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rusty queer presents ... the fagnus archives ..

Why You Should Date Each of the Entities:

The Dark:

You can't see the things that are so plainly wrong in the dark, everything is softer, more blurred at the edges. your secrets will always be safe.

The Corruption:

You will never be alone again, loved unconditionally, blindly, wildly by something that lives within you. Something that has marked you. Something that will never leave.

The Lonely:

Isn't it so peaceful? So calm? Being given your own space, living, loving in silence together. How can you be hurt if there's no one to hurt you?

The Eye:

What would you give to fully be Seen? To be understood? In your deliriously human entirety. A complex puzzle of experience and nature, dissected and pieced back together.

The Vast:

You want to be drawn in, magnetised by something larger than life, bigger than you could ever imagine. You want it to overwhelm you, the indifference in which it reacts to your all-encompassing desire. The best part of love is the falling.

The Flesh:

Meat is meat is meat. Why romanticise what is so plainly human? You are a person, made of flesh and bones, you would like to be with another person, made of flesh and bones. Simple as.

The Web:

Love me, love me not. You pull off each of the spider's legs to understand your romantic fate. It's infinitely complex, ineffable to you and your human machinations. You just want to follow the red string, hopefully finding someone on the other end.

The Slaughter:

It's me and you. You and me. Why should anyone else get in the way? I'll dig through your ribcage and curl up aside your beating heart, holding it as it ceases to beat.

The Spiral:

You don't want to understand. You just want to your hand to be taken, pulled along to dizzying adventures. Chug the slushee and relish the feeling of the brain freeze.

The End:

Everything ends. At least this way, you have more control. The relief that washes over you is no longer tinged with guilt.

The Buried:

You're surrounded on all sides by your lover, encompassed and safe. The pressure condenses your fizzing veins into hard candy and for the first time, you feel solid.

The Desolation:

Burn it down and only we are left. We are the most important people to each other and it shall stay that way, until the both of us perish. It will end as it started, with a rush of flame.

The Hunt:

You're constantly chasing the pounding, breathless feeling in your chest, craving the twist of the neck to check if I'm still watching, still five paces behind. It's presence is comforting, mingled with torturous.

The Stranger:

Fuck man I don't know how to make this one sound romantic.

various hugs as rated by jonathan sims, head archivist of the magnus institute, london

OG Archives Crew:

tim stoker pros: very large and buff, but also soft. will squeeze jon as tight and as long as he wants. is six foot whatever and jacked so he’s way bigger than jon and can entirely envelop him, which is the closest thing jon’s getting to a weighted blanket these days. cons: tim is an oldest and favourite cousin, which means that when he hugs people smaller than him, they’re usually children. as a result, there is a roughly 30% chance that if jon goes in for a hug he’ll get a hair ruffle and lifted slightly off the ground to go with it. overall rating: 9/10. tim gives truly excellent hugs.

martin blackwood pros: will literally give jon a hug whenever he asks for one without making it feel awkward, which is nice because jon almost always feels awkward talking to people. will also sometimes ask jon if he wants a hug if he’s looking a bit pathetic lately. is made of 60% soft wooly jumpers and 30% stuffing, the most warm and comfortable hug. also usually strokes jon’s back while he’s at it, which is extremely nice. cons: sometimes if jon’s leaning into the hug a bit too much martin will physically make him stop working and take a nap, which is not doing great things for jon’s work ethic overall rating: 9.5/10. i may be in love with you, martin, but i do actually need to do work sometimes?

sasha james pros: casual hugger, doesn’t make jon feel weird about it, just goes in for a quick hug and a peck on the cheek when she’s heading out for the day, or if she feels like it. she smells very nice. he kind of wonders what shampoo she uses. cons: despite being sturdier than she looks, she is not quite large enough to apply the force that jon perhaps wants in a hug. overall rating: 8.5/10. delightful, but without the capacity for a proper bear hug a la martin or tim.

not!sasha pros: no. cons: you know when you’re at a family gathering and a relative that you only distantly recognize the face and name of comes up and hugs you like, way too familiarly, and it’s kinda cloyingly creepy? it’s exactly like that overall rating: stranger/10. please never do that again.

Latter Days Crew

melanie king pros: has never in her life half-assed a hug. seems to be trying to break jon’s ribcage, which he appreciates. cons: she is often very angry at him, and so does not hug him very often. overall rating: 6/10. good when he got it but he does not often get it.

basira hussain pros: she doesn’t really do Full Hugs with jon, she’s more likely to toss an arm around his shoulder and pull him against her side, kind of a Bro Side Hug situation, which actually goes a long ways towards making him feel Human and Included and Not Hated. good friend bro hug. cons: kinda lacking in creature comforts. basira is not very soft or demonstrative. not exactly a shoulder he would be comfortable crying on. overall rating: 7/10. he appreciates the sentiment.

daisy tonner pros: daisy WILL go in for a Full Hug with jon, especially after the buried. she is also Strong and will squeeze him, and often seems to need a hug as much as he does. sometimes smells like basira’s perfume and sometimes like her own deoderant, both of which are nice. cons: she will make fun of him for leaving tear stains on her shirt. jon has never had a big sister but he thinks that this is what cain and abel were on about. overall rating: 9/10. fantastic except for the schoolyard bullying

Miscellaneous Archives Staff

elias bouchard pros: gives a surprisingly firm, steady hug. like, there’s something almost paternal about it, jon just feels proud that elias is proud of him. also he’s in a fancy suit and wears very expensive cologne, it just feels like hugging something kind of luxurious and expensive. cons: literally everything else about elias overall rating: latent parental issues/10. it was weird. he tries not to think about it.

gertrude robinson pros: jon never actually met gertrude, but all of the photos he’s seen and her voice on the tapes reminds him of his grandmother, so he kind of imagines it’d be like hugging her. a balance between firm and frail, smelling vaguely like all old ladies start to smell like. cons: outside of the nostalgia factor for him, grandma hugs aren’t actually that great overall rating: hypothetically, 3/10. he feels like he’s got perfume stuck up his nose.

gerard kaey pros: seemed like a cool dude. taller than jon, and exceedingly kind. seemed like he would be really open to a hug. cons: he was a ghost when they met, so they could not hug. overall rating: hypothetically 9/10. jon’s adding extra points out of guilt.

michael shelley pros: seemed pretty nice from what he’s heard? cons: seemed pretty boring from what he’s heard? overall rating: hypothetically 5/10. he seemed fine.

Various Other Avatars

peter lukas pros: very broad. soft belly. big coat. beard. definitely is capable of giving a Good Bear Hug. cons: literally everything else about peter lukas. also he’d probably be cold overall rating: MORE latent parental issues/10. this will never happen. jon’s just kind of touch-starved at this point.

michael pros: very friendly about it. exceedingly friendly about it. seems truly delighted by the concept of hugging jon. cons: is equally truly delighted by the concept of stabbing jon. overall rating: ooo ow ouch pointy/10. mistakes were made.

helen pros: actually seems to like jon every now and again. smells like real estate agent perfume. no, he doesn’t know how to explain it. it’s like a professional scent. cons: stabbed jon again, but accidentally this time overall rating: ooooo ouch pointy but in a pantsuit/10. god he’s getting desperate

jared hopworth pros: many arms to hug with cons: none of those arms are his. several of them are bulging with meat and bones the way arms are not supposed to. smells like raw steak. overall rating: 2/10. jon does not have standards anymore.

jude perry pros: very butch, which jon has learned to trust, in a hug partner cons: Literally Made Of Boiling Wax overall rating: hot/10. considerably more mistakes have been made.

georgina barker pros: it’s georgie. jon knows georgie. jon fucking adores georgie. she is very smart and comfortable and soft and knows how much he likes having his hair scratched like that. cons: she has absolutely no compunctions about telling jon that he’s a fucking idiot, and like sure, he deserves it, but can it wait until after the hug? overall rating: 8.5/10. can i have a cup of tea please georgie. no i will not be releasing you from the hug to let you go and make the tea.

the admiral pros: admiral cons: none overall rating: 10/10. the perfect hug.

Dialogues to Kick-start your Chapter/Writer's Block

"Excuse me?"

"Why?"

"Where?"

"How?"

"When?"

"What?"

"No."

"Yes."

"Hell no."

"Hell yes!"

"Fuck off!"

"Fuck me!"

"In what world!"

"Which time?"

"Are you sure?"

"I don't think so."

"Not really,"

"Maybe, if you think about it—"

"What the fuck."

"Okay, catch this (insert ridiculous proposition)"

"So, I'll meet you at 6?"

"For the millionth fucking time—"

"Ya think?"

"This is it, then?"

"Come to my place. Now."

"She's called you. Right now."

"Oh, we're so screwed!"

"Hey."

"Don't do that."

"You've lost it. Completely lost it."

"What were you thinking?"

"I am confident that you belong in an asylum."

"I think you should get some help."

"Shove it up your ass!"

"Piss on it."

"I have a list and you're the top 5."

"I'd never do that."

"I'd definitely do that."

"It does sound like something I'll say, but I didn't say it. I swear!"

"Do you have any idea how hard it is?"

(as a response to the above dialogue ^) "Not harder than me for sure." / "It's not hard. Or else you wouldn't be doing it at all."

"Maybe I just need a little alcohol."

"Smells like jealousy to me."

"Lord, please."

- ashlee

It's such an amazing feeling when someone picks up on something in your writing that you 100% intended but didn't think people would notice. Like, YES!! My writing properly conveyed the thing it was supposed to!!! You are so awesome for noticing that!!! I am so awesome for writing that!!! I feel so good about my story now!!!!

I just ate a receipt to make a waitress laugh and I just googled it and found out receipt paper is toxic. If I kick it I want yall to know that’s how I went out

the magnus archives is a workplace comedy

You were just a bartender—until a portal dropped you into a world of magic. Now, your cocktail skills blend potions like no one’s ever seen. Healing with a twist of lime. Fireballs with a salted rim. You don’t cast spells. You serve them.

Somewhere Else (In Space)

First part | Next

been a while since I drew these dumbass'(affectionate)

Part One | Part Two

hmmmm

I keep daydreaming about a TMA time travel AU where nobody remembers the future except for the fears themselves, so instead of there just being tape recorders recording at random, they now randomly start playing audio from the previous future as well. They give information from useful to frighteningly vague, but most of all, the recorders tend to just fill the air of the Archives with the most mundane moments that don't necessarily serve a purpose. Like a mere radio.

There's the sounds of a supermarket for 10 minutes straight until Martin's quiet voice can be heard saying "sorry, I'm back" and Jon's quiet reply of "oh, good. You found it." "Yeah, I had to get help from someone who works here, Diane I think her name was. She was very nice actually!" "Gone so long talking about the cows, were you?" Or Tim and Sasha chatting at a restaurant that the present two had been planning to visit soon. The Archives will be nearly silent except for the tapping of keys, then everyone will startle as a heated argument between Tim and Jon suddenly plays from a tape recorder that nobody remembers putting on that shelf. A shockingly romantic conversation starts playing in the breakroom while it's just Tim and Martin, and Tim's eyebrows slowly raise while Martin turns beet red. Sometimes (usually) the tape recorder will play something so alarming that everyone just stares at each other for a solid minute. Sasha mentions meeting Michael and everyone's like "the guy who was going to kill future Jon???"

Every time I'm reading a fic, there's some conversation in it that makes me go "can you imagine if the S1 archives crew heard this," so I... do imagine

*me, owning a strange boutique housegoods/book store selling a variety of mystic, occult objects but no one realizes I live there, this is literally my living room*

I love the concept of exile. Like dude just get out

"The Mother never told me it would be this Lonely..."

(au info + fanfic under cut!)

tma au go brrrr lmao

basically og elias is the web's favoured avatar (like how jon is the beholdings special little boy) and unfortunately that does Not go well for him

so because hes the avatar best suited for this shit (hes not called the fateweaver for no reason) hes chosen to become jonah's next puppet and aid in the stopping of the apocalyse

at first he was like "alr man sure" but now he just wants Out

(also i headcanon that his consciousness forms into a semi corporeal in his mind so that he'd be able to actually, yk, do the web shit he has to do in order to change fate? so thats why he looks like a twink!)

My roomba is scared of thunderstorms

I was sitting at my desk just a few minutes ago, drawing, and a really loud crack of thunder went off–no power surges or anything, just thunder–and my roomba fled from its dock and started spinning in circles

I currently now have an active roomba sitting quietly on my lap

"doggy is now cake" -my roommates brother

can someone PLEASE take away my tits thank you

what do you MEAN no one can comprehend the horrors? i can do it just fine!

which one of u was going to tell me that tea tastes different if u put it in hot water?

why must we gender

hi heres my contribution to the Ides of March

yes thats my oc and shittily drawn knives

THERES SOURCES!!

Fun Fact: Hognose snakes are dramatic lil guys!

I am particularly fond of the snakes known as hognose snakes, and my reasons are both understandable and correct.

This is a hognose snake:

(They received their name by having the sweetest lil snoot to ever require a boop – image source)

They use these adorable snoots to burrow under sandy soil using a sort of nuzzle-y motion. They then use these burrows as a place to sleep at night, hibernate in the winter, and lay their eggs. 

(you could say they’re into… the Underground Scene! …ok yeah i’ll show myself out – image source)

Plus, they come in a variety of delightful colours!

We’ve got brown! Beige! Yellow! Black! Red! Orange! Tan! Kinda greenish! Orange again!

(pretty sneks! – Here’s all the image sources: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

And, to be clear, the snakes pictured above are wild snakes. No selective breeding by humans in these noodly bois! At least, not in these specific individuals. probably. I guess a few of them could be escapees… 

But most importantly: These snakes know the true meaning of DRAMA

Hognose snakes are actors, first and foremost. When they feel threatened, the first thing they do is puff out their neck into a hood. 

(like cobras, this hood is made by FLEXING THEIR NECK RIBS. which: gross – image source x)

This superficially makes them look like a cobra, but what they’re actually trying to do is make themselves seem bigger, and therefore scarier. Possibly those dark spots on their neck helps with that! 

Any resemblance to real-life Eurasian cobras, real or fictional, is purely coincidental

Also, it makes its mouth do this:

(Snakes that SCREAAAAAAAM. – image source)

honestly, if I didn’t already know that hognose snakes were harmless, this would ABSOLUTELY make me leave it the hell alone 

But if all of that^ is unsuccessful at scaring away the predator, the hognose snake pulls its signature move: playing dead

If you think that is a lame signature move, then you are wrong, because hognose snakes put EVERYTHING into their performance and I love them for it.

(they’re serious, they’ll do it!  – image source)

((I’m actually going to stick the rest of this under a read-more, bc the pictures of the alive-and-physically-fine hognose snakes do kind of look like a legitimately-dead hognose snake, if you don’t know what to look for. 

So, uh: cw for a snake being too good at pretending to be dead))

Keep reading

does anyone wanna hold hands until we feel a little braver

100 Dialogue Tags You Can Use Instead of “Said”

For the writers struggling to rid themselves of the classic ‘said’. Some are repeated in different categories since they fit multiple ones (but those are counted once so it adds up to 100 new words). 

1. Neutral Tags 

Straightforward and unobtrusive dialogue tags: 

Added, Replied, Stated, Remarked, Responded, Observed, Acknowledged, Commented, Noted, Voiced, Expressed, Shared, Answered, Mentioned, Declared.

2. Questioning Tags 

Curious, interrogative dialogue tags:

Asked, Queried, Wondered, Probed, Inquired, Requested, Pondered, Demanded, Challenged, Interjected, Investigated, Countered, Snapped, Pleaded, Insisted.

3. Emotive Tags 

Emotional dialogue tags:

Exclaimed, Shouted, Sobbed, Whispered, Cried, Hissed, Gasped, Laughed, Screamed, Stammered, Wailed, Murmured, Snarled, Choked, Barked.

4. Descriptive Tags 

Insightful, tonal dialogue tags: 

Muttered, Mumbled, Yelled, Uttered, Roared, Bellowed, Drawled, Spoke, Shrieked, Boomed, Snapped, Groaned, Rasped, Purred, Croaked.

5. Action-Oriented Tags 

Movement-based dialogue tags: 

Announced, Admitted, Interrupted, Joked, Suggested, Offered, Explained, Repeated, Advised, Warned, Agreed, Confirmed, Ordered, Reassured, Stated.

6. Conflict Tags 

Argumentative, defiant dialogue tags:

Argued, Snapped, Retorted, Rebuked, Disputed, Objected, Contested, Barked, Protested, Countered, Growled, Scoffed, Sneered, Challenged, Huffed.

7. Agreement Tags 

Understanding, compliant dialogue tags: 

Agreed, Assented, Nodded, Confirmed, Replied, Conceded, Acknowledged, Accepted, Affirmed, Yielded, Supported, Echoed, Consented, Promised, Concurred.

8. Disagreement Tags 

Resistant, defiant dialogue tags: 

Denied, Disagreed, Refused, Argued, Contradicted, Insisted, Protested, Objected, Rejected, Declined, Countered, Challenged, Snubbed, Dismissed, Rebuked.

9. Confused Tags 

Hesitant, uncertain dialogue tags:

Stammered, Hesitated, Fumbled, Babbled, Mumbled, Faltered, Stumbled, Wondered, Pondered, Stuttered, Blurted, Doubted, Confessed, Vacillated.

10. Surprise Tags

Shock-inducing dialogue tags:

Gasped, Stunned, Exclaimed, Blurted, Wondered, Staggered, Marvelled, Breathed, Recoiled, Jumped, Yelped, Shrieked, Stammered.

Note: everyone is entitled to their own opinion. No I am NOT telling people to abandon said and use these. Yes I understand that said is often good enough, but sometimes you WANT to draw attention to how the character is speaking. If you think adding an action/movement to your dialogue is 'good enough' hate to break it to you but that ruins immersion much more than a casual 'mumbled'. And for the last time: this is just a resource list, CALM DOWN. Hope that covers all the annoyingly redundant replies :)

Looking For More Writing Tips And Tricks? 

Check out the rest of Quillology with Haya; a blog dedicated to writing and publishing tips for authors!

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pls rb if you think cuddling doesn't have to be s3xual

im tryna prove a point to my bf's mother help me out

If you have not eaten anything today I have infused this text post with vitamins and minerals. you may lick this post for nutrients as a temporary solution but as soon as you can please eat something

Computer Science major here, it's not working because the computer doesn't respect you. download viruses on it to remind it who's boss.

follow for more tits

what do you mean elon musk did a nazi salute on live tv at the united states presidential inauguration twice and is now erasing the evidence off the internet by replacing the footage with the crowd cheering instead?

would be a shame if people reblogged this, wouldn’t it?

I HAVE SEEN THIS THIBG TWELVE TIMES WHAY TEH FUCK