Mizumono - Blog Posts

Gooood they make me so ill /pos

Truly!!

Like how this session must've ended, and how Hannibal must've been feeling during it, knowing he'd been betrayed? That keeps me up at night. This is just an old fic idea I had, but:

Imagine if Hannibal had to fight back tears in the aftermath of this moment because he’d never experienced a betrayal quite like this—because he hadn’t gotten this close to anyone since he was a child—and he had finally let Will see a part of himself he’d never imagined he could share with anyone. He believed he’d been accepted up until now. My headcanon is he was punished for not being able to speak at the orphanage: beaten when he would be forced to try and speak; but no words would come out; only a weak rasp. Imagine if he struggled to continue the their conversation because a lump was forming in his throat and it felt too much like the strain of trying to speak as a mute child.

So he panicked (because muteness is something he hadn't struggled with in decades) and all he could do was whimper as Will—

I really wanna know what happened in Mizumono moments after Hannibal smelt Freddie’s perfume on Will. How did he end the visit? How did Will not notice a shift in the atmosphere with his empathy? Like come on, Willy boy—put that over-empathetic brain to work. 😩

And the dinner scene when Hannibal suggests they run away together, feed Will’s dogs, and leave a note for Alana—but Will doesn’t want to. I bet Hannibal was fighting back a sniffle and a tearful hiccup with each bite. You know that sore, sandpaper sensation in your throat when you’re about to burst into tears, but holding it back?

Imagine if while Hannibal was eating, he choked because his throat felt so raw and Will had to do the Heimlich maneuver on him—and it only worsened his emotional state because Will has been playing him and just witnessed him gasping for his life over a small chunk of lamb. Tears are streaming down his cheeks, but Will believes it’s only a simple case of watery eyes. Then an ugly, voice-cracking sob bursts from Hannibal’s chest because Will is being so gentle with him—rubbing his back and asking if he’s all right (since he’s never nothing but elegance and grace 24/7)—and for the first time in decades his voice abandons him.

He hasn’t felt this off-kilter or this unlovable since he was in the orphanage—mute and alone—just waiting for someone to truly see him.

Will’s seen him—but he knows Will doesn’t want him as he is—who he’s always been. It’s a crushing blow. One he never thought he would have to experience because he never imagined meeting someone like Will.

Imagine if Hannibal had to fight back tears in the aftermath of this moment because he’d never experienced a betrayal quite like this—because he hadn’t gotten this close to anyone since he was a child—and he had finally let Will see a part of himself he’d never imagined he could share with anyone. He believed he’d been accepted up until now. My headcanon is he was punished for not being able to speak at the orphanage: beaten when he would be forced to try and speak; but no words would come out; only a weak rasp. Imagine if he struggled to continue the conversation with Will because a lump was forming in his throat and it felt too much like the strain of trying to speak as a mute child.

So he panicked and all he could do was whimper as Will—

All I can think about is Hannibal cooking his and Will’s final shared meal in Mizumono. He probably struggled to blink back tears, knowing this was his last chance to suggest (in his own way) for Will to choose him. For Will to accept who he was—the whole of him that he never thought he would share with anyone before. Imagine if he had to dab on concealer to hide the puffy state of his red-rimmed eyes and the swollen state of his nose (which felt raw and irritated after he’d blown it a thousand times) so that Will wouldn’t realize he’d been crying because he wanted to look perfect for Will one last time.

Expanding on my last post to add a few more things about Mizumono and Digestivo:

Imagine young, mute Hannibal in the orphanage watching as other children get adopted—but no adults ever approach him or seem to want to get to know him because the other kids (and staff) are wary of him and warn the prospective adopters that he’s difficult—that sometimes he has violent outbursts, wets the bed, has night terrors, and can’t speak. His first experience of rejection.

Only, this present rejection from Will in Mizumono feels ten times more agonizing because he’s overcome those past struggles and society finally views him as normal and an acceptable, highly-respected presence. But even after overcoming all that—it isn’t enough—because Will doesn’t want him or the life he planned for them to have. A life he never imagined he would be able to have.

That’s why each of Will’s future rejections cut so deep. Hannibal turns himself in because he couldn’t handle the thought of Will losing him—of Will not knowing where he would be. Because he’s been lost before—stumbling through the snow, cold and starving—after losing everything that mattered to him. He’s known what it’s like to have no one care about his whereabouts—and nothing would sting more than having to live with the knowledge that Will didn’t give a rat’s ass about where he ended up. His reputation and freedom mean nothing in comparison to his need for Will. He kneels in the snow just as he had decades prior—waiting for a savior to come and find him—because it’s the only thing he knows to do.

For three years he waits in the BSHCI for Will, his savior, to hopefully come and find him.

I really wanna know what happened in Mizumono moments after Hannibal smelt Freddie’s perfume on Will. How did he end the visit? How did Will not notice a shift in the atmosphere with his empathy? Like come on, Willy boy—put that over-empathetic brain to work. 😩

And the dinner scene when Hannibal suggests they run away together, feed Will’s dogs, and leave a note for Alana—but Will doesn’t want to. I bet Hannibal was fighting back a sniffle and a tearful hiccup with each bite. You know that sore, sandpaper sensation in your throat when you’re about to burst into tears, but holding it back?

Imagine if while Hannibal was eating, he choked because his throat felt so raw and Will had to do the Heimlich maneuver on him—and it only worsened his emotional state because Will has been playing him and just witnessed him gasping for his life over a small chunk of lamb. Tears are streaming down his cheeks, but Will believes it’s only a simple case of watery eyes. Then an ugly, voice-cracking sob bursts from Hannibal’s chest because Will is being so gentle with him—rubbing his back and asking if he’s all right (since he’s never nothing but elegance and grace 24/7)—and for the first time in decades his voice abandons him.

He hasn’t felt this off-kilter or this unlovable since he was in the orphanage—mute and alone—just waiting for someone to truly see him.

Will’s seen him—but he knows Will doesn’t want him as he is—who he’s always been. It’s a crushing blow. One he never thought he would have to experience because he never imagined meeting someone like Will.