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was on the phone with my oldest sister two days ago, after a long long day. on the floor of my bedroom, full face of makeup and sweat on my forehead. she said 'you know our mother is a bit cruel right? more than others' and. she's right. that also wasn't the right moment to be saying that. how could i tell her 'you haven't lived with her in six years. i've seen her nearly every single day. she's crueler and sadder and more pitiful than ever. you're right. she's cruel. how could u say that so easily though. she's made me cry nearly every day for over a month. you've been her daughter ten years longer than i have. how could you call her cruel. have you forgotten what its like to be her daughter? now that you're a mother. now that motherhood holds more meaning to you. now that motherhood isnt only the way our mother gave her all to give us the healthiest, strongest bodies but forgot to give us healthy minds. do you just remember her as cruel? though its been years since you were subjected to it?"
i didnt say all that though. just. 'yea, wouldnt i know it'
told my friend 'my day was ok!! they're all blending together' and then downed a random pill my mom takes which turned out to be anxiety meds and two pills of melatonin. now what