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I'm drowning in readings and assignments rn so I haven't been able to read tgr yet. If I get spoiled I will throw up. I can't wait to see my best friends (Jean Moreux and Neil Josten)
Watched Kill Your Darlings! He's so me!!! it inspired my first digital art in a year.
I wanted to reblog this to say, it's gotten better. Of course nothing is perfect and this specific situation is more of a long term thing but it's gotten so much easier to manage both physically and mentally. Treating myself with kindness and gentleness through it all helps, it makes it so you can build urself back up with much less burnout. Take all the time you need, you are loved.
I'm going through and absurdly difficult time right now, I'll be ok. Everyone will be, and whatever happens is for the best. I don't need to handle it gracefully it jsut will happen. It's ok if I don't do my 10 step skincare or haircare routines, it's ok to do the bare minimum. Try to brush ur teeth once in the day it doesn't havw to be at night or the morning. It's ok that work is eating you alive and you wish you could enjoy it, focus on one task and try to get through it. Take breaks every hour, or every 30 minutes. It won't all fall apart. No one hates you or thinks you're incompetent, and even if they do it's not the end of the world. People know you and know what you can do. You don't owe anyone an explanation just do your best, even if it's ugly or bad. These opportunities are amazing even when done poorly, good things are not wasted just because they're happening now. Just get through it. As you've always done, and will continue to do.
I'm going through and absurdly difficult time right now, I'll be ok. Everyone will be, and whatever happens is for the best. I don't need to handle it gracefully it jsut will happen. It's ok if I don't do my 10 step skincare or haircare routines, it's ok to do the bare minimum. Try to brush ur teeth once in the day it doesn't havw to be at night or the morning. It's ok that work is eating you alive and you wish you could enjoy it, focus on one task and try to get through it. Take breaks every hour, or every 30 minutes. It won't all fall apart. No one hates you or thinks you're incompetent, and even if they do it's not the end of the world. People know you and know what you can do. You don't owe anyone an explanation just do your best, even if it's ugly or bad. These opportunities are amazing even when done poorly, good things are not wasted just because they're happening now. Just get through it. As you've always done, and will continue to do.
On Journaling
Hi, so i LOVE journaling. im obsessed with it, i love talking about, its my main personality trait, i try to convince everyone i meet to journal (and have succesfully convinced many of my friends to do so).
I would like to talk about it, and answer questions about it. More than anything i think this is an interest and hobby of mine that has become so integral to my being and i cannot live without it and i think its super super helpful and fun. Obviously for many people it isnt helpful or inspiring but it could be! give it a try! so here is a LONG post about my basic journaling practice, why i journal, and how i became consistent and happy with it.
My journal collection.
Currently im actively using a 3 notebook system, and i have 4 total journals. the first (A) is my regular journal one that i will habit track, write my goals, ramble, diary entries, collages. anything. the second is my commonplace book (B) (the most recent additon) which i use to collect information i want to reference back to (everday reciepes, facts, excersizes/activities) and i also use it as a on the go notebook since its small enough to fit in my purse. 3rd (C) in my system is my planner. its a blank notebook that i draw a calender in and use it for to-do lists or things i need to remember, its the messiest of the 3. the 4th is a bit of a wildcard, i have a journal that i am making for a friend and they are making one for me and we trade them once they are done. fun little bonding activity, i do more prompts and artistic collages and lists for them.
I am pretty picky but also broke so i wanted to share the types of journals i use. type A is currently a art creation sketchbook (im canadian so a win for us) i adore it and its a good length of pages for me since i can finish them quickly and they are thick enough for me to draw in on occassion. B is a A6 spiral bound blank muji notebook, small enough for my purses and i like the hard cover so i can flip it over and write even without a hard surface. C was a gift, a grid notebook a freind got me but i have in the past used an A5 muji blank notebook, im the least picky with this type. Just no lines, my handwriting is messy and lines get in the way.
My History + Why
so i have been doing diary writing of some sort since i was a kid, if very sporatically. i was definitly inspired by dork diaries <3 and i for sure think it was a way for me to talk to someone about the traumas i was experiencing without guilt or shame. I have journaled on and off for years. i started taking it a bit more seriously in highschool, I'd finish one journal every like 2 years/1.5 years. last fall i had a pretty thin notebook that i didnt love that i had for oct-dec since i didnt want to start a new nice one so close to the end of the year and for some reason i just poured into it. i think the goal of finishing it was motivated 1. because i was excited to use my new one for the new year 2. i was very conciously working on my mental health and developing new hobbies, 3. i was away from my friends, and 4. I decied that instead of having the like 5 journal system i previously did (why idk) and being so precious about it i would mush them all into one and build from there. this year I have finished 2 journals and started my 3rd one yesterday. not even that i was trying. infact my first journal of the year i thought was so beautiful so i was a bit precious about it sometimes. It just got solidified as a habit, and i needed it as a coping mechanism. its definitely something i use more when I'm feeling lonley or my friends are away at school, but even during the summer i love it. I dont force myself anymore which is a wonderful feeling.
The biggest change i made to become consistent started with me noticing how bad of a vibe my journals had before. i only ever journaled the bad things or the things i was too embarassed to say. So everytime i picked it up i felt BAD. i stopped using my journal at the time half way through and started a new one with the express mentality that i was going to do both good and bad things in one space. make it my life. I started writing out my goals semi regularly, documenting good days like my birthdays, journaling while waiting for friends at cafes, sticking in receipts and packaging, doing pretty/ugly collages, all while also journaling through late night breakdowns, difficult times, therpay sessions, and coping strategies. i used it as a place to extend my joy AND process my sadness and mental health. the point is, make your journal a confidant. Its so helpful for me (a chronic oversharer) to write stuff down and then if i still feel the urge to talk to someone i do. this doesnt limit my social interaction but enhances the conversations i can have because I have already processed parts of my emotions.
So generally speaking i journal because its helpful and fun. I suspect i have ADHD and i also dissacociate from my depression/anxiety so i forget things. both good and bad. so i need a record of not only my plans but also the good things that happen in my life. Nostalgia runs deep in my bones and i cannot wait to read these back as i age. every year i wish i had journaled more in my childhood. its also a way for me to process my emtions and feelings without spiraling, i write slower than i type so it forces me to slow down. I also feel like externalizing my emotions to a book gets them out of my head. there are a few anxiety reducing things i have learned that help A TON
You dont need to be consistent about it, there has been days or weeks where i dont touch my journal because i dont feel the need to. But because of the years of practice i know when i havent been thinking about my emotions or I feel like my brain is a mess that i need to. Even when i've just had a really really good conversation i know its something i want to write down. sometimes i will type entries into my phone and either print them or copy them into my journal.
My journals, past and present, are some of my most prized possessions. PLEASEE feel free and encouraged to ask me things or tell me about your journaling practice!!!!
Just as another frustrated update, it's still not available in canada :(
the entire the edge of sleep situation is so disappointing. I know it's been talked to death but the fact they credited him as "markiplier" and not his actual name at all is so telling, along with all of the other very very obvious issues with the way the entire release is being handled.
This is all to say I'm so excited to watch it !!! I'm waiting (and hoping) it will be released in canada on the 18th, and I can spend my Friday night well
the entire the edge of sleep situation is so disappointing. I know it's been talked to death but the fact they credited him as "markiplier" and not his actual name at all is so telling, along with all of the other very very obvious issues with the way the entire release is being handled.
This is all to say I'm so excited to watch it !!! I'm waiting (and hoping) it will be released in canada on the 18th, and I can spend my Friday night well
things to do when u realize u feel shitty
so i have alexithymia (emotional blindness or challenges in recognizing, expressing, sourcing, and describing one's emotions) and i often dont realize why, whats causing me to feel that way, or even if its mental or physical shittiness. so here are things i try to do to reset.
so the first step is obviously realizing the feeling at first, is your brain making you feel bad about yourself? do you feel like theres no point in doing things? do you feel stuck? or has there been any drastic change in energy in a short time? these may look different for you, but learning to notice even something as small as do i feel Good or Bad, you dont need to get caught up in what specifically it is.
FIRST and foremost, medications. did you take your meds? vitamins? please do so if you can. if you've missed the time window that you are meant to or cant for another reason, no guilt please, its ok we all forget.
move! change locations. even if its just where you are sitting in bed from one side to the other and sit up if you can. i try to move to my desk chair. sometimes just sitting up can change the way you feel drastically.
this could also mean move as in take a walk around your room, stand up on your phone instead of laying down.
do a Task, or Activity. copy a journal spread from pinterst even if it takes like 3 hours. write some lists, make a bracelet, play a game. focus on something you like. very cliche advice i know but its great to allow yourself to do something you like.
get a snack/water. unfortunately hydration is important even tho its annoying. make it super cold, put some lemon or mint in there if you want. its all about making it a) more fun and b) different sensory experiences. if you are hungry go down a mental list of most to least effort meal and find what you can do (cook from sratch, add stuff to ramen, eat it plain, get a handful of nuts or fruits, etc)
open the curtains/blinds, let the outside in a bit. even if its dark out open them and look around and close again.
face feels gross? do some level of skincare, exfoliate your lips and put on some vasesline, brush and floss your teeth (love floss picks). if you have bangs wash them in the sink.
if weather + mental permits, go outside. even for 2 seconds to look at it
shower=full reset and rebirth. not a bath, a shower. let the water hit you and soak your hair. do as full of a shower as you can. use so much moisturizer (if you can) with a scent you love. sensory goodness is very helpful. this usually works for me to pull me out. often the reason why i feel shitty is actually just me not realizing my hair is dirty, or i need alone time, etc which is acheived by showering.
aligned with that, put on new clothes, either comfortable and lounge clothes that are good sensory, or you need a new fun outfit because you have been wearing the current one for too long and its irritating you in a way you dont notice.
clean something, same as the food go from most to least effort and find out what you can do. organize 1 drawer or your whole house. my go to is usually rearraging my bedside table top and drawer. because for me thats where i keep things like my journal, headphones, letters from friends, body butter, etc its a chance for me to help future me access this little self care station.
make your bed so you have a clean cozy place to lay and sit, unfortunately a made bed is more comfortable
in general, treat yourself like a littel guy, talk to yourself like a toddler even if it feels silly, the part of you that feels bad is basically a toddler throwing a tantrum tbh. silliness is often a precursor to feeling Good. these things feel so so hard but each time you do them despite feeling bad it will get easier i promise you, you will get good at what you practice so practice trying.
if all of these things seem too hard, or you cant do them, the main thing is thats ok too. and if you dont feel 100% better after doing these things, that is also ok. the truth is some days things will be hard and that is your body telling you to relax, or sleep, or that it just wants to have an off day. no day is wasted if you are still here to see it.
(a lot of these tasks can be made easier by doing prep when you are feeling Good, which is part of the reason why i made this list, but i might do another post on prep stuff. )
Me when i dont take my meds "i wonder why im so irritable and annoyed and also anxious this must have no reasonable explanation"
This is so important and relevant (in general but also for me personally in many relationships). The way I try to explain it to myself/others is like if we didn't have this constant online access, this would be much more easily recognuzed. Like if you called your friend on the phone, if they didn't answer your response would be oh they're probably busy (even if that's busy with personal/fun activities) but the problem arises when they have not picked up a call from you for days or weeks at a time with no explanation. Then it would make complete sense to consider if they were ok, be hurt, or be more insistent on contacting them.
Continuing this same example. If they didn't pick up the phone once and the next time you speak to them you say hey what was going on when I called you at x time, and if they continued to seemingly ignore your calls for days only occasionally picking up etc it would be the time to seek reassurance (totally valid and often needed). But it would become tiring, unnecessary, harmful, etc to go over to someone's house in a panic every single time they don't pick up the phone, (i.e extreme distress/reassurance seeking every single time, maybe multiple times a day). It would be reasonable then for that person to be depleted or even extremely anxious in this relationshipjj
People don’t owe you their downtime! And I don’t mean this in a harsh way, but in a “quit breaking your own heart” way.
It’s so easy to see a friend “active” and reblogging on tumblr, or maybe making a status update on Facebook and feel hurt they haven’t replied to our messages.
Different things take different energy. And someone being “online” but not actively talking to you does not mean they no longer love or care about you.
secret santa artwork i did for my good friend @ahmikii of his characters chariot and nadia being cool and gay (as usual)! everything about this was super fun to work on!
background characters are cameos from more of my friends' ocs, including those of @wyrmghost @mostlyghostly42 @abominandus @redwouldnt @goblinkingvinny @tinydragontoonz @robbiedrancid @naraki :)
