Lance - Blog Posts

Lance = “a true master”

Here’s the re-release of the original Mash ruler posted several months back, now with a new look! I tried to emulate the text boxes and appearance of F/GO as best I could, and I’m really happy with the results. What do you guys think?

In any case, I hope new followers enjoy this one. For old readers I hope you guys don’t mind the repeat. A different Servant will appear on Wednesday!

Just wanted to share my experience with all those girls (and boys) out there who are dating a Magnum Man. Ever since Junior High, Lance bought Magnum XL condoms. Yeah, It sounds like a joke but he really did. He used to ride his bike to the drug store and shoplift them.

Anyway, Magnums were supposed to be the gold standard for well-endowed men. However, my bf grew a lot BIGGER during puberty. By senior year, it took forever to suit him up which sucked when both of us wanted to get it on.

So i switched him to Durex XXL. Those condoms rolled down farther but dug into his flesh.  They left a purple ring around his shaft that took days to vanish. The situation was maddening until we finally heard about TheyFit condoms. The company offers 55(!) different sizes.

Predictably, Lance ordered the biggest one they carried, the G31. It sounds like a military aircraft, doesn’t it? Anyway, the condom fit him like a glove!

I don’t mean to be a Debbie Downer on a quasi-pornographic Tumblr but please stay safe. When you hear well-hung dudes say stuff like “They don’t come in my size,” they are FULL OF SHIT. If Lance can find a condom that fits his dick (but maybe not his ego), anyone else can too.