A Mess - Blog Posts

This person was definitely her. She was alive. The grief he and the rest of the family went through. All these years of raising his siblings on his own. All the trouble he got into because of the jobs he had to take to be able to provide for him and his siblings. All this time...

He had to grow up so fast. He had to be strong for them and was always their shoulder to cry on when they had a hard day. But who was there for Rody?

He wanted to say so many things. He wanted to tell her what he and Roro and Lala have been through. He wanted to tell her how they were doing so much better now. That they were doing amazing in school. That he was following his dreams.

But no words came out. When he tried to speak, only a sob came out. The boy was overwhelmed. All of his stress and worries came crashing down on him all at once, along with the relief and shock of seeing his mother again.

All he could do was nod in response to both of her questions. Unlike her, he couldn't keep it together. Rody was a mess of emotions, standing there as his body didn't really know what to do. At least Pino was functioning just fine, flying full force to Amelia, clinging onto her with her little wings.

X @rody-soul    Amelia felt her lip begin to tremble as Kamisha wrapped a wing around her to silently comfort her and hopefully keep it together so that she didn’t fall to pieces out in the open like this. They lied to her, those monsters lied to her and ripped her children away from her, robbed them off their mother and her chance to take care of them like they deserved.    “L-look at how big you’ve grown Rody, the last time I saw you was when I left to give birth to Lala. They lied, those backstabbing doctors and Police lied! They said you were all gone and I couldn’t find out anything on what happened to you only to find out the truth years later.” Taking a second to regain composure to quickly wipe the tears from her eyes. Oh if she could Amelia would be raising literal hell right now for what those people put her family through but right now she would let it go. She was just filled with relief and joy that her children were alive.   “Are you and your siblings doing ok sweetheart? I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you and I know I may not have the right to ask this of you now but if you three are willing would you allow your mother to be a part of your life again?”

Todoroki: We all know you're in love with him.

Rody, exasperated: I'm not in love with Deku, shut up.

Bakugou: We never said who.

Rody: ...

Rody: Listen-

Am i not family, mom ?

Why do i always feel like i am an outsider in my own home ?

Why do you assume i dont need that love ?

Why do you assume i dont need to be protected ?

Why do you insist on making me stronger ?

It hurts to watch.

To watch my family from afar.

What do I aspire to be ?

A walking contradiction.

You were my home.

My salvation.

My anchor.

And when you left,

I crumbled.

to the ruins.

You destroy me.

to the bones.

I am trying to convince myself.

It ain't fault.

It wasn't my fault.

I couldn't run. I just couldn't.

I wish i had though.

I wish i was brave like they all think.

I Wish i wasn't a coward.

I gasp.

He was all over my head. my mind.

How dare he do that to me ?

Does he even know ?

Why do I need him like air ?

I am a human. Why ? Why does i find it so hard to get him off ?

To let go ?

Please..make it stop.

I don't deserve this pain.

Do i ?

I don't believe in god.

Nor in fate.

But I need to know.

If we will ever, like ever cross paths again.

Will I atleast get to say goodbye ?

It's probably my fault.

Mine.

I assumed that I had that right on you.

On us.

It's been days

weeks or months?

I don't know..

I have been drowning in blood, breathing in the ashes,

as I am left. alone.

In the silence, in the nightmare.

Why wouldn't it end ?

Why wouldn't it all end?

Can I just sleep ?

forever?

I........am so tired.

please. help me out.

Either you pull me up or you push me down.. Don't leave me like this..

hanging by a thread.

You can have everything, and still be broken.

I am not ugly.

I am just. not pretty enough.

today, i realized i am drowning.

i am drowning and i can't breathe. its all dark and too much. i am choking and coughing. but. the catch is, i tried to scream. i screamed till my throat bleed. but when i saw them laughing, i realized how it didn't matter. how i never mattered. my screams , my cry for help never mattered. they knew. they fucking knew but they shut me out.

They left me here. in the dark. to drown in blood.

Everyday,

I wake up to another nightmare

too wild but definitely real,

unable to stand up and fight

unable to be the knight in armor

unable to work hard for my dreams

unable to love, to fight.

I wish to be reborn.

right into the arms of a monster.

A monster who will tame my wildness. to an extend.

~k

I am stuck in a cage

i made for myself.

too tired to break free.

~k

Happy New Year world!!!!

Cheers to a new year filled with love, passion and creativity.

Cheers to making friends and striving forward till the end of the world.

Cheers to working out and writing more.

Cheers to loving and helping all kinds.

Cheers to saving one more life by any means.

Cheers to mistakes that are gonna shape us.

Cheers to adulthood and challenges.

Cheers to everything.

Cheers to 2025 !

When you put yourself first,

you teach yourself the right kinda love.

~ K

How can I survive ?

She shot me to death.

She.did.it.

he could afford to walk away.

i was a nobody.

i could not afford to walk away.

he was my lifeline.

why are we the villans ?

why not her?

why is she our mother nature,

when she has always tried to tear us apart ?

why are we the villans?

why do we think that mother nature protects us,

when all her efforts were to end us?

i wonder why

why do we assume nature to be on our side.

It's unfair that she is suffering

and i am taken care of.

when life reveals her wounds and broken soul,

help her heal

for she has suffered too much

in the name of love.

today,

i shattered all the expectations and dreams.

destroyed all the hopes.

now i am left alone with all these broken pieces.

this time,

i hope i make something more beautiful with these pieces.

something worth protecting.

something worth fighting for.

a beautiful broken promise.

Promise.

The word is forced to contain secrets.

But, what if?

what if a person runs out of promises?

when there are too many to keep and there is too much inside?

when all the promises she broke hurts her?

when each and every promise she broke, haunts her, every night, till the end ?

when the broken promises, like broken glass, tears her apart from inside?

until she bleeds. bleeds to death.

too tired to make another promise.

I have been wondering,

if its my fault that she is becoming a monster.

and if it is me, i might be doing a good job.

and it scares me.

i keep going back,

and it hurts.

torn apart.

forever you say,

but not till the end, right ?

i filled poison in my veins,

i choked all my screams,

did everything i could,

so that you, my love,

will never realise the things that run through my head.

so wild. and chaotic.

you keep burning me.

Slowly. But surely.