Dad Stan Pines - Blog Posts

SJDJSKWKSJFJD YES YES YES YES

dad Stan part 5 anyone?

part 1 | last part|

this one is cute, but it also broke my brain a little. Ford doesn’t know shit about kids, and he’s so scared of embarrassing himself in front of an audience (a 5 year old). Lola is a hater frfr. No.1 Ford hater.

I love that for her.

Ford and his surprise niece sign a peace treaty.

Breakfast was awkward. Lola was sitting directly opposite Ford, eating the only good thing left in the house. A plain slice of bread. She kept glaring angrily at Ford, who couldn’t meet her in the eyes. She clung to Fiddleford, who was focused on some programming. The tension was palpable.

“Um” Ford started, “I guess I haven’t properly introduced myself-“

“Don’t worry, you don’t need to” said Lola, cutting Ford off with a deathly glare. Fiddleford stifled a giggle, not looking up from his work. 

“Come on Lola, I feel bad tha-“

“Good.” Lola stuffed the rest of her bread in her mouth. She tugged on Fiddleford’s arm.

“Mr gucket, let’s GO!”

“Lola, stay!” Ford said, perhaps slightly louder than he ought to, standing up suddenly. Lola looked up at him, with terror in her eyes. She clung to Fiddleford and started to cry.

Ford felt bad. He hadn’t meant to scare her. He sheepishly sat back down as Fiddleford comforted the girl. he gave Ford a glare and Ford flushed.

“It’s ok, miss lola. He didn’t mean it” Fiddleford said, rubbing Lola’s back. She was wailing now, so Fiddleford took her to the living room to calm down. 

Ford just stared into his coffee, at a loss for what his life had become. He was tired, having not slept at all in the past 24 hours. His body ached and he could still taste the spiders in his mouth. He had risked the world, doomed his BROTHER to a fate worse than death. 

Ford always figured that he and Stan could be brothers again, one day. Maybe after Ford had gotten famous, Stan would come back into his life. Ford would’ve insisted Stan grovel for forgiveness, and would accept. He’d show Stan all the amazing things he had done, and Stan would’ve been proud. And they’d talk over drinks, and tell each other all about their lives. And Stan would stay. 

It didn’t seem likely that Stan would want anything to do with him now. Ford still remembered the last thing Stan had said to him. Don’t fucking speak to me, Stanford. They hadn’t spoken in a decade, but it hurt all the same. Ford never considered a world where Stan wouldn’t want to talk to him. He remembered the look on Stan’s face as he fell through the portal. It haunted him. Every time he closed his eyes, he could see it. Stan must’ve hated him.

Ford’s eyes welled up with tears. He wished he had something to do, something productive to distract from the pain. He and Fiddleford were pretty much done with project Mentem. Fiddleford just had to sort out a few bugs in the program, nothing major. But that left Ford with nothing to do except drown in his own thoughts, contemplating just how much he screwed up. 

Fiddleford re entered the room, looking tired. 

“Ford, ya gotta be more careful with her. She thinks yer possessed by a demon”

Ford looked at his friend, wide eyed. 

“She knows about bill?”

Fiddleford shrugged.

“She told me she’s was hungry when I tried to ask her.”

It took a few more hours, but by lunch time they were ready to encrypt Ford’s mind. Ford wanted to do it instantly, but Fiddleford insisted they eat first. 

“Ford, seriously? There’s nothing to eat! When’s the last time ya went to the store?”

“I’ve been preoccupied” Ford scowled. “Maybe we should just do the encryption now!”

Just then, Lola ran in, holding Lizard in one hand, and a sheet of paper in the other.

“Mr Gucket! Lizard is hungry!” She yelled, standing in front of Fiddleford. “It lunch time.”

“Oh is he, now!” Fiddleford said in a sing-song voice. He was looking at Ford. “And what would Lizard like to eat?”

Lola considered this, then held up Lizard.

“Pizza!”

Fiddleford went to pick up the pizza, leaving Ford to watch Lola. He sat awkwardly, whilst Lola drew on the crumpled sheet of paper she was holding with a blue ball point pen. Ford felt tense, he could feel himself sweating. It took far too long for him to speak.

“So… uh… Lola!”

Lola stopped drawing, and looked up. Ford wiped the sweat from his brow. He didn’t realise kids could be this scary.

“Well- um… I-“ he stuttered, under the pressure of Lola’s unmoved stare. 

“Wh- what are you… um - what are you drawing?” Ford asked. He rubbed the back of his neck as Lola stared. 

Eventually her face softened, and she showed him the picture. It was a number of crudely drawn people in a line, each with a single defining characteristic. Ford was sure he was a much better artist at her age. He pointed at the smallest figure, which had a triangle for the hair.

“Is- um is that you?” Ford said. Lola nodded

“I’m going to draw Lizard too. I ride him into battle. That’s why I got a sword, see!”

She pointed at a line she drew next to her self portrait. Ford nodded.

“That’s very efficient. Who is everyone else?”

Lola pointed at a scraggly looking figure next to her. “That’s Stan. He like you, but less evil.”

“…right”

Lola continued, she was on a roll now.

“And here is Mama. Stan told me she used to be queen of the pirates before she got sick. That’s why she got a eyepatch and a pirate hat.”

“Your mother was a pirate?”

Lola nodded vigorously, with more confidence.

“Yeah! That’s how she met my papa! Stan said he was a star sailor. That means he came from space.”

“… and Stan told you that?”

Lola nodded enthusiastically. Ford sighed. 

“Right. Anyway, I thought Stanley was your father?”

“Stan is my dad because he look after me since mama got sick and died.”

“But you have another dad.”

“Noooo I have a papa. Stan said he got kidnapped by mermaids before I was born. That’s why he can’t look after me.”

Ford looked at Lola confused.

“Lola, mermaids don’t kidnap people. Actually, it’s quite fascinating, see, mermaids are closely related to sirens and-“ 

Ford blabbered on, and Lola stopped listening pretty fast. When Fiddleford re entered the room, this time with Pizza. About halfway through eating, Lola remembered that she hated Ford, and stopped responding to him.

They all went down to Ford’s secret study. Lola waddled behind Fiddleford, seemingly unnerved.

“Mr gucket… what are we doing?”

Fiddleford and ford passed a look between them. 

“Well, Lola, ya know what ya said about Ford…” Fiddleford started.

“Hes evil.”

“No, Lola about the- well um…” Fiddleford stuttered as Lola clung to his leg. She buried her face into his leg.

“You’re not gonna let him hurt me, right mr gucket?” She said, voice quavering. 

Fiddleford kneeled down beside her, and offered a hug. Lola crawled into his arms.

“No one here’s gonna hurt ya.”

Lola looked up, straight at Ford.

“But… what about the demon?”

Ford was shaking. He couldn’t bear the fear in Lola’s eyes.

“I’m going to destroy him.” Ford said. 

Fiddleford picked Lola up, and they kept walking. 

“Hows’about ya tell me about this demon.” Fiddleford said, “like what did he look like?”

“He looks stupid,” Lola said, “like a nacho, he got a silly hat and he pretended to be my friend. But Stan said to not trust strangers, so I said no. And then it went scary”

“Bill…” Ford whispered. “When did you first see him?”

“Um… when I was dreaming I think. In the car.”

Ford rushed closer to Lola. “What did he show you, Lola! This is important! You didn’t make a deal with him, did you? Why did he contact you?”

Lola started to cry. Fiddleford comforted her, glaring at Ford, who looked embarrassed. 

“Be gentle, Stanford! She’s only little!”

Lola had calmed down by the time they got to Ford’s study. She still refused to look Ford in the eye. Ford couldn’t blame her, but he also couldn’t risk her being used by bill. He needed to talk to her properly, but she despised him. He wondered about this as he fiddled around with Project Memtem. They hadn’t figured out a way to make it not project memories, but that gave him an idea.

“Lola?” He said, tentatively, “do you really think I’m evil?” 

Lola nodded. Ford sighed, before continuing.

“Do you know what this machine does?”

She shook her head.

“It’s a device designed to read brain waves and translate them into coherent thought. Fiddleford and I repurposed it so it can also encrypt your thoughts to prevent outside influences from interfering.”

Lola looked confused. “I’m five.” She said. Ford felt embarrassment flush on his cheeks. He was glad the room was dark.

“Um. Yes. Well, to put it simply, it reads your mind. And uh…” Ford stuttered trying to think of a simple explanation. Luckily, Fiddleford was there.

“It stops demons from Gettin’ in yer brain” Fiddleford said. Lola nodded in understanding. Ford continued.

“Yes, thank you Fiddleford. I’m hoping that this will keep Bill out of my mind.”

Lola looked Ford in the eyes, confusion etched in her face.

“bill said you was his friend?” She asked it like it was a question. Ford’s face went grave.

“He isn’t my friend, Lola. He used me, tormented me for months. He tricked me into building the portal when I was lonely and vulnerable. I thought he was a muse, but in reality, I was just his puppet.”

Lola looked confused. She turned to Fiddleford.

“Mr gucket, what did Ford say?”

“He said that Bill is a bully, sweet pea.”

“Oh. That’s mean.” Lola said, seemingly gaining a new level of understanding.

“Stan said that I gotta punch bullies.”

Ford sat himself in Project Mentem, and put the helmet on. It was actually just a repurposed colander, Ford’s only one. 

“Lola” he said, his thoughts appearing on screen, “I know you don’t trust me, but it is my hope that by reading my thought, you will know I am being honest.”

Lola squinted. “Sounds like a scam.”

Thoughts of embarrassment appeared on the screen, things like ‘Lola thinks I’m uncool’ and ‘that’s exactly what Stan’s daughter would say’. Lola couldn’t read very well yet, but she did recognised Stan’s name.

“Stan!” She said, pointing. “Can you show me pictures please?”

“What?” Ford responded. He was expecting her to demand that he prove his allegiance to her. Not… this.

“I want to see pictures of Stan. I miss him” she said, matter of factly.

Ford thought about Stan, trying to keep his anger and annoyance out of his mind. He remembered the good bits of Stan, the bits where he stuck up for him, where he was loyal to the end. The Stan he trusted when he could no one else. A picture of Stan and Ford as kids appeared on the monitor, happy and smiling, having been caught in some harmless delinquency.”

“Stan’s a baby!” Lola said, coming closer to Ford. “He’s not as cute as I am.”

Ford laughed. “Stan was a bit of a trouble maker.”

“Stan said I need to be more like a trouble maker. He said I need to be Im-be-ten-den”

“He would say that, wouldn’t he.” Lola nodded.

“Did Stan REALLY fight the jersey devil?” Lola asked, and pictures of Stan and Ford hunting the jersey devil appeared. Lola laughed.

They went on like that for a while, with Lola asking Ford questions about Stan, and Ford telling her stories of their childhood antics. Lola sat on the floor in-front of Ford, lizard in tow. At some point, Fiddleford had left them down there. Neither of them noticed. Lola didn’t seem afraid of him anymore. But she still looked a little sad.

“Ford…” she started, “… do you love Stan?”

Ford wasn’t expecting that. His thoughts when quiet almost instantly, before flurrying to life, faster than anyone could keep up.

Of course he loved Stan. They were brothers, twins. As much as they fought, as much as they haven’t talked in a decade, Ford still loved him. Still trusted him with his life.

But there was that sense of betrayal, the anger. Stan was a cheat and a crook, who would do anything to get his way. If Stan listened once in a while, if only he had been more responsible, more mature. They wouldn’t have had to spend 10 years apart from each other. But Stan was self centred, he didn’t think about anyone other than-

Ford looked down to see Lola, staring up at him. Lola could see all his thought, his ugliest ones. She didn’t look impressed.

“That’s mean.” She said, simply. And Ford sighed.

“You’re right, Lola. I’m sorry.”

Lola shook her head. “It’s ok. Stan said he loves you even if your mean.”

Ford felt his eyes water, his breaths shallow and his heart beat. Stan came because he loved Ford, even after a decade of no contact. The first time he rang, he came, even when bill told Stan ‘I never loved you’ in Ford’s voice. And now he was stuck, in whatever fucked up dimension Bill was from, because Ford got tricked, got his ego boosted by a triangle. Ford sobbed. It was his fault that Stan was gone, that Lola had no one to look after her. He had to fix it.

He hadn’t noticed Lola had moved until she had crawled onto his lap.

“I miss Stan too” she whispered. 

“I’m so sorry Lola. It’s my fault.”

“It’s ok. You can help me to rescue Stan. Lizard has a plan, but Mr gucket didn’t listen to me.”

Despite himself, Ford smiled. “I’d love to hear your plan, Lola.”

Project Memtem had seemingly worked. Ford managed to sleep through the night, and Bill couldn’t access his body! He still plagued Ford’s dreams, but his body could rest. He slept for 20 hours straight, and when he awoke, he took a shower. It felt good. He felt better than he had in a long time. 

Ford found his house cleaner than it had been, with a plate of food on the table left out for him.  He made himself a nice mug of coffee. He sat in the silence for a moment, breathing in the cold air. He needed to pay his heating bill. 

The door swung open, and Fiddleford entered, swinging Lola on his arm.

“Ah! You’re awake!” Fiddleford said. “Lola and I went huntin’ for unicorns!”

“I punched him where the sun don’t shine” Lola said darkly. Then she stuffed her hand in her pocket and pulled out a bundle of unicorn hair.

“You managed to get them to give you some unicorn hair?!” Ford exclaimed excitedly.

“‘Give’ is a strong word. I showed Lola some of my old rodeo skills, from back in Tennessee”

“UNICORNS TASTE LIKE CANDY” Lola shouted. Ford looked confused, before brushing it off. 

“Great! Thank you, Lola, now if you just give me the-“

“NO” she yelled, stuffing the unicorn hair back into her pocket.

“First you have to promise.”

Ford blinked. “Promise what?”

Lola pulled out a piece of paper from her other pocket, with scribble kid writing on it. She gave it to Ford.

“This is a peace treaty.” She said. Ford couldn’t make out what she had written.

“Okay… what does it say.”

“It said I will give you unicorn hair and stop hating you, if you promise to rescue Stan. And also let me help.”

Ford smiled.

“I promise.”

part two of Stan being a single father to an adopted child

this purely exists for the two people who asked for it. @masontheevildm and @kid-in-th3-k0rn3r

hope this lives up to your expectations.

part one is here

Stan takes his small child to gravity falls

The road to gravity falls was a long one. Stan was going to be driving most of the day. He thought about leaving Lola at home, Ford sounded unstable and he wouldn’t be able to handle it if she got hurt. But the truth was, Lola didn’t deal well with separation. He tried to put her in daycare when they first settled down in Forks, but she wouldn’t have it. The first day was hell and the second was even worse. She was scared Stan was going to abandon her. Stan knew he had to deal with the separation anxiety some time, but that time wasn’t now. 

Lola was strapped into the passenger seat of the Stanleymobile. She was too small for it, but Stan never cared for road safety laws, besides seatbelts of course. She bought a notebook with her coloured pencils, and her favourite stuffed animal. A blue axolotl plush that she called “Lizard” that Stan bought for her from some tourist trap. She sat, colouring, as Stan drove down the bumpy country roads.

“Stan, where are we going?” Lola asked, “Lizard wants to know.”

“Does he now” Stan replied, “ well if Lizard wants to know, and not Lola, I guess I’ll just have to speak lizard.”

Stan then proceeded to make the most obscene ‘lizard’ noises known to man, causing Lola to burst out in a fit of giggles and drop her pencils. Stan couldn’t help but smile.

“Ok now Lola wants to know” she said.

Stan’s smile faltered. He never really explained his family to her. Really the only family that she knew of was Stan’s mother, and that was a complete accident. Thinking about his family didn’t fill Stan with particularly happy thoughts. Family always left you behind, to fend for yourself. No one exemplified that like Ford.

But years ago, when Lola was a toddler, too young to remember, he promised to always be honest with her. She had just realised Stan lied to everyone else, and was scared that he was lying to her about loving her. That didn’t matter much to Lola these days, now that she understood why Stan would lie so much. But it stuck with Stan. He promised to protect her, and that meant she had to trust him. That meant honesty, at least to him.

“Well Lola,” Stan started with a deep breath, “we’re going to see my brother.”

“You have a brother? Since when?”

“Since I was born, kiddo. We’re twins. Anyway, I have 2 brothers.”

“Why is your brother a secret?” Lola looked at Stan with wide, curious eyes. Stan did not feel ready for this.

“We- well we had a fight. Haven’t spoken since.”

“Since when?”

“Since before ya were born, ya little twerp.”

Lola was quiet, deep in thought. She seemed to be having some sort of mental conversation with Lizard. Then she looked up at Stan.

“Stan… was it your brother on the telephone?” She asked, a hint of nervousness seeping through.

“Yeah, sweetheart. That was my brother. I think”

Lola clung onto Lizard tight, and looked out at the snow.

“He sounded scary” she said, barely a whisper.

Stan and Lola had gotten into dangerous situations before. He knew it took a lot to scare her. She was good at putting on a brave face. Whatever Ford had said to her on the phone must’ve freaked her out a lot.

“You’re right, Lo. He did sound scary. Did he say anything to you? Anything in particular that scared you?”

Lola was tearing up now, as she nodded. Stan decided to push a little further.

“Sweetie, can you tell me what he said?”

The road was quiet for a bit. Stan didn’t say anything. He wanted Lola to have space to process. Then, like a leaky tap, she spoke.

“He said… my real mum and dad… he said they hated me… so they sent me away…”

Stan stopped the car and looked at Lola. She avoided his gaze.

“Lola, look. I didn’t know your dad, so I can’t speak for him. But I know your mum loved you SO much.”

Lola spoke into her plush, tears in her eyes. “Then why did she go away?”

Stan pulled her into a hug.

“Aw, baby. She didn’t want to go, she wanted to take care of you but she couldn’t. See she was sick. Sick in a way that made it so hard for her to get better.”

Lola didn’t say anything, just stayed clutched onto Stan’s chest. Stan stroked her hair, whispered ‘I love you’s into the air hoping she would catch them. Eventually, Lola crawled out of Stan’s arms and put her seatbelt back on.

“Stan, why are we going to see your scary brother?” She whispered.

“Well, Lola. I think he isn’t okay right now. I reckon he needs help. So we’re going to help him, whether he wants it or not.”

“Is he sick like my mama was?”

“…

I sure hope not”

Lola considered this for a while. Stan was clutching the steering wheel hard, his knuckles going white. He couldn’t deny that Ford sounded… off. Drugs would make sense. But the thought of Ford ruining his life on drugs was terrifying in an of itself.

Lola looked back at Stan.

“Why are we helping your scary brother?” She says, brows furrowed, “he’s mean, and I don’t know him.”

“Cus he’s my brother and I love him, even if he’s being mean.”

Lola didn’t look like she believed him, so he continued.

“Look, sweetheart. When you love someone, ya gotta do your best ta help them. Ya don’t stop loving someone if they’re being mean or if ya haven’t spoken to ‘em in a decade. If someone ya love needs help, ya do ya best to help them, ok?”

With that, Stan reached out and ruffled Lola’s hair. 

“Would you love me if I was mean?” Asked Lola. She was looking at Lizard.

Stan chuckled. “Kid, the stars would have to fall outta the sky for me to stop loving ya.”

Lola had fallen asleep by the time they reached Portland. Halfway to gravity falls. It was around noon, so Stan figured they should probably stop for lunch. And ask around, see if anyone actually knew where gravity falls was. He only had a vague idea based on what his mother told him.

Luckily, Stan knew a guy. An old buddy, Ferg, who delivered eggs all across Oregon. He also was the guy to go to for forged documents in the Pacific Northwest. He was the one to get Stan and Lola their current IDs. He stopped by Ferg’s garage, where he was working on his truck. Stan didn’t want to wake up Lola, so he picked her up and they walked into the garage.

“Hey, Ferg!” Stan yelled. Ferg turned around, a wide smile on his face.

“Well if it isn’t my old pal Stanley!” Ferg replied with the same enthusiasm. ”How are ya! How’s the kid?”

“We’re alright, Ferg. But look, we’re kinda in a rush. This ain’t a social visit.”

Ferg nodded, seeming to understand the edge in Stan’s voice. He led Stan to a small table, offering a seat to Stan. They sat, and Ferg gave Stan a cup of coffee.

“What ya need, Stan. Your cover get blown?”

“No, nothing like that. It’s more a family emergency.”

Ferg’s face twisted with concern. “Family? Last I checked, ya said you had none.”

Stan looked away.

“Look. Ferg. I told ya before, I’m not gonna give you my entire story. I just need to know how to get to Gravity Falls.”

Ferg paused, and glared at Stan.

“That hick town? Strangest place I’ve been. What could possibly be there that’s got us so worked up?”

A beat of silence stretched for eternity before Stan answered.

“My brother.”

Stan had told Ferg the vaguest details about Ford. It was hard not to, they got drunk together on Colorado in 1974, and ended up in jail together. And Ferg was a personable guy. It kinda just spilled out of Stan, really. He was pretty sure he had cried. Which explained the face Ferg was giving him right now.

“Ya brother ya don’t talk to? The one you said left ya behind?”

“He needs me, Ferg.”

Ferg just nodded. He got a peice of paper and started mapping out a route, making small talk.

“Your Lola sure can sleep through anything” he said. 

“Ha, yeah. She’s a heavy sleeper.”

“Takes after her Pa.”

Stan felt himself blush.

“look, Ferg. I told ya, I ain’t her Pa. She has a real dad somewhere out there”

“You’re her dad in all the ways that matter, Stan. You raised her.”

Stan shrugged.

“I killed her ma. It’s the least I could do.”

Ferg gave Stan a strange look. He had always insisted that Lola’s mother wasn’t Stan’s fault. Not that he was there.

“Stanley,” Ferg started, “you can’t only be looking after Lola because of some old sense of guilt. You’re looking after her cus you love her”

“She’s hard not to love. But you can’t deny it. She deserves better than me.”

Ferg gave Stan a steely glare. “If you really believed that, ya would’ve left her to the hospital.” 

He finished up the directions and handed them to Stan.

“Good luck with ya brother, Stan. Tell Lola I said hi when she wakes up, alright?”

And with that, they were back on the road. Stan stopped at a drive through, bought some greasy chicken, the kind Lola loved, and left some in the back for her to eat. They wouldn’t get to gravity falls until the evening, especially since it started snowing. Stan didn’t want to risk speeding on icy roads with Lola in the car.

His mind kept circling back to what Ferg had said. The question of why Stan had taken Lola from the hospital plagued him to this day. Was it guilt? He certainly didn’t think he’d make a good caretaker. If he had left her there, she probably would have been matched with a family that loved her. She would have friends and family, not just Stan. They could almost certainly give Lola a better life.

But somehow, Stan knew that, if he had the chance to do it over, he would’ve chosen to take Lola. She was the best thing in his life, and he loved watching her grow. It was selfish, really. He was keeping her from a better life with an actual family, because being around Lola made him less lonely. At least he knew that Lola would choose him too.

That just made Stan feel more guilty, like he had tricked this child into thinking he was someone worth trusting. He saw the way she looked at him, when he would tell her stories and hold her as she drifted to sleep. He knew she saw him as a Father. He couldn’t help but feel like, one day, she would realise just how bad of a caretaker he was. 

She wasn’t even his. He kidnapped her. Because he was selfish. For all he knew, her biological father would’ve given her a better life.

A thought hit Stan like a truck. Biological father. Lola said Ford talked about her “real”  dad. But that didn’t make sense. Stan hadn’t told anyone that Lola wasn’t biologically his. The only ones who knew were himself and Lola. Caryn certainly had no idea.

Actually, there was no reason for Ford to know about Lola at all. Caryn told Stan that she rarely talked to Ford, and when she did, he would cut it short. She had complained to Stanley for HOURS about it. So how the hell did Ford know? If he’d just figured Stan had a kid by her answering the phone like Caryn did, he wouldn’t have mentioned her “real” parents…

Discomfort settled in Stan’s stomach. There was something deeply wrong, he could feel it. As the pines lining the road got taller, and the snow felt thicker, Stan felt he was getting himself into something much, much scarier than he first thought.

It was dark when they got into Gravity Falls. Lola was blabbering away to Lizard, about ‘evil shapes’ and ‘secret codes’, probably from some cartoon. The radio played current hits, which just droned in his ears. His heart was racing as they approached Ford’s place. His hands ached from his tight grip on the steering wheel.

The house was oppressive. Covered in warning signs and barbed wire. It certainly wasn’t inviting. There were no lights on, just the barest flickers of candlelight through a stained glass window. It didn’t seem like the heating was on either, no smoke coming out from the chimney. Lola clung to his leg as they walked towards the front door.

“Stan, this is scary” Lola whispered.

“I know, kid.”

He knocked on the door. Silence. He knocked again, louder. Dread filled him. What if Ford had already-

The door burst open, and Stan was met with a crossbow pointed at his face. Lola screamed.

Ford looked demented, dishevelled, and covered in blood. He looked like he hadn’t slept in months, and his face was one of pure anger. Until, after a moment, he seemed to register who was at the door.

“Stanley?” Ford asked, dropping the crossbow. “What are you doing here?”

A dark look passed his face.

“Unless….”

Ford lifted the crossbow, pointing it at Stan again.

Duude idk when you wrote this but chefs kiss. Here! doodles!

work is boring on Sundays, wrote some Dad Stan Drabble to get through it.

Stan adopts an infant child. I’m crying.

part 2 here

Tw: drugs, overdoses, allusions to suicide

and possible kidnapping. On accident.

Stan adopts an infant child. 

Bumfuck nowhere, Nevada-1977

Stan threw all the drugs he had left down the toilet. He flushed 3 times, staring town the swirling water. Some fish was probably about to have the time of its probably quite short life, but that wasn’t his concern right now. His only concern was the screaming baby in the other room, and their dead mother in the bathtub.

Stan had been her dealer. Clara, her name was. She was a street kid, by herself for the past 5 years. Turned 20 last May. Stan had been dealing to her for a while. Watched her tastes shift to harder and harder stuff. 

He had told himself that it was just a job. She was a junkie, who probably deserved anything that came to her. Like he was. Now, he reckoned with the fact that he never actually believed that. He just told himself what he wanted to hear, what would make it easier.

He didn’t know she had a child.

A child that would never know their parents. He looked into Clara’s eyes, misty with death. It had only been a few hours. They were getting high together. She hit more than she could handle, and Stan was too far gone to do anything helpful. He just fell asleep on the couch, only to awaken to the baby’s cries 3 hours later, hung over.

Stan knew he should leave. He’s the one who sold her the drugs. The neighbours would notice Clara wasn’t around, and surely they’d hear the baby’s screams. They’d come check, the cops would get involved, and Stan had to leave before they arrived. But somehow, he couldn’t. 

Clara was young, so young. Too young to be lying in the bathtub, dead eyed and blue. Too young to be leaving her child all alone, without anyone looking out for them. 

And it was all Stan’s fault. He sold her the drugs. He actively benefited from her addiction. He enabled this, and in that he ruined two lives. And the baby was still screaming, for a mother that would never come to comfort them again.

Stan figured someone at least should comfort them. So he crept into the bedroom, and saw the baby. They were tiny, couldn’t be more than a few months old. They were clearly malnourished, skinny and bloated like the babies in charity ads. It was a miracle they’d even survived. The baby’s crying subsided as Stan approached. They looked up at Stan with their wide baby blue eyes, begging for food, or comfort or any sign that they weren’t all alone in the world. 

Stan met their eyes, and understood something about himself, something he hadn’t admitted in a long time. He picked up the baby, held them close as he rubbed their back. Stanley pines may be a liar, a crook and an overall asshole, but he was built to protect. And by whatever god looked out for crooks and assholes, he was going to protect this child.

“It’s ok baby” he whispered in their ear, “you’re ok. You’re safe.”

Stan went looking around, first for baby formula. He found a mostly empty box in the kitchen, but no bottle. He mixed some up anyway, and found a syringe without a needle that he didn’t think had been used. He boiled it anyway, and hoped to all hell that it was clean enough. The baby seemed to accept it, and calmed down a little in Stan’s arms. 

He then changed the babies diaper, with much difficulty. 

“It’s a girl!” He exclaimed, “now, kid. Do you got a name?”

The baby blinked slowly, and Stan noticed a scrap of paper on the bed, right where the baby was lying. 

I’m so sorry I can’t take care of you, Lola. You deserved better than a mother like me.

The handwriting was shaky, the paper the back of an old receipt. Stan shoved the paper into his pocket, and looked down at the baby.

“I guess you must be Lola. Nice to meet ya, kid. Now let’s get ya to the hospital.”

Stan took Lola to a hospital in Las Vegas, made up some bullshit story about how his “bitch ex-girlfriend” had “abandoned their baby”. The nurses seemed to buy it, and they took her up to the NICU immediately. That whole week, Stan slept on the uncomfortable chairs in the hospital waiting room. Every time he saw her, Lola seemed a little healthier, and a little less stressed. She looked at Stan, wide eyed, any time the nurses would let him pick her up. Sometimes, he’d even convince himself that he saw a smile.

He thought about leaving often. Actually, that was his original plan. Leave Lola at the hospital. She was in good hands now, they’d find her a home. Doctors wouldn’t just let a baby die. But something kept him glued to that seat. He felt like he owed the kid, for killing her mum and ruining her life before it had even begun. It wasn’t a debt that Stan knew how to pay.

After a week, Lola was healthy enough to ‘go home’. Somehow Stan had stuck around an entire week, pretending to be her Dad. Stan wasn’t sure he wanted to take her. He couldn’t be a dad, he was too immature. He didn’t have a permanent place to live, or any money. He was pretty sure that Rico’s gang would be after him soon. And it’s not even like he knew how to be a Dad! He’d never actually met a decent one. Worst of all, Stan didn’t have any family that actually gave a damn about him. If Stan took her, wouldn’t he just be dooming her to the same lonely fate as himself.

But when Stan went to see Lola one last time, there was a social worker there. He explained that Stan likely wasn’t a fit parent, that Lola had been born addicted to opioids and that she was going to be taken into the system. Stan understood, he really did. He just asked for one last moment alone with Lola to say goodbye.

The next thing he knew, Stan had jumped out the window, Lola strapped to his back with a blanket, and was running to his car.  He didn’t completely understand why he did it. Frankly, it wasn’t a stupid thing to do. However, he somehow couldn’t bear to let some stranger take Lola. He’d met kids that grew up in the system, and most of them weren’t particularly happy. So Stan moved Lola to his front as he jumped into his car. He could hear security yelling as he sped out of the parking lot, and out of the city, and out of the state.

5 years later

Forks, Washington -1982

Stan decided a long time ago that Forks was a shit town with nothing to do. He moved around a lot with Lola, having taken numerous part time jobs across the Pacific Northwest under the name “Stanton Pinesly”, but for some reason, Forks was their permanent address. It was where Stan had a cheap apartment, and it was the place Lola had become most familiar with. 

Overall, it was a pretty safe town. Not much happened besides the odd rumour about vampires and werewolves or whatever, which was good. Rico would never find them here. Stan was pretty sure Rico couldn’t survive this far up north. 

“STAN!” Lola yelled, running out of her room. It was early morning, the sun still hanging low in the sky.

“Morning kid. Isn’t it too early for ya to have that much energy?”

Lola jumped onto Stan’s lap, attacking him with the biggest hug she could manage.

“Nuh-uh. I like morning time, Stan. It’s where adventure happens.”

“Sure, kid.”

Lola had always called Stan ‘Stan’. It was her first word, in fact. Stan never referred to himself as her father, not unless they got something out of it. Nevertheless, Stan had raised her like his own. She held his surname (well, his fake one, but she knew she was a Pines), and he kept her fed and healthy. He taught her to read (badly) and to steal (incredibly well). In all ways besides the one, she was his daughter. But Stan would never let the idea settle in his mind for too long. Somehow, being a father for real was a step too far. Into what, Stan didn’t know, but it was too far nonetheless.

Lola jumped onto Stan’s lap, trying to get his attention.

“Staaaan! What adventures do we have today?!”

The kid loved ‘adventures’. Which usually amounted to whatever odd job Stan was doing, or going to the park. Luckily for Stan, he didn’t have anything to do today. His plan was to just lay on the sofa and watch TV. Lola of course had other plans. “Nothin’ today ” apparently wasn’t good enough for her.

“STAAAAANNNNNN!” She whined. Stan hated when she did that. “I wanna go on adventuuuuuure!”

He picked her up like a sack of rice and looked her in the eyes.

“Tough, kid. Ol’Stan needs a rest day. My bones are old.”

Lola giggled. “You’re not old, Stan!”

“Is that so? How old is old then?”

Lola considered this a moment.

“Uhhh…. 20!”

“HA! Gee kid how young do ya think I am?”

“12”

Stan guffawed. Laughed till he couldn’t stand, wiping tears from his eyes.

“Gee Lola. Ya really think I’m 12?”

Lola nodded her head.

“12 is grown up, but still fun”

Stan’s heart melted a little; as sat her on his lap.

“Sweetie, I am 32 years old.” 

Lola gasped in genuine shock.

“Why aren’t you a skeleton then?” She asked. This set Stan off again.

Lola, it turned out, was incredibly funny. 

The phone rang, and Lola rushed to pick it up. She was expecting her ‘Gammy’ - Caryn, who called occasionally to speak to her “grandbaby”. She was really the only one who called these days. 

“GAMMY” Lola yelled, before she got quiet, and whispered “what are you, a cop?” Into the phone. Stan grew concerned. This can’t have been someone Lola recognised. 

“Sweetie, pass me the phone” 

Lola did so without a word. Stan stared at the receiver, he could hear faint maniacal laughing and the song “sweet dreams are made of these” on the other end. 

“…hello?” Stan asked tentatively.

“HI BROTHER, ITS SIXER!”

“…Ford?”

“I SPOKE TO YOUR CROTCH GOBLIN, IT SOUNDED GROSS AND SNOTTY?”

“Ford, what the fuck?”

“LOOK I CALLED JUST TO LET YOU KNOW, IM JUMPING INTO THE FROZEN LAKE TOMORROW.”

“Wait Ford what’s going-“

“IF YOU NEVER HEAR FROM ME AGAIN, ITS CUS I NEVER LOVED YOU!”

“Ford you can’t just-“

The line cut out. Lola looked up at Stan expectantly. Stan figured that Ford must be having some sort of mental break. But he could leave his Brother in trouble. He knew Ford lived somewhere in Oregon. Not too far.  Definitely drivable.

“Hey Lola, I think I might have an adventure for ya.”

TAKING SHIFTS- A classic Stanley Pines adopts the shapeshifter AU-> Little info dump

Basic gist of it is that post portal accident, Stanley is trying his damndest to get his brother back by fixing the portal- Which logically requires that Stanley get all the journals so that he actually has a full blueprint to look at.

However, in his search for any of the journals, he discovers some kind of top secret tree bunker- Classic Ford antics. He investigates the bunker, only to find some kind of kid monster, who is under the impression that Stan is his own brother and tries to kill him. The only thing that convinces the creature that Stan is NOT Ford, is the fact that Stan has a mullet and his brother does not. Would you be surprised to discover that the mullet would play a deeper role in things than at first glance? Not me, but I think it’s very funny anyways.

The monster kid is revealed to be some kind of alien shapeshifter thing, and upon realizing that Stanley is some kind of Ford doppleganger, the shapeshifter suddenly becomes the most clingy kid ever, following Stan around throughout the bunker like a lost duckling. Stanley tries to be chill about it, but the memories of being attacked are still pretty fresh in his brain.

After a bit the two will leave the bunker, yadda yadda yadda dialogue, and Stanley will be concerned to find that this kid hasn’t had the best upbringing in the world so far- If the limited English and big eyed staring at the sky was anything to go by. While Stan has half a mind to leave this monster kid to the wild, he apparently has these weird issues with abandonment. Something about seeing himself in the little monster kid. So he takes him back to the shack, helping the shapeshifter pick a name that isn’t a weird number. They eventually land on Simon, which is a play on Simon Says, because of course any name idea Stanley has it just HAS to be a pun.

And of course, taking in this shapeshifter will trigger changes to the timeline that will affect how things will go from here on out. A lot of wholesome, father kid bonding and found family stuff.

Other unmentioned information and idea snippets:

-The journals are found much sooner than in canon, which means Ford is brought back sooner than in canon. Journal 2 is found first, due to the fact that Stanley has Simon (Shifty) enrolled in elementary school, which just so happens to be were one of the journals are hidden. Simon finds it and recognizes it- And Stan is so proud. Meanwhile, later on journal 3 is found by Soos in a situation similar to canon, but like- Soosified.

-Stanley is constantly wracked with guilt as time goes on, because he will hear about of make a realization about the poor treatment of Simon by Ford and his assistant in the past- All while Stanley is still actively working to bring him back. Simon doesn’t know that it’s FORD that Stan is trying to bring back, which will only result in some betrayal later on when Ford inevitably returns.

-Simon, Tate, and Soos act almost as siblings, due to circumstances that bring them together at different points in time. Tate is Simon’s best friend, a friendship which had blossomed when Emma-May showed up to the Pines cabin door, demanding that she see her ex husband and that she has some WORDS to say to the homewrecking scientist who ruined everything. Stanley had never been more confused about anything- But while Stanley is trying his best to save the situation, Tate and Simon hit it off quickly despite the broken language barrier. Meanwhile, Soos come in later when both Simon and Stan are a bit older. Stan and Soos’s relationship is similar to how it played out in canon, but Simon gets really jealous. May or may not try to kill Soos because of it- But it’s ok cuz once Soos’s natural charm infects Simon, the big brother little brother dynamic is born.

-Simon practically idolizes Stan, and makes it a point to have his human form reflect that. He has a mullet, and it reminds him that Stan is Stan- Even after Stan cuts the mullet off so he could be a bit more business appropriate. Simon also has little freckles cuz he saw the little baby Boyish Dan and just immediately was like- Oh I want those too-

-The shapeshifter will also have his own little book of “forms” he could take. He has photos and information of various creatures, things, and people- I want you to envision how this book looks and is treated like a Pokémon card collection binder. The shapeshifter may get into photography. By the time the little twins Dipper and Mable show up, it’s not the journals that they find- But Simon’s shifting scrapbook. Which is how they find themselves getting involved in the spooky stuff in the first place.

-Because of Simon and Fords earlier arrival, the younger Pines twins adventures in Gravity Falls are a tad bit tweaked. Simon is a very powerful shapeshifter who is plenty protective of his little niblings- The Mcguckets are somewhat healthy with the whole divorced situation, and Bill is not an issue alongside Gideon… Everything else is free game though. Pretty silly.

- The way that Fiddleford is introduced to the duo is that at some point, Stan gets his memories of Simon wiped causing severe emotional distress- And it’s lowkey kinda heartbreaking. (The blind eye sees Simon shifting in front of Stan and assumes the worst.) Once Stan gets his memories back, it’s the beginning of a warpath. (And also the end of Fiddlefords crazy cultist arc- Which is good for Tate who really likes hanging around his bestie.)

-Hijinks WILL ensue, especially after Ford comes back. Probably some other tidbits I’m missing, but that’s a problem for another day- If this interest you folks anyways- Lemmy know if this is interesting or anything and feel free to ask questions. I haven’t thought so much as to how Bill gets defeated earlier and everything- But if anyone has any cool ideas I’d be open to it. Unsure if I’ll ever get to writing this one 😂