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Murder - Blog Posts
... Or Give Me Death.
Im nobody, the faceless.
the one you forget and leave nameless.
the one who cares for the careless.
teaches fear to be fearless.
thatll pick you up and be proud of.
the one who will give it all up.
who will bare your pain for a smile.
and all the while....
Im nobody the faceless.
the one forgot, burred nameless
the one trying to find where this pain fits.
wears a mask where their face is
fast loosing their patience.
one thats tired just waiting for days end.
questions existence.
that just want to KNOW.
they made one persons day
then the pain was worth it.
but not taken away
.
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Theres a part of us thats no longer here,
and one that never was.
but when you feel it,
it makes you ache.
for better or for worse.
Fades each day,
yet never goes away.
The ability to forget...
has been forgotten.
broken windows of missed opportunity timelessly hung in a frame of regret.
I cant stand seeing the old, young, weak, loved, sad, strong, ill, infected, handicapped, unwanted, un noticed, lonely, crushed, disfigured, the religious, meaningless, free, the willing or unwilling captive. the too thin, too thick, too rich too poor, too pretty, too ugly, the just right, the in between, the conscious, the dormant, the used and the users. goldy locks and all the bears. the pigs their wolf, the lines, loops and circles. and then I look in the mirror. I wonder where the hell do I belong? between the lines, out of the details, behind the scenes. the dark side of the moon. somewhere in limbo. just waiting for a green light. waiting for my time. but somethings wrong. I must not have heard the whistle. Was I ready? I was set. and there it goes. Turned around to find lights out, curtain drawn and doors closed.
the eeg shell.
Ill grit my teeth and bare your pain.
but you wont remember me.
all I was, this life, my tragedy.
a delicate balance, definition of fragility.
though planted feet I loose stability.
its hard to breath drowned in humility.
all the words I took for granted.
Even while trying I cant imagine.
I just want to say Im sorry.
weak but still standing.
all the words that flow through me, never ending verbal sea. none of which amount to anything... not near what I think they mean. All these thoughts Above me circling. pondering if, and what if there was... some meaning? What could it be. What will this bring? wounds in mending. shaping me. Tear it down, now build it up. break my heart but you cant break me. no matter how close you think I seem.
reality loop error
connecting all the dots now.
a circle has no end.
i make this lone circuit.
do you understand?
i look back with sorrow.
the things that should have been..
i walk forth so blindly.
my eyes are wide open.
the past will always be here..
i will never change.
the future holds yet nothing.
nothing stays the same.
memory now failing.
the time has come you see.
everything a reflection.
never skipping beat.
no way to start over.
mistakes ill soon repeat.
reality is fading.
become dark fantasy.
im the virus in this program.
Error in the registry.
who is in control here?
monkey or machine?
a clean escape.
The water is drawn and Im all alone.
I look at myself as I take off my clothes.
I look pretty decent.
Its the real me that nobody knows.
I know the secrets that nobody can.
nearly flawless canvas on a broken man.
Im thinking of you as Im lowering in.
Warm relaxing water just under my chin.
the last time you made me smile.
The last time you made me laugh.
This is the last time Ill take a bath.
The sleep is coming. Im going to drown.
Im dreaming of you on the way down.
Hopeless devotion.
you were so good.
never better.
every word.
every letter.
meticulous.
flawless.
right down to... the way you dress.
Everything... in its place.
that soft look... on your face.
those promises... that we made.
you said they meant... everything.
all your hopes... and all your dreams.
never suspected... anything.
you were so warm.
I melt for you.
Ill do anything.
Just ask me to.
Someplace unfamiliar
with every step.
I move further from this earth.
This being ive become.
clouds once looming over head,
now just a haze someplace below.
That place.
One I never knew and will never know.
Could never know.
With every wish Ive held my breath.
let down.
Im running out, t
urning blue as that very color fades from it.
Those calming words you spoke to me.
That calming voice,
bringing sanity.
as there once was…
again nothing will be.
Prolonging pain.
Inducing change.
a short glimpse at clarity.
The night provides the day.
fire, the beauty of the flame.
And the ashes,
the perfect place,
a clean slate.
My Hands, Your Lips, Our Eyes.
My hands, you use to say they were perfect.
That I had perfect hands.
I wonder if you even noticed them before you left.
I see my hands everyday, but I never really look at them.
At least I havnt in years. But… Im looking at them now.
Time is showing, the texture is changing.
Fine lines cover my knuckles.
There seems to be more wrinkles where they bend.
They say you can tell someones age by their hands.
I wonder if it’s a fair representation.
I wonder if what my hands where to you, is what your lips are to me.
Soft, pink, plump, warm, delicate, perfect.
I wonder if Id recognize them. If in fact I were to ever see them again.
If we ever see each other again.
Our eyes looked so similar.
Like the same eyes on a different day.
They knew each other so well.
But I wonder if they would recognize each other now? Or later?
Somehow I don’t think so.
A change in shade, hue, fine lines, and wrinkles.
Lines of happiness and pain. Everything in between.
One just as indistinguishable as the other.
I wonder if itd be they cant, or wont want to recognize.
Or maybe theyd wish they had never forgotten.
Forever and always AKB
I use to watch you as you slept.
I love your lips. soft… pink… warm…
ever so slightly parted, delicate.
id listen to your breath. every breath.
you were so peacfull.
and the soft contours of your body.
dim morning light through the window.
shades of blue and grey.
chest rising just to fall so smoothly down.
your naked body half coverd by sheets.
sheets that couldnt cover you if they wanted to.
my hands on your throught, you liked that.
That look in your eyes. you knew Id never hurt you.
youd inhale with a gasp a pleasure when I got it right.
Everything was always right. everything… right?
Now I know it will be. I know youll never leave.
a gentle thrust, a warm wet gush.
your life no more than a crimson river.
Down your chest, onto the floor.
everything you ever were is mine.
your lips part. and that look in your eyes.
pure. nothing. hopeless. love and everything.
the same as on the side of the road that drunken night.
cold steel, tender flesh. surrender to nothingness.
Youll always be my first and last.
My one and only. your love was mine.
and my life was yours.
Ill hold you in my arms. love you till your gone.
I never lied.
I can still taste you on my lips.
cold and crimson… our last kiss.
