Let's See How This Goes - Blog Posts

07.29

Introduction ♱

This is a last resort.

I do not enjoy writing about myself; I may even hate it. My livelihood revolves around documenting the latest advancements in medicine and synthetic biology. Passions and aspirations were left behind long ago for a career and the promise of stability. As I set aside my desire to write my truths and quench my thirst, I defy the odds laid out by those before me.

It’s fucking exhausting.

Even in days past, I never wrote about myself. Instead, I immersed myself in the characters I read about or watched in the countless pieces of media I had the time to consume. I fell in love with their struggles, perhaps projecting myself onto them. I clung to these characters so tightly, devoting myself to these fictional beings, only to be disappointed by the reality beyond the page.

Sometimes I feel I am not meant for the real world.

Now, I am grown. Independence found me early, carrying me far and gifting me with early successes that impressed those who still had others to rely on. They don't understand the circumstances; I would be the same as them if given the opportunity. Desperately, I would cling to what they consider normal, let it nurture me, and bask in a newfound dependence. In an attempt to taste reliance, I took a lover—one who grew up properly loved and appreciated. This didn't do much for me; it only exposed the gaps left in my development from a lack of care. Strangely enough, it was humiliating.

Love is humiliating.

And though it is humiliating, it is stable. My relationship screams stability. Perhaps I am the most unstable piece in the puzzle of my love; I am the root of most of our quarrels. This is not my intent. This petulance and rage are not something to be proud of. Memories of the past fade into sunken emotions that surface at the slightest hint of criticism. Though unprovoked, these bursts of emotion are so powerful that even I am surprised. So, I suppose this is an attempt to confront these feelings, to reflect enough to quiet the nagging thoughts and let the past rest.

To those reading, I offer a warm welcome. May you find solidarity in these stupid and meaningless ramblings that I promise you I will never act on.

I’m considering on just posting something random every Wednesday evening as it is smack dab in the middle of the week and right before my only time of the week as of late where I only have a break which is on Thursday.

Trying to follow some advice I got from artist about how people like consistency. The bots certainly seem to like it, but perhaps the real people will too.

reblog and make a wish! this was removed from tumbrl due to “violating one or more of Tumblr’s Community Guidelines”, but since my wish came true the first time, I’m putting it back. :)