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The beginning of a memorable speech..
“i could fix him” “i could make him worse” well i come to bury caesar not to praise him. the evil that men do lives after them,
These are hilarious!
The Romans and Friends on Karaoke Nights
Caesar: Is the only one sober. Only sings bc the others beg him to. Does "All of Me" and is surprisingly good with the high notes
Pompey: Performs "Crocodile Rock." Throws up into someone else's hat that he thinks is his. Did not come in a hat.
Cleopatra: Nails "Hello", has the others crying
Brutus: is very shy and only gets up to sing when he's sufficiently inebriated and Cassius goads him into performing. Surprises everyone with how impeccably he sings Jeff Buckley's cover of "Hallelujah"
Antony: Drunk off his ass, sings mostly hit classics like "Mr. Brightside", "What's my Age Again", and "I Write Sins Not Tragedies" bc he has a *type* for music and it's all 2000s nostalgia
Octavia: Sings "Love Story" and "White Horse" by Taylor Swift while mildly tipsy, trips slightly on the stage but goes on singing
Cassius: Will only sing Fallout Boy. Gets really into his performance of "Centuries" but passes out afterwards and asks for more shots the moment he wakes up
Octavian: Sings "Bad Guy" by Billie Eilish while making unnerving eye contact with Antony
Cicero: gets too drunk and throws up in bathroom without ever singing, cries about his divorce when Cleopatra sings "Hello"
what qualifies as a “bad” omen?? asking for a friend
Sounds fairly accurate to how they responded in real life surprisingly.
Antony: oh my God, they killed Caesar!
Cleopatra: You bastards!!
Apart from Cleopatra, who would probably be double majoring in linguistics and history, these are largely accurate.
The Romans and Friends as College Majors
Caesar: Political Science
Cleopatra: Medicine
Brutus: English
Cassius: Philosophy
Antony: Kinesiology (he's a student athlete and got paid to be there)
Cicero: Law
Octavian: Psychology
Crassus: Business
Pompey: General Studies
Yes, I understand the Divine Comedy is all about Dante being upset about being exiled from Florence, Italy, but I can still be salty about him shitting on my favs (Cleopatra, Odysseus). The slut shaming of a political leader who slept with only two men (who FYI both slept with way more people) is disgusting!
DNI if you’re going to blather on about how “important” his work is.
LOL=Leaping off lanista
Is Your Child Texting About Ancient Rome?
OMFG= oh, my fire's gone! (thanks Crassus)
WTF=where's the flammeum? (seriously, I'm about to get married here)
SMH= Someone marry her (off)
IDC= I'm dating Cleopatra
IDK=I'm dating Kleopatra (but spelled in the original Greek way)
BTW= Bring the wine (they're probably texting a slave)
LMAO= let's murder an official
GTG= get the garum
IKR- I killed the republic
Lissa Dragomir: So what do Mark Antony, Julius Caesar, and Cleopatra have in common?
Rose Hathaway: Threesome!
Lissa Dragomir: Can you honestly not take ANYTHING seriously?!
Rose Hathaway: It wouldn’t be as fun if I did.
Julius Caesar after bailing Antony out of jail for the tenth time: You seriously can’t stay out of trouble for five fucking minutes?! This is the last time I’m paying.
Mark Antony: You just keep telling yourself that.
LOL.
The Romans When They're Drunk
Caesar: He doesn't get drunk, and no one encourages him to. They don't know what he's like drunk, and they don't want to know
Antony: Is a really happy drunk. Cuddles with everyone and impulsively buys all kinds of nonsense. When he wakes up in the morning he's surrounded by his drunk purchases but has no idea who drained his bank account.
Brutus: Sobs hysterically, an absolute wreck. Tells you his whole life story and you'll find him throwing up in the bathroom later, Cassius holding his hair back while he has to listen to him cry about his past for the millionth time.
Octavian: Starts giving speeches to everyone while standing on the table. He thinks they're motivational, but they're complete gibberish.
Cassius: A bold, angry drunk. Will fight anyone and can make literally anything into a weapon.
Pompey: Calls everybody beautiful and suddenly is under the impression that he can sing and dance.
Antony: I was going to get you another cat.
Cleopatra: We already have Cynane, and the animal shelter’s closed anyways.
Antony: Shit!
Cleopatra: where are you
Antony: I left early
Antony: sorry I couldn't stay longer :(
Cleopatra: wtf where are you going
Antony: I'm going home
Cleopatra: are you kidding me come back
Cleopatra: you're drunk
Antony: don't worry I called an Uber
Cleopatra: We drank at my place
Antony: oh
Antony: where am I going
Adrian Ivashkov: Wait! So you’re that Antony guy I read about in history class. Let’s party together!
Mark Antony: As long as this party includes gallons of wine, I’m in.
Sydney Sage: Damn it, Adrian!
Cleopatra: Just hide their car keys, and then they’ll have to call us to rescue them.
Sydney Sage: Good point.
I laughed at this more than I should.
Doctor: You literally have every STD
Antony: Gotta catch 'em all
Damn! This is both funny and accurate.
Can I Copy Your Homework?
Caesar: I'll help you with it!
Cassius: Yeah sure
Antony: Bold of you to assume I did the homework
Pompey: Lol nope
Brutus: Wait we had homework??
Octavian: *Read 5:55 PM*
How the men chronicling history saw them:
-catfight over Mark Antony, Fulvia pining after Antony until she died
How they really interacted:
Fulvia: That Octavian guy is a manipulative twerp, so don’t trust him. I’m praying to Fortuna and Minerva you kick his ass into next week. It’ll make dying in exile worth it.
Cleopatra: I’d be willing to do that for you. Don’t worry about Antyllus and Jullus. I’ll look after them.
Fulvia: Oh, and just as a warning. Marcus snores louder than a herd of elephants.
Mark Antony: I don’t snore!
Fulvia and Cleopatra: Yes, you do!
LOL. This is hilarious.
If the Romans and Friends Made YouTube Videos
Caesar: How NOT to Invade Britain
Antony: My Trip to Egypt (Gone Sexual)
Brutus: I Stabbed a Guy?? (EMOTIONAL)
Cassius: You Won't BELIEVE What I Convinced My Friend to Do (SOMEBODY DIED) (NOT Clickbait)
Cleopatra: Doing My Eye Makeup While I Prepare for War
Octavian: I Inherited an Empire (RIP Uncle Julius)
Pompey: We're Not Bros Anymore (GONE WRONG) (GONE VIOLENT)