Hogwarts - Blog Posts

How to cheat at the Hogwarts sorting quiz!

I don’t know if this been done before but oh well:

Want to be a Gryffindor but you keep getting Hufflepuff? Or maybe you feel like a Ravenclaw but you get Slytherin? Here is how to get the house you want! This is not really cheating, considering which questions you got; also timing but this gives you at least chance to get the house you want.

I’m going to do this house for house; with each question and what percentage you get. Hope this doesn’t get confusing.

Let’s go!

Let’s start with Ravenclaw:

1.    Dawn 50%

2.    Forest 50%

3.    Moon 50%

4.    Ignorant 57%

5.    Think with admiration of your achievements 63%

6.    The Wise (obviously) 67%

7.    Wisdom (duh) 70%

8.    Fresh parchment 73%

9.    The foaming, frothing, silvering liquid that sparkles as though containing ground diamonds. 75%

10.  The piano 77%

11.  The silver leafed tree bearing golden apples 79%

12.  The ornate golden casket. 80%

13.  Mysterious handwritten book; perfected cure then student records. 81%

14.  Hunger or being ignored 78%

15.  Imitated 79%

16.  The power to change you appearance at will. 78%

17.  Transfiguration or every area of magic I can. 79%

18.  Goblins 78%

19.  Attempt to confuse the troll 79%

20.  Tell Professor Flitwick the truth. 80%

21.  Ask what makes them think so? 81%

22.  Standing on top of something very high 81%

23.  The cobbled street lined with ancient buildings 82%

24.  Withdraw into the shadows to await developments... 83%

25.  Tawny; screech; brown or barn owl. 83%

26.  White 81%

27.  Heads 79%

28.  Left 77%

That is the most Ravenclaw answers.

Now it’s Slytherin!

1.    Dusk 50%

2.    River 50%

3.    Moon 50%

4.    Ordinary 57%

5.    I don’t care what people think of me after I’m dead. 63%

6.    The Great (obviously) 67%

7.    Power (duh) 70%

8.    The sea 73%

9.    The mysterious black liquid that gleams like ink, and gives off fumes that make you see strange visions 75%

10.  The violin 77%

11.  The bubbling pool, in the depths of which something luminous is swirling. 79%

12.  The gleaming jet black box 80%

13.  Student records, mysterious handwritten book then nearly perfected cure 81%

14.  Cold, boredom or being ignored 78%

15.  Feared 79%

16.  The power to change the past 78%

17.  Hexes and jinxes 79%

18.  Vampires 80%

19.  Suggest that all three of you fight 81%

20.  You would not wait to be asked to tell Professor Flitwick the truth. 82%

21.  Agree, and ask whether they’d like a free sample of a jinx? 82%

22.  Being forced to speak in silly voice. 83%

23.  The narrow, dark, lantern-lit alley 84%

24.  Draw your wand and stand your ground 84%

25.  Siamese, ginger, black or white cat. 84%

26.  Black 82%

27.  Tails 80%

28.  Left 78%

And that is Slytherin!

On to Hufflepuff!

1.    Dusk 50%

2.    River 50%

3.    Stars 50%

4.    Selfish 57%

5.    Miss you, but smile 63%

6.    The Good (obviously) 67%

7.    Love (duh) 70%

8.    Home 73%

9.    The smooth, thick, richly purple drink that gives off a delicious smell of chocolate and plums. 75%

10.  The trumpet 77%

11.  The fat red toadstools that appear to be talking to each other. 79%

12.  The small tortoiseshell box 80%

13.  Student records; perfected cure then mysterious handwritten book. 81%

14.  Hunger cold or loneliness 78%

15.  Liked 79%

16.  The power of superhuman strength 78%

17.  All about magical creatures. 79%

18.  Merpeople, werewolves and trolls 77%

19.  Suggest drawing lots 78%

20.  Lie and say you don’t know. 78%

21.  Tell them that you are worried about their mental health, and offer to call a doctor. 79%

22.  Waking up to find that neither your friends nor your family have any idea who you are. 80%

23.  The wide, sunny, grassy lane 81%

24.  Proceed with caution... 81%

25.  Common, Natterjack or Harlequin toad 81%

26.  White 79%

27.  Heads 78%

28.  Right 76%

And those are the Hufflepuff answers

Last but not least Gryffindor!

1.    Dawn 50%

2.    Forest 50%

3.    Stars 50%

4.    Cowardly 57%

5.    Ask for more stories about your adventures 63%

6.    The Bold (obviously) 67%

7.    Glory (duh) 70%

8.    A crackling log fire 73%

9.    The golden liquid so bright that it hurts the eye, and which makes sunspots dance all around the room. 75%

10.   The drum 77%

11.   The statue of an old wizard with a strangely twinkling eye. 79%

12.   The small pewter box 80%

13.   First nearly perfected cure, mysterious book and then student records. 81%

14.   Loneliness and boredom 78%

15.   Praised 77%

16.   The power of invisibility 76%

17.   Secrets about the castle. 77%

18.   Centaurs, werewolves and ghosts 75%

19.   Volunteer to fight? 76%

20.   Tell Professor Flitwick that he ought to ask your classmate. 77%

21.   Agree and walk away, leaving them to wonder whether you are bluffing 78%

22.   An eye at the keyhole of the dark, windowless room in which you are locked. 79%

23.  The twisting, leaf-strewn path through woods 79%

24.  Draw your wand and try to discover the source of the noise? 80%

25.  Tabby cat or dragon toad 79%

26.  Black 77%

27.  Tails 76%

28.  Right 74%

And that is Gryffindor!

There is the most like answers for whatever house! Hope this information is useful of interesting.

Okay scroll on.

House shenanigans

Gryffindor: *kicks the “G” off of the “Graveyard” sign* Yeah, Let’s get this party started!

Ravenclaw and Slytherin: Wow.

House shenanigans

Hufflepuff: holding a large box What would you say if I came home with four puppies?

Ravenclaw: lowers book slowly

Ravenclaw: Hufflepuff, What’s in the box?

Hufflepuff:

Hufflepuff: I think you already know.

House shenanigans

Ravenclaw: Norweiga 👏 is 👏 not 👏 a 👏 country!

Gryffindor: cowering under a desk Where are Norwegian people from then!?

Slytherin: recording NORWAY!

House shenanigans

Gryffindor: unbuttoning shirt God it’s so hot in here!

Hufflepuff: Yeah...But, why are you unbuttoning my shirt?

House Vines

Hufflepuff performing stand up comedy

Hufflepuff: So, I’ve got a drinking problem.

Gryffindor, Slytherin, Ravenclaw: light chuckles

Hufflepuff: I’m not old enough to drink, that’s the problem.

Gryffindor, Slytherin, Ravenclaw: all whooping and cheering

House Vines

Ravenclaw: If you got 5 apples, and you give 3 away. How many do you have left?

Hufflepuff: 5?

Ravenclaw: deep inhale

Ravenclaw: IF YoU gOt 5 ApPLeS aNd YoU GiVe-

House Vines

Gryffindor walks into class

Slytherin: Aww fuck! See I thought I was gonna have a happy day at school, but then you walked in.

Ravenclaw: What did gryffindor do?

Slytherin: Bitch go and exist.

Gryffindor:...

Ravenclaw: turns to gryffindor Why would you do that?

House shenanigans

Slytherin: pulls out a knife

Hufflepuff: oh no.

Slytherin: uses knife to open cardboard box

Hufflepuff: phew.

Slytherin: pulls out gun from cardboard box

Hufflepuff: oH nO.

House Vines

Gryffindor prefect relaxing in the tub late at night in the prefect’s bathroom.

Ravenclaw prefect: in a lifeguard uniform sitting on the edge of the tub, sexily. I see you don’t have a lifeguard here at your beach.

Gryffindor prefect: physically confused

Raveclaw prefect: acting sexy

Gryffindor prefect: I’m not at the beach-this is a bathtub.

House shenanigans

Ravenclaw: Slytherin, someone’s been kidnapped!

Slytherin: I swear to god if it’s Gryffindor-

Ravenclaw: It’s Gryffindor.

Slytherin: SoN oF a BiTcH!

House Vines

Gryffindor standing on the edge of one of the buildings in hogsmeade getting ready to jump.

Slytherin: unenthusiastically Don’t kill yourself.

Gryffindor: Planking on the edge I might!

Slytherin: still unenthusiastically while trying to grab griffindor Don’t kill yourself.

Gryffindor: Hanging upside down from the edge I might!

Slytherin: whilst pulling gryffindor by their feet That’ll ruin the trip, dude.

House Vines

At slytherins birthday party

Gryffindor: walking up to slytherin with a gift Happy birthday biiitch!

Slytherin: So you just bring me a birthday gift on my birthday to my birthday party on my birthday with a birthday gift?

Gryffindor: Happy birthday?

Slytherin: smashes glass on gryffindor’s head

House Vines

Ravenclaw: Buckle down and do your work or you’ll end up at McDonald’s.

Gryffindor: We going to McDonald’s if I don’t do my work!?

Ravenclaw: No!

House shenanigans

Hufflepuff: Why are people so obsessed with top or bottom? Honestly, I would just be excited to have a bunk bed.

Slytherin:

Gryffindor:

Ravenclaw:

Gryffindor: I’m gonna to tell them.

Literally everybody: DON’T YOU DARE!!

What’s heavier?

Gryffindor: Got a question for you. What’s heavier? A kilogram of steel? Or a kilogram of feathers?

Time ticks

Gryffindor: That’s right. It’s a kilogram of steel. Because steel is heavier than feathers.

Gryffindor’s Show!

Gryffindor: What do you mean?

Slytherin: They’re both a kilogram.

Gryffindor: But steel is heavier than feathers...

Slytherin: Heh. I know, but they’re both a kilogram.

Gryffindor:...Wha?

Gryffindor’s Show!

A scale holding both a kilogram of feathers and steel stands before gryffindor. The scale is balanced.

Gryffindor: That doesn’t prove anything, because steel is heavier than feathers.

Hufflepuff: I know, but look. They’re both a kilogram. Right? So they’re the same.

Gryffindor: Ok, but look at the size of this. *points to the huge bag of feathers* That’s cheating!

Slytherin: *laughs* No, they’re the same weight!

Hufflepuff: *also laughing* it’s a kilogram!

Gryffindor: But steels heavier than feathers...

Gryffindor’s Show!

Ravenclaw examining the scale.

Ravenclaw: They’re both a kilogram.

Gryffindor: Oh no...oh, no, you, ah...no...

Hufflepuff: You alright?

Gryffindor: *sadly* I don’t get it.

Slytherin: Sorry...

Ravenclaw: Yeah...Don’t worry about it!

House Vines

Muggle Hufflepuff: *sitting in car in front of a Wendys with Gryfindor, who is recording Hufflepuff* Is Wendy working today? *faces the camera smiling*

Muggle Gryfindor: Bruh, you didn’t roll your window down.

Muggle Hufflepuff: Wha?

Muggle Hufflepuff: Is Wendy working today? *once again faces Gryfindor’s camera smiling*

Muggle Gryfindor: I think they’re closed.

Muggle Hufflepuff: Yeah me too.

Muggle Hufflepuff: Hey, is Wendy working today?

Muggle Gryfindor: Dude I think we’re at Taco Bell-

Muggle Hufflepuff: *tears in eyes* WhAt hOw!?

House Vines

Ravenclaw: *bursts through Hufflepuff’s common room door* WhY arEn’t tHe DiSHes iN AlPhaBeTiCal OrDeR!?

Hufflepuff: *sitting up from couch* What does that even mean?

House Vines

Ravenclaw prefect: *Singing while bursting into Slytherin’s dorm* Good morning~Good mooooorrrning~!!!!

Ravenclaw prefect: Wake up kiddo it’s Saturday!!

Slytherin: Ugh...Ravenclaw I was out late!

Ravenclaw prefect: *Takes a big slurp of tea* I know!

House Vines

Gryfindor: *checking under Hufflepuff’s bed* No monsters under your bed.

Hufflepuff: I know...They’re behind you now.

Gryfindor:

Hufflepuff:

Gryfindor: What?

House Vines

Hufflepuff: What do we want?

Gryfindor: Weed!

Hufflepuff: When do we want it?

Gryfindor: Weed!

Hufflepuff: I already said that.

Gryfindor: What do we want?

Hufflepuff: Weed!-I’m confused.

House Vines

Hufflepuff: I spilt lipstick in your Valentino bag.

Slytherin: Oh! You spill-WaWAwAWa-LIPSTICK In mY VaLeNtInO WHITE bAg!!

House Vines

Slytherin: *to literally everybody else* ThE BaGs uNdEr My eYeS ArE PRADA.

Slytherin: *Laughs menacingly*

Gryfindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff:...

Slytherin: Kill your family.

House Vines

Gryfindor: What did you get in your happy meal?

Hufflepuff: Chapstick, what’d you get?

Gryfindor: A new SKATEBOARD!

Hufflepuff: Wha-

Gryfindor: *while skating away* LATER PUSSY!

House Vines

Slytherin: I should’ve left you on that street corner where you were standing.

Gryfindor: *intense pause*

Gryfindor: But ch’ya didnt!

House Vines

Slytherin: *holding a crayon*

Hufflepuff: SLYTHERIN! Is THat A WeED!?

Slytherin: No, this is a crayon-

Hufflepuff: IM CalLiNg ThE POliCe!! *dials 911 in a microwave*

Slytherin: *rolls eyes*

911: 911 what’s your emergency?

X files theme

House Vines

*eerie violin music playing*

Slytherin: Hello Gryffindor.

Gryffindor: Hi Slytherin.

Slytherin: *looks down*

Slytherin: Those shoes look familiar. *smiles coldly*

House Vines

Ravenclaw: *staring at Gryffindor*

Gryffindor: *looks at Ravenclaw*

Ravenclaw:

Gryffindor:

Gryffindor: THE HELL YOU STARING AT!?

Ravenclaw: The spider.

Gryffindor: The spider?-*Notices spider a their head* OH GOD!

Ravenclaw: Damn.

House Vines

Gryffindors mother: Well Professor Mcgonagall, my daughter would not do something such a thing therefore after.

Gryffindor mother: *whispering harshly to Gryffindor* Gryffindor did you fucking do that thing therefore after?

House Vines

Slytherin: You can’t sit with us.

Hufflepuff: actually Slytherin I can’t sit anywhere. I have-

Hufflepuff: *turns to face the camera that only hufflepuff can see* Hemroids!