So The Gods Are Notoriously Bad Parents, But Have We Considered What It Would Be Like If They Acted Like

Centaurworld was a lot of fun, so decided to draw my favs 👀👀👀

HE DIED WHEN

finding out picasso died in 1973 feels like the fakest thing ive ever heard. everyone talks about him like he lived in a cave with nothing but a torch and paint he made from berries or bear shit or somethin but nah this dude probably sat down watchin looney tunes thinkin “damn i should draw some dude with a nose on his forehead thatd be dope” i feel so lied to

Hey!!! Made some thingz, thought y’all’z would like them!

I like to imagine that during every BAMF moment Nagisa has, Karma is responsible for special effects. The wind dramatically blowing Nagisa’s hair? Karma’s slightly off-screen with a fan on the perfect setting. A dramatic light shines on Nagisa? You know Karma is being Supportive Boyfriend™️ with a spotlight. Every time Nagisa’s bloodlust shows a snake? Karma’s throwing a rubber snake and filming it up close with a cool background to amp up Nagisa’s moment.

I wanted to know how that close-up magic date would’ve gone down

Reblog this picture of me holding a Family Size box of Honey Nut Cheerios? I’d really appreciate it.

some things you should know before you make a bargain with the fae

they will never love you back. they will not give you the kind of love you want. they are not humans. they do not understand. you will weep blood and bleed tears and they will bare their pointed teeth and give you a smile. you will kill their enemies and your friends and when you stand in front of them with bloodied hands and hollow eyes they will smile with sharp lips and give you a kiss. you will carve your heart out and throw it at their feet and you will have nothing left to give. and you will never see them again. the love you hold for them is the kind that made you go mad. the love they hold for you is insubstantial, inconsequential.

they will never give you what you want. you come to ask for a cure. to see a wish granted. to prove your worth. they will take everything and leave you with nothing. you will give them all you have; what you wanted to sacrifice and what you never thought you could. because when you’re there, you will realize your wish is more important than anything you thought essential. nothing else matters: not your sweetheart, back at home, their heart is so easy to break; not your family, they never loved you like you deserve; not your life, you will get a new one, a better one, in exchange for this one. it’s all a lie, of course. you’ll know that, after; but only when it’s too late, when you’re abandoned, broken, forsaken, with no one to turn to, because you’ve destroyed everything you had. you won’t get your wish, of course.

they will never keep their word. you want to strike a bargain. the rules are clear; you are sure of it. all those stories do not apply to you, you are clever, you won’t be tricked. of course, the bargain you strike isn’t the one you think. their words are like thorns, like vines, like poison, twisting in your mind until they become unrecognizable. what they say is different from what you hear; but it’s their word that holds weight, not yours. they’re the ones who can’t lie, not you. they can lie, of course. they can lie better than you ever will. it’s in their nature; it flows with their blood; it spills with their tears. lies are woven deep in the roots of the forests they live in, they float in the air, poison the food you’ll eat. everything is a lie in Faerie; that is the only truth. they’ll keep their word, of course. but the word they give you isn’t what you think.

some things you should know while making a bargain with the fae

lace your clothes with iron, smear your hair with ash, sprinkle your lips with salt. the iron, the ash, the salt, they will not protect you; but better for them to think you have come prepared, better for them to think you dangerous. there is so little danger in Faerie for the fae, and they love a conundrum. if they think you’re a challenge, they’ll keep you alive longer, at least until they figure out how to break you.

speak as little as you can, because everything you say will be used against you. don’t smile; they will think it a threat. don’t weep; they are disgusted by weakness. never, never, never bleed; once they have your blood, you are lost, lost forever.

don’t listen to the voices. the voices, yes, the whispers that call out from between the trees, from the night sky, from the deep, deep, black ponds. don’t look up, or down, and don’t look back; keep your eyes fixed straight ahead, because the fae you’re striking a bargain with isn’t safe, but they’re safer than anything else.

your best chance is to listen and then run for your life the second they are distracted; because yes, they will be distracted: there are so many things in Faerie more interesting than a measly human like you. but you won’t run, i know. you are here for a reason, and you won’t leave until you get what you want. 

don’t be tricked by Faerie’s beauty. the world the fae live in is pure wonder, and it will seep into your mind and set roots there, poisoning it until you can’t think of anything else. but it is a beauty like a sharp dagger, like the wind on a cliff—it won’t hesitate to pierce your heart, to push you under.

don’t trust anything they say. they can see your deepest wishes, the ones you’re hiding at the bottom of your heart; but never trust them when they say they will offer you company when you’re lonely, because they will throw you into a nest of snakes. never accept when they offer to cure your sick relative, because for them, mortality is a sickness in itself. never let them heal your wounds, because you won’t survive the treatment. if they offer you anything for free, it’s a trap. if they offer you a bargain, it’s a trap.

some things you should know after you’ve made a bargain with the fae

you’re doomed. now you can dance, and smile, and weep, and enjoy yourself; kiss that pixie with the green hair, swim in the cursed waters of the moonlit lake, offer a flower to the elf who’s looking at you with sad eyes. you can jump down from the highest branches and trust that they will catch you; a swift death is a mercy you won’t be granted. you’re their newest plaything, so enjoy it while it lasts. because after they’re finished with you, you won’t really be able to enjoy anything else ever again.

you can’t escape. run, if you’re brave enough, if you’re smart enough to have come to your senses, even if it’s too late. run, if you want, it won’t change anything, but maybe you’ll anger them enough to quicken your demise. a quick, painless death is still out of your reach, but fine, run, if you wish to cut your stay in Faerie short. they’ll get bored of you more easily; a human who isn’t charmed isn’t as entertaining. so run, brave little human, dash between the trees and pretend you can’t feel them coming for you.

you won’t be the exception. sure, there was a human maiden who tricked the faerie once. she was young and clever and beautiful, and she struck a bargain and got out alive, and with what she wanted. only once, a long time ago. but since then, they have grown even more careful, even smarter, even wilier. and anyway, it isn’t like the girl’s youth and cleverness and beauty, and her trickiness and the wish she got, granted her a happy life afterwards; she had angered Faerie, and they tricked her into coming back, and they never let her go. and trust me, you don’t want that.

The Aunt Josephine one jsjsksksksks

ASOUE as John Mulaney Quotes

Violet: Top 3 colleges? I thought I'd be dead in the back of a trunk with my hand hanging out of the taillight by now.

Klaus: Woah! That tall child looks terrible! Get some rest, tall child!

Sunny: stop snitchin, motherfucker!

Count Olaf: "Eat ass, suck a dick, and sell drugs."

Mr. Poe: Strange, the passage of time.

Jacquelyn: In terms of instant relief, cancelling plans is like heroin.

Larry: "I made a salad with Craisins!!!"

Isadora: Well shit, I guess they're finally gonna kill us all. This is younger than I thought it'd be, but we are pretty big assholes.

Quigely: STREET SMARTS!

Duncan: Nothing, cause I was sittin' over on the bench.

Beatrice: She's a five-foot, dynamite, Jewish bitch, and she's the best!

Bertrand: My wife says walking around with me is like walking with someone who's running for Mayor of Nothing.

Lemony Snicket: I don't look like someone who used to do anything. I look like I was just sitting in a room with a chair eating saltines for 28 years and then walked right out here.

Jacques Snicket: I'll keep all of my emotions right here, and then one day, I'll die.

Kit Snicket: ughh... you know, life...

Dewey Denouement: "You have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair."

Justice Strauss: "This is an on-fire garbage can. Could be a nursery..."

Oliva Caliban: Now, we don't have time to unpack ALL of that...

Aunt Josephine: Look-- I don't know 'never'! Fourteen years ago, I smoked cocaine the night before my college graduation; now I'm afraid to get a flu shot! People CHANGE.

Uncle Monty: AAHH! One feels like a DUCK, splashing about in all this WET! And when one feels like a DUCK, one is HAPPY!

Esme Squalor: Famous people are weird as SHIT. Your suspicions are correct.

Henchperson of Indeterminate Gender: [imitating old gay man] You want me to do whaat?

Fernald: Do My Friends Hate Me, or Do I Just Need To Go To Sleep?

Rest of Olaf's Troupe: OK, see you at Improv Practice.

Ishmael: "God can't hear you."

Sir: "You kids have no upper body strength."

Jerome Squalor: You'll see! One day I'm gonna leave you, and I'm gonna get that Best Buy Rewards Card!

Hal: There is a HORSE. LOOSE. In the HOSPITAL.

VFD Villagers: "Oh god, it's the old times. Ok.. we gotta think of some weird, slow activities to fill the day..."

*ATWQ bonus*

Ellington: Ah, none of us really know our fathers.

in the movie gojo says "no one is allowed to take the youth away from kids. no one is." and i think that's very telling of how solidified his resolve has finally become because once geto crossed that line, gojo couldn't let him live. at the end of the movie, geto likely would have died anyway from his wounds, but his death wasn't guaranteed. gojo could have technically turned a blind eye the way he'd done with geto's past crimes. he could have let him go and framed it as an escape. or he could have waited for him to die on his own in the alleyway, but in the end gojo chose to kill geto himself.

what we lost that day