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CW: Religious Abuse
Hey, it's my time to vent to the void called the internet. So I'm a pimo exjw and it sucks. Only recently did I realize I was in a cult but now I just feel stuck. I am forced to feign faith, hide my activities, and process alone. If I don't I will be shunned and possibly kicked out with no support.
The cult raised me with the idea that obedience was my whole worth, so my mom found me and the rest of my family easy to abuse. I can't stand having to pretend to worship the god that wanted me to let her hurt me. Even after I set boundries and shook up the status quo, my father let's her hurt him because he knows he will never be able to divorce her and wants to fix her.
I also get torn up when I think about how much being queer in that environment fucked with me. I wanted so bad to be 'normal', and tried to 'fix' myself. I was told your environment and bad habits make you lgbt and that it would probably be a phase. But then time based while I tried to be as perfect as possible. It wouldn't change. I told my parents thinking it would be a phase, who despite saying 'only acting on your feelings is bad', told me to keep it secret to avoid harrassment from other people in the cult. I was regularly exposed to anti-LGBT rhetoric and hate speech from the people closest to me.
Despite all this I wanted so bad to be good for my parents. I cringe thinking of all the things I did in that aim. Who I treated unfairly or had to abandon because they were "bad association". My experience is by no means the worst you will hear, but its telling. I've been taking a lot of comfort in the exjw community and hope this can at least validate someone else.
Yeah so this is about to become one of safe spaces on the internet to just be myself. Expect venting, fan art reblogs, and maybe a joke once in a while.