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Sadness - Blog Posts
War of the Foxes
It’s one of my favorite quotes. here: Someone has to leave first….
An AU of the Klaine break up, S5/S6
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I opened Tumblr this morning and I found out that Akira just died
I cried
Psyche Weeping, Kinuko Y. Craft I Ophelia, Friedrich Wilhelm Theodor Heyser
I don’t know if I’m mentally sick.
I just know that I’m really done with my emotional bullshit.
Yeah, so, I was happy before I drew this, now I'm not anymore.
Drawn for the prompt "40 years" of the KidPiratesMonth2025.
Second image has text + context (transcribed here as well):
found a way which let him permanently remove effects of the SMILE fruit
cut off his long hair entirely when it happened
keeps cutting it at every annual death day
captain of the Kid Pirates
dresses in Kid's old clothes cause they're the only thing that brings him any comfort
Killer stopped wearing shirts with his own jolly roger. now he exclusively wears the kidd pirates jolly roger
I think I need a break from drawing after this one. It's miles better than most of my digital art and I learned a lot from drawing this, but emotionally I need to ragequit art right now.
let's take a minute to appreciate these beautiful people who make the most beautiful and saddest playlists. my night is not finished without them. <3
Do you know how I feel? I feel like I’m drowning, and I’m aware of it but I can’t do anything.
I know I have to study a lot, but I can’t. I can’t get myself to do stuff, to concentrate.
I know I have to keep my house in order and do the dishes every day, do the laundry. But I can’t.
I am gaining weight and I know I should and want to eat healthy and not stress-eatings. But I do.
I know that I should be active more and workout so that I have a nice body. But I can’t do it more than one day.
I know I should take care of myself. But I fucking can’t.
And I hate myself for losing control like that, not being able to control my willpower. I hate myself for knowing this shit and still procrastinate and watch a movie instead or surf the instagram. I know I’m wasting my time, but there’s this voice in my head that’s just so strong, when I hear it I say ‘screw it you’ll do it tomorrow’. And the worst part is I am allowing that voice to control me. I don’t know what to do.
I don’t know what’s happening to me, it’s like I’m losing control over my mind and my will to do things. I am telling myself every fucking day that tomorrow will be different. Tomorrow will be a new start, but I feel deep down that it won’t. I feel like I’m drowning in my own sadness.
I realized a few days ago that I’m in depression. And that hit me hard. I am alone, sad and depressed. And I am trying to fight this fucking thing everyday but I fail. You know what though? I don’t want to lose control to that little piece of shit, I don’t want to be unhealthy, fat and depressed. I will fight it and I will kill it.
And when I do, it will be the greatest win of my life.
You realize you’re lonely when you pass out on your couch while the lights are turned on, and you are too tired to stand up and turn it off and wish there was somebody there, so they would cover you with blanket and turn the lights off.
Anyone else feel lost?
I don’t know what is happening in my life anymore and I want to know if there are others that feel the same. But everyday is the same and everyday I yearn more and more for some sort of shift into a fictional world or some feeling...but I’m stuck crying over my comfort characters, feeling absolutely helpless. How do I live in the moment? How do I feel something?
it'll be over soon
it'll be over soon
it'll be over soon
it'll be over soon
it'll be over soon
it'll be over soon
it'll be over soon
it'll be over soon
it'll be over soon
it'll be over soon
it'll be over soon
it'll be over soon
it'll be over soon
it'll be over soon
it'll be over soon
it'll be over soon
it'll be over soon
it'll be over soon
it'll be over soon
it'll be over soon
it'll be over soon
it'll be over soon
it'll be over soon
Is Riley from Inside-Out genderfluid or non-binary? No, because in the movie, everyone is shown to have all the emotions in their heads seeming to represent the gender by which the person identifies, however, in Riley's case, the emotions are shown to represent both Femme and Masc. So how's that work? Does this make sense or am I too cat-deprived?
Listen. Listen to me, okay? Your head is lying to you. You think of the future and no matter what you see it’s a void, there’s nothing, it's grey, and really not different from where you are now but I need you to know it’s a lie. I don’t know why, okay? I don’t know why your head insists on taking the life out of every idea and vision like it’s a conscious effort to destroy you but it. is not. Real. You move and no matter how you move, if you move things change. Even if you have no plans of changing anything, next year will be different. It’s a guarantee. So if you make ANY effort to change it into the direction you WANT it to go
universes will collide.
TW: suicide attempt
A year ago, tonight was the night, I tried to kill myself by overdosing on my antidepressant and antianxiety medication.
There are a lot of parallels between that night and tonight: I was alone in my room, I had smoked, I thought about how lonely I am even after being surrounded by people I love and who love me.
I was stuck in an overthinking loop that night, I just couldn't get out of it. My mind kept on telling me that there's only one way to end it so that's what I did. I tried to end everyone's misery (I thought I was a burden on everyone, that they would be better off without me) so I did what I did.
I ended up being a burden.
I got into emergency, then ICU, which was the loneliest I've ever felt.
After being at home, listening to my parents taunting me every chance they got, I kind of got better.
I'm not always happy but I'm also not crying my eyes out every night.
I'm just okay. Getting by.
I thought I'll cry tonight but nothing so far. Does that mean I've grown? Or am I stronger? Or I just don't care anymore.
i don't know
Isn’t ice cream so interesting
If you eat it to fast then it hurts you
But if you eat it to slow then it melts away
help ✨
don't you just hate it when you love a book or something and then the person who created this awesome thing turns out to be a douche? like all of these horrible people make cool things and I can't help but feel a bit betrayed ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´ω`ﾟ)ﾟ｡
Old warrior cats comic from 2020
warrior cats design: -Yellowfang: fav.me/ddl4vul -Ashfur: fav.me/ddn4hax and fav.me/dcwf3vf -Jayfeather: fav.me/dd375xu -Brokenstar: fav.me/ddl6jqb
I try to explain a scene from Warriors without have even reed it .3. I can't believe this thing took me over 100 layers ;-;
I've wanted to do this for a long time, but just now I decided to do it. I have not read this part of the book but I have seen many videos that talk about Yellowfang's decision to let Asfur in Starclan. Personally, after thinking for a long time, I think it really makes sense in her character to take that decision. Now I have only read The prophecy, new prophecy and from time to time Power of Three (I have too much to read and I don't finish ;__; ), so I have not read Yellowfang secret, just whatched a video talking about the book (and I found so stupid that they gave powers to her character, she doesn't need them. What's up with doom every medicine cat with horrible powers?). Well, for me Yellowfang is a character that although she seems to hate everyone, deep down, I think, she feels a love and a concern for her clan as big as she could get to feel for her son Brokenstar. I find her as a character who comes to give second chances and wants to help every cat she sees in need, even when they don't deserve it (* cof cof * Brokenstar). We could say that she gave Broken so many opportunities because he was her son, but it is that sense she also got to know Ashfur since childhood. Now, if Starclan really is always watching over the clans, imagine see that little apprentice who risked being chased by dogs in the first books, to save his clan, to be imprisoned in his hatred without anyone noticing, that prompts him to make a lot of stupid decisions, which eventually lead to his death. I legitimately think that Yellowfang wanted to help him, as a kind of redemption, and that "he just love too much" was more directed at her for not knowing when a cat could no longer be helped (* cof cof * Brokenstar again).
Now, in all this, I sometimes wonder how Ashfur's mom felt, because I don't think we actually ever saw it, or how this afected her relationship with her son.
Well, tell me what you think, I hope you like it :3
This was a weird combination of working in grayscale, using the curve tool to add one color to the body, another to the light and shadow, then merging all the layers to turn it back to black and white and continue working on my values , and have a color copy. The color editing, took me more time than the shading or anatomy, I don't think this is the best way to work.
redownloaded twitch and logged in to my account from 4 years ago to see that a super small streamer I used to watch now has 50k followers (yippee!), but also hasn't streamed since 2023...ow
Lack of Paternal Love
(This is a poem I wrote in a bad moment as venting, hope anyone likes it...)
Father, why don't you love me?
Why you don't care about us?
I was your baby girl, remember?
I gave my heart to you and you shattered it apart
In ways that makes me write this
An hug is what I need
Your love. Your cuddles. Your attention.
I'm sorry. Forgive me. For whatever I did.
I just need you.
I have your character, your soul, your genes.
I'm your blood, why do you do this to me?
I just need a response.
It's just what I crave. If you want to hear it again.
I'm sorry. Forgive me, I'm drowning in tears.
It's an eternal flow of sufference I hold.
I can't stop it , I've been strong for too much time.
Your can understand me.
You have my throughts, my personality.
Your dad didn't show you love either.
if you know how I feel
Why. Do. You. Do. This. To. Me.
Why do you do it?
I just need your love and to accept my excuses.
I want to feel the warmth of your love.
I want to feel it laying on me, holding me
Strong and tight, even if it's too much.
I just want it, why you can't do it?
I'm sorry.
I'm really so sorry.
Accept my apologies.
Don't leave me here crying.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I. Am. Sorry.
Strands of Fate
(This is my first poem i've ever written and i'm not an english-speaker, tell what you think of it and give feedbacks if you want, it'll be helpful :))
Every heart has it's red thread
They're all born with soul's existence
Fate's the one who leads
One hem is curious and young
The other is alone and hurt.
It's strands try hard to not fall apart
Like heart's stitches already did
The poison flowed inside
Killing every feeling and hope in it
I'm that hem I fear.
So many scars, so many to heal
It hurts. Loneliness hurts.
It root deep inside your soul
Like drugs.
In first steps makes you feel good
The voices say it's peace
Then you start downing in it
You get deep under the ocean
The pressure. The air. I need help.
I'm touch-starved.
Love it's what I want.
Love. Love. Love.
I crave it. I desire it. I need it.
My thread it's rotting with my heart.
My body is slowly dying.
I'm just a breathing corpse
And I will be forgotten.
Like every single one in this endless void.
If your every feeling down look up “cutest baby animal” my day has been made!
,,So, you want to rescue everyone but... who rescues you?"
from ,,I'm going to get better" by Olivia Mark
How dare you give me this beautiful sad ending. 😭 Poor Dani, also, poor Jazz. She did not deserve to have all the anger taken out on her, especially when I’m sure she’s grieving too. Would honestly love to see a snippet of what’s happening back in Amity Park right now-
Gut Feeling
DPXDC
Commissioner Jim Gordon meets an odd kid in the precinct.
--
“Come on, you really don’t have a way to directly contact Batman?”
Jim smiled. Kids came to the station and asked that all the time. Usually, it was just curiosity and showing them the signal was enough to get them to sign up for the Junior Police program. This one looked a little older than most, teenagers were often “too old” to believe in Batman, but again, give them a little faith now and they’ll never loose it.
“Lookin’ for the Bat, kid?” Jim asked, knowing he was about to make this kid’s –
Jim froze. The kid turned to face him and it was Bruce Wayne. Not playboy billionaire Bruce Wayne, but freshly a teenager Bruce Wayne. The Bruce Wayne who Jim had checked in on time and again from age eight until he ran off on a globetrotting trip to find himself. The little Bruce Wayne with too pale skin and dark bags under his eyes, and not enough love to make up for all the grief weighing him down. And he didn’t look like Damian either, where Bruce was obviously his father but there were distinct traits from his mother. This was a carbon copy of a boy Jim remembered vividly.
“I am.” He even sounded like teenage Bruce. All business, like he was on a mission.
“I might be able to help you, but it’ll take a while.” Jim said and the officer the kid had been talking too gave him an odd look. He waved her off and told the kid to follow him to the commissioner’s office. Normally, he’d be more dramatic, put on more of a show for the kid, but his gut told him this was different, this was important. He offered the kid a styrofoam cup of water then closed the door behind him. “So, what do you need to talk to Batman for?”
“It’s personal. I need to talk to him in person.”
Jim took a sip of coffee from his cup. “He doesn’t appreciate me calling for no reason in the middle of the day.”
“So you do have a direct line?” The kid nearly jumped out of his seat. “If he’s upset, it’ll be my fault, just call him, please.”
“Who should I say wants to talk to him?”
The kid hesitated. “He doesn’t know me, but I have to talk to him.”
Jim frowned. “What’s your name, kid?”
He swallowed and looked like he wasn’t going to answer for a moment. “Danny.”
“Danny…?” Jim wanted a last name but Danny kept quiet. Jim sighed, “He’s likely not going to show up until sundown.”
“I can wait, as long as you guarantee he’ll show.”
“And you’re not going to tell me why you need Batman?” Jim just got a glare in response. “What about one of the other heroes?”
“Only Batman, no one else can help.”
“You sure about that? Not even Superman?”
“Not unless Superman can get me in the same room as Batman.”
“Why’s it so important that you meet him in person?”
“It’s personal.”
Jim liked this less and less by the minute. “Do your parents know you’re here?”
Danny looked away but right when it looked like he wouldn’t say anything he mumbled. “They wouldn’t care anyway.”
After another moment to give the kid time to reconsider, Jim pulled out the Bat-phone. It was a normal Wayne-Tech cell phone, but Jim had been given very specific instructions on how and when to use it. The phone listed all the Gotham Vigilantes without visible numbers so they couldn’t be copied and handed out. He pressed the one for Batman.
“Stand outside, would you?” The kid gave him a look, but followed the request. Jim could see his shadow in the door’s window, not so subtle eavesdropping.
It rang a few times, and Jim sat there awkwardly with a teenager listening to his every move. Finally, a familiar voice picked up the other end of the line. “Commissioner Gordon.”
“Sorry to call you out of the blue Batman, but I’ve got a kid here who needs your help.”
“Who?”
“Says his name is Danny, that you’ve never met him but you’re the only one who can help him.”
“Why?”
“Refuses to tell me.”
“What’s your best guess, Commissioner?”
Jim looked at Danny’s shadow, it looked like he was straining his ears to try and hear what he was saying. Danny had given him almost nothing to work with. Just his name, that he’s never met Batman but needs to talk with him in person. But Jim was here because he listened to his gut. A feeling like when you see a random rock on your neighbor’s doorstep but you’d never go in without an invitation. A feeling like you know what’s in the present and are preparing your surprised face. A feeling like when you cheated on your wife and you know she knows.
“He looks like Bruce Wayne.”
A beat of silence. “What?”
“Danny looks exactly like Bruce when he was a teenager. Exactly the same.” Jim hoped Batman would get it, feel in his gut what Jim felt.
“And he wont say why he’s there?”
“No, and he demands to see you in person.”
“I’ll be there in an hour.”
“10-4.” The line cut off before Jim had finished saying it. He called Danny in again. “He’s on his way.”
Danny glared at him. “If he’s not, if you called some social worker or something, you’ll regret it.”
“I’m sure.” Jim sighed and downed the rest of his now cold coffee.
The sun hadn’t set, but only just barely. Jim ended up taking Danny up to the roof in the end after all, if only to save his window from being broken into. The kid had a red hoodie on, but he was still shivering in the autumn chill and it was just going to get colder by the minute as the sun made its way behind the horizon.
Jim checked his watch and, at exactly an hour from when he called, he acted surprised when Batman and Robin appeared out of nowhere. “Bats.”
“Commissioner.” Batman greeted but his eyes went straight for Danny. “Danny, I assume.”
“Yeah, I…” Danny hesitated, looking at Jim and Robin.
All it took was four words from Batman. “What do you need?”
The kid held out his hand with a flash drive in it. “I’m your clone. My par- The people who made me wanted to make a stronger version of you, but they got ahead of themselves. My DNA is degrading and I’ll die if I don’t get your DNA to stabilize me.”
Holy cow.
“You don’t expect us to believe that, do you?” Robin sneered at him.
“The flash drive has all the info on it. All the data about the cloning process and the, uh, relevant experiments after that.” Batman gave the kid a look. “I didn’t want to waste time on unnecessary data.”
“If what you’re saying is true, why are you here, alone? Are they working on a different solution?”
Danny’s shoulders hiked up. “I’ve been a failure for a while now, I’m not worth the resources and they’d learn more from an autopsy.”
Oof, kid. Jim looked at Batman who seemed to feel the same… if Jim was reading him right.
“So, you wont object to a DNA test?” Robin asked with a cocky head tilt, at least he was relatively easy to read.
“You can try.” Danny said, and then realized what that sounded like. “I mean I wont stop you, but my DNA degrades faster outside my body. You’ll have to take me to whatever lab you plan on using.”
“Then we will.” Batman said and jerked his head towards where they’d probably parked that ridiculous car of his. But then he looked at Jim with a nod. “Commissioner.”
“Batman.” Jim returned the nod. “You’ll tell me how things turn out, yeah?”
“I’ll give you a report.” Batman joked – Jim could tell, it was gut feeling.
my enasona emotions- they're half-program