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vanoss, texting smii7y: smii7y! Help I’m being kidnapped kryoz: Where are you? vanoss: I’m with some strange person. In a car. Help. smii7y: I’ll call kryoz. kryoz, answering their phone: hello? smii7y: Where’s vanoss? They texted me that they were being kidnapped. kryoz: vanoss? Whaddya mean, they're right next to me- kryoz:... kryoz: I’ll call you back. *hangs up* kryoz: THE NEW HAIRCUT ISN’T THAT BAD! vanoss: WHO ARE YOU?!
vanoss: While I’m gone, smii7y, you’re in charge. smii7y: Yes!!! vanoss, whispering: kryoz, you’re secretly in charge. kryoz: Obviously.
moo: why. why did you give vanoss a knife?! smii7y: they said they felt unsafe! moo: now i feel unsafe. smii7y: sorry smii7y:... smii7y: you want a knife?
smii7y: so are we flirting right now? kryoz and evan: we’re literally cuddling and kissing right now. smitty: that doesn’t answer my question.
smitty: I give up. I’m too tired. moo: GET THE EMERGENCY SUPPLY! kryoz: *carries vanoss and places them in front of smitty* vanoss: *Smiles* smitty: AND I AM BACK BABY, LETS GOOOOO!
vanoss: Why do you always call me "pretty boy?" I'm in my twenties
kryoz: "Pretty boy" has nothing to do with age. "Pretty boy" is a state of being, a trait inherent to the self.
vanoss: smitty: And you're the prettiest boy on the whole damn block.
nogla: Sex is great, but have you ever fallen asleep holding the love of your life?
vanoss: no, i have two so it’s hard to even sleep
smitty: *grabs vanoss’s ass* vanoss: excuse me, that’s my ass kryoz: that’s our ass, we’re married
moo, very tired: Woah, that's a fat fucking cat vanoss: Uh that's a raccoon moo: I'm taking it home
kryoz: What do you believe in now?
smii7y: self preservation through love
vanoss: chupacapra
smitty: they had a really sexy voice
kryoz: smitty, they kidnapped us!
smitty: At least they want us!
smii7y: what’s your guilty pleasure?
vanoss: what’s a guilty pleasure?
kryoz: something you like even if its like looked down upon or something, not always though
vanoss: ohh, okay, crime then
vanoss: I can’t stay holed up in the safe house all the time. I’m gonna go crazy! moo: People wish to kill you! Everyone who’s met you, I imagine.
smii7y: Valentine’s day is just a consumerist holiday that holds no real value other than drive people insane buying heart shaped chocolates for their significant others and pos- vanoss holding up a paper kryoz helped him right: we wrote you a poem! smii7y, already crying: You did???
moo: are we... still friends? vanoss: of course! of course! * small pause * vanoss: unless you're fighting me in a dark alleyway vanoss: at that point in time we will not be friends
smitty: I just asked my sweet spouse evan where they think people go when they die and they said that they get to go live in the clouds and be happy forever and ever.
smitty: Then I asked my bastard husband kryoz where he thought people went when they died and he smiled at me and said “Hell”
moo: Are you a man or a woman?
vanoss: Haha, neither. I’ve tricked you. I’m actually thousands of bees stacked in a trench coat.
moo: ....what?
vanoss: bzz bzz motherfucker
moo: How are we supposed to put a tracker the size of a penny on evan without them noticing?
smitty: Hey, evan, I bet you 5 bucks that you can’t swallow this penny.
evan: *takes and swallows tracker* Pay up, hun.
moo: …
smitty: No babes I wasn’t talking shit about you
vanoss and kryoz:
smitty: I was describing you
kryoz, sweating: “So, there’s something I want to ask you-“
vanoss: “Finally, you’re proposing!”
kryoz: “Wha- How did you know?”
smitty: “You’ve dropped the rings five times during dinner.”
vanoss: “I even picked them up once.”
moo: I hope they think I’m cool. vanoss: Who? moo: [Points to the cats across the street]
vanoss talking with moo: I think I understand what's happening, considering my woes.
moo: You do?
vanoss: Yes. i’m feeling lost, empty, and there's a little voice in the back of my head feeding on these thoughts and causing warmness.
moo: panda?
vanoss blushing: N o.
vanoss: *Kicks the door open, looking panicked*
moo: What did you do?!
vanoss: NOBODY DIED!
moo: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!
vanoss: It’s time for plan B.
moo: We have a plan B?
vanoss: No, but I definitely think it’s time for one.
*vanoss and kryoz and smitty before marriage*
kryoz: So, I heard you like bad boys.
smitty and vanoss: Not really.
kryoz: Oh thank God.
tyler: Shut up.
nogla: I didn’t say anything.
tyler: Keep it that way.
kryoz: How's the cutest person here~?
smitty: I don't know, how are they~?
kryoz, flustered: I-
vanoss, from across the room: I'm doing great, thanks!
kidnapper: [on the phone with vanoss] we have your friend.
vanoss: which one.
kidnapper: he gave me a talk and made me rethink my life choices.
vanoss: oh my god you have moo. kidnapper: i'm gonna be an artist.
panda: this is a feral owl
panda: ….could be a lover
vanoss: What’s up? I’m back. panda: I literally saw you die. You died. You were dead. vanoss: Death is a social construct.