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Derek Hale Appreciation Week 2021 Day 7:
Sunday Nov 28 - Dealer’s Choice // Sadness
(Will likely write a full fic for this eventually)
Killing Peter was simultaneously one of the hardest things I’ve had to do and worryingly easy to do. I know he deserved it, that it needed to happen. But he was still the only family I had left. I expected it to be harder than killing Paige, but oddly it’s not. I worry what that means about me.
“Derek you’re freaking out, stop. It’ll probably affect you more when things settle, but even if it doesn’t there is nothing to freak you out about. It was sadly necessary and you’ll deal with it in your own time, don’t rush it.”
I whip my head towards him and really he must be right since I didn’t even know he was there.
“What are you doing here?”
“I’ll tell you the truth only because you’ll know if I lie. I felt the need to check on you. So I didn’t even question it, I just did it.”
“That’s weird because I’m pretty sure you hate me.”
“I don’t hate you, I never did, I just didn’t trust you in the beginning. Though you do hate me. Which isn’t new.”
“I don’t hate you. You just annoy me.”
“Oh. Well then I’m going to tell you something that might help you digest what happened. My mother got sick and eventually she forgot that she ever had a child. She thought I was a demon sent to kill her. She tried to kill me five times before my father found out and put her into the hospital. I never hated her for it. She did what she felt she had to.”
“How is that supposed to help the situation of me actually killing my uncle?”
“Your sane family and possibly even Peter will understand you did what you had to do. It sucks completely and I get that. But it was what needed to be done. It was necessary and it was better it being you, than it being Scott. I love that boy I do, but he’d make a shit Alpha.”
“You really believe that?”
“Yes. Scott is kind of a shit werewolf as it is. He does not need the upgrade. The bite was wasted on him. He hates it but exploits it to his advantage.”
“That’s really aware of you. To see that. Despite him being your best friend.”
“I’ve never been blinded, well not in that kind of way. I know his faults. Just like I can understand Peter but know that he also deserved what got to him. He was mostly feral and insane, though I’m not totally sure how bad it was. Because he offered me the bite and actually took no for an answer despite saying I was lying.”
“Do you want the bite though? Just not from him? That could be why it read as a lie.”
“I’m not sure honestly. I don’t think I know what I want. Part of me wants to stay human, but part of me thinks Peter wasn’t wrong when he said I’d make a great wolf. At least much better than Scott.”
“I also think you could make a great wolf, you’re already fairly wolflike as it is. And you could better keep Scott in check as a wolf. Or become your own person.”
“I don’t think Scott would be okay with me willingly taking the bite, especially from you. But I also think that I need to make my own decisions for once. Because I’m going to be involved either way, whether I’m human or wolf. I’m also not sure I would actually turn into a wolf. I read somewhere that sometimes the shape you take reflects who you are inside. I feel like I’m more of a fox and I’ve read that that is possible. But wouldn’t that not be good?”
“That is possible, but it wouldn’t change anything really.”
“So I wouldn’t be left alone if I end up being another type of were?”
“Never. If I bite you and you want to stay in my Pack, you’d always be welcome.”
“I’ll give it some thought. I can let you know later, right. You’ll be willing to accept me even if I don’t decide now, right?”
“Yes, Stiles. I don’t want you to rush into this decision. You could probably not even let Scott know if you do take me up on my offer. You’d have better control than even me I think. So you could play human until you were ready for people to know.”
“Do you really believe that?”
“Yes, also I think you’re already a little something and it might translate over if you get the bite as well. I think the bite would strengthen the magic you have in you. Since I’m pretty sure that you’re a Spark, which is the only kind of magic that works well with the bite.”
“So that would be really good for us right? I could still do things I normally wouldn’t be able to do as a were, correct? So I could probably still use mountain ash and stuff while being a wolf or whatever I end up being.”
“Exactly what I think. Also that way you really could pretend to be human for as long as you wanted. Because you taught Scott control in a day, something that would have taken me a month if not longer. And now he’s even okay on full moons. So I think you would have control easily, especially since you already have such self control.”
“Are you just saying this because you want to build up your Pack? Or do you really believe it? Also, are you only willing to turn me because you think I’d be useful?”
“I really believe that you would be an asset, but that’s not the only reason I want to turn you. I want to turn you, because like you said you’re going to be involved either way, it’d be better for you to be able to heal like us. I’d feel safer having you around if you were able to heal like us. But I would never force you to get the bite. It would just make me feel less guilty.”
“If I take the bite, I’d want to tell my dad. Though I’d want it to stay in between the three of us. Until I was ready for it to be different.”
“I understand that and I think it might be for the best for your father to be in the know. But Scott won’t be happy, so you’d probably want to tell your dad that he shouldn’t let Scott know that he knows. Because he’ll think that your father will tell his mom, which wouldn’t be a bad idea, but Scott would not be happy.”
“That is a good point. Would you tell my dad with me? As my Alpha, wouldn’t that be something that you should do?”
“If that’s what you would want. You’re dad kind of hates me right now. But if you want me to be there I would be there to help, even risking getting shot.”
“At least he wouldn’t be able to kill you. But it would hurt like hell. I’d feel bad if he did shoot you.”
“Maybe you can convince him to not have his gun so he doesn’t shoot me.”
“Fair enough, I could probably convince him.”
“Does this mean that you trust me?”
“Dude I attacked Chris because of what his sister did to you, clearly I trust you to risk bodily harm for you.”
“You did what?”
“He came after Jackson and I at the hospital and Jackson was an idiot once again and couldn’t lie in the face of Hunters. So when Chris attacked me, I went off on him because by that point even my dad knew mostly who it was. The fact that he was willingly blind about it pissed me off, so I went off. Then Jackson and I came to save the day, kind of.”
“You did that for me?”
“Yes, you moron. What happened was not your fault. I know you won’t believe me, at least not yet. But it really wasn’t your fault. You were a child and what she did was on her, not you.”
“You actually believe that. I don’t know how, but I want to believe you. Maybe in time I will be able to believe you.”
“I’ll be willing to tell you until you believe it. Because only after you accept yourself would you be able to truly become the Alpha you’re meant to be. I’d like to help you get to that point.”
“I bit Jackson and I think it was a mistake.”
“Derek, fuck man. Why do you think it was a mistake?”
“His body seems to be rejecting it, but he’s also not dying. So something else might be going on with him. It honestly scares me.”
“Which means he’s becoming something abnormal more than likely. Because if he’s not dying, but is not getting furry, it means he’s becoming something else.”
“That’s what I’m scared of, yeah. None of the things that could mean are good news for us. I’m biting Issac Lahey tonight, his dad is an abusive piece of shit and being a wolf could help him.”
“He’s both a good and terrible choice. Erica Reyes should be next. Or me than them. Do you know who else you’re going to bite?”
“Boyd, I think. Issac said something about him.”
“Okay good to know. I should probably get the bite before Erica, because I think she’s going to come after me slightly. Not intentionally, but because she won’t know and she’ll see me as a loose end of Scott’s.”
“So you’ve decided you want the bite?”
“Yes. As long as you’ll trust me, I think it’ll be a good idea. Though at least in the beginning, I’ll only be on your side behind the scenes.”
“Okay, Stiles. If you’re sure I can bite you now and we can talk to your dad tomorrow.”
“That sounds good to me. I’m pretty sure I’ll be fine on the full moon, but make sure you keep an eye on Issac. He’ll have an extra hard time I believe.”
“Okay.”
I give him the bite and take him home. We’ll see how he is tomorrow. I’ll come see him after biting Issac.
@softranswolves
Derek Hale Appreciation Week 2021 Day 6:
Saturday Nov 27 - Post-Canon // Happiness
(Will write full fic for this eventually)
I stroll to the door to the vet clinic, hating that I have to go here, but this is really the only place I can go for this. I hear Stiles’s hummingbird heartbeat and get extra uncomfortable with the situation. What could he be doing here?
I hear Stiles say “Doc, I don’t know what to tell you, I just need to study as much of your books for this. I don’t know what the witches plan for him. I just know I have less than six hours to figure it out or he’s as good as dead.”
Deaton says “Mr. Stilinski, I would really prefer you to give me more information than that. Where did you see Scott last? Where did the witches take him?”
Stiles sighs and says “The Nemeton, now can I get back to work?”
Deaton sighs and says “Alright, Mr. Stilinski.”
I walk into the vet clinic and say “Hey, Deaton. There is a problem that I need your help with. So if you could come open the barrier that would be ideal.”
Deaton walks out of the back room and sees all the baby betas I have in my arms and on my back and it’s the first time I’ve ever truly seen him lose his composure. His eyes go comically huge and he falters in his step. His heart starts beating wildly and smells of fear and regret.
Deaton says “Mr. Stilinski, you might want to change what you’re looking into.”
Stiles runs out of the room and says “Oh shit. I guess I should. Hey Derek and Puppies. Where did you find them, Derek?”
I sigh and say “The Nemeton. And that’s not the only thing. I’m an Alpha again.”
Deaton flinches and says “Mr. Stilinski, you don’t need to worry about finding Scott anymore. He’s gone and there is nothing you can do.”
Stiles says “How do you know that from the fact that Derek is Alpha again? You did not, did you? I knew that True Alpha shit was nonsense. I can’t believe you. What the hell gave you the right to do that? And if you say balance I will absolutely lose my shit.”
I stare at Stiles and say “What are you talking about, Stiles?”
Stiles glares at Deaton and says “Deaton gave Scott your spark, I knew he couldn’t have become a True Alpha if it did exist. He never did accept his wolf. So there was no way he’d have gotten the upgrade.”
Deaton looks down and says “It wasn’t like that. I was desperate and Scott seemed like the best option. Once it became clear it wasn’t the case it was too late for me to do anything about it.”
Stiles shakes his head and says “There are so many things wrong with what you just said, but I don’t have the time to break it down for you. Come on, Der. I’ll let you and the puppies in.”
Stiles opens the barrier without issue and Deaton looks shocked at that. Stiles just smirks and waves me to follow him. I can’t help but feel I’m missing many things and Stiles has the answers to at least most of what is going on.
I follow Stiles into Deaton’s magic room and say “What do you already know, Stiles?”
Stiles tenses and says “Why do you think I know anything right now?”
I sigh and say “You were lying to Deaton earlier. So what really happened? What happened at the Nemeton, Stiles?”
Stiles deflates and says “Scott and I went to the Nemeton because I felt something pulling me there. The Nemeton spoke to me and it was so bad, Derek. Do you know the damage Scott has truly caused? Because I do now and it hurts. Knowing I helped him cause all of the pain and destruction he has.”
I flinch and say “Stiles, tell me what happened.”
He runs a hand through his hair and says “I fed him to the Nemeton to atone for my part in everything. The Nemeton told me that it would help right some of the wrongs. When I left the Peppies weren’t puppies yet. They were adults. Clearly something happened after I ran away.”
I growl softly and say “You left them alone, Stiles. What the hell? Some of them were just brought back from the dead and you left them alone?”
He sighs and says “I felt you were coming and I couldn’t bring myself to face you yet. So I left and decided to do as much research as I could convince Deaton to let me do with his library. I panicked and I regret leaving them alone, especially since something happened in between me leaving and you getting there.”
I growl and say “Do you know who all of them are? I’m unsure about a few of them.”
He frowns and says “Deucalion, Ethan, Aiden, Boyd, Erica, Issac, Jackson, Peter, Cora and Malia.”
I sigh and say “Why are Peter, Cora, Malia and Deucalion in the group? That doesn’t make sense.”
He sighs and says “It makes more sense than you realize. But I will explain later. I have a lot of research to do. I will help you take care of them until I can get them back to adults. It’s a good thing I did something behind your back over the years since having them in town too often would raise too many questions.”
I frown and say “What do you mean, Stiles?”
He tenses and says “I had your house rebuilt in the preserve. It’s in your name and everything. I found your plans and put them into action. It’s hidden under a ward for now. I was going to surprise you with it, but I never really got the chance.”
I stare at him and say “Why would you do that?”
He shakes his head and says “It doesn’t matter why. I did it and it’s a good thing I did. We’re going to have to probably go to Ikea to get furniture for the Puppies and stuff though.”
I frown and say “Stiles, why are you so willing to help me? Why did you get my house rebuilt? How did you get it rebuilt?”
He frowns and says “It does not matter, Derek. I care, okay? That’s all.”
I sigh and say “Okay, Stiles. I’ll leave it alone for now. But only because we have more important things to worry about.”
He growls surprisingly wolflike and says “We’re not going to talk about it at all. My reasons are my own and I will not share them. You’re not the first to ask and you won’t be the first I give into. Everyone that helped with the house asked the same question and I never answered. I’d like to keep that streak up personally.”
I sigh and say “Fine. Whatever you want. Thank you I guess.”
He nods and gets to work researching. I study him and wonder why he’s doing any of this. Especially since I know he is the one who made sure to go and make sure Kate was dead for real this time. I don’t understand why he’s always willing to take these insane risks when I’m involved. It’s worse with me than it ever was with Scott, Lydia or even his dad. I mean he risked his future with the FBI for me. I don’t understand. Why does he do any of it? He had my childhood home rebuilt to my specifications if he is telling the truth. I don’t even know when he would have had the time to set it up. I can’t fathom that Scott would have been okay with it. Though clearly that’s not as important to him as I thought it always would be. I can’t believe he sacrificed Scott to the Nemeton, bringing my betas back and others along with them. He said he cared, but that’s still a lot of trouble to go to for someone you only slightly care about. I don’t understand and contemplating it is only making it harder to understand. I hope one day he decides on his own to tell me. Because I’m not going to be able to convince him to tell me or figure it out on my own. Slowly the deaged betas are all waking up, causing me to be distracted from my thoughts. I slowly set each of them on the ground and try to keep an eye on them all while also being aware of Stiles. Most of them pile together, but Erica starts growling and wolfing out, which is both precious and terrifying. I’m unsure what to do. Stiles pointedly clears his throat and Erica calms nearly instantly. I gape at Stiles, unsure how he was able to do that so easily and while rather distracted. Peter is climbing up Stiles’ pant leg and Stiles doesn’t even look up from what he is doing to scoop Peter up and settle him on his hip. I never expected something like that to be beautiful, especially when it comes to Stiles, but it takes my breath away. Stiles smirks slightly and I’m unsure if it’s about me or whatever he is reading. I sigh when I notice Issac is staring up at me, I scoop him up and set him on my hip. Stiles' smile softens and I’m not going to lie, I preen slightly. He softly chuckles and I smile softly at him. Most of the betas are back asleep in the pile minus our two clingers. This is going to be interesting, but I’m kind of looking forward to it. Stiles always knows how to make things interesting and admittedly fun as well.
@softranswolves
Derek Hale Appreciation Week 2021 Day 5:
Friday Nov 26 - Fix-It Friday // Poetry
I wait in Stiles’ room, knowing how creepy it is, but I know it’s the only way to get him to talk to me. I know I need his help but I doubt he’ll give it. I have to try though. I’ll lose my Pack if I don’t convince him to help. I know it’s a long shot, but he did well with Scott and he held me up in the pool for over two hours while I was paralyzed. He never let go besides trying to get Scott to come help even when it was clear we were both going down. He still didn’t give up on me. And I fucking made the mistake of going against them and failed, not only that I was wrong as well. Stiles might be my only hope. As much as I loathe to admit it, but I refuse to lose my Pack again. Stiles finally gets home and comes upstairs to his room. He again fails to notice me and I begin to question how he doesn’t. He sits on his desk chair before turning around to face me, proving me wrong. Maybe he’s just not afraid of me anymore. He just looks at me for a minute and I feel small under his stare.
I flinch and say “I need your help. I know what we did was fucked up and I shouldn’t have done it. But I need your help training the betas. I’m abusing them. Well Issac and Erica. I can’t seem to train them myself so I need your help, you did well with Scott. And yeah you might not be able to physically handle teaching them how to fight, but you can teach them strategy. Which is not my strong suit. Please, Stiles. I can’t lose another Pack and I feel them pulling away from me and I can’t do it alone. I know your loyalty is to Scott but you held me in that pool for over two hours and Scott only came when it was nearly too late.”
He nods and says “I did and I know. You also only got paralyzed because you were pushing me to safety. You turned your back to a serious threat to make sure I wasn’t going to die. If I help you, you will have to do better and also make sure your betas will not hurt me on purpose anymore. Erica hit me over the head with my own damn starter and Issac threw my ass across the house into a wall. Boyd is the only one that hasn’t done me any harm. But he’s also the one that has less to prove since it’s pretty clear he’s your second.”
I stare at him and say “Are you actually considering it? And how could you tell about Boyd? I will do what you think I need to do as long as it’s reasonable.”
He smiles softly and says “Yes I’m considering it. I don’t trust your betas but I do trust you. He’s the one who is closest to you, also he is the best option for it. He’s strong mentally as well as physically. He’s a great choice, though with care the other two can thrive as well. So I’ll be your advisor and you’ll actually listen to me?”
I slide down the wall and say “You trust me? Boyd isn’t ruled by emotion like the other two or me honestly. I will do my best to listen but I can be an idiot I will admit that. So sometimes you might have to beat it into my head. But overall I’ll do my best to listen to your advice.”
He nods and says “Yes, I do. Do you think I would have done what I did for you otherwise? I was willing to die with you rather than leave you on your own. Also I am sorry for when I made you strip for Danny to do what we needed him to. Boyd will be a great second with a little training for both of you. I understand. If I do this I can’t tell Scott or he’ll lose his shit. But I think this might be the better decision for me if I’m being honest. Working with your Pack is better than being forced to go against you, especially since I think something is going on with Scott that isn’t about Allison. He’s pulling away worse than normal. And I’m unsure what he’s planning but if he isn’t telling me I feel like it couldn’t be anything good. I think we need to explain things to Lydia because she’s kinda losing her mind and I worry that it’s related to Peter.”
I stare at him in shock and say “I did not expect that. I guess it makes sense when you say it like that. Thank you, you never did anything like that again, so we’re even. Since I hurt you for it. Do you think I can be a good alpha? Okay we can keep it from Scott if you want. I don’t know how well that is going to go though. We might not be able to keep it from him for too long, but we’ll do our best. What do you think is going on with Scott? And if you really think that’s the right decision I’ll agree with you. Her being in the know might be for the best.”
He smirks and says “You can be an idiot sometimes. I wish I hadn’t done it from the beginning, you didn’t deserve that. I deserved that for doing that to you. I believe with a little training and care you could be a good Alpha. I can actually help you there. I think it won’t be as hard as you think, honestly. I fear it has something to do with Gerard, considering he is showing a little too much interest in Scott. I do think it’s in our best interest for her to know. We should have told her before now. She’s going to be pissed, but I’ll blame it on the fear of Gerard and Victoria. That too many people knowing caused us fear.”
I look up at him and say “You have thought about this a lot, haven’t you? You have already considered working with me and the Pack, haven’t you? I’ll trust you with her and maybe figuring out Scott’s thing with Gerard. How can you help me become a better Alpha? Not that I doubt you, honestly, just wondering how.”
He chuckles and says “I have, honestly, more than I’d like to admit. I found a poem that explained my feelings about it honestly. I can show you a few things to build up the bonds you have with them. I’ve done a lot of research since the beginning of this. You need to scent your betas and that will do the most good, and coming to me for help was definitely a good decision. I can balance you out pretty well.”
I nod and say “How should I scent them? What is the poem? I think you’re right that you could balance me out, which is why I came to you in the first place.”
He smiles and says “The poem says, The low lands call
I am tempted to answer
They are offering me a free dwelling
Without having to conquer
The massive mountain makes its move
Beckoning me to ascend
A much more difficult path
To get up the slippery bend
I cannot choose both
I have a choice to make
I must be wise
This will determine my fate
I choose, I choose the mountain
With all its stress and strain
Because only by climbing
Can I rise above the plain
I choose the mountain
And I will never stop climbing
I choose the mountain
And I shall forever be ascending
I choose the mountain”
(By Howard Simon)
I look him in the eye and say “Are me and the Pack the mountain?”
He chuckles and says “You are. I was already leaning heavy towards you. You are more dependable than Scotty honestly. I’m going to need dependability to survive I think. And to scent them run your fingers down the side of their neck. It’s the best place for an Alpha to scent their Pack. It’ll also help them submit to you properly. They’ll have to learn to trust you, especially Issac. You’ll have to scent him more and give him more support. Due to his past, especially since he probably feels like he just went from one abusive father to another one. Which according to you, he really did. Which will need to be worked on, Derek. I know it’ll take time and effort, but I believe you can do it.”
I curl into myself slightly and say “Can I ask you a question? Well two actually. One, do you think it’s my fault that my family was killed? And two, do you think my family deserved what happened?”
He kneels in front of me, sighing and says “Kate is the one at fault, it’s not your fault. At all, you were a kid, Derek. You were targeted and taken advantage of. You’re just as not guilty as the rest of your family. Also absolutely not. They did not deserve what happened to them and neither did you. Why would you ask me that? How could you even slightly think I could feel that way?”
I look down and say “Scott did. He said it and he meant it. He looked me in the eye in front of Peter and said that the Argents had reason to do what they did to my family. His heartbeat didn’t waver, he believed that. I just needed to know you didn’t agree with him.”
He collapses into himself and says “Oh my god. How the fuck could he say that to you? How could he honestly believe that? I’m so sorry. I’m surprised you or Peter didn’t attack him for that. I would have. I’m not sure I recognize him anymore and I don’t think I can blame the bite for it. Despite how much I wish I could, I know better than that.”
I sigh and say “I don’t know, Stiles. I’m sorry for telling you, this probably makes things harder for you. Sadly I agree that you can’t blame it on the bite, even a non consensual one.”
He shakes his head and says “No you just made my decision easier. Thank you for telling me. Gerard has cancer and I’m worried he’s using Scott to get you to give him the bite. I didn’t want to tell you, but it didn’t feel right to hold back after you told me that. I know and what makes it worse is the fact that my dad wishes Scott was his son instead of me and says it more often than not. Even though Scott is kind of a piece of shit. I wish it didn’t affect me as much as it does, since I definitely don’t want it exploited.”
I frown and say “Your dad is kind of a piece of shit too. A good man, but a shit father. You’re brilliant, resourceful, and strong. All Scott has going for him are his puppy dog eyes that make you want to believe him. You’re so much more than he is.”
He smiles, baring his neck to me and says “Thank you. That means more to me than you know. I will help you become the Alpha you need to be and keep your betas with you.”
I run my fingers down the side of his neck and say “Thank you. I’ll need the help and I’m grateful you’re willing to help me.”
He smiles softly and says “I’m glad you finally asked me for help. I was worried you weren’t going to. I knew offering would have offended you, so I’m glad you came to me for help.”
I chuckle and say “You’re probably right.”
He smirks and says “I typically am, Derek. Glad you’re realizing it. Another thing you can do to help with the Betas is grab the back of their neck lightly when they’re upset or need to relax. It will help more than you know. Trust me.”
I shake my head and say “Okay. Good to know. Did I do the scenting thing right? How I did it to you is the right way right?”
He chuckles and says “Yes just not as long as you’ve been doing it to me. Since your hand is still on my neck currently and the betas would be very uncomfortable for prolonged contact to their neck. But short brushes down their necks every hour or so when they're around you is good for them and you.”
I pull my hand away quickly and say “I honestly didn’t notice I still had my hand on your neck. I’m sorry.”
He laughs and says “I would have told you to remove it if I wasn’t okay with it. I told you I trust you and I meant it. You don’t have to apologize.”
I frown and say “Why? I’ve threatened you so many times, especially about ripping your throat out. So how are you comfortable with me having my hand on your neck for so long?”
He smirks and says “Technically you’ve always said you would rip my throat out with your teeth, not your hands. And I trust you with my safety. You turned your back on a serious threat to make sure I got to safety, completely ignoring your instincts purely for my safety. That showed more than you’d probably ever be comfortable enough to say. So I trust you enough to let you close to me, something I’m not very good at.”
I gape at him and say “You mean that? I’m not sure I deserve that much trust. Everything I touch breaks.”
He smirks and says “I’m pretty sure I get to decide that, Derek. And I trust you despite what you think. Good thing I’m pretty unbreakable.”
I stare at him and say “Are you meaning this how I think you do? Or are you just saying in general? I feel like I’m missing something.”
He smiles softly and says “I'm meaning it however you’re most comfortable taking it.”
I smirk at him and say “So if I was comfortable with it meaning a love confession, it would mean a love confession?”
He blushes and says “If you were comfortable with it, it just might.”
I sit up straight and say “Are you joking or are you being serious? I kind of need to know.”
He blushes deeper and says “I’m not joking. Unless you want me to be joking, then I totally am. But in all honesty I’m not joking.”
I smile at him shyly and say “I don’t want you to be joking. Do you actually have feelings for me? Romantic feelings?”
He nods and says “I do, but it doesn’t have to matter. We don’t have to talk about it again. We can pretend you don’t know.”
I shake my head and say “What if I didn’t want to forget it? What if I wanted to talk about it? What if I want it to matter?”
He frowns slightly and says “What do you mean, Derek?”
I make eye contact and say “What if you weren’t the only one with feelings?”
His eyes go wide and says “I’d be shocked.”
I smirk and say “I’m surprised you didn’t know honestly. You’re smart enough and know enough about werewolves to make an assumption, probably a correct one, about why keeping you safe was enough for me to ignore my instincts. Especially when it came to the kind of threat we were facing.”
His eyes go even wider and says “No way. I wrote it off of you being a self sacrificing asshole like normal. There is no way it means what you’re hinting at.”
I frown and say “That’s rude, just in case you didn’t know. Would that be such a bad thing? If it means what I’m hinting at?”
He frowns and says “Oh shit. No it wouldn’t be. I just never considered it as a possibility.”
I lean back against the wall and say “Would you be receptive to it?”
He pulls his knees to his chest and says “Is that a serious question? If I’d be receptive to being your mate? Because that’s what we’re talking about right now, correct?”
I nod, looking away and say “Yes it’s a serious question. And yes that is what we’re talking about.”
He says “Derek, look at me. Please.”
I look at him and say “Can you answer the question please?”
He smiles brightly and says “Of course I’d be receptive to being your mate. Fuck Derek. That’d be a dream come true if we’re being honest here.”
I smile shyly and say “You really mean that?”
He nods and says “Listen to my heartbeat if you need to. Being your mate would be a dream come true. I’d be more than receptive to being your mate.”
I surprise him by baring my throat to him, I hear him gasp. He understood, which is what I was hoping for. I wait for him to touch my neck, accepting what I’m offering. He lightly runs his fingers down my neck and I shiver slightly. I wonder if he fully understood what I was offering, but I’m kind of afraid to know.
He sighs and says “I do know what this means, Der. Fully aware. You’re safe with me, I promise you that. I won't hurt you. I won't take advantage of the trust you’re putting into me.”
I smile slightly and say “I trust you.”
He says “I will take care of you, Derek. I will treasure you. And I will respect you.”
I pull him towards me and say “I know, Stiles. If I had any doubts about you I wouldn’t have offered. I trust you. But we need to take things slow, cause you’re young. A minor, whose father is the sheriff and hates me enough as it is.”
He sits next to me and says “Don’t worry about it. I won’t push you for anything, Derek. I turn 17 next month so it’s not as long as you think it’ll be. Also we have other priorities right now. It can wait or even not ever happen and I’d be okay with either.”
I lean into him and say “I didn’t know that. I appreciate you not trying to push me. I don’t want to be like Kate. Do you really mean that? That we could never have sex and you’d be okay with it?”
He chuckles and says “You could never be like Kate. She lied about who she was, she took advantage of your suffering, she used and abused you. You wouldn’t do any of that, especially not to me. It’s a completely different thing, but I understand where you’re coming from. You were a minor and so am I. I get it. Yes I really mean it. Do I want to have sex, totally, but if you weren’t comfortable with it ever I’d be okay with that. Because I care about you more than I care about sex.”
I lean my head on his shoulder and say “You actually mean that and I honestly can’t even fathom how you care about me enough for that.”
He rests his head against mine and says “I love and respect you idiot. I’m not going to hurt you in any way if I can help it. So if sex is off limits than it is and that’d be just fine.”
I say “You said love.”
He chuckles and says “I did say love. And I meant it. I do love you, Derek.”
I say “Why? How?”
He sighs and says “Derek you are a mess, but you’re a beautiful mess. You’ve been hurt but you’re not broken, not really. You’re stronger than you know. You’re still standing despite everything. You are incredible, truly. I know you better than you think I do.”
I say “I’ve hurt you and been nothing but awful since we met. I don’t understand how you can love me. I don’t deserve it.”
He growls fairly well for a human and says “You deserve to be loved, Derek. Never say you don’t again. Seriously I don’t care if you question my love, but stop questioning your worth. What she did does not define you or your worth. What happened was her fault, not yours.”
I say “How are you so sure of that? I gave her the information.”
He growls again and says “Not intentionally and she would have gotten it without you.”
I say “What do you mean, Stiles? How else would she have gotten the information? If not from me?”
He sighs and says “Do you remember Claudia from when you were young? She was one of your mother’s friends. Was training under your emissary to work with him.”
I flinch and say “Yes I do. What about her? How do you know her?”
He flinches and says “She was my mother. Do you know what happened to her?”
I gasp and say “She got sick and had to stop coming around. I don’t remember much since it was right before Paige. What does this have to do with anything Stiles?”
He sighs and says “She had frontotemporal dementia. It wasn’t too bad at first but it got really bad and she would mix up people and talk about things she never would have before. Kate would come to the hospital sometimes and I never knew why. Kate was using my mother’s disease against her to betray your mother the same way she used you. My mother also had all of the same information. For some reason those things she remembered until nearly the end. She shared bits with me as well. But I think my mother gave her the information as well. So you weren’t the only one that gave her the information. My mother did as well.”
I tense and say “Oh god. How do you even know that, Stiles? Kate wouldn’t have been sloppy enough to do it in front of you.”
He flinches and says “I would prefer not to talk about it, but I would leave an audio recorder in her room whenever I wasn’t there. Once people I didn’t know were visiting her. I didn’t trust these people I didn’t know with my mother in her weakened state. Especially since I would be forced to leave the room. One of them was your mother and the other was Kate Argent. Your mom I recognized as a friend, but Kate I hated on sight. My mom didn’t realize they weren’t the same person. So she shared things with Kate she was not supposed to. I knew something was really wrong when I saw Kate talking to you one time but by the time I put the pieces together it was too late. And I couldn’t tell dad since he didn’t know anything about this world so I shut down pretty hard, then my mother died right in front of me. I gave up on life after that pretty hard. I felt at fault for the fire, my mother’s death and my father’s drinking problem. But it’s neither of our faults. It’s Kate’s.”
I say “Oh fuck. That’s awful. I’m so sorry. You met my mom?”
He sighs and says “Yeah I did. She was beautiful and kind to me. But she still would kick me out of the room, so I didn’t spend much time with her.”
I frown and say “I don’t understand why she would kick you out of the room.”
He says “I’m not sure. She brought Laura with her one time so I met her too. I was friends with Cora and I used to see you around which is how I was able to recognize you from the beginning.”
I say “Now that I think about it, you used to go by Mischief didn’t you? You do look like Claudia slightly. I don’t remember if I ever saw you back then.”
He flinches and says “Yes I did. I know, trust me, my father made that very clear. I’m not sure if you did, I was scared to meet you back then.”
I sigh and say “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. Why were you scared to meet me?”
He tenses and says “I can’t explain it. It just felt like it wasn’t time to meet you. There was a feeling in my gut that told me to wait until it was time. Then you were gone and I tried to forget it. But you were on my mind more than I like to admit.”
I nod slightly and say “Okay. I guess your gut wasn’t exactly wrong. I was curious how you recognized me that day, but couldn’t really bring myself to care all that much.”
He laughs and says “Definitely understandable. I’m really sorry we got you arrested and announced you to the hunters. Scott played me like a fiddle and I fell for it.”
I smile slightly and say “I don’t blame you. You didn’t really know me and he’s your brother. Of course you would side with him, I’m still surprised you’re willing to side with me now.”
He chuckles and says “Thank you. I’m not siding with him anymore because I know he’s wrong.”
I say “Thank you for hearing me out. And telling me everything you have. I appreciate you opening up to me like this.”
He says “No need to thank me for anything. I owed you that much. You’re the only person who could understand.”
I smile and say “I get that.”
He sighs and says “You should probably get back to your betas but we can talk again later.”
I sigh and say “You’re right. I’ll tell them you’re going to be helping with them so they know. Also I’ll tell them not to tell Scott about it yet.”
He laughs and says “Okay, Derek. I’ll talk to you soon. Let me know when to come help with the puppies.”
I sigh and say “Oh god. I should have known you would call them that eventually.”
He laughs and says “You really should have seen it coming. One day when I don’t think they’ll kill me for it I’ll call them that to their face.”
I pull away and say “They wouldn’t kill you for it. I wouldn’t let them. But definitely don’t call them that in the beginning they’d rebel against it.”
He laughs and says “No worries. I’ll wait to call them puppies until they like me.”
I stand up and pull him up with me. He smirks at me and I chuckle softly at him. He pulls me into a hug and I melt into it. I smile into his shoulder, glad he was willing to make the move when I was scared to. He chuckles and holds me tighter to him. We stand in the embrace for a little while longer than he pulls away and pushes me to the window. I laugh softly and shake my head at him.
I say “I’ll let you know when to come help with the betas. We’ll talk later about us as well. But we both should probably digest the conversation first.”
He chuckles and says “Okay. No worries. We’ll talk later.”
I jump out of his window and head to the train depot to talk with the betas. I feel much more secure having Stiles on my side. I’m glad he was willing to help and hear me out.
@softranswolves
Derek Hale Appreciation Week 2021 Day 4:
Thursday Nov 25 - Character Study // Favorite Scenes
For the other days I’ve done fanfics, but this is going to be more of an essay with quotes and scenes mentioned. It’s going to be a look into the parallels between Derek’s relationship with Kate and Derek’s relationship with Scott and how each one affects Derek overall. This is not going to be proScott just to warn you. Scott is the Kate in the situation. I have evidence to back my opinion on Scott, I’m not trying to cause issues. Anyway on with the controversial character study.
We’ll start with the parallels to do with hunting. We know that Kate is clearly a hunter and a radical one at that. She doesn’t care about following the code at all. She’s willing to kill anyone supernatural or in relation to anyone supernatural, which we can clearly see based on the Hale fire. She’ll use any means to get who she wants, even exploit minors to get information, specifically Derek and Allison as well. Scott tends to side with the hunters, despite being supernatural himself. Part of it is admittedly because of his relationship with Allison, but he also just hates what he is. He always leans towards the hunter side of things, until the end of the series.
Kate is quick to claim that she had nothing to do with the fire, though she clearly did. She also doesn’t feel the need to take responsibility for her actions. She likes to play little miss innocent when it benefits her. Scott is quick to blame anyone else for his actions or things that happened to him. Like when he betrays Derek for Gerard, or even blaming Derek and Stiles for him getting bit in the first place.
Kate thinks she was right to light the Hale house on fire, killing even human children in doing so. Scott also says to Derek that she clearly had reason to do it since they were werewolves, despite not everyone in the house being a werewolf.
Kate always feels like she’s doing the right thing even when there is ample evidence to the contrary, Scott does this as well. Kate feels like she’s in the right to exploit a minor to get the information she needs to kill his entire family. Scott feels like he has the right to side against Derek all the time, even when they really should be on the same side.
Kate gathers evidence to kill his family and Scott gathers evidence to feed to Gerard. Kate sexually abuses and exploits Derek to gather the information she needs to kill his whole family or at least as many as she can. Scott pretends to be in Derek’s Pack to give information to Gerard.
Kate rapes him, Scott bite rapes him. Kate, even if Derek consented, was raping him throughout their entire ‘relationship’. He was a child and she was a fully grown woman. That’s not even taking into account that she was lying about who she was and was definitely using sex as a weapon against him to get what she wanted from him. Scott forces Derek to bite the father of the woman who burned his family alive, the man who was gunning to kill everyone. He physically forces Derek to bite Gerard. Holds him by the neck while he’s paralyzed and forces him to bite the person who was trying to kill them all.
Kate feels like the end justifies the means, Scott does often as well. Kate feels like killing as many of the Hales is a valid reason to rape and abuse a 15 or 16 year old boy. Scott always feels like taking advantage of Derek or hurting Derek is for the greater good, even when there are better ways to handle things, such as going behind Derek’s back when it came to Gerard and making Derek give him the bite.
Kate gets off on Derek's pain and suffering, Scott feels powerful when he hurts Derek. It’s pretty clear in canon how much Kate gets off on the fact that she killed Derek's whole family. Not to mention she also gets off on taking advantage of him. Also she loved stringing him up half naked to torture and cause him any kind of pain she can. Scott clearly feels a power rush when he forces Derek to bite Gerard and shoves it in his face that he betrayed him. Also he seems to slightly get off on getting Derek arrested and blaming him for Peter’s murders as well.
Kate has a Black and white view of the world, so does Scott (only admittedly a slightly different one). Kate feels like it’s her right to kill anyone who is a supernatural creature and only humans actually have rights. Scott feels like his way is always the right way, no matter how anyone feels, also he feels that somehow being humane is letting people get away with things as long as he doesn’t personally have to kill.
Kate always has an ulterior motive when interacting with Derek, Scott often seems to as well. Kate always has an ulterior motive when dealing with pretty much everyone, but it’s clear that she always has an ulterior motive when having anything to do with Derek. Scott seems to also only have anything to do with Derek with an ulterior motive. Only having something to do with him when he can get something out of it.
Kate betrays his trust in a horrible way and Scott does it as well by siding with the bad guys more often than not. Kate betrays Derek and it ends up with most of his family burning to death. Scott will more often than not side with the bad guys, betraying Derek’s trust along with many others.
Kate always acts like the hero in her story and Scott does the same thing. Kate feels like she is the hero in her story, that she did the right thing and had every right to do what she did to Derek and his family. Scott also feels like he is the hero and has every right to do whatever he wants, no matter who he hurts doing so, more often Derek and Stiles.
Kate only wanted him for what she could get from him and Scott only really cares about Derek when he needs him. Kate used Derek to get what she wanted and threw him away after. Scott will pretty much only pay attention to Derek when he can get something out of it.
Now that I have shown the parallels between Kate and Scott I will get into the canon evidence to do with the Scott side of things, since most of Kate’s canon evidence is in two scenes and we all know what she does. So we’ll focus on Scott for this part. To support the first point I will point out the scene in Magic Bullet where he tells Derek to leave him and Stiles alone or he will go to the Argents. The second point is hard to pin down an exact scene that shows it, but if you think about it you can see it throughout the series. The third point is proven in Magic Bullet when Derek takes Scott to see Peter to tell him about the fire and he looks Derek in the face and says that they had reason to burn his family alive, purely due to some of them being werewolves. There are also many points in canon that proves my fourth point, but I will only choose a few, one being him siding with Gerard, giving information to him while pretending to be on Derek’s side. The second is forcing Derek to bite Gerard and not telling him about the plan ahead of time. The third and last one I will list for this point is him leaving with Deucalion, leaving Derek under the Darach’s influence. The fifth point is pretty clear to see in the season as a whole, so I don’t know how to pick a specific scene to prove it.
The sixth point is shown in the scene where Scott grabs a paralyzed Derek by the neck, opening his mouth and forcing Derek to bite Gerard and then making him watch a body rejecting the bite once again. Which was more than likely double traumatising, since he feels the bite is a gift and also the last time we know he has to fully watch a body rejecting the bite was when he had to kill his first girlfriend. The seventh point is also pretty clear in the scene with Gerard. The eighth point is proven both when he rubs his plan with Gerard in Derek’s face after forcing him to bite Gerard and when he is quick and unapologetic about blaming Derek for the murders Peter commited, multiple times. It’s hard to pick out a specific scene to prove my ninth point, but you can see it throughout the whole series and it is also something Deaton breathes life into. The tenth point is hard to pin down a scene for in specific but Scott never really seems to trust Derek so he will frequently only associate with him when he needs something.
My eleventh point is proven by Scott working with Gerard, leaving them to work with Deucalion and working with Theo. My twelfth point is proven by the fact he likes to act like he is amazing every time he ignores a call for help only to still come in the eleventh hour to save the day. And finally my thirteenth point is proven by how he only really has anything to do with Derek when he needs help.
I think Kate might have desensitized him to getting taken advantage of and Scott thrives in that fact. Derek only truly trusts Stiles in a serious way, but he still continues to give Scott chances to be different. Though he doesn’t possibly do so until the very end. We didn’t get enough information to know for sure though. Derek is constantly used and abused, it’s easy to see that it affects him. He is healing though by the end of the series, after going away for over a year.
@softranswolves
Derek Hale Appreciation Week 2021 Day 3:
Wednesday Nov 24 - Complete AU // Lyrics
High school AU still supernatural
I’m pacing my room, trying to figure out how to handle the fact that I’m actually in love with the guy I’ve been having hate sex with for over a year. I don’t know how to handle it. I should’ve known better. He’ll never want to give me more than he already is. I should have stopped it a long time ago, but it’s too late for that now.
My phone rings, playing “No, I won't call you baby I won't buy you daisies 'Cause that don't work And I know how to get you crazy How to make you want me So bad it hurts”
I answer and say “Yes?”
He chuckles and says “Hey, you should come over?”
I sigh and say “We have to talk, actually so sure.”
He sighs and says “Okay. See you soon.”
I hang up without responding like I normally do, before hitting my head against the wall. I change out of my home clothes and shrug on my leather jacket. I grab my keys, phone and wallet before heading out to my Camaro. I get in and drive over to his house like I do at least once a week. He is standing in the doorway when I get there, so I sigh before turning my car off and walking up to him. He lets me in and heads into the kitchen, surprising me. I expected him to ignore the fact that I said we needed to talk, but clearly he isn’t. I steel myself and walk into the kitchen and lean against the counter. He jumps to sit on the counter beside me and I can see his nostrils flare, meaning he’s trying to figure out what is going on. He shakes his head and I can’t help but notice how cute he looks.
I sigh and say “I think we need to stop this. I don’t think I can keep going on like this.”
He chuckles and says “Derbear, did you finally figure out that we haven’t been having the hate sex you thought we were having?”
I look at him sharply before saying “What do you mean, Stiles?”
He jumps off the counter to stand in front of me and says “Oh, Der. You mornon. Do you remember I’m a shifter as well?”
I nod and say “Of course I remember that. What about it?”
He chuckles and says “Oh my goodness. Do you think if we were actually having hate sex either of us would refuse to use condoms? We scent mark each other almost all the time. We’ve been having sex for well over a year, exclussively and we have never used condoms. Are you telling me you don’t understand still?”
I deflate and say “I don’t understand what you’re saying, Sti?”
He runs a hand over my neck and says “Oh sweetheart. I’ve been in love with you since we were 15. And clearly you realized you love me as well.”
I lightly touch his neck and say “I am a moron clearly. You let me touch your neck without problem. How did I never see it? I’ve been posturing for so long for no reason. I didn’t think you would want me if I wasn’t a dick.”
He kisses me lightly and says “Oh, Der. You still don’t know, do you?”
I look into his whiskey eyes and say “What do you mean?”
He smiles slightly and says “Der, take a sniff of my neck and I’m sure you’ll know what I mean.”
I do as he says before gasping and say “Oh god, we’re mates. How did I not know? Why did you never tell me?”
He pulls away slightly and says “I was scared. I knew you were mine, but I wasn’t positive I was yours. I didn’t feel secure enough to tell you before you figured at least part of it out yourself.”
I pull him to my chest and say “I’m so sorry, baby. I’m an idiot. I didn’t mean to hurt you this way. I’ll make up for it I promise. I’ll court you properly and introduce you to my family. No wonder mom and Laura have been so pissed at me recently. They had to have known even when I didn’t. No wonder I set your ringtone to what I did. I’m such an idiot.”
He chuckles softly and says “They do know. They talked to me about it months ago. But I told them to let you figure it out on your own. What is my ringtone?”
I sigh and say “You didn’t have to protect me from my family, baby. I would deserve whatever they threw at me for being so blind. Bad enough for you by All Time Low.”
He laughs hard and says “You silly boy. Love, you’re an idiot. Of course I had to protect you from your family or they would have not accepted me as well as they already have. By letting you figure it out yourself it makes me look better than if I let them tell you. They’ll respect me more that way.”
I chuckle and say “Sometimes I really forget the fact that you’re a genius. God, how did I get so lucky? I couldn’t have pictured a better mate. You’re gorgeous, you’re caring, you’re brilliant, you’re the strongest person I know and you are far too good for me.”
He shakes his head and says “Der, I know you. You’re beautiful, intelligent, loving, a good man and a closet dork. Neither of us is too good for the other. And now we’re on the same page. Which I am very grateful for.”
I kiss him slowly for the first time and melt against him. I’m glad we’re on the same page now, as well. I’m glad I don’t have to lose another minute of my time with my mate, by being a moron.
@softranswolves
Derek Hale Appreciation Week 2021 Day 2:
Tuesday Nov 23 - Missing Moments // Favorite Quotes
Stiles stands off to the side, while I’m sitting down watching me in concern.
I stare at the ground and say “It was a dream. It was actually. It was more like a nightmare.”
Stiles says “Okay. what happened?”
I say “It started with these hunters that caught Peter and me after we left Cora. It was a family of them led by a guy named Severo. They broke into my loft.”
Stiles asks, “Who was it?”
I can’t say it so I say, “There are a lot of myths about how people can get turned into a werewolf. Usually a bite. There is one about rain water.”
Stiles of course finishes it for me, saying, “Drinking rainwater out of the puddle of a werewolf’s print.”
I sigh and say “There is another one.”
Stiles looks even more concerned, sitting across from me and says “Derek, if this is all just a dream, why do you look so worried?”
I flinch and say, “Because I don’t remember waking up. So. So tell me how do you know? How do you know if you’re still dreaming?”
Stiles is quick to answer, “Fingers. In dreams you have extra fingers.”
I grab Stiles’ hand pulling it up to show both of us that he has extra fingers. Oh god. No, please. Kate’s back. No. I come back to myself and stare for a minute at her.
I clutch my stomach where she shot me and say “It’s real. You’re real.”
Kate walks closer to me, laughing, and says, “That’s right, Derek. And if seeing me is a surprise, watch this.”
She shifts into a werejaguar and I know I’m out of luck. No one is going to be able to save me this time. No one will know how to save me this time. Not even Stiles will be able to figure this out. Of course I figured out that Stiles is my anchor only to be ripped away. I can’t have nice things, clearly. She knocks me out and I wake up feeling strange in a dark place surrounded with wolfsbane. I can slightly hear what I think must be chanting and soon I’m unconscious again. I wake again to someone breaking through the wall of whatever I am in and reach out to them once the hole is big enough for me to get out of. I don’t recognize who saved me though I feel like I should. I don’t know what happened to me, but the two people who saved me seem surprised by something and concerned. I don’t know if that makes me feel better or worse about the situation. We’re stumbling through what seems like an old temple maybe and once we are outside I hear a heartbeat and scent I recognize.
A girl says “Is that him? Is that Derek?”
Mischief says “Sort of.”
I look up and Mischief looks much older than I expected. I stare at him for a moment, feeling like I’m missing something huge. I’m confused and frankly a little terrified.
I make eye contact and say “Mischief?”
He flinches and says “Der. Are you okay? God what did she do to you?”
I shake my head and say “I don’t feel right. I feel like I’m missing something and I don’t understand. How old are you now and why do I feel like I haven’t aged at all?”
He looks towards the boy holding me up and says “I’m 18, Der. I don’t know how, but someone turned back your dial and you’re 15 again. Which means control issues again and you’re missing a lot of memories. Der, I’m so sorry. I don’t know how to fix this, but I’ll do everything I can to help you. You’ll be okay. I promise I’ll do everything in my power to help you.”
I flinch and say “Mischief, how do you even know anything about this? Last thing I knew you knew nothing of this world.”
He flinches and says “My best friend is a werewolf, my girlfriend is a werecoyote, my other best friend is a banshee and Kira is a kitsune. Things are very different now, Der. Also I go by Stiles now.”
I nod towards the boy holding me up and say “He is the werewolf best friend?”
He nods and says “Yeah Scotty is a werewolf now. Lydia the strawberry blond is the banshee and Maila is the werecoyote. Breaden is the lady holding you up, she’s a mercenary. She’s looking for the woman who took you and did this to you. But we should leave now, you’re safe with us, Der.”
I nod weakly and say “Okay. I trust you. I don’t know about anyone else, but you I trust.”
He nods and herds me to the Jeep that belonged to his mother, though I don’t smell her on it at all anymore. I look up at him and he can see the question in my eyes I guess because he sadly shakes his head letting me know she never got better. I flinch hard and get shoved into the car. Mischief herds everyone else into the backseat. He turns to the lady still standing outside and nods at her.
He says “Thank you for your help. She’ll probably be coming for him again so you might want to follow us. So you can hopefully catch her.”
She just nods and hops onto her bike. We all leave and I’m more confused than I ever have been before. Mischief just lightly touches my hand and smiles softly. I nod and fall into unconsciousness once again, knowing Mischief will do his best to keep me safe even from his friends if necessary.
@softranswolves
Derek Hale Appreciation Week 2021 Day 1:
Monday Nov 22 - Pre-Canon Years // Colors
Blue. My eyes are now blue and it’s all my fault. This was not my intention, but Paige is gone. I never should have let things go this far. No one treats me the same and the only person who understands is gone. Mom sent Peter away after what happened. He is the only one who wouldn’t treat me differently and he’s gone too. I’m alone in a house full of people, werewolves and humans alike. All of them refuse to treat me the way they used to. They’re all distant, not knowing how to handle my grief and suffering, so they just leave me alone. Soon I’ll be back at school and I don’t know if it’ll make things better or worse. I loved Paige more than anything and now she’s gone. I killed her, yes she asked me to, but it doesn’t change the fact that I did it. I brought the attention of hunters to my family. Which worries me despite mom’s assurances that it will be okay. I shamed my upstanding family and brought the attention of the humans that can take everything away from us. I don’t know if the Pack hates me for it or not, but they don’t treat me the same way they used to. Laura is too busy starting training to take over for mom, Eric is busy with his new wife, Thomas is barely home anymore and Cora is too young to really understand what happened. My siblings don’t have time for me anymore and it kills me. I try to spend time around mom and dad, but they’re busy with Alpha and Alpha Mate responsibilities. Which is my fault, they’re having to do more to appease the hunters after the change in my eye color. The rest of the Pack and family don’t have the time either with their responsibilities and children. I’m so lonely now and it’s my own fault. I have no one to blame but myself.
Yellow like her hair or the sun. She’s stunning and wants my attention. I know it’s wrong since she’s my teacher, but she’s beautiful. For some reason she wants me and I’m helpless against her. She has me in her hands and it doesn’t seem like she’ll let me go anytime soon. She took my virginity and she keeps dragging me back even when I don’t want her to. She has me wrapped around her finger and I don’t think I can actually tell her no. She’s magnetizing and enthralling. It’s like I’m on drugs around her if that was even possible for me. I’m no longer lonely thanks to her. She keeps me very occupied and is very interested in me. I don’t understand why but I’m too far gone to care. She seems a little too interested in my family and home but she’s too difficult to resist. I’m helpless around her and when it comes to her in general. She has me hook line and sinker. I’m too gone to question her interest.
Red like flames and Laura’s eyes now. My Pack my family burnt to death and it’s my fault. I gave her the information she needed. I only bring death and destruction. This is once again all my fault. How could I have been so stupid? Laura and I are the only ones left and it’s all my fault. Laura puts Peter in the hospital and runs, taking me with her. She doesn’t know it’s all my fault that we’re the only ones really left. Part of me is glad she made us flee but the larger part of myself wishes I died as well. This is my fault. Laura breaks our bond to Peter and it nearly kills me. I know she’s trying to keep us safe. It’s what we’re supposed to do after an event like this. Hide and heal. This is what we were trained to do growing up. I only wish it didn’t mean we had to leave Peter behind. If he ever wakes he’ll probably never forgive us for leaving him alone and fleeing across the country without a second though. I hate it but I don’t really have any room to talk. The entire thing was my fault. I killed my first love and my second one turned out to be a hunter. I should have known better. I killed my family, my pack. This is all my fault. I should have seen it but I couldn’t. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.
@softranswolves