The fact I’m a child concerns me. I'm fifteen as of now. I'm impulsive and make stupid decisions with those impulses. My voice sometimes increases to the point where my throat hurts with how high-pitched I'm talking and other times it's so monotone my head starts to hurt. I'm still figuring out life while others are far beyond me with knowledge. I think I know better and the world somewhat revolves around me and, as I'm writing this, it proves I still think that. The point I'm trying to make is I can't change the world.
I could be like Gretta Thunberg who's changing the world one speech at a time. But the problem is I'm not. Unlike her, I still feel like a child. A kid whos worried about what I'm going to wear tomorrow and spends an ungodly amount of time on her phone. I'm a Gen Z kid who relates too much with others yet not at all. A baby who hopes to be better. Better at being a kid or adult or better at just everything.
I can't make life-changing art even if I wanted to, having the power to move someone through paint or word seems too daunting. When I grow older I wish to have a stable job and even more stable relationships. And I get that will be weird to some that I don't want to be rich and famous, like many others, but the pressure of that lifestyle is not something I want to bear. I dont want to stand out, and if I can't stand out, how will I change the world? The simple fact is I won't. Won't even dent it. Not a scratch. I'm okay with this as a child you have to be.
Knowing whatever you do now whether great or small will always be clouded with the knowledge you're a kid from others. Because I'm ‘good at that for a kid’ and ‘you'll be better when you're an adult.
I won't make art that will change generations’ mindset and I can't fight wars or be a part of something big because I'm a child…
I feel like I'm making excuses.
Could I change the world?
Or fight wars?
Or sow that dress I want to?
Am I making excuses?
I won't ever know because ill lay in bed on my phone watching adults do just that.