister is built so it won’t get confusing. So. The house they live in is three stories high: the ground floor belongs to my sister’s parents-in-law. Almost the whole flat there belongs to them; only the entrance hall is like a ‘‘common area’‘ and can be used by everyone. The 1st floor is parted in two flats, both belonging to my sis and her boyfriend. The bigger one is their normal living space, where they have most essential things like their kitchen, main bathroom and their bedrooms. The smaller one is only for my sis and her boyfriend, and maybe a guest that stays with them. That flat consists of a gaming/movie room for her bf, a smoking room for my sis, and a guest bedroom. Each flat also has their own bathroom: the smaller one has a small bathroom that only the males are allowed to use, the bigger one has a big/medium sized bathroom that only females are allowed to use. Now, onto the 2nd floor: it’s above the bigger flat, and just consists of two rooms, the children’s rooms. My niece and my nephew each have their own room, both built the same so they don’t fight. Now that you have a good image of what their house looks like, let’s get onto the actual blog!

So! My little sister (Who will be called 0/O from now on), ___ and I went to my big sister’s (her ‘’code’’ is *) place to spend the holidays with her, her boyfriend and her kids. The first day went quite well. We arrived, ate and I went to sleep in my niece’s room with her. On the 24th, I woke up at about 8 am- 2 hours before we started preparing breakfast. We went downstairs (to the kitchen), ate, and did whatever. Then, at about 5pm, * told us to go and get dressed festively, because we were eating in the entrance hall with her parents-in-law. I put on a hoodie, but apparently that wasn’t festive enough, so she gave me one of her tank-tops and wool jackets. (I’d just like to add that I hate, an I can’t stress this enough, HATE tank-tops. She knows that, but makes me wear them anyways, because ‘‘you have the right body for it’‘. Wer schön sein will muss leiden, I guess... even though I don’t want to-) She made me take a couple of pictures of her with ‘her part of the family’ (her kids, boyfriend and dogs), and after made me pose with my little sister and mother. I didn’t want to, but she said she’d give me chocolate, and honestly I thought it would’ve just been childish to be like ‘‘BuT i DoN’t WaNt To’‘, so I did. And it was only one picture. (One too much if you ask me-) Then we went downstairs to eat. The food was good, but I got a stomachache halfway-through the meal. I asked my sister for meds, and she said she’d go and see if they had any, buuut... she didn’t. I thought that she forgot, but in case she didn’t and just didn’t want to, I left it at that. I didn’t want her to be mad at me for being ‘impatient’, even though I got more and more uncomfortable with every second. Nonetheless, I forced myself to have a good time, because hey, it was Christmas eve, and I should enjoy the time I spend with my family and ignore a small, unimportant thing like a mild stomachache. So I did. And it was fun! I think... I mean the others seemed to have fun, and I tried real hard to find any emotion at all inside of me! ...but, you guessed it, I failed. There wasn’t a spark of anything; no happiness, no sadness, no nothing. It’s kinda sad if you think about it. I spent Christmas eve the best way possible, but didn’t feel the fun I should’ve had. One more reason to get ‘em back!

Anyways... after the meal we went to sleep, and when I got woken up by my niece the next morning (I was still sleeping on a mattress in her room), she had already been downstairs. She told me about all of the presents that were in the living room, and when my sister fake-woke up and yelled ‘‘OH MY GOD KIIIDS; SANTA WAS HEEEREEEE’‘ like an absolute madman, everyone assembled in the living room.

I’ll make a lil cut here to make it easier for you to read, the next part of the story will be published shortly! <3

~Mary~

Entry #28, 19/12/19

Hello!~

So, how has your week been? I hope it was better than mine! I had to (re-)take three exams! One in English, one in biology and another in math today! I am allowed to retake the math one, because I wasn’t there when they started the new subject, and I am really glad my teacher understands that I need more time to study. (Especially cuz I’m stupid---) Anyways, enough from school. Let’s get to the school changing part instead~ So, I basically had to choose a new school to change to, because the other’s a private school, and that would miss the whole point of changing schools. Instead of a private school, I picked a public school near the other I chose before.

OH. MY. CHINCHILLA. Peeps, I just remembered that MCR will start their reunion tour tomorrow! I am absolutely THRILLED to hear the new album they’re definitely gonna drop soon, right? Of course they would. They’d give us all the best gift for Christmas that one could ask for. Right?

Ah floop, I just realized I still have stuff to do. I’ll see you soon!

The edgy emeow~

Entry #27, part 2

...until Yuri told us we were allowed to massage each others freely and as we wanted to. Raph asked me, if I wanted him to go on and take care of my shoulders, and of course I said yes. I mean, why should I miss out on a free relaxing program? XD As he was moving his hands along my back and shoulders, I closed my eyes and just listened to all of the sounds the kids around us made. Suddenly, I heard Yuri say my name, and that’s when I started to listen to her. >>... and Mary looks like she’s having the time of her life.<< HELL YEAH I WAS! It was so relaxing to have someone who genuinely cares about you sitting behind you... and so strangely unfamiliar, too. I don’t know, I guess I should find more people who care about me.

That afternoon, we met up again. But that time I needed help with math, and since he mentioned that he was good at it and we got along just fine (if you get the reference you get bonus points), I decided to ask him to help me. And he did! After we finished, we talked about music, and somehow drifted off, which led to him... hugging me. He. Hugged. Me. I cannot put into words how wanted I felt at that moment. More than I have for a very, very long time. Though, sadly I didn’t feel much... Anyways. About an hour after that, he went ‘home’. I accompanied him, and when we parted ways, we hugged again.

On the 3rd, Raph’s little brother and the little sister from a friend of mine thought it would be funny to push Raph’s and my head together as to make us kiss.

...it didn’t work. XD

Nothing else happened, until I was going for a walk on the beach at night. It was about.. 7 pm, and already dark outside. The clouds hung heavy in the sky, hiding the stars and the moon, tainting the sea a deep, dark brown-ish black. The horizon itself was a fulfilling black, turning lighter the higher one looked at the clouds. I adored the sight. As I went, I talked to myself like I usually do. That eventually led to me crying, becoming aware of how absolutely useless I was to everyone around me, how much I disappointed the ones that cared about me in a seemingly whole other world, a timeline long forgotten... and I may have let myself go too much. I cried like I haven’t in a long, long, long time. I don’t know if it was good to let out my feelings or stupid because someone could possibly have listened to my sobbing... normally, if I do cry, I cry in company of someone I trust or care about. And up until that day, I was physically not able to. I don’t know why, but I could never cry on my own. There always had to be someone. But maybe... I didn’t feel alone that night? Maybe I felt as if someone was with me, even when they were not physically there? I don’t know, and I don’t think I’ll find out any time soon, but it’s definitely worth thinking about.

On the 4th, me and Raph went to the beach together at night. The stars were shining brightly, brighter than I’ve ever seen them sparkle, the moon was more beautiful than I had it in mind... everything just seemed a lot brighter and better. We talked for about an hour, then his mother told him to come back to their room. I loved having him as my company. Even if it was very cold, I was determined to stay with him. And so I did. I even stayed on the bench a few minutes after he left, talking to myself again. But soon, it was too cold, so I went up to my room, too.

The 5th, 6th, 7th and 8th went without any notable events.

The 9th, though, was a good day for me. First, we went to a sports hall to do some sports. After that, we went back to the ‘daycare‘ and me and Raph just kinda... started cuddling? It was really nice, and time was going by way too fast, until... my commitment phobia kicked in. (I should probably tell you that I have commitment issues due to my HoRrIbLe past) I ignored it, tho, so I kinda forced myself into being happy, or feel comfortable... buuut that actually did the exact opposite. I felt pretty uncomfortable, but I ignored that too, so I could try and just let myself fall into the embrace, I guess? Honestly, I don’t regret it. I think I needed the cuddling, the intimacy towards another person. Something that I noticed was that he seemed very calm and relaxed. I think he enjoyed himself, too.

The next day was just stressful. I had to travel back home with ___ and my sister, and of course the two fought a lot. Anyways, that was the rest of my ‘vacation’. More information on what and how I’ve been doing for the past week in the next entry!

Mary out!~

Entry #27, 12/15/19

Hey there! I’ve decided to make this blog a little more colorful, and be less... monotone, I guess you could say? I’m still the same old me, just with more fun writing and not trying to hold things ‘‘Sterile’‘ and boring. (You gotta be true to yourself! ^^)

Anyways! It’s been way too long since I last updated, and I am really sorry. I’m back home, yay? Nonetheless, I shall inform you about what happened in the last week there. (Luckily, I wrote most of it down in my diary, so it’s easier for me to give you a little summary! ^^) If this post gets too long, I’ll split it in two parts so it’s not as hard to read. :3

So... on the last day I updated, the 30th of november, I actually went swimming with a friend I made there after I finished the post. I went with the girl and her family, just so I didn’t have to go with mine ^^° It was okay, apart from the fact that I can’t really swim... We still had a good time tho, because the water wasn’t even deep enough to properly swim. (It went to maybe my neck, but not higher, soooo...) The day after that, I went into the city. On the way back to my ‘‘room’‘, a couple of younger girls from my group came up to me and asked about Raph. (>>Do you liiiiiikeeee hiiiiimmmm?~<<) I laughed it off, and when I said >>yeah, he’s a cool dude.<< they just skipped/ran away giggling. Isn’t that cute?~ XD

That night, just before I wanted to go to bed, a thought entered my mind. >>Since you hate your school/classmates so much, why don’t you just change schools?<< After I thought about it for a while, I started looking up gymnasium schools (the highest grade of school you can go to for middle and high school here in Germany, for the ‘’smart and talented’‘ kids. I’m still not sure how I was accepted XD) near my hometown. There were actually quite a few, even good ones, but one in particular caught my eye. I just recently found out that it’s a private school, but at the time I was convinced that it was the best choice I had. I didn’t know how to confront my mother about this, tho, so I just waited for the right moment.

The day after, everything was going like normal, until the ‘‘therapy’‘-thingy started. The theme of the day was ‘‘partner massage’‘, and guess who my partner was? That’s right, the one and only Raph. He was first to massage me (under the guidance of Yuri, the caretaker that always did the ‘‘relaxing therapy’‘), and BOY does he know how to use his hands properly! so there I was, laying in heaven, not wanting that moment to ever end... but unfortunately everything has to end someday. So it was my turn to massage him, and with my baby hands and shyness I barely pressed down on him. He told me to be more aggressive a couple of times, trying to make me feel confident.

He didn’t succeed. XD

I went on, trying not to hurt him or press the wrong spots, until... ah, I need to cut this off here. I’ll be back in a bit, seeya!

Entry #26, 11/30/19

Greetings, void. I know, it’s been more than a week. Nonetheless, I want to give you a little summary of what I’ve been up to.

As I may have said, it was my birthday on the 23.11, the same day as Raph. That day was a Saturday, so I couldn’t congratulate him there. But the next Monday, I worked up the courage to talk to him and do it there. He thanked me; he sounded way nicer than I imagined. After that, we started talking a little. This now extended to the point where we mainly spend our time with each other rather than the other kids there. His little brother is still sticking around, and that is perfectly fine, he’s fun to be with. Whenever he’s not there, though, our talks get... pretty personal. He told me about a girl he liked a few months ago, and how he tried to get together with her, but he didn’t succeed. I don’t know if I should see that as a sign of trust or a sign of being in the friendzone, honestly. I mean we get along perfectly fine, his brother once slipped up a little about Raph caring about me, and we got really close, but... I’m still not sure if he does like me that way. This is only a vacation-crush anyway; ‘‘See where it leads and have a few experiences more, maybe think about it when you’re awake late at night.’‘ But I still do like him. He’s actually very caring and nice when you get to know him, and with the ‘‘I hate people’‘ thing, he meant that he rather is by himself than with others. But he actually seems to appreciate my presence. He waits for me and doesn’t just walk off, let’s me finish my sentences, etc etc. So all in all, a real nice guy. I’m thrilled to see where it goes, if it even goes any further.

And that is basically all that happened. I know, it’s not much, but I can’t change the fact my life is boring. Goodbye and goodnight!

-Mary

Entry #25, 11/22/19

I am excited to announce that I found out some more stuff about him, and that he has taken notice of my existence! Now, let me be more clear:

First off, his brother’s name. We’ll call him Timothy for the hecc of it. I overheard the boy (let’s call him Raph) calling his brother by that while I was listening in on a conversation they had, hehe~ I also found out their last name while looking on a list one of the ‘‘caretakers’‘ let me look at; it’ll be Willson for now. So it’s Timothy and Raph Willson. I feel like such a sneaky stalker, ehehe~

Onto the second part: he actually watched me for a short while. I was just playing ‘‘Activity’‘ with Yuri (a transgender [now] female) and a few other girls of the group, while all of the others were out swimming. In a pool, that is. It’s way too cold to swim in the sea now. Anyways; everyone was in the pool, except for me, Yuri, the girls and Raph and a friend of his. Those two were just playing Uno all day long. After some time, it was my turn to explain something. I did my best (and apparently my best is pretty good, because they got it right quite fast most of the time), and then I notice that Raph is looking my way. I did my best to ignore him, and just continue with the game. Soon after, the same thing repeated. That made me wonder... why does he look at me? Was I too loud? Can’t be, he didn’t look annoyed. Maybe he was just curious. Yeah, most likely.  I mean... I guess it just wasn’t his turn.

Oh, look at the time run. I’ve got to go! See you soon~

Entry #24, 11/20/19

Greetings. I am currently on the ‘vacation’ I told you about in the last entry. The journey yesterday was beyond burdensome. My sister didn’t want to help move the luggage and basically just pouted the whole time, because ‘‘It’S tOo HeAvY’‘, and my mother (whom I will refer to as Voldemort from now on) was just there, not doing anything about my little sister’s laziness. Apparently (according what she said) I was a lazy piece of sh- when I watched over the remaining luggage instead of helping moving it around. Most likely because she had to help Voldemort.

After our arrival, though, things have been pretty great. I/We have a ‘‘flat’‘ in the second house; it has a small bathroom (but still big enough to fit a shower, toilet and sink), a bedroom with two beds and a table, and a ‘‘main area’‘, where there is another bed, two cupboards and a table. All in all, it would be pretty cozy and great... if there wasn’t my mother packing it with tons and tons of stuff. She has a cupboard full of food, even though we get served breakfast, lunch and dinner, and has packed 3, I repeat, 3 suitcases for her alone.

>>one is for arts and crafts, one is my luggage and one is for your very thick clothing.<<, she said. I think now might be the appropriate time to inform you that I packed my own suitcase with everything I need. After all, I am old enough to pack my own clothes etc.

Moving on to today: I woke up at 6.30, went to have breakfast, then straight to the ‘‘school’‘, only to be greeted by about 15 kids under the age of 11. I did the only thing I could think of, and sat down at a lonely table in the corner of the room. Only a few minutes later, a kid sat down next to me and we just kinda started to play a random game. Soon after, another boy (about 9) sat down with us and just joined the game. The entire group then sat in a circle, and we started telling each other our names. I don’t remember many of them, but there was one boy that stood out. After saying his name, he stated that he would turn 14 in three days (just like me), and just said that he hates people. It was too relatable to actually be true. And as if that wasn’t enough, he also has a little sibling of his own gender (just like me #2). I don’t know his brothers name, though. Nor his last name. But I will hopefully find out soon. Why not stalk him a little, eh?~

Ah, it’s getting late. I will go to bed now, goodbye and goodnight you beautiful people~

Mary out~

Entry #23, 11/12/19

Hello. Before I start today’s entry, I want to let you all know that my Wifi at home has been turned off. The Tumblr app on my phone has this weird pop-up bug, so that’s unfortunately not an alternative. I’m very sorry, and I hope you understand.

Anyways, onto the real deal: my day has been mediocre. I was in school, so that was one of the bad things, but at the same time I have been at my therapist’s, that was the only good thing. Apart from the fact that I can update, of course. I almost had to give a presentation to my class. Thankfully my teacher talked for too long, and it had to be cancelled. Unfortunately, the next date to do so will be on Thursday, so I’ll have to do it there. But since it leaves me with more time to practice my text, I am not complaining.

Next week, my sister, my mother and I will be going on vacation. We’re visiting a small island on the north-eastern end of Germany. I’ve been planning this for years, and now that it’s finally here... I am not fully realizing it. I know that it’ll happen, but my mind kind of... didn’t settle on it yet? (Does that make sense?) Nonetheless, I am still looking forward on being there. I love the sea, and even though I don’t really like going shopping, I still saved quite an amount of money. At least it’s a lot for me, but there are probably people that it’s nothing to. But I’m proud of myself for actually saving and not going out to spend it once I had a certain amount.

That’s it from me. Have a wonderful time until I can next update!

Yours truly,

Mary

Chapter 2

>>Kachan!<< Deku cheered loudly. The one who appeared to be Kachan stared at Izuku, with a glare that reminded Mary of those annoying little dogs, what were they called?  She appearently forgot at that point, but before she could continue thinking about it, she was cut off by him yelling: >>My name is BAKUGO! GET IT RIGHT, YOU IDIOT!<< He looked at Deku angrily, and Mary noticed many small explosions coming from his hands. Is that his quirk?, she asked herself. It most likely was, but you never know what kind of gadet that guy might have. And something that was even more questionable: How can anyone have such an attitude towards someone as cute and innocent as Deku? Was there more to him? Maybe he's like the Yandere girl from the video game she used to play so often and frequently? What was the game's name again..?

Mary was ripped out of her thoughts by a red haired boy with sharp teeth trying to calm Bakugo down. His teeth reminded her of a shark a bit. How can you have teeth shaped like that? , she silently questioned. Mary observed the whole situation quietly.  >>LET ME GO, KIRISHIMA!<< Bakugo snapped at the spiky-haired guy. So... Kirishima, huh? He looked like a genuinely nice person, smiling nicely even though he was holding down the angry... pomeranian, that's the name! She giggled to herself a little, acknowledging the resembelance. >>WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT, EXTRA?!<< he spat in her face, his own now forming into a frown, only showing the upper row of one side of his teeth. Is that considered fletching your teeth if you're a human?, Mary started to think again. She was easily distracted, especially when something was confusing or a ''shower thought'', as her favorite platform dumblr called it. Though... this fell more into the first category. Meanwhile, Deku and Ururaka tried to calm down the still furious human incarnation of anger, alongside Sharky-Boi.

Mary was just watching the show, holding back a smirk, waiting for someone to hand her popcorn, when someone tapped her shoulder. She turned her head to see who it was, only to find someone extremely close to her face. She flinched and punched the person out of reflexes, and only then did she realize whose stomach exatly she just punched: that's right, it was Denki, the first person she interacted with. Is winking at someone an interaction? She pushed the thought aside and turned her attention to the yellow-haired boy. Her voice was dripping with regret and worry, and when she started blabering an excuse and asking for forgiveness, Kaminari just chuckled. >>Hey, it's okay, hun!~<< He finally said, and when he saw the confusion that was clearly visible on her face, added: >>You didn't punch me that hard. Besides, my awesome muscles wouldn't let any punch hurt me too bad~<<He smirked self confidently, trying to show off how ''cool'' he was. It was kinda cute, but she just scoffed. >>Suuuure.<< Mary laughed, while he looked at her, suspicion in his eyes. >>What do you mean by that?<<  >>I said ''Sure'', so what could I mean by that other than ''yes''?<< she asked sarcastically. He didn't seem to get it, and regained his bright smile. >>Oh, okay! Ithought you were being sarcastic! Bakugo said that people are sometimes sarcastic about things, and that you can spot sarcasm in the tone of voice... So I guess I got a little confused there, sorry!<< Seeing him smile like that... it made Mary wonder. Did he actually have a boyfriend? >>So, uh.. Denki, right?<< He nodded. >>Yep, that's me! Denki Kaminari, the greatest, smartest, funniest and coolest of them all!<< He flashed her that confident smirk again. It made her smile a little too, and she completely ignored Bakugo yelling behind her now. >>yep, great. Can I ask you a question though?<< Denki smirked. >>I knew you'd have questions about this great guy~<< he pointed to himself with his thumbs. Mary looked at him and asked very straight-forward:

><Do you have a boyfriend?<<

Kaminari looked confused. >>Uh... wh-... what?<<

>>I asked if you had a boyfriend<<, Mary repeated. >>N-No? I'm... not gay???<< She carefully inspected him from head to toe once again. >>oh... Sorry! Do you have a girlfriend then?<< Wow, good job fucking things up. You couldn't ask if he was gay first, could ou? Nope, just jump straight to assumptions. >>I.. don't, but I could totally get any girl around if I wanted one!<< He blushed a little out of embarressment. >>Of cooooourse you could. No doubt.<< She said, once again sarcastically. He didn't seem to get it now, either, so Mary just gave up on sarcasm. >>Finally someone agrees! Most people just say ''no'' when I say that..!<< >>I wonder why.<< Mary replied before laughing slightly. She remembered that there was a dog she had to meet, and turned around to a grumpy, not-yelling Bakugo, an apologetic Kirishima, and a scared Deku. Ururaka was nowhere to be seen. Come on Mary, you can do this. It's only a guy with a temper, and it's not like you've never met anyone like that.

She went a little closer to him, gave him her best smile, and began talking. >>Hey, nice to meet you! I'm Mary, what's your name?<< She already knew his name, but she wanted to make a good impression and be polite. >>Name's Bakugo.<< He said angrily. >>Is that all? Then fuck off.<< While saying those words he had a little sparkle in his eyes, something Mary didn't really understand. What could it be? Anger? Frustration? Or does he just really like to insult people? She kept that in mind, but pushed away those thoughts as well. She had enough time in class to think about it. For now, she just decided to leave him alone, since he looked really pissed. >>Alright, it was nice to meet you!<< She smiled even wider. Bakugo looked at her a little off, but then caught himself again and grumbled a >>Yeah, great.<< And with that, she walked back to her seat, where the next person was already waiting for her.

 >>H-Hey beautiful~<< He said with hunger in his eyes. >>Hello!<< She smiled at him, not wanting to be rude. >>Do you n-need someone to show you around?<< he smirked pervertedly, his eyes getting even hungrier after seeing her smile. >>Nope! I already have Midoriya, Denki and Ururaka to help me out, but thank you anyways!<< She sat down at her desk, and he.. started to drool? And it didn't seem like he was giving up any time soon. Ugh. >>I c-could help you find th-the changing rooms, a-and then we could-<< He was cut off by Iida pulling him back. >>MINETA! STOP THAT OUTRAGOUS BEHAVIOR OF YOURS THIS INSTANT!<< Iida proceeded to drag Mineta away from Mary, who let out a sigh of relief. She didn't notice herself starting to smirk when she began to think of ways on how to best torture him. Little did she know the pink skinned girl was watching the entire scene, so she just decided to go and say hi. >>Hey, sorry about him. That was Minoru Mineta, he's kinda like the class pervert, alongside Denki. Though... Denki is just flirtacious. Mineta is full on ''spying on the girls''-kinda perverted. So you better stay away from him, or you might get... touched, let's say that. I'm Mina, by the way!<< Mina smiled brightly. Mary smiled back, wondering why Mina had just started talking to her. Was I staring at her? Did she watch me? Or does she really just want to be nice? >>Now, you gotta tell me, why was your introduction all formal and stuff?<<

Mary had to laugh. >>I guess I just imagined everyone here to be all serious, so I spent hours on trying to figure out the right words, and now I think I just looked awkward...?<< Mina joined her giggling. >>Oh, I had the same fear. I thought everyone was gonna be boring and strict about rules, but turns out Iida is the only one really strict about things here.<< She laughed, and Mary casted a glance to Tenya, who was still scolding Mineta for being unrespectful. They joked around a bit, about Mineta being a perv, about Mina being together with him, and the two girls shared a good laugh. Just like in old times... Mary sighed. Then she saw a teacher come in, ready to start class, so she and Mina had to part ways. After the class greeted the teacher, Mary looked around to see if anyone was looking at her. Damn paranoia...

To her surprise, there was actually someone looking at her. No, not someone, sometwo. One of them turned around when he noticed that Mary noticed him, a slight blush spreading on his cheeks while looking embaressed, and the other one...

was the drooling Mineta.

>>End chapter 2<<

You didn't ask for it, but here you go anyway.

me, apologizing in advance

Another one of the songs that I listen to relatively frequently. I find the melody very calming, which is one of the main reasons I am so in love with this masterpiece. The band it’s from, MISSIO, is very good in general... at least I think so. Of course, anyone is allowed to have their own opinion on this blog. Honestly, I just don’t care. I think more people should just mind their own business. For instance, why would you give a single floop if someone is part of the LGBTQ+? Just mind your own business. Why would you judge other people because of their hobbies, interests etc? Just mind your own business. I simply don’t understand why you would make your and someone else’s day worse by complaining about their taste in music, just because they listen to Twenty One Pilots instead of Panic!At The Disco, or like K-Pop more than Rap. I personally don’t like any of the listed genres or bands, but my best friend loves P!atd, and I respect that. Or, more acurately, I don’t give a damn. Wow, this turned from music to a rant about my class. They gossip about everyone and everything. They called me ‘‘EmO’‘ and ‘‘GoTh’‘ because I wore all black one day. To be fair, I also had on my dark blue lipstick. They even talk about each other behind their backs. If they are talking about me, they don’t even bother to hide it. for instance, I’m a slut, because I have more male than female friends. I just get along with guys better. They are funnier to be around, and the girls from my class are literally the ‘‘other girls’‘ that are being described by the r/notlikeothergirls-girls. They only talk about make-up, horses (One has a horse) and when they went shopping where. A girl from my spanish class though (I don’t know if I already talked about her), she’s really cool. We share our love for anime, Hamilton/Musicals in general, drawing, memes, music and a couple more things. I get along with her great, and there are a few more girls from her class that are really laid back and funny. They’re fun to be around, so it’s sad to say I only see them about twice a week... ah, this is already way too long. sorry and thank you for reading. I’ll see you around if you choose to stick with me. Goodbye :)

Entry #22, part 2

And of course I forgot something. The whole ‘‘Pesto’‘ situation. Long story short, I confronted him, he told me that ‘‘If I wasn’t going to accept him the way he is, I should block him/ stop talking to him.’‘ For your information, I asked him to stop insulting the things I like to spend time on, he said ‘‘BuT iT’s SaRcAsM’‘ and that he ‘‘wouldn’t change himself for me’‘.

>>You’re being kinda rude, please stop<<

>>Oh so you don’t accept me for the person I am? I won’t change my way of talking. What makes you think I would? Just because you told me multiple times that I’m hurting your feelings and that I’m making you question your whole exsistence?<<

May I just quickly say this: he told me that pride flags are bullsh-, because only countries need flags. He made me, I’d even say forced me to throw away a bookmark I made by hand, with a lot of effort and love put into it, just because it had the Gay and Bi pride flag on it (each has their own side, so one side of it is rainbow colored and the other pink, purple and blue). I didn’t actually throw it away, I just put it somewhere I knew I’d find it later, and I’m currently using it again.

Needless to say, I wished him a long and happy life, and blocked him on every social media, including discord, but forgot to block his actual number, and he texted me a few minutes after, saying:

>>Great that you thought of doing this for longer and not telling me about it. For your information, no, I won’t have neither a happy nor a long life.<<

I explained that basically telling me he’d kill himself wouldn’t change my mind, that that’s just toxic of him to say and that I’ve made up my mind. I said my goodbyes once again, and lastly blocked him there too.

I’ve always been supportive, no matter what he did. I reassured him it was going to be fine, helped him to deepen the bond between him and a girl he liked/s, prevented him from comitting suicide and tried to be as good of a friend as I could be. Now, I’m just asking myself if I made him behave like that. Maybe he just copied my behavior? What if he lied to me, and I was actually a horrible person towards him? What if I was the toxic one in the friendship?

I’ll think about this and maybe update later on, I don’t know about it though. We’ll see. Anyways, thank you for letting me vent like this. I’ll see you soon, goodbye.

Side entry #2, 11/5/19

I forgot to write about halloween. Probably because it was just a day like any other in my life, except for the fact that I didn’t have to go to school. I was drawing, looking at my two Inktober drawings that I finished (Yes, those two were the only ones I actually started. I did not last long through Inktober.), and just trying to do the lineart on said drawings. I decided it would be better to just do/try it on one, since I’m still figuring out my art style and how thicc I want the lines to be on the darker and lighter spots of the drawing. I also continued reading my book (Warrior Cats, if I didn’t mention it before), and that was about it.

So all in all, my halloween wasn’t very eventful, but I’m glad it wasn’t. I prefer to either stay indoors or go outside and escape the world out in the fields, where I’m all by myself and able to practice sketching landscapes, while listening to the beautiful sound of absolutely no human soul around. And it was way, way too cold to actually do so, so I stayed inside my room, under my blanket. That is all for now, I hope I don’t forget anything again.

Thanks for reading, I’ll see you around if you decide to stay.

Entry #22, 11/5/19

Hello, everyone. I’ve found the time and ways to finally update. I got a laptop, and I’m still figuring out how to actually work with it, but I’m managing. At least I can continue writing my story without having to wait 5 hours for my computer to boot up and the program to start. I should probably add, that this is my first laptop since I could never really afford one, but my mother got this one (which was her old one before) fixed, and she has a new one. Hooray for me. Anyways. I wanted to let all of you (aka nobody in particular, just future me) know, that my tumblr app, which I used before to post and all, has an error that makes me unable to use it. That’s why I wasn’t able to post. But since I’ve got a solution for that problem now, I should be able to post more or less regularly.

Apart from that, not much has been going on. I am aware that I’m not doing enough for school and I didn’t do my homework, I should probably study right now rather than updating here, but am I going to do so? No, of course not. Why? Well, mainy because I don’t want to. I should bring some dicipline into my life, I know, but who needs dicipline when they can have fun? Or at least not be annoyed or unhappy. My personal opinion is, that you should do what makes you happy, but you should also work for your happiness. Nothing is free in this world.

Ah, another day, another rant. but I should (rather want to) lay down in my bed now, and probably either read or draw. I wish everyone a good night, evening or morning, goodbye.

Entry #21, 22/10/19

Apologies for my inactivity. I was at my big sister's place, and for obvious reasons I had no time to keep you updated.

Now that that's all cleared up... I have news. I got alcohol markers today! (From Touch, if anyone's wondering.) They're my first ones, and I of course already tried them out. I'll show you the result in the following post, maybe I'll publish all the pictures I took (from sketch to shading). Depends on if I want to or not. I personally think it turned out alright for my first attempt, and the fact that I was kinda experimenting with the thickness of the fineliner and the darkness of the shadows. I'm actually surprised I got the sketch not to look like absolute garbage, unlike normally.

I've decided to question my friendship with Pesto. He made fun of my interests (especially watching Anime and reading Warrior Cats), always tries to make me stay in a call with him by saying

You're just going because you don't like me.

Even after I said I'm tired. I immediately thought of it as toxic behavior, but ignored it, not noticing how much I wanted to avoid any conversation.

Yep, that's pretty much everything that has happened.

I'll see you around!

-Mary

Entry #20, 2/10/19

Greetings. Today is the last day of school, now I have two and a half weeks for myself~ I can finally really start to draw way more, continue on chapter 3 and practice playing the keyboard! It'll be so cool... I already finished a drawing now. I've sat on it for about an hour, that's the most time I've spent on a single drawing so far. And yes, I was using a nude reference. Purely to practice anatomy, of course. (Imagine a smirk here)

I have downloaded Pinterest and Deviantart. I won't upload anything myself there, I'm only there for the fanart.

And that's about it. My life's pretty boring, I know, but something's bound to happen someday, right? Goodbye!

I decided to actually do publish it, because why not?

Chapter 1

She looked around the student flooded entrance of UA high, the school where heroes were formed. There were people all around, but not a single familiar face. She looked up again, taking her time to take in the beautiful view of the high school she was about to enter. The warming sun hit her face, and she read the initials she had seen so often before once again, still not believing her light grey eyes. She wasn't dreaming, it was real; she was about to enter the building, even though she was 3 weeks late, and she was going to get taught how to be a hero by real pros. With a now determined look on her face, she turned her face to the actual doors, and entered the old, huge school. The second she entered, she already loved the sight. She took it all in: the view, the smell, even the atmosphere. She took it in her heart, as if it could be ripped from her at any second, and started moving again after a good minute. The hazelnutbrown haired girl looked for her classroom, and found what she was looking for soon enough: ''CLASS 1-A'', the sign above the door said. She took a deep breath, opened the door, and saw a class full of students her own age, just joking aroud. She imagined all of this to be so different; in the many, many sleepless nights she had, where most of her thoughts revolved around her new school in a whole different coutry, the famous UA high, she imagined how the students would be, and she always came to the same result: top-students, stern, determined to win, serious. But here they were, just joking around, laughing, one was yelling, he had his ashblond hair spiked away from his head, another one was staring at the girls who were giggling and laughing. She took a closer look at the little guy, and quickly noticed the deep purple ball-shaped thigs on his head. not wanting anyone to know she was staring, she looked for a seat, and luckily found one near the widow. It was a lonely little desk that looked like it was moved there on a short notice. She sighed, put her backpack down, took out her notebook and started writing.

The day just started, but this school is already way different from what I expected. There is not a speck of seriousness coming from most of the students, just laughter can be heard, the silent sound of gossip, and nervous shuffling of bags and paper. How much more different from my imagination can it get? Will the teachers be as nice as I thought they'd be? Is there anything like I expect it to be?

The teacher entered, the students went back to their desks, only the sound of moving furniture was breaking the newly earned silence. The teacher with long, black hair cleared his throat, uttered a >>Good morning, class.<<, and sat down.

>>Good morning, Mr. Aizawa!<< the students reply in unision. The teacher who seems to be Mr. Aizawa motions them to sit down, and turns his gaze to Mary, the new girl, the one in the back, sitting at the helplessly placed desk, with a notebook laying open in front of her. >>Alright<<, he raised his voice once again, >>we have a new student, as you might have noticed. Mary, would you come to the front and introduce yourself please?<< Mary obiediently stood up, made her way to the front, positioned herself next to Aizawa, and started talking. >> Hi. I'm Mary, I'm 14 years old, and I come from Germany, which is the reason for my accent and my late appearance. I apologize in advance for any wrong pronounciation, or grammar mistakes. I truly am trying my best to make my English understandable. I was accepted due to recommendation. Thank you for listening.<< And with that, she walked back to her seat. what the class didn't know, after they heard her little speech, was, that Mary had spent hours on end changing and perfecting those few sentences, because she thought the whole class expected her to sound as formal as an important business man. She felt a little awkward, having everyone stare at her like she was crazy for sounding like an adult, but she just contered their confused looks with a smile. Aizawa turned the attention back to him. >>Thank you, Mary. Now, let's starts today's lesson...<<

Mary was only half listening. She was passing her time by examining every student in her class. One stood out. He haid red and white hair, parted neatly in two halves. The right half of his hair was a brilliant white, the other side a bright red. There was a scar as red as the hair covering it partly on his left eye. Mary started to wonder. ''What happened to him? Did he dye his hair? How is that posible?'' Those were only some of the questions she had. When she finally let her gaze wander to the next student, he was already looking at her. When she met his eyes, he just winked, smirked, and turned back to the board. ''what... the actual.. Chinchilla?'' The boy had bright yellow hair, and a bolt on one side of his scalp. There was nothing too interesting, really, but somehow Mary still wanted to talk to him. Maybe to actually have a friend, maybe to ask him what she missed while she was gone, or maybe she just wanted to know why he did that. She never has been flirted with before, if that was even considered flirting. She had to admit, he did look kind of cute. And of course that means he's either gay, taken, or a racist. Since that was all there was to see about that boy, she turned her attention to a girl with.. pink skin? And horns?? Mary didn't believe her eyes. >>How is that even...?<< she started silently, but stopped herself, not wanting to draw any attention to herself. Only then she realized, that there was literally a bird person just chillng in his seat, taking notes. She couldn't wait for recess so she could ask all about their names, their quirks, and who was taken and who wasn't. Let's see, who actually looked like they'd have a partner. The yellow-haired one with a blot in his hair, the guy who had his long, red hair styled into spikes, the red and white haired one, that just seemed to have some kind of terrifying secret, the... wait a minute. Mary knew who he was. He was Endevours son, Shoto Todoroki! She read something about him in the news just a couple of weeks ago. No wonder she got that weird, secretive vibe from him. There were a lot of rumours in all of the internet about the father-kid relationships being all crazy and horrible. She could really relate to him to an extend. Mary's mother and father have been emotionally distant ever since she was old enough to do stuff on her own. At the tender age of seven she had to cook for herself, but that didn't stop her from being an absolute sweetheart to her friends. And although she would never admit it, she was a pure soul. Apart from the smut she has read throughout the last few years, she was as clean as the air in a forest, far away from humanity and polution. Yes, she was a bit of a pervert. But she was too shy to actually spy on someone. She wasn't afraid to flirt, though. Most people didn't take it serious when she flirted with them and laughed it off, so she has been single up to that day. When she was honest with herself, she knew that she really wanted to have someone to hold her close and listen. But who would take a girl like her? She asked that question a lot when she thought about relationships. That's why she didn't do that often.

Mary found it amusing how her mind wandered off all the time. It was like her brain was making a path on it's own, like it was trying to lead her somewhere, someplace special that might not ever be discovered by anyone else... unless she told the person about that place, that secret space where she can get lost in for hours on end, without anyone noticing she was even gone in the first place. She doesn't leave her spot, but is in a whole different world at the same time, a world where she can be herself without having anyone there to judge her, without any rules, without any boundaries. She could kill, kiss, and insult anyone as much as her heart desired. She lost count of how often she brutually murdered someone in her mind. And the fact that she could imagine anything pretty vividly just made the whole game better. Same goes for kissing and making out, and everything beyond that. But it was also a curse at times. Whenever some said: >>imagine if...<<, she immediately started imagining it. She had seen multiple people making out, and that was worse of an experince than it might seem like. Because it wasn't just people her age, it was also teachers, heroes, old people and even animals.

All of a sudden, she was ripped from her thoughts, by someone standing in front of her. It was a green haired boy with freckles and a bright smile. >>H-Hey! Mary, right? I'm Izuku Midoriya, but everyone calls me Deku!<< He extended a hand for her to shake. She took his hand, gave it a light squeeze, and smiled back. >>Yep! That's me! Nice to meet you, Deku!<< She shiftd the thoughts of death and brutal murder aside and made room for information about him. He was barely taller than her, had emerald green eyes, had really fluffy looking hair, and just seemed really adorable overall. Mary guessed that he was most likely gay. Which was definetly not a bad thing, Yaoi all the way, but she had a feeling that at least one girl had a crush on him. Speaking of girls, there was one right behind him. She smiled at Mary and held out her hand too. >>I'm Ochako Ururaka!<< she chirped happily. Mary took her hand, gave it a little squeeze too, and smiled even brighter than before. >>Mary! I'm looking forward to being in class with you two!<< she said friendly.

She inspected them, then bluntly asked >>Are you two a couple?<< Ururaka started blushing madly, and so did Deku. He was the first one to actually respond. >>N-No, we're just f-friends!<< Mary chuckled at their reaction. >>If you say so~<< she purred while smirking. Then she turned her attention to the bo from earlier. >>Hey, you two, who is he?<< she pointed at the yellow haired boy. >>Th-That's Denki Kaminari. He's part of the Bakusquad, unlike Bakugo himself really nice and outgoing, though.<< Izuku started. >>But he's kind of a flirt.<< Ururaka added. So that was the reason why he winked. He's flirtasious. Great, she thought. >>Hey, how about we introduce you to everyone?<< Izuku said, now calming down his blush. >>That'd be

great!<< Mary thanked him.

Everything went great, until it was her time to meet Bakugo.

>>End chapter 1<<

Entry #19, 9/26/19

Hello. In the past week I got new shoes, black ones, along with black fingerless mittens. I do have almost everything in black, except for my phone case. It's purple going over to blue, and I can't even put into words how much I can't stand it. It has the wrong colors, small (obviously fake) diamonds on the side, and it's overall too glittery. It maakes me want to puke, but as long as I don't have anything else, I'll have to live with it.

I started writing a little fanfiction out of boredom, and two of the three people I showed it to think it's good. I might publish it, but only here. There are too many people that follow my wattpad to post it there. Yes, I do consider 62 (I think?) too many. Nobody comes around here, so yeah. I'm already working on chapter two, and fortunately I'll have enough time for that on the weekend.

Me and Sophie started talking daily again. We're currently roleplaying, only boku no hero academia for now. Maybe Creepypasta will be a project for the future again, who knows?

Nothing else really happened, but there's a lot of exams coming up, but other than that there's no interesting thing to talk about anymore. So goodbye, readers.

What a beautiful day...

I thought I'd share. This picture was taken on the 9/14/19, saturday, at about 19:50. I was outside the whole afternoon, and went away with the sun. It was a great day, just relaxing in the sun, listening to music, reading my favorite book, enjoying my own company...