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I've had trauma since a long time since childhood, when I was younger I used to be creative and explorative, but something eventually has changed, I stopped thinking of rash decisions and for me this hell became objective reality. Everything seemed to be nihilistic, there was no hope or meaning to persevere, it felt for long like a trap and it still feels that way. I became a person who was desperate for a hope, for something to prove me wrong. But I was always proven not, in fact I became naive and cruel at the same time, because for me it was life and death option. I needed some reassurance this world is good and not birthed from bestial malice. At the end, I was never wrong about a damn thing.
However, even though being objective gives you kinder better understood perspective on life, it is not good. You find a perfect answer, after that you become stale. It seems in this world there is no happy ending, when you reach "it" you will end with despair again. You may try any path, and you will always end with the same despair. I am not sure if it actually implies to human perception everywhere, but somewhere deep I was irritated that everyone "got it" except for me, like everyone knew how to get away with evil except for me who was real dumb chump. Even at school, everybody knew how to cheat during final exam papers and did so. Except for me and one other jewish classmate. Everybody knew how to properly bully others. But I haven't been perse "brave" as much as logical, as long as I can read it it's not scary. So I played smart. And unfortunately, it has messed me up. Objectively, sole way to win life is to die for my conclusion.
Human perception is birthed of flaws since leaving the Eden, there is no real way any longer to win. Perception is doomed to fall.
Yet, I never once acknowledged that I did have happy moments, but it has never felt to me because the life kept going and it made me feel like I am outpaced all the time. Maybe, that sense of security from objective point of view is something I must let go off somehow. I honestly have no clue how scary the world is without logic, but logic has never managed to cure it. I believe you and I got scammed into believing it did and had false hopes for technology.
But hey, knowing this it is very possible that human livestocks will genuinely happen in far future. Oh well, we can't stop it from happening. Visit churro.
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Live coverage of the 14th of January 2024 is now closed.
Here is a recap of today's major events.
It is 12am in Ireland now so I have to go to bed.
I'll be back to resume live updates tomorrow evening.
![[An Infographic from Al Jazeera English displaying text. Part of the image displays a large amount of blue body bags in a mass grave, to the right side of this photo there is a man who appears to be moving to examine or open one of the body bags.]
100 DAYS OF ISRAEL'S WAR ON GAZA.
AT LEAST 23,700 PEOPLE HAVE BEEN KILLED IN GAZA, INCLUDING AT LEAST 9,600 CHILDREN AND 6,750 WOMEN.
THAT'S 1 OUT OF EVERY 100 PEOPLE IN GAZA.
Source: Palestinian Ministry of Health/Gaza, Palestine Red Crescent Society | January 14, 2024
@AJLabs ALJAZEERA](https://64.media.tumblr.com/c61d17fcc9c1c094082343f0c8defab4/d6840900fd47d870-e1/s500x750/2b5be98540c8e56386c530d5ac821ca1dfb8209d.webp)
100 days in, and 1 in every 100 people in Gaza have been murdered. I will not sleep well tonight, but I hope those who allowed this to happen sleep worse. May their dreams be forever painful.
For continuous updates while I'm gone, click the link below:
![Young people ‘disgusted’ by Biden’s support for Israel
Shihab Rattansi
Shihab Rattansi
Reporting from Washington, DC
The polls have been consistent. The majority of Americans, from whatever political belief structure they come from, want a ceasefire.
Young people [in the Democrat party], in particular, are very critical, disgusted by Biden’s uncritical support of Israeli military action.
But there is still that sense in the White House and in the Biden campaign that, in the end, fear of Trump will prevail once we get to the election. That anyone anger with Biden will have subsided by then. But I think that’s another reason why the Biden administration wants Israel to wrap up operations by the time of the election campaign.
It’ll be a memory, they think, and then fear of Trump will overtake the base.](https://64.media.tumblr.com/3b1ac6b6f52584ee54221e28969ec3bb/5f9d78d8f50233b0-95/s500x750/ee49a4cb6c1642ee34aa194be296356b12f7b2aa.jpg)
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