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I didn't have much to pack. Didn't come here with much else than the clothes I was wearing... who weren't even mine. But thanks to Ingrid I had some stuff to take with me, and not only knowledge.
I was still wearing the same old clothes, far less holes in them now tho. She had given me a small bag filled with food too. And there that thought came up again. Me leaving, without being able to give anything back.
She lifted my head a bit with her finger
“Hey, no bad feelings now. You've got a long way to walk, and much to do. So you better hurry, before you grow roots here.” she said jokingly
“Well I... You are right, I gotta go. Gotta find ou... do... stuff.”
“Right, you got to. But give me a visit when you're around, tell me what you learned, what you experienced.”
“I... I... I will. Whenever I'm around. So be careful of those boars and the like while hunting” I laughed
She hugged me, saying nothing. Then she turned me around and pushed me out the front door. I looked at her, tilting my head. She was just standing there, waving goodbye. I saw it in her, she was bad at this, bad at saying goodbye. So she wanted it to be over. I complied.
Smiled,
waved,
turned around,
and got on my way.
© The Zero 零 Squad, 2013-2016
“What was it you wanted to talk about earlier? Had enough time to sort your mind?”
“Well... I've sorted my mind but... I still have no idea how I should ask this”
“Then work around it, what is it you wanna ask me about?”
“It's... it's this... well my, or rather our, 'contract' “
“Oh you mean the staying for winter? You're right, winter is over but... if you wanna stay for longer do so”
“That's... not really it, tho I'm thankful for your offer, but... hmmm”
“What are you worried about?”
“I... I'm... … I'm worried I leave you without giving you anything back for what you showed me. That I leave without repaying you properly”
She put a hand on my shoulder and looked into my eyes“Do you really think I did this with the plan to get some compensation for it? I did this because I wanted to, because I had a feel you could use it in the future. Compensation neither needed nor wanted.”
“r... really? You sure?”
“Yes, and besides, you gave me lots of fun memories” she smiled
“...but-”
“No buts! It was fun for me, that's more than enough pay”
She hugged me suddenly, the first time since IT forced its way out. At first I was scared, worried, but I didn't wanna take this hug from her... and didn't wanna let it slide myself. We both needed it.
“Thank you Ingrid, a thousand times and infinitely more”
© The Zero 零 Squad, 2013-2016
I was helping Ingrid skin a deer. As always, silence was our closest companion.I wanted to bring up the topic of me going to leave, but I didn't know how. It seemed so... ungrateful to me, simply leaving, after all she'd done for me. After having learned so much about hunting & through that also about survival in the wild, out of towns or villages.
How can I ever repay her for what she has done? How? How?!
That thought was racing through my mind. Not just racing through, it was consuming it. All she'd keep from having me around are some sad memories; Hunting, Carrying game, Skinning animals & all while not uttering a single word.
In the back of my head I heard someone calling me. At first it was muffled, nearly unintelligible. Then it became clearer, and clearer; Bjorn... Bjorn? Bjorn?!
She grabbed me by the chin, pulled up my head and looked me in the eyes.
“No black eyes, phew, was beginning to worry”
“What? ...Oh no, no need to worry, I'm fine, it's me your talking to, Bjorn”
“Better be” she laughed shortly
Then we were silent again. It wasn't the first time we had done this. She had shown me how to skin animals. First started of with rabbits, the ones that were already hurt, where the pelt hadn't sold that good anyway. There was no need to talk, we both knew what to do.
Should I take this up now? Would I be disturbing her focus with it? How much does she have to focus on this? As much as me? She has far more experience, but still, this needs focus & speed.
“...Ingrid?”
“Hmmm?”
“...we ...I … ...forget it, we'll take it later, when I sorted my mind”
“Mhhmm...” she nodded slightly, keeping her eyes on the task “...sure” she looked up and smiled at me
© The Zero 零 Squad, 2013-2016
We went back to the village in silence.
We had ventured out far. Were back in village a bit after noon.
Nothing really special happened there. People greeted as usual after we came back. Some asked if the hunt was bad. We told them bout the stag we followed but, we altered the story a bit. First time we got asked Ingrid improvised, then we agreed keeping the story of a pack of wolves coming out of nowhere. That they luckily went after the stag instead of us. Must have noticed that he was the bigger meal. We kept the rest to ourselves. No need to tell anyone.
After that day talking between Ingrid and me kept to the most important stuff. Every now and then, I saw in her eyes that she really wanted to get closer to me again, but she didn't try. She feared what might happen. Wished I could have done something about IT back then.
Then spring came, the snow began to melt, birds were chirping in the forest... and my 'bargain'; a warm place to stay in winter, paid with my help came to an end.
© The Zero 零 Squad, 2013-2016
She stopped in her tracks. Looked at me. Her face filled with disbelief, fear and sadness. She stuttered at first, but after a short while it just came flooding out. How my grasp around her suddenly had gotten tighter by the moment, all the way to removing the feel of security, and replacing it with pain. How she was struggling to free herself from my grip. How it suddenly opened and ended up with her pushing away so forcefully, that she landed several paces away from me. How I then began screaming at her with this... animalistic ferocity. About leaving him alone, that he was all mine. How I then curiously watched her, with these giant black eyes.
“Those eyes...” she said “those eyes... GIGANTIC, and filled with this... this... void, eating away at everything that one once could see in them”
“It's alright” I tried to calm her “see, they are gone now. You won't see them again”
“I won't... but... but... I won't be the last to see them”
“...I do hope you are... Anything else I said, or did, besides that?”
“A moment after you screamed at me... you suddenly grabbed your head. Writhed around. Like... like something inside-”
“No more. And then, I shouted 'out' ? “
“...you did”
© The Zero 零 Squad, 2013-2016
We went back shortly after. Neither of us said much. I looked at her every now and then, to see if she got hurt somewhere. Physically she seemed fine, but I was sure there had to be some serious mental & emotional damage after that.
She didn't tell me what had happened. She might think I know what happened, that I saw it all, but had no control over it. Or maybe... No, I had to stop overthinking this, without asking I can never guess what she thought. It was simply not possible to think myself into having no idea at all of whats up with me. I know not all of it either, but I know some important bits.
“Ingrid-”
I tried to break the silence, had to find out what happened.
“Whatever happened, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't tell you beforehand, but I don't want people to know, for their safety. And now I'm forced to not tell anyone”
She didn't answer. She just continued walking, looking at the ground, staring far far away. Just like I did back then. Seeing that helped me a bit, helped me understand. It was a different situation, a different enemy, a different time, but I think it was somehow still very similar.
“Please Ingrid...” I put my hand on her shoulder “...please, I beg you, tell me what happened. I don't know, I cannot tell you why, not even what, but I never remember those...” I paused, carefully looking for the right word, to stay true to my contract “...those moments”
© The Zero 零 Squad, 2013-2016
“I ran into a forest... not far away. It was the only place I could think of.
Then... one morning... I think it was the first, I had... I had... blood. It was everywhere... on my hands... my face... it wasn't mine. And there was that voice... it was... h-h-horrible. So deep... and it was... everywhere.”
I paused for a moment, to relax a bit.
“I... I got it off... somehow. Beyond the forest... I met a guy... Martin. He and his wife, Ruth, they took me in, cared for me... raised me.
And then... years later... one n-n-night... I... I... I...”
The words were stuck in my throat. Why was this so hard? I took a few deep breaths. Ingrid didn't say a word, didn't move, I barely noticed her breathing. This break was longer. We just sat there in silence, for a while.
“That night... I had a dre-dre-dre--
LËÂVÉ HÎM ÂLØNËËË, HÊ Í$$S MÌÎÏNÊÊ!! YØÛ HÈÅRR MÆ FØÔLÍ$HHH GÎRRRRL? ÅLL MÍNÊÊÊ!!!”
I was surrounded by blackness, by this feel of nothing, again.
Why am I here? Why now? WHAT did you do!? And what are you doing right now?!?
Mäkê ss$súrrê yøü rrêmëmbèr bøyyy, Yôü åré mînè, ând mìnë ålønæ!!!
What? I have no time for your nonsense now, let me back again. Don't you dare hurt her.
Øhhh, ýøû'd cärê íf Î hürt hær? Wê cån ärrràngé zât, yöû knøw.
Don't you dare!! You piece of shit!! It's me you want, come here and fight me.
Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha YØÛ thînk yöú'd sstând å chäncssæ ågàïnsst mê?!? HA HA HA HA
I... I... godammit, FUCK YOU!! What is it you want from me? What do I have to do so you leave her be!?!
Æsy, døn't têll ånyønê åbøût më ânýmørê. Nëxt tïmê zërê wøn't bé å wàrning
Sure, you've got yourself a deal, now let me
“OUT!!”
Whoa, I was back. She was sitting a few steps away from me, looking at me in terror, tears running down her face.
“Whatever happened, I'm sorry. IT--”
Hêy, rrëmêmbèr whåt YØÚ jüsst ågrêêd tø?!
“...I-I-I sometimes have these... no, I can't lie to you. Now I really can't tell you. For your safety. Else you'll get hurt, and I don't want that.”
“But-”
“Please Ingrid, it's no threat, no bluff, it's... a warning.”
© The Zero 零 Squad, 2013-2016
“Ingrid-”She broke me off aggressively
“No, I won't give you a chance to refuse. You know, my father, he was a bastard. He was once a hunter of this small village. But you know what? He was the worst hunter you could imagine. And know what he did when he came back without any game? He beat me. To a pulp. But the worst part hasn't come yet, everyone knew, Ernest too, but no one gave a shit. And one day, I went with him on the hunt. I persuaded him somehow to let me join. Wanna know what I did?”
“I-”
“No, I told you, no chance to refuse. That day, I took a knife with me and... and...” She paused for a moment, got calmer “He didn't come back with me that day, and neither any time later.
As I came back alone... at first some people asked where he was. As soon as I looked into their eyes they knew, but still I... sarcastically... I told them that he... that he saved me from a boar and didn't get up from that. They all knew he wasn't that kind of person. He had never done that... not for me.”
At that point she was overflowing with hatred and sadness. Tears were running down her cheeks. She dropped down to her knees. And nearly out of reflex, since it just felt like the right thing to do, I held her in my arms.
We sat there like that for a moment.
Still sobbing she said “Now it's your turn...”
“I... I...” I sighed “Where should I start? My village got burnt down. Everyone got killed, except me. I don't know who it was, but this one guy was shouting 'Hail to the king' all the time.”
© The Zero 零 Squad, 2013-2016
“It... it's ok. You don't have to tell me.” She looked at me and forced a smile
Yøû wõn't téll hèr? Åftær ââââll shë's dønê fór yøû?He... IT asked mockingly
I told you to shut up!
Ingrid took a step back, fright painting her face
“Where does that anger suddenly come from?”
“Please Ingrid, it's in no way your fault.”
“Then I demand you tell me whose it is” Suddenly her voice was tense again. The fright had vanished from her face.
“Please Ingrid-”
“You know where we are?”
“What?” I was confused about the sudden change of topic
“You heard me!”
“...I don't know, in a forest”
“Know how to get back?”
“What?... No. I don't”
“Wonderful, if you wanna get back you tell me. Else I'll leave you here. You know I can”
“Ingrid, that is ridiculous”
“How about that then, we'll exchange secrets. I'll tell you mine, you yours afterwards.”
© The Zero 零 Squad, 2013-2016
Wâtchã døìñg bûddy? Hüntîñg?
Why would you care? Just fuck off again, go wherever you hid all this time.
Lêmmë güês$s, yøû åré döwn fôr zæt $ståg zêrë? Î'll gïvè yøü å hænd...
No-
WAAAAAAAHHH!!!
The stag looked around shortly, with terror in it's eyes, and fled immediately.
How did you...? Why did you...? WHAT do you want!?
Jüs$t wâñnå hævê sømê fún Ha Ha Ha Ha
“What happened there? Besides us there's nothing around, but still it fled.”
I nearly jumped up as she suddenly appeared behind me.
“I... I... I don't know... I... I was just about to take an arrow... then it ran”
“Why so on edge? Thought it ran from a wolf who was creeping up on you?”She laughed
If she only knew what it really ran from... If she'd know there are worse things than wolves around... But I can't tell her... Or can I?... No. For her sake I won't tell her.
Wo-ow Whö'$ zât cütîé?
Just. Shut. Up.
“Hey. You still with me? Why so tense all of sudden?”
“What... oh... eh... it's nothing. Really.”
“Doesn't sound like nothing to me. What are you so worried about? Tell me, I can see it in your eyes.”
“No... I can't. Please trust me on this one... I can't... I won't. And there's no persuading me”
“But-”
“No!” Damn, that came out harsher than I meant to. Come on, apologize“I'm sorry Ingrid... it's just... I'm unsure myself what actually is up. Please, trust me, you don't want to know.”
© The Zero 零 Squad, 2013-2016
She clapped half sarcastically“Lucky shot”
“...thanks, any chance you could... give me some tips for the more precise aiming too? Like... hitting that snowball over and over again?”
“Not much to tell you there, look at your target, focus and gather much experience. You'll learn the best way to aim through just shooting and hitting or missing. And don't get impatient, latter will happen more frequently.”
“Ok, thanks”
I thought about her words; Look at your target, focus and gather experience. Guess of those three I'm mostly lacking experience... which isn't easy to acquire, but that's what makes it worth the work
“It's just like reading tracks, either you hit or you miss. Only more literally”
I nodded in understanding “I'll give that stag another try. You... do whatever you feel like...”
“I'll be in the bushes behind you” She said with a smirk and disappeared out of sight again.
Ok, first I'll see if I can find those arrows.
I found the arrows. At least three of them. The one I shot at the stag I never saw again. As soon as I lost contact with it while still in flight it was doomed to be lost forever.
After that I took on hunting down the stag. It was exhausting following it, it ran quite a bit. But I managed to track it down. Although I was wondering how Ingrid was holding up, and how we'd get that big animal all the way back, naturally only IF I was able to get it.
I was in close vicinity to him again. Was already down crouching. He was feeding of something growing from trees. Curious, never seen that before. Gotta ask Ingrid about it later.
Wåtchà tãlkîñg 'bøüt, bûddý?
Oh not you, fuck off for a moment, would you?
Nãh, Ï fêél lìkê $sstæyïng
© The Zero 零 Squad, 2013-2016
Immediately I felt a stinging pain in my lower arm & dropped the bow. I was unsure what happened, but as I looked at my arm it was red as fire.
“Hit yourself with the string?” she laughed as Ingrid came out of hiding.
“What?”
“You hit yourself with the string, that's why your arm is red, and why the arrow fell short. Put some snow on the arm, it helps”
I did as she said. It really was relieving.
“But else quite a good first try. Anyone showed you how to use a bow before?”
“Not really... No. I just... observed you. Did what you did.”
“Ok then...” She got the bow from where I dropped it “... I'll have to show you.
You know how to hold it, nothing really difficult but it's important. But one thing about holding it you did wrong, any idea what? I can hold it like you just did, maybe you'll see it then”
I looked closely at her holding the bow. There was nothing unusual. Held it like she normally did too.
“...can't really see any difference to usually”
“So that's where the problem lies, you didn't observe closely enough. See, usually I hold the bow like this”
She bent her left arm a little to the side instead of holding it straight
“And basically, that's all there is to not hitting yourself with the string”
“...thats all?” I was baffled, but as I thought about it I understood it
“Yeah, that's all. Now to aiming” She gave me the bow
“Lets see...” She looked around “hmm... try hitting that tree over there”
“Funny, we're surrounded by trees”
She made a ball out of snow and threw it at one of the trees “Know wich one I mean now? Try hitting the snow from that snowball”
I took an arrow out of the quiver, put it on the bow, bent my arm this time, drew and released.
The arrow went past the tree
“Try once more”
“...if you say so”
I shot another arrow at the tree, focusing on the snowball
Past the tree again, but this time on the other side.
“When do you release the arrow?”
“What?”
“I know you've heard me boy, don't play the fool here”
“I... I don't know. When I focused on the spot I wanna hit”
“So you have no idea. Ok. Take another arrow, draw the bow, but this time, hold it”
I did as she said, this would soon get difficult to hold. She approched me.
“Look at me now, no need to focus on where the arrow is going.”
She put her hand on my chest, through the bow, if I would let go now I would definitely hurt her. I would probably even hurt her badly.
“Now, focus on your breathing and your heart. Be sure it all goes nice and slowly”
She put her head on my chest, probably to hear my heart beat. Even more danger if I'd let go now. She might had done that on purpose. To force me to hold out.
“Slower, come on, I know you can” her voice got softer, less tense... more relaxed
I focused on my breathing. Took long, slow breaths in and long slow breaths out. After some breaths there began to form a pause between the in and out breathing. Not long, but for an instant I didn't breath at all.
Simultaneously I also noticed how my heart was beating slower & slower. As if there was a connection between those two.
Ingrid lifted her head from my chest and looked me in the eyes for an instant. She rashly turned away and focused again.
Her voice was tense again, but with a bit of an weird soft undertone “Ok, good. You notice the pause between every breath? That's when you release the arrow.”
She still had her hand on my chest. I must admit, I did forget that I was holding the bow there for a moment with her head on my chest, but now I felt it in my arms again. She looked at me again for a short moment, but this time with an evil grin. As if she found it amusing to see me struggle holding the bow.
She lifted her hand. I began breathing in.
Focused on the snowball.
Released.
Hit!
Note from the Author
That got quite a bit longer than intended, but I hope it makes up for the left out episode.
Thanks for reading & a good weekend to ya all ^_^
© The Zero 零 Squad, 2013-2016
One day as we went out hunting, when we already were a bit in the nearby forest, Ingrid gave me her Bow and Arrows.
“Today it's up to you what meat we'll bring back. Use whatever means you want to get your hands on some game, I'll stay in the back.”
“W...What?” I looked at the bow and then at her in disbelief. “What did you say?”
“Don't kid me, I know you've got sharp ears, today you'll be the hunter and I the follower”
“But-”
“No but! You will hunt and we will bring back some game”
“Guess I don't have much of a choice”I looked at the bow. I wasn't the guy who really believed in himself, I was afraid I wouldn't bring back anything. But she said any means necessary, so I could set traps too... maybe even... No. Not while she's around. Not anytime for anything else than an emergency.I looked up at her again and saw that she believed in me. She knew I could do it.So I began looking for tracks, thanks to the newfallen snow it was quite easy.
First I found the tracks of a hare, I was relieved of that. I had caught many of those before. So like always I set up a trap at the tracks. Put some bait there too just to be sure it'd go through the loop too, and not around.
Not far away from the hare tracks I found the tracks of a stag. And this time I was sure. The tracks were pretty deep, must be a big one. Going at a steady pace, and seems to be healthy. We followed, or rather I, couldn't see Ingrid anywhere around but I had a feeling she watched from somewhere.
After some time I found him. I've seen her do this a hundred times, I can do this. She always shoots head or shoulder with such large animals so I'll go for that. But where does she aim on that distance?
I just aimed a bit over it's shoulder, knowing the arrow would curve downwards after some distance. I drew the bow, and released the arrow.
© The Zero 零 Squad, 2013-2016
At first she used me mostly for carrying her game. I stayed in the back, observing her. And already through that I learned a bit about hunting. But she was always silent. Never said a word. Only gave me hand signals. Pointing to places, sometimes mimicing what she wanted me to do.
After a while tho she had me closer by her. Showing me what different tracks look like, whispering to me what you could tell from them. What kinda animal it was, the animals size, if it was hurt, how fast it was going. And all that from just a series of footprints.
After some time of just showing and describing she began having me look around in the area. Look for tracks, tell her what I'd read from them.
In the beginning I was often horribly wrong. I stopped counting how often she had slapped the back of my head for being wrong. But afterwards she always asked me questions about the tracks. Why I thought it was that animal, why at that pace etc. I got better with time. But I still made mistakes, but then we followed the tracks. I'd always knew there was something wrong when she let me go in front and trace the tracks.
The first time I mixed up deer and boar tracks was also the last time. That time I couldn't fathom how fast Ingrid was up in that tree. But after thinking about it, it definitely is understandable. She was on guard, she knew what tracks I was following and she had keener ears than me. She probably heard them already from far away. I was too focused on not losing the tracks.
Happy I survived that, but I guess I wouldn't if that Sow hadn't been distracted by her piglets.
Note from the Author:Sorry for not posting anything last friday. I wasn't really in shape to focus much on anything other than slow mewsik to be honest. So I had rather a day without a post than a day with a crappy, headache-filled post.
Thanks for reading and hope you leave some feedback.
© The Zero 零 Squad, 2013-2016
I slowly woke up in a warm bed, a rather slender arm lying on me. It took me a moment to realize this wasn't a dream, would've been the only good one I had for as long as I can remember. Not fully awake I stared at the ceiling for some time, my thoughts so far away I didn't have any.
Still lying down, I looked around a bit. I was in some house. There was a table with two chairs, a bow and some arrows near a door, another door, a fireplace, still some faint glowing embers in it. On the floor where some clothes, they seemed familiar.
Then this thought slowly came up from somewhere. This arm on my chest, this wasn't mine. Mine was touching some soft skin. I looked to the other side of me and fell out of the bed in fright, landing on the hard, wooden floor. Ouch.
From the jerk Ingrid woke up too, sitting up and grasping the blanket to cover herself.
“I did this for you!” She roared immediately
“Thanks... I guess”
“I heard some loud sound outside last night, turned out it was you. Fell asleep beside my door and fell over. You were ice cold. Pale skin, blue lips & all.”
“Ok... but wouldn't just lighting a fire... been enough?”
“I didn't want it to be my fault you froze to death, so I wanted to make sure. But don't you tell anyone about this! This was a one time occasion! Understood?”
“Sure, stays between me and you.”
“And... I am sorry for yesterday, shouldn't have shouted at you because of this old bastard. I'll let you stay, as long as you're a help on the hunt. Else I'll kick you out. Got it!?”
“No worries, forgiven, understood & accepted. But one question-”
“Your clothes? They're by the fireplace”
I looked down at myself and reddend again.
“...n... no... but thanks...”
I paused shortly, trying to get somehow comfortable with the situation of being around her naked, again.
“How... how did you get me in here?”
She laughed “Easy, I'm a hunter, I'm used to carrying full grown deer to this place. I admit you are a bit heavier, but I didn't need to carry you very far.”
© The Zero 零 Squad, 2013-2016