Advice From Daddy - Blog Posts

To all the subs and baby girls out there. Please pay attention to this! It is so very important and an easy way to tell if your dom or daddy truly knows what they’re doing or if they are likely to be ignorant or abusive. The submissive in the relationship truly has the power. It is her choice whether she wants to submit or not. The dom does not get to demand submission. And if they try to then they are a fake, an abuser. Don’t let them trick you or suck you in. A true dom / daddy should earn your trust and your submission. They should make you feel safe and loved and make you want to trust then with your whole being. If you find yourself with a dom or daddy that demands your submission without first earning it then they don’t deserve it and you should get away as fast as you can. You have the power! Be safe out there baby girls and protect yourself.

Hi!

First of all I would like to apologize if at some point this question bothers you, but I would like to ask for advice.

My partner (M) and I (F) have been together for a year and a half, he is completely vanilla with strong traditional convictions and I have had a past linked to bdsm and the Dom/Sub relationship.

The truth is that when we first started dating I told him about it and he told me that he didn't care, but that he couldn't see himself hurting someone he loved. I didn't bring it up again because I had that part of me asleep, but now I feel like I need that again and I don't know how to introduce it and make him see that it's not pain, but something that goes beyond that.

Could you please give me some advice?

Thanks in advance.

There is nothing for you to apologize for. I’m happy to do what I can to help and you’re not the only one to have run into this issue before. I’ve even had partners that were very vanilla and I had to adjust to what they were comfortable with. I don’t know that any two (or more) partners ever exactly match their kinks and levels. So you have to find what works for the both of you. It’s a growing process for you both and the key is being able to talk about it. The trouble is that talking is often the hard part for most people. Do you feel you can talk about it with him openly and that he will receive what your saying? That’s going to be key and it will be tough if he can’t meet you that far.

Exploring kinks can be a challenge for the vanilla flavored people and especially if they are the victim of traditional brainwashing. Yes I say brainwashing because that’s what I feel it is. People can be so conditioned by their family, culture, religion, society. It’s hard to shake that. Their brains are so conditioned to think of all kinks as bad and they really can’t process how satisfying those desires can be so freeing and liberating and fulfilling. The key for you to open up his world is going to be doing it by small increments. Think of it as expanding his horizon and comfort zone. You just may have to be a bit patient with him and always check in with each other afterwards.

Most partners really want to please each other. Hopefully yours is the same way. So if you sit him down and explain that this is something you are desiring and that you want to share with him and that it will really turn you on I’d be willing to bet that he will at least listen. Don’t start him out with whips or nipple clamps or anything that will make him feel like he’s hurting you. Start him out with some basic power play maybe. For example tell him that it really turns you on when he tells you to suck him and how, or to manhandle you into what position he wants you to be in. Tell him you love it when he pins you to the bed. Or maybe suggest tying you to the bed. Something soft and easy for him to buy in to. I think once he sees and feels how you react to it that he will be on board to try some more. Then you can gradually introduce more into the equation. Do you guys ever sext? Try sexting with him about a fantasy like that. Seeing if you can get his anticipation up. Guide him towards the things you want because remember that he has no clue about that stuff. His ignorance and lack of openness comes from his conditioning. It’s up to you to break that and guide him. Remember that a d/s relationship also requires the sub to guide the dom in her comfort levels. You’re just unfortunately starting from zero experience.

He’s probably not going to turn into the master dom to your sub but hopefully the two of you can reach a happy middle that gives you some of that d/s experience you crave while opening up his world but still making him feel comfortable. I hope you have some success with it. I’d love to hear how it goes and if the two of you are making progress together. I’ll be sending you both some good d/s vibes!