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Me: *strapped to a chair in a cold interrogation room with a middle aged man pacing back and forth*
Him: *projects a picture of Sam and Frodo on to the wall* What is their relationship?
Me: Their ship is valid and very cute, but we should also consider the idea that their admiration and respect for one another is a deep, platonic bond. Love doesn't always have to be romantic, and it is important for men to be able to express their platonic care for one another in a way that toxic masculinity doesn't currently allow.
Him: Okay *projects a picture of Legolas and Gimli* what's their relatio-
Me: They're fucking.