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December 12, 2023 8:47 pm
Me and a friend of mine were discussing about my train of thoughts. i told my friend that my train of thoughts doesnt necessarily need to be defined as over thinking. the track of my train does go in a continuous loop from time to time but most of the time it goes straight with slight bends and curves.
I told him there were happy thoughts in here too. nice and comforting ones. and the ones that save me too. And he asked me if i could give him an example.
I told him about one of my realization thoughts i had recently. it was one of those thoughts that just stuck with me. I realized i find my cosmic insignificance very reassuring. We are always waiting and ready to be alive and do something and exist. I know I am. To the point where it drives my anxiety. Existing becomes my greatest fear. Existentialism, something i have craved from as long as i could differentiate souls and objects, becomes so horrifying. So, at times like this, it is comforting to realize that universe might just not give a shit about me. Like the universe doesn't care that i messed up that one time two days ago. and the stars dont care wht i do. i exist on my on terms so i don't owe this life to anyone. and sometimes that thought really helps calm everything down.