Qsmp - Blog Posts

Or: Prince Roier Hires a Faerie to Help With His Divorce (he hasn't gotten married yet)

For day two of @smallchaoscryptid's Spiderbit Week - Fae/Kiss

-

Once upon a time...

Roier picks his way through the foliage with a grimace. His feet hurt, twigs keep smacking into his face, bugs keep flying into his mouth. This sucks, but it'll all be worth it.

Thunder rolls above, and rain starts pouring down without a second's warning.

...It'll all be worth it.

He's due back at the castle by morning, but, honestly, he'd kinda rather die than go back. If the wolves eat him, so be it!

Grumbling, he pulls his hood up over his head, and he continues onward. If he freezes to death out here, so be it!

He's not planning on going back to the castle alive, anyway.

Legend has it that, deep in the haunted forest surrounding the Kingdom of Quesadilla, there lives a man-eating witch capable of tearing a man's soul from his body before he can so much as breathe in her general direction. Nobody knows this witch's name, but everybody knows that she's totally fucked up: if she isn't eating people, she's eating bears, and her magic is said to be as destructive as the eruption that created the universe.

Roier needs to meet her now.

So he continues trudging through the woods. The lantern in his hand is fighting to stay lit, and his boots are filled with enough water to drown a rat with, but he's fine. He's going to die miserable, but he's fine.

There's a flash of lightning bright enough to blind him, and then there's a crash of thunder loud enough to make him jump and nearly drop his lantern. When his vision returns, the tree in front of him is toppled to the side, leaving only a charred and smoking stump behind.

And then there's the cat.

Roier, frankly, stares. Because... what?

It's a cute cat, at least: brown with black stripes almost like a tiger's and blue eyes so bright that they almost seem to glow in the night. It sits on the stump with its tail curled around its paws, very polite, 10/10 cat.

Hesitantly, Roier approaches. He holds the lantern up to the cat, tilts his head, smiles.

"You're so cute," he coos, bending down to pet the cat between its little ears. "What are you doing out here, eh?"

The cat yawns, and then it huffs, "I could ask you the same question."

Roier screams and recoils and drops his lantern. It goes out, but the forest doesn't grow any dimmer because the cat is fucking glowing now, okay. Okay!

The cat rolls its eyes, tail twitching. "Okay, ouch. I'm not that scary."

"You're a talking cat," Roier breathes. "What the fuck?"

"What, you were expecting the witch?"

A pause.

Then:

"Oh, come on!"

Roier finally collects himself, brushing the water off of his cloak and adjusting his hood and picking up his lantern.

The cat stands and starts pacing the stump in a small, annoyed circle.

"The witch isn't even real," it complains. "She never was! Witches aren't real!"

Roier frowns. "Fuck you, man, my best friend is a witch."

"They aren't. Witches aren't real. Magicians are real, but witches-"

"You are literally a talking cat."

"I am a faerie," the cat corrects, sounding almost pained as it does so. "Faeries are real. Witches are fake. It's all anti-faerie propaganda created by the Federation-"

"By the what?"

The cat flicks his tail at Roier; Roier's mouth shuts, and, to his alarm, he finds that he can't open it again no matter how hard he tries.

The cat angrily swipes a leaf off of the stump. Unfortunately, it is really cute as it does so.

But then it starts complaining again, and Roier decides that this annoying fucking faerie cat isn't that cute after all.

"I haven't eaten anybody in centuries!" the cat shouts. "Fucking Cucurucho..."

Roier's eyes widen.

He waves at the cat until the cat does its magic thing again and allows him to talk.

First, Roier sucks in a deep breath through his mouth. That was uncomfortable.

Then, he says, "I know Cucurucho. I'm supposed to marry him in three days."

The cat's eyes narrow. Its shadow beneath it seems to grow; it tinges itself red like a pool of water with blood in it, wow. That's almost cool.

"That's why I'm here," Roier explains. "I need the witch to kill me so I don't have to marry him."

The cat sits.

"I see," it says. "Unfortunately, the witch isn't real."

"Suuuure, but you are." Roier sneaks closer. "Can't you just-" He opens his hands and wiggles his fingers. "-magic me dead?"

The cat stares at Roier's fingers. "Um. No. Faeries can't kill."

Roier deflates. "Ugh."

With a frustrated groan, he sits on the stump next to the cat. The cat grumbles, but it doesn't, like, magic him onto the ground, so that's kinda nice of it.

"But," the cat says, slowly as if questioning itself as it speaks, "I can get you to kill for me."

Oh. Now there's a thought. But...

Roier looks to the side at the cat. "I've tried. I'm pretty sure he's immortal, man."

"You haven't tried killing him with faerie magic. Now, come here."

The cat hops off of the stump and pads into the forest. After a moment, Roier follows.

They walk until they reach a hollowed-out tree. Then, the cat hops into the tree and mutters to itself as it looks for something.

Eventually, the cat pokes its head out of the tree with an opaque brown bottle held in its mouth.

Roier takes the bottle and turns it over in his hands.

"This," the cat says, "is extract of unicorn. Mix this in with Cucurucho's food, and he'll be dead by the end of the night."

Roier's mouth twitches. It'll happen, just like that? Just like that? Decades of oppression over just. Like. That?

"Okaaayyy," Roier drawls. He looks back up at the cat with a small smile. "Thank you."

The cat responds by clambering out of the tree and lounging on a branch hanging by Roier's face.

"No, thank you," the cat insists. "You'll be doing us both a favor if you manage to kill that asshole."

"If this kills him, you'll be a hero."

"Oh, I'm no hero. I'm just..." (The cat grins with far too many teeth in its mouth.) "...an invested party."

Well, the cat is probably evil. But that's fine. So is Cucurucho, and two wrongs make a right, right?

-

Well, wrong! Because Cucurucho isn't fucking dead.

Roier stomps back to the tree stump with the faerie's empty unicorn piss whatever bottle in hand. He doesn't have a lantern this time because, frankly, he really isn't intent on returning to the castle this time. If he trips over a root and dies, so be it!

The cat is nowhere to be seen. Of course, the bastard.

"Gatinho!" Roier calls. He cups both hands around his mouth and spins in a circle and continues shouting, "Gatinho! Where the fuck are you! Come here!"

No response.

Frustrated, Roier chucks the bottle to the ground and plops onto the stump. He puts his head in his hands and groans.

"I am going to fucking die," he moans. "I can't go home, I need to die, what the fuck."

A twig snaps. A presence ghosts over his shoulder, what feels like fingers grazing his tunic. But, when he snaps his head up and turns around, all he sees is the cat sitting behind him.

Roier's eyes narrow. "You."

"Me," the cat agrees. "Did it work? Is he dead? Please tell me he's dead. He's dead, right?"

"No! He isn't! He thought that unicorn shit was edible glitter! Now he wants it at the wedding!"

The cat blinks. "Huh."

"Yeah, 'huh'." Roier huffs and turns back around and hides his face again. "Fuck you, man. You said it would kill him."

"It should've. He's a demon, right?"

"How should I know? He's a fucking bear wizard thing."

"Okay, again, wizards aren't real, magicians are. But you're marrying him, right? How do you not know what species he is?"

"It's not like I'm getting a choice in the matter," Roier spits. He glares into the palms of his hands, shoulders shaking with barely-concealed rage. "Either I marry him or he destroys the kingdom."

There's a pregnant pause as the cat takes this information in. Fair, honestly. Roier hadn't exactly told him that he's a prince. Wasn't important, still isn't important. Doesn't matter if he's a prince if he's being sold off to marry a goddamn bear like he's a common animal.

It's for the good of the kingdom, Foolish had said. He and Vegetta have always liked Cucurucho despite Cucurucho being a legendary fucking creep. It's either you or Leo.

And Roier isn't the one that's meant to take the throne after his parents die.

"Can't you just kill me?" Roier asks. He waves a hand in a random direction. "Just make a tree fall on me or something. It'll be an accident, it's fine, your faerie cops won't know."

"Um, no," the cat says. "That's fucked up."

"Don't you eat people? How the fuck do you eat people without killing them?"

"Who says I killed them before eating them?"

Ah. Sounds about right.

...Kinda cool, to be honest. Imagining a tiny little kitty cat rip a grown dude apart like he's a slice of bread. Almost funny in a way.

Roier jumps as something brushes the hair out of his face.

He jerks his head upright and glares down at the cat, now sitting delicately in front of him.

"I have an idea," the cat tells him. "Follow me."

As they walk back to the hollow tree, the cat asks, "Does Cucurucho still have that freaky mechanical sword?"

Roier thinks. "Maybe? I don't know, he kinda just sits and stares at people. Sometimes he chases the servants around with a sword? Dunno if it's mechanical, though..."

"Well, any sword will work. Hold on."

The cat leaps into the tree and comes out with a new bottle, this one clear.

Roier takes the bottle and swishes it around. The liquid inside looks like oil, okay...

"This is dragon's blood," the cat explains. "It's corrosive to the touch, so be careful. Tell him that it's a special polish for his sword. It should eat his skin to the bone and kill him dead."

"Huh," Roier says, suddenly much more careful with the bottle. He gently slides it into his pocket, makes sure it's secure between a bag of coins and his headband. "Okay. Cool."

"This should work," the cat says. "But I'll try and think of something else for if it doesn't."

"Yeah, well, it'd better work," Roier huffs. "I'm getting married in two days. Then the gods only know what he's gonna do with me."

"Trust me, we'll figure it out."

"Trust you? Aren't you some kind of evil faerie cat?"

The cat looks offended. "Excuse you, I'm barely evil anymore. All I do is read these days. Do you know how many books I have at my house? More than Cucurucho, that's for sure."

"You have a house?"

The cat visibly bristles. "Of course I have a house. What, do you think I'm homeless?"

"You are a cat."

"Not all the time!"

Oh, that's interesting. Roier can almost imagine what the cat looks like in a human form, but the idea escapes him at the last second.

"Whatever," Roier sighs. "Just kill me tomorrow if this doesn't work."

-

Roier doesn't even bother shouting as he storms up to the stump.

He sits, pulls his cloak off, tosses it to his feet, kicks it away. What the fuck!!

He doesn't so much as blink as the cat appears by his side.

"It didn't work?" the cat cries. "Really? That should've worked!"

"Yeah, well, it didn't," Roier huffs. "He wore gloves today. And Cucurucho figured out that I've been sneaking out to see someone at night, so he told my parents that we're going to move to a different castle out in the middle of nowhere. I bet he's going to lock me up, the piece of shit."

The cat's ears lay back on its head. Its eyes narrow, and its lip curls back in a clear snarl.

"I know," Roier agrees. "Fuck this guy for real."

"Fuck him."

"Fuck him!"

Roier smiles just for a second, and he even manages a brief laugh before remembering, right. He's fucking doomed. Right.

Sighing, he slumps to the side until he's tumbling off of the stump and splayed across the ground. He buries his face in the grass and screams.

To his credit, he hardly jumps as a hand firmly settles on his back and rubs it. Small circles, firm hand, big hand, it feels like, wow.

Something- a knee?- presses against Roier's arm firmly. It's grounding in a way. Almost.

"I'm getting married tomorrow," Roier whines. "Just kill me, gatinho. I promise I won't tell anyone."

"I'm not going to kill you, guapito," the cat says. (Roier blushes. Guapito...) Its voice sounds deeper, almost. Louder. More clear. "I can't."

"Then what am I supposed to do? Marry Cucurucho?"

"I won't let that happen."

"Why? Because you want to kill him? Because that hasn't exactly been working so far."

"Because it's super fucked up that he's forcing you to marry him. I don't give a shit about the kingdom, I don't live there. I want him dead, but I'm starting to think that he's unkillable."

The hand moves from Roier's back up to his head. Fingers sift through his hair. Woooow, that feels good. When's the last time Roier got touched this softly? Before Cucurucho arrived?

"I've been thinking," the cat continues. "I've been keeping an eye on Cucurucho for centuries, but he's never tried destroying the kingdom before now. Before you. I think that, if you're gone, then he might leave, too."

Roier cracks an eye open. He doesn't shift his head at all, so he can only just barely make out a hint of cloth. So the cat has clothes when he's a human, that's cool, Roier guesses. Makes him wonder where they came from.

"So... kill me," Roier tells him. "If it'll get him to leave the kingdom alone, kill me."

"I can't do that."

"I'm not next in line for the throne! It's fine! Just push me into the river, I can't swim."

"You can't swim? Really?"

"Well, I can, but I can pretend that I can't!"

"You are so... selfless," the cat says, sounding completely exasperated. "And stupid. No, come with me. I know how we can solve this without killing you."

The hand leaves Roier's head, and then a cold nose is poking at his cheek until he's sitting up and looking the cat right in its little kitty eyes.

"Do you still have cat eyes when you're in another form?" Roier can't help but ask. "That would be really cool."

The cat chuckles. "Maybe. Come on. I have one last thing we can try."

They go to the hollow tree, and Roier waits as the cat scrambles into the tree and surfaces with a necklace clutched in its teeth.

Roier takes the necklace and inspects it. It's a solid gold chain with a little charm that looks like a cat's head. Cute.

"What, is this evil faerie gold that will melt Cucurucho's skin off?" Roier asks.

"No, it's for you," the cat replies. "Wear it tomorrow. When the wedding reaches the climax, take the necklace off and break it."

Roier points at the cat accusingly. "You are going to kill me!"

The cat rolls its eyes. "I'm not. Just... trust me."

Trust the man-eating faerie cat, sure. Right.

Roier sighs, but he puts the necklace on, anyway. It's surprisingly warm around his neck.

The cat almost seems to smile. "You look lovely."

"This thing is going to explode and blow my head off."

"No, you'll see."

And, well. What choice does Roier have but to wait and see?

-

The final wedding preparations go by in an uncomfortable blur.

Leo comes in to hug Roier goodbye. She then punches Roier in the stomach and tells him to write to her once he's at his new house.

Jaiden comes in to help Roier finish getting ready. She's happy about the marriage because she really thinks that Cucurucho is a good person, and Roier can't help but be happy that she's happy.

Foolish comes in to walk Roierto the church. He and Vegetta each take one of Roier's arms, and they walk.

And then Cucurucho is waiting at the church in front of the altar in an all-white suit. His fur is meticulously brushed, his claws are polished, his smile is painted on, he's absolutely grotesque.

Roier hates him.

"Good morning," Cucurucho says as Roier settles in front of the altar.

"It's sunset, you fucking idiot," Roier snaps. He can say what he wants now, right? He's going to die, anyway. The cat is going to kill him.

Cucurucho laughs, and then the ceremony starts.

Roier tunes out most of the goings-on if only to keep himself from breaking down and breaking the necklace before it's time. The cat said to wait until the climax, so Roier's going to wait for the goddamn climax.

He comes back to himself as the cleric asks if anybody in the audience has any objections to the marriage.

This sounds like a fucking climax if Roier's ever heard one.

"Yes," he says. "I object!"

He tears the necklace from around his neck and throws it to the floor. Before anybody can stop him, he slams his heel into the charm.

The entire church erupts into screams as a blinding white light fills it. Magic tears at Roier's skin, biting and pulling. He squeezes his eyes shut, anticipating the end of it all.

But:

"I also object," the cat says.

Two large hands settle on Roier's upper arms, and he's pulled back and against a firm chest.

Roier tilts his head back- not too far, because the cat's human form is shorter than he is, funnily enough- and his eyes widen as he takes in the most beautiful man in the world. Long hair the same color as the cat's coat, scarred face, feathery earrings, cat eyes.

"No," Curucucho snaps. "No!"

"Yes!" the cat- well, not the cat, Roier supposes- shouts. "The prince is mine! He swore himself to me the moment he accepted that necklace, and so he will go back with me to the Faewild and become my husband. You know the rules, bear."

Leo, in the audience, cheers. So does Foolish, who always appreciates a good show.

"Gatinho," Roier hisses.

The faerie shrugs his concerns off. Roier is annoyed about this for exactly three seconds before he gets caught up in the faerie's eyes.

Could be a worse arranged marriage, that's for sure...

A long moment passes, but Cucurucho eventually says a begrudging, "Yes."

"So," the faerie continues, "you will not destroy the kingdom for this. If the prince has already been promised to somebody else, then he never rejected you."

"Yes," Cucurucho sighs.

"You're hot when you're arguing," Roier whispers.

The faerie's cheeks redden, as do the tips of his pointed ears. Cute!

Yeah, no, this arranged marriage will be way better than the last one.

"So!" The faerie turns Roier around so that they're looking at each other properly for the first time eye-to-eye. "You will be coming with me."

"Yeah, okay," Roier agrees. Hell yeah. "Take me, gatinho."

"'Take me'?" Foolish gasps. "Ooooo, this is getting spicy!"

"All you need to do is say my name," the faerie says.

He leans in close and whispers right into Roier's ear, and Roier returns the favor... with a couple of flirtatious remarks thrown in for good measure. Sue him, he's about to get married to a sexy faerie. He's going to make the most of the situation.

"Cellbit," Roier murmurs, and something tickles at his skin. Something... purple. It feels purple. Soft and purple.

"Roier," the faerie replies. He looks positively flustered, aww. He's going to be so fun to tease once they're out of the church.

As the Faewild's magic starts to pick up, Roier can't help but give the faerie a grateful kiss.

The faerie blinks away from the kiss after a moment of some very eager lip-chasing. His face is completely red, and his eyes are wide and unblinking even as the magic around them whips like the wind.

"There's more where that comes from," Roier teases. He puts his arms around the faerie and smiles. "You're marrying me, get used to it. That's just part of the deal."

Because faeries are all about deals, right? Well, Roier's the best deal this guys is ever gonna get.

The faerie swallows, an eager grin teasing at his face.

"Yeah," he breathes. "Alright."

He pulls Roier's head down for another kiss just as the Faewild swallows them whole.

-

(Legends say that there are monsters living in the haunted forest surrounding the Kingdom of Quesadilla. Once monster is a man-spider with glowing red eyes and fangs the length of one's sword. The other is a furry snarling beast of a thing with magic worthy of the most powerful of witches.

Ah, but don't worry, my child, for these monsters don't hunt humans.

No, they hunt bears, and isn't that a good thing for us?)

Two Ways to Adjust the Egg Life System

So, since the Eggs ran away in September and lived for weeks free of tasks and lives, and after they survived Purgatory while doing zero tasks, and after the three newer eggs survived for seemingly their entire lives without tasks or lives, a lot of people- both fans and creators and egg admins- have been complaining about the Egg Life System and how bullshit it is in terms of both player experience and the island’s established lore. It’s an outdated system that isn’t fun for anybody involved, and it should be properly updated for the new year.

Eggs have been the QSMP’s lifeblood since when they were first introduced in April. They were initially an event then, but they soon developed into actual people with actual personalities that both the audience and the players all became ridiculously attached to.

Eggs are given to new players to give them someone to hang out with when they’re alone on the server, and they exist for that purpose for everybody else, too.

So, if that’s the case… why the fuck can they still permadie? When lore itself showed that they don’t need to do tasks, and when players like the Korean members or like Roier or Bad would be completely alone on the server without the eggs keeping them company, it really begs the question of whether or not it’s possible to still have the eggs at risk while not explicitly killing them.

And so I present a couple of ways to adapt the Egg System to the QSMP 2024 while still allowing the eggs to be put at risk and while still having consequences for risky behavior and while still keeping the cookie system in place because, really, that’s a decent way of doing the tasks.

1. Hospitalization

Post-Purgatory, it was revealed that there’s an Egg Hospital. And it really would make sense for the server’s hyper capitalist second season to keep the hospital, and to use it the American Way.

When an egg goes down and “dies”, the egg respawns like a player would. But the egg respawns in the Egg Hospital at Spawn, and the parents have to pay a hefty fee for their eggs’ health.

The server already makes everybody collect coins and go into debt, so why not apply that to the eggs?

The fee the parents would have to pay would be ridiculous, like maybe 10k coins. Any coins they get from bounties would go to that and not to their own pockets, but the egg would still be alive. Every time the egg dies, the fee would increase regardless of whether or not the parents paid it off the last time.

So an egg has infinite lives, but the eggs and their parents are still punished for deaths. It keeps the parents from being able to buy necessities like warps or things from the Spawn Shops.

Egg Tasks are completed in exchange for Cookie Coupons, which allow the purchase of one cookie per coupon free of any monetary charge. In an emergency, parents can add to their debt by buying cookies outright. This way, eggs still get to do tasks while the parents are paying their debt.

Is this system harsh? Yeah, but so are permadeaths. This system just switches the deaths out for American-style medical debt that will ruin the parents financially should they ‘allow’ their eggs to die.

2. Repossession

Since the start of QSMP2024, the bunny employees have been trying to buy the eggs from their parents. Why not adapt that?

If an egg dies under this system, the parents receive a Strike from the Federation. After two Strikes, the egg is taken from their parents by a bunny social worker to live with the Federation until the parents can prove they’re a “good parent.”

The parents do this by taking paid parenthood classes taught by the Federation that would cost maybe 500 coins per class (coming to a total cost of 3,500 coins.) After a week of classes, the parents get their kids back.

The classes would basically be a bunny worker showing up at the parent’s home and making them do egg tasks for the bunny instead, maybe for ten minutes per day, showing that the parents can still take care of their eggs and that they aren’t neglectful or anything.

Furthermore, before the parents get their eggs back, they have to build a room specifically for their eggs if they don’t have one built already, and that room must be inspected by the bunny social worker. Parents have to show that they have food prepared for the egg. They have to have a set of armor prepared for the egg, and a sword and pickax. They have to have at least one toy or egg cosmetic purchased and waiting for the egg in the egg’s new room.

Once all this is done, after a week, the eggs get to come back, and their Strikes are reset.

This isn’t too bad, but 3,500 coins is a lot of money for a lot of players, and having to do all these chores and not having their eggs around punishes both the players and the eggs the same way a permadeath would. It’s just that this doesn’t include the egg dying, it includes a new form of Egg Trauma.

-

If you have any other ideas of new systems, I’d be curious to hear them. And feel free to screenshot and share this post to Twitter if you want, that’s cool.

I just think there are ways to mess with the players and the audience without killing the eggs off, that’s all.

These systems I have proposed accommodate for server lag and general unpreparedness, such as not having good enough armor or going into a dungeon without backup.

The Murder Husband

(Again lol)

Heard the news

A very exciting day from the Merpepito AU

Read on Ao3

-

Pepito has been a pirate for one month and three days, and he has finally been given his first Pirate Job.

"Pepito, I'm trusting you with something very important," Captain Celbi had said as the ship had pulled into port.

He had crouched and pulled out a small leather pouch from the pocket of his coat. He held it out to Pepito, nodding seriously as Pepito took the pouch in both of Pepito's hands.

"Pac and Mike are going to go grocery shopping while we're here, but they always forget the most important food when I send them shopping," Captain Celbi explained. "They don't buy any candy, and we both know how important candy is."

Pepito nodded seriously. Candy is important, Apa Quackity says that it's one of the major food groups along with fish, seaweed, and cocaine.

"So I need you," Captain Celbi continued, "to take this money and make sure that you get candy. One piece for every crew member, and two pieces for yourself as payment for taking on this very important mission."

And so here Pepito is, grocery shopping for the first time as a pirate. Mister Pac and Mister Mike and Richarlyson are with him, but they don't know about his mission; it's a secret mission, Captain Celbi had said!

The Sky Pepito town is huge, but Pepito doesn't think they'll get lost. Mister Mike seems to know where they're going even if Richarlyson does keep running off and getting lost in the crowd and punching people until Mister Pac goes to get him.

"Settle down, Richas!" Mister Pac groans. He takes Richarlyson by the hand and pulls him to his side. "You're going to get arrested like this, you know!"

"And?" Richarlyson challenges. "So what! Pai Cellbit gets arrested all the time!"

"Cellbit is also a complete sociopath," Mister Mike comments. He looks at the grocery list with a hum. "He told us to buy coffee, how the hell are we supposed to make coffee on a boat?"

Pepito doesn't know what a 'sociopath' is, but it sounds cool! Some kind of artist, maybe?

He looks around the market. There has to be a candy stall somewhere!

Back in the Reef, Miss Niki had the best candy. She made taffy out of The Ocean's salt, and she sold it alongside her cookies in her shop, and, man, Pepito really misses Miss Niki.

...He doesn't miss anything else about the Reef, though! Definitely not Apa Roier or Apa Quackity or Apa Mariana or Apa Carre or Ama Rivers or Awuelo Foolish, that would be silly!

Pepito is a pirate now. He's doing a Pirate Job for a Pirate Captain, and he's going to end up in sooooooo much trouble with the Navy because of it! (Everybody knows the Navy hates candy. It's because they're lazy disgusting sacks of organs and blood, according to Captain Celbi, and he's never wrong!!)

Pepito jumps as someone taps his shoulder. He looks up and sees Mister Mike looking down at him with crinkled, smiling eyes.

"Don't get lost, now, Pepito," he says. "Cellbit will leave you behind if we go back to the ship without you."

Pac gasps and smacks Mister Mike's arm, but he's smiling, and Richarlyson is laughing.

Pepito's eyes well with tears, but he doesn't cry. He knows that they're all pirates. They're evil. Of course Captain Celbi would leave if Pepito got back to the ship late, he's a pirate captain, and Pepito still hasn't finished his first Pirate Job.

So Pepito bites Pepito's lip and puffs Pepito's chest out. He will not be left behind! He's going to finish his Pirate Job, and then Captain Celbi will say he's a Good Pirate, and then Pepito will be a Good Pepito again.

...But Pepito can't see a candy stall or shop anywhere. Captain Celbi had said that this was supposed to be a secret, but if Pepito doesn't tell anybody that he was given this job, then it's still a secret!

Hesitantly, he tugs on Mister Mike's sleeve and spells out with his finger in the air, "C A N D Y"? (Apparently, there's something called 'sign language' in the Sky, but Pepito hasn't learned that yet, but at least Pepito can spell using the Sky Language now!)

"You want candy?" Mister Mike asks.

"Oooo, I want candy, too," Mister Pac eagerly says. He looks at Pepito with a smile. "When we're done shopping, we'll get some candy, okay?"

Pepito beams, all tears gone.

Richarlyson grumbles and tugs his hand free. He ducks his head, mutters something under his breath, glares at Pepito through his bangs.

Pepito frowns, all smiles gone.

He doesn't get why Richarlyson doesn't like him. They're friends, right? Captain Celbi always seems happy when they're playing together.

...Unless Richarlyson knows that Pepito is a Bad Pepito. Unless Richarlyson knows about the Very Bad Thing.

Uh oh.

-

(Cellbit watches the water, leaning against the ship's railing. He can dream of seeing him again, can't he?

Suddenly, a bright light erupts out of the ocean just over the horizon.

Cellbit frowns, standing and adjusting his hat.

That can't be good.)

-

Halfway through the grocery list, Richarlyson escapes again.

Maybe that's for the best, Pepito thinks. He likes Richarlyson, but he doesn't want Richarlyson telling his dads about the Very Bad Thing. Pepito likes Misters Pacandmike, they've been the ones teaching Pepito how to write the Sky Language. They're smart, and they're nice by pirate standards. Pepito doesn't want them to hate him, too.

So Pepito keeps watching Mister Mike argue with the saleswoman at the bakery. She won't sell him any bread because Richarlyson stole some cookies on his way into the crowd, it's rude. Maybe she's a pirate, too.

But the hair on the back of Pepito's neck raises on end as he hears a familiar shout and a, "Hey, watch it, kid! Where the fuck are your parents, huh?"

No...!

Pepito is a Brave Pepito. Pepito is a pirate! Pepito isn't scared of anybody!

But Pepito doesn't want to see the hatred in Apa Roier's eyes. He wants his last memories of Apa Roier's face to be happy ones where Apa Roier still loves him and wants to be his father and doesn't hate him or think he's a killer or a Bad Pepito.

Pepito can't help it.

Pepito runs.

Pepito holds Captain Celbi's money close to his chest, and he runs.

"What the-" Mister Mike exclaims. "Pepito! Where are you going!"

"Pepito?" Apa Roier asks. He shouts again and calls, "Pepito!"

Pepito ducks into the crowd and drops to his knees, clutching Captain Celbi's money tight so he doesn't lose it.

Apa Roier may be a fast swimmer, but Pepito is a Small Pepito. He knows that Apa Roier is super tall, so Pepito crawls between people's legs and under and through skirts and he hopes that Apa Roier can't see him because Pepito doesn't want to see him.

Pepito is gonna be in soooooo much trouble...

("He's a good boy," Apa Roier says. He glares over Pepito's shoulder at Luzu. "Not a killer. Can you get that through your skull, hmm?")

Pepito sniffs and wishes he was back home where he could hide under his bed until Apa Mariana would get on the ground with him and wait until he was done being scared. Apa Mariana would hold Pepito's hand and talk until Pepito felt better, and Pepito misses him so much. But now Apa Mariana has a New Pepito to hold hands with. He doesn't want Pepito anymore.

Suddenly, something heavy pounces upon Pepito from behind, knocking him down.

Pepito lets out a whine and faceplants onto the ground. He hears his glasses crack (at least he hopes it's his glasses...)

Captain Celbi's money digs into Pepito's stomach. It hurts...

"Got him!" someone shouts, and, oh, it's Richarlyson. Of course he's working with Apa Roier. He wants a Good Pepito, too, doesn't he?

Pepito whimpers and shakes his head. He wiggles, trying to get free, but all he does is rattle Captain Celbi's money a bit.

Richarlyson laughs and reaches under Pepito's stomach and pulls out the money pouch.

"This is Pai Cellbit's!" Richarlyson gasps. His other hand wraps around the back of Pepito's neck angrily. "You stole this from him!"

Pepito shakes his head again. He might be a Bad Pepito, but he isn't a thief! Captain Celbi gave that money to him for a job! A Pirate Job! So Pepito can be a pirate like everybody else!

"Hey, mister!" Richarlyson shouts. "I have Pepito!"

Pepito's stomach hurts, but not from getting tackled this time. He's going to be sick. Apa Roier hates him. He's came all this way just to find Pepito and arrest him and call him a Bad Pepito and-

Richarlyson is yanked off of Pepito; he shouts and fights and kicks right into Pepito's back.

"Richarlyson, what the hell?" Mister Pac demands. "What does Pai Cellbit always tell us?"

Pepito pushes himself up and back onto his hands and knees. His glasses are cracked, but he can still kinda see...

But then he's picked up by Mister Mike, and then they're running through the crowd.

Pepito glances down and sees that he's only being held to Mister Mike's chest by one arm. Mister Mike's free hand is holding a gun.

Pirates...

Mister Mike turns his head over his shoulder and shouts, "You are so grounded!"

"What? No!" Richarlyson protests.

"Crew protects crew," Mister Pac says. "Pepito is crew whether you like it or not."

Squinting, Pepito can see Mister Pac dragging Richarlyson along behind him as they hurriedly speedwalk through the crowd.

Mister Pac has his sword drawn, but it looks clean. That's good, Pepito doesn't want Apa Roier hurt.

"He stole from Pai Cellbit!" Richarlyson argues. "He's a traitor!"

Mister Mike rolls his eyes. "Who doesn't steal from Cellbit? Honestly, Pepito stealing from him is enough to make him crew in my eyes."

Pepito's jaw drops. A pirate likes him...!

They continue rushing through the crowd, groceries abandoned. Captain Celbi is gonna be so mad, but he might not call Pepito a Bad Pepito if Pepito's lucky. It isn't Pepito's fault that Apa Roier talked to the Sea Witch! Blame the Sea Witch, not Pepito!

The ship appears over the crowd, and Pepito can almost see the Pepitos on its deck. But his glasses are broken, so all he can really see are smudges that are vaguely Pepito-shaped.

"Cellbit!" Pac shouts. "We need to go!"

Captain Celbi appears over the railing. With his hat and his coat and the clear scowl on his face, he looks truly evil. (So cool...)

"What the fuck did you do?" he demands as they approach. "You were gone for twenty minutes!"

Mister Mike is the first on the ship. As soon as he's on board, he drops Pepito to the ground and reaches out to grab Richarlyson and pull him on board, too. He gently shoves Richarlyson to Cellbit, who takes Richarlyson by the shoulders and holds him still in front of him.

Captain Celbi looks at Mister Mike, and then he looks at the out-of-breath Mister Pac, and then he looks at Richarlyson, and then he looks at Pepito.

His eyes darken, a weird rumbling sound coming out of his throat that almost sounds like growling, but that can't be right. Sky Pepitos don't growl.

Pepito shrinks back. In the air, he shakily spells, "S O R R Y."

"It wasn't Pepito," Mister Pac says. "There was some- some guy at the market who saw Pepito and started chasing us! I don't know, he might be Navy? But they don't usually go after mermaids, right?"

"Who cares who he was?" Mister Mike huffs. He still has his gun out. (Scary...) "Fuck that guy."

He glances at Richarlyson. "You're grounded, young lady. Go below deck."

Richarlyson's jaw drops open in outrage. "But- but he's a thief!"

He holds out Captain Celbi's money pouch. "Pai, see? Pepito stole this from you! He's untrustworthy."

Captain Celbi sighs and takes his money back. "I gave him that money so he could buy candy because you guys never let me have any. Go downstairs, we'll talk later."

Richarlyson's face falls, but he storms downstairs, kicking a bucket full of soapy water over on his way.

Captain Celbi looks at Mister Pac. "We can't leave yet. Baghera and Mousey are still on shore, and we definitely don't have the food supplies to set sail right now. Next port town is over a month away, we'll starve before then."

He takes Misters Pacandmike to talk, occasionally glancing at Pepito.

Pepito lets them be. Pepito isn't a pirate. He can't participate in Pirate Stuff. He failed his Pirate Job. He'll never be a pirate now.

He walks to the gangplank and sits with his knees to his chest. He can't see much of anything, but maybe he can help Miss Baghera and Miss Mouse with their bags when they come back to the ship.

Pepito can't see, but Pepito can hear.

"Shit!" Apa Roier shouts in The Ocean's Language.

If Pepito squints just right, he thinks that he can see Apa Roier backing away from a wooden post on the dock with a hand to his forehead. He's shouting and in pain and it's all Pepito's fault.

Apa Roier's head snaps between the docked ships, looking. Searching. Probably very, very angry.

And then he sees Pepito. And Pepito sees him.

Pepito can't help it. Pepito starts crying as Apa Roier comes running towards him, tripping over himself as he scrambles up the gangplank with extended arms.

"Pepito!" Apa Roier cries. Pepito can't see the look on his face, but Pepito bets he's angry. "Pepito!"

He keeps chanting Pepito's name as he runs, because he's always liked Pepito's name. He always says that it's the best name Pepito could have, and it's probably his favorite name, so the New Pepito is probably named Pepito, too.

Pepito stands and tries running, but his vision is so blurry with his glasses broken and with the tears in his eyes that he manages to trip over the bucket Richarlyson had kicked over and he falls.

Warm arms scoop Pepito up and hold him close in a tight hug.

"Pepito, what the fuck," Apa Roier demands, his face buried in the top of Pepito's head. "A month, Pepito, what the fuck?"

Pepito shakes his head, his entire body quivering. He wants to hug Apa Roier back, but is he allowed to? No, right? Apa Roier's angry...

A cold shadow falls upon them from above.

A gun clicks, cold steel pointing right at Apa Roier's head.

"I'm going to give you one chance to get off of my ship," Captain Celbi coldly says, voice low and flat and absolutely terrifying. "Let go of my crew member, and get off of my ship. One. Chance."

"Your crew member?" Apa Roier scoffs. "He's my fucking son."

Captain Celbi inches closer until the gun is pressed into Apa Roier's hair; Apa Roier doesn't so much as flinch.

Pepito shakes. His lip wobbles, tears streaming down his face and snot bubbling out of his nose. He wants his dad!

In the language of The Ocean, Apa Roier says, "We're going home, Pepito. I'll beat his ass."

Pepito shakes his head frantically. They can't go home, the New Pepito is there, and Pepito doesn't wanna meet them! The New Pepito probably looks cuter than Pepito does. Doesn't need glasses. Is a fast swimmer. Doesn't have asthma. Isn't a killer.

But he can't say this. He can't say anything.

Behind Apa Roier's back, Pepito spells to Captain Celbi, "D A D."

Captain Celbi meets Pepito's eyes.

He lets out a breath, lips pressed together and eyebrows furrowed, but he nods and backs off, clicking his gun until it's safe.

And then Apa Roier lets out a war cry and lets go of Pepito, swinging a leg out and knocking Captain Celbi to the ground. He laughs and lunges for his gun, trying to wrestle it from him. Captain Celbi's hat falls off, revealing the pointy white things on the top of his head; they press flat against his hair and he bares his teeth angrily.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Captain Celbi demands.

"You kidnapped my son, what the fuck do you think?" Apa Roier snaps. He crawls on top of Captain Celbi, his knee between Captain Celbi's legs and his chest pressed to Captain Celbi's chest.

"Oh my gods," Mister Pac quietly says. "Mike, I think they're gonna..."

"Cover your eyes, Pac," Mister Mike replies.

Pepito doesn't know what they're talking about. All Pepito can do is watch uselessly as his dad and his captain wrestle on the deck.

"I didn't kidnap him!" Captain Celbi argues. "Bad brought him to me!"

"And you took him!?" Apa Roier incredulously asks. "Fucking pirates-"

He looks at Captain Celbi, and he goes quiet. He stops fighting.

Confused, Captain Celbi looks up at him. And then he stops fighting, too. The pointy things on his head stick right up, seemingly happy about something.

"Oh," Captain Celbi quietly says. "Hello."

He and Apa Roier are still borderline holding hands over the gun. Apa Roier is still flush to Captain Celbi's front, and Apa Roier's knee is still stuck between Captain Celbi's legs.

"Hi," Apa Roier says, voice soft, almost reverent in a way, the same way he spoke when he talked about how evil and bad and disgusting pirates are. "You kidnapped my son."

"I really didn't."

"I'm not getting off this boat until you give him back."

Apa Roier leans in close as he says that.

Captain Celbi licks his lips. "Then I guess you're going to be stuck here for a while, because Pepito is a prized member of my crew. I wouldn't give him up for anything in the world."

Pepito is... a prized member? Of the crew?

Pepito can't help it. He gets up and runs to Captain Celbi and gives him as good a hug as he can with Captain Celbi pinned to the deck.

He's a pirate!

Pepito is finally a pirate!

Best day ever!

GUAPODUO JUMPSCARE!!!!!

Depois de quase um ano acompanhando me virei pra desenhar os viados

Eu disse que de tempos em tempos ia aparecer coisa de QSMP e eventualente irá >:D nem que seja um amontoado de rabisco

Saudades dos meus pais voltem

Ta quase 100 👀

mi amor

A very lonely night from the Merpepito AU

-

Pepito can’t sleep. The boat is rocking too much and Miss Baghera is snoring (even though she keeps saying that Captain Celbi is the one snoring; she’s just a dirty rotten pirate, though, so why would she tell the truth?) and Pepito can’t stop thinking about the Very Bad Thing and, and, and-

Pepito whimpers into his pillow. His eyes squeeze shut, but all he sees in the darkness is the blood and their eyes- their eyes!! Empty and terrified and all because of Pepito because Pepito is a Bad Pepito.

Apa Roier is probably sleeping just fine. Him and Apa Mariana probably haven’t even noticed that Pepito’s been gone for an entire month. They probably got Apa Quackity and Apa Carre and Ama Rivers and they got a new Pepito- a Good Pepito- and they’re all in the same house and happy, and it’s fine!!!

Pepito stifles a sob with the sleeve of his shirt. They’re probably happier with their New Pepito. That Pepito isn’t a bad person. They deserve a Good Pepito, they’re good parents. The best parents. Ever. Of all time.

Miss Baghera snorfles in her sleep, and Pepito decides that, despite him being a super evil pirate now, it would be rude to wake Miss Baghera up with his crying.

So Pepito slides out of his bunk and puts his glasses on.

He tiptoes out of the sleeping quarters and upstairs onto the deck (because that’s apparently what the ship’s roof is called.)

The sun is nice, but Pepito thinks that Pepito likes the moon just as much. It always looks like it’s smiling, even when it’s going away to hide. Pretty…

Pepito huddles next to the central mast and looks up at the moon. Maybe the moon would like Pepito. It seems nice.

Pepito can’t talk because of the Magic, but he can think, and, silently, he asks the moon if it would like to be Pepito’s friend.

That’s when Pepito hears a quiet sniffle from up by the steering wheel.

Peeking around the mast, Pepito sees… Captain Celbi!? Crying!? And alone…

Determined, Pepito stands and trots up the stairs to the steering wheel.

Captain Celbi, of course, sees Pepito approaching. He has good eyes. (He’s so cool!)

“Hi, Pepito,” Captain Celbi says. He smiles, and, in the dark, it doesn’t even look like he’s sad.

He isn’t in his Captain Clothes. He’s in his… pajamas? He’s half-dressed: half-pajamas, half regular clothes. His coat is on, but his hat isn’t.

He has both of his hands firmly planted on the steering wheel’s handles, and- whoah, holy Ocean, did his hair just move!?

Almost silver in the moonlight, one of two little pointy things on the top of Captain Celbi’s head twitches like a nervous clownfish.

Pepito gasps. Captain Celbi has horns!

Wait, no, that’s silly. Sky Pepitos are “humans”. They can’t have horns.

As if following Pepito’s train of thought, Captain Celbi raises a hand to press his pointy things down against the top of his head.

“Ignore them,” he tells Pepito. “What’s up? Is Baghera snoring again?”

Pepito nods, still staring up at Captain Celbi’s head.

Captain Celbi snorts and shakes his head fondly.

“And she says I snore,” he scoffs. “What a liar, huh, Pepito?”

Pepito shrugs. They’re all pirates. They’re supposed to lie, aren’t they? That’s what Apa Roier says, pirates are all ugly and smelly and they’re all liars and killers and thieves (though he always says it with a weird fuzzy look in his eyes and with a smile on his face, weird.)

“Don’t worry. You can hang out up here with me until you’re tired enough to sleep,” Captain Celbi says.

Pepito wants to say that he doesn’t wanna sleep because every time Pepito sleeps he sees the Very Bad Thing and he wakes up sick and sad and useless, but Pepito can’t. So he just sighs and sits by Captain Celbi’s feet and watches him steer.

And Captain Celbi lets him. He’s nice, for a pirate. Apa Roier would like him, probably. It’s a shame he’s a human. It’s a shame Pepito is Pepito. Now Apa Roier and Captain Celbi can never meet, all because of him.

Pepito’s lip wobbles. He doesn’t realize he’s crying until Captain Celbi is letting out a soft, pained noise and crouching in front of Pepito with a concerned frown.

“Aw, hey, it’s fine,” Captain Celbi says. He pulls his sleeve up over his thumb and uses it to wipe under Pepito’s eyes. “I don’t mind, really. You can stay up here all night, if you want.”

That isn’t the problem!

Pepito is tired. Pepito wants to sleep.

Frustrated, Pepito raises his hands and puts them under his head as if they were a pillow.

“Right, you can’t sleep.” Captain Celbi nods. “Baghera is snoring. We can find you somewhere else in the morning?”

Pepito sighs and shakes Pepito’s head.

How to talk about nightmares…?

“You don’t want to move,” Captain Celbi guesses.

He pauses, then he tries again: “It isn’t the snoring.”

Pepito nods.

Pepito can’t talk, and Pepito is still learning the Sky Pepito writing system, so Pepito kinda just hangs out and hopes everyone gets what he wants to say. It’s like charades, kinda. It’s fun! Pepito loves charades!

But Pepito is sleepy, but Pepito hasn’t been able to sleep since leaving home because of the Very Bad Thing, and it stinks.

Captain Celbi hums thoughtfully, and then he settles down next to Pepito on the deck. (The Ocean feels still, they probably won’t get too off-track if Captain Celbi stops steering.)

“Do you want to know why I’m up here?” Captain Celbi asks.

He looks around to make sure that nobody has managed to sneak up onto the deck to eavesdrop.

Then, when he knows the coast is clear, he leans in and whispers, “I had a nightmare.”

Pepito’s eyes widen dramatically. No way!

Captain Celbi nods. “Yeah. It was super scary.”

Wordlessly, Pepito takes one of Captain Celbi’s hands in both of Pepito’s. It’s what Apa Mariana does when Pepito has nightmares back home, he holds Pepito’s hands to show him that he’s awake and the bad dream was just that: a dream.

The two points on Captain Celbi’s head stand up again as Pepito touches him, and they stay up.

Captain Celbi half-smiles. “Don’t worry, Pepito, I’m used to bad dreams. I’ve been having them since I was your age, probably.”

Pepito’s eyes widen. He frowns sympathetically. Poor Captain Celbi… even pirates don’t deserve bad dreams!

“But, because I’ve been having bad dreams for so long, I know how to forget about them,” Captain Celbi says. “See, my bad dreams are all about the bad things I’ve done, and those are in the past. So, to forget about the past, I think about the present and the future.”

He looks up at the moon, slit pupils widening. His eyes almost seem to glow blue in the night like a magic catfish’s.

Pepito thinks. The present and the future…

Well, Pepito is gonna grow up to be the bestest and scariest pirate on The Ocean. That’s in the future.

In the present, though, Pepito is just Pepito. Nothing special there. Just a Bad Pepito.

Captain Celbi’s fingers curl around Pepito’s.

“In the present, I’m taking my crew on a trip around the world, and we’re having a good time,” Captain Celbi continues. He looks at Pepito out of the corner of his eye. “Are you having a good time, Pepito?”

Pepito ponders. He thought there’d be more pirate-ing, but he’s been having a lot of fun playing games with Richarlyson and Pomme, and it’s fun learning how to tie knots with Mister Pac, and it’s really fun hiding in the crow’s nest with Mister Felps and Miss Baghera when they’re supposed to be doing chores.

So Pepito nods and grins.

Captain Celbi smiles the rest of the way and looks back up at the moon.

“And, in the present, I’m looking for treasure,” he says. “The most mysterious treasure of all. And, when I find him, then it’ll be time for the future.”

Can treasure be a person?

Well, Apa Carre always said that Pepito was his treasure, so it makes sense.

But Captain Celbi already has a Pepito, he has Richarlyson! Why does he need another treasure if he has a Richarlyson?

“By the time I’m ready to think about the future, it’s all my brain wants to imagine. So that’s what my dreams become,” Captain Celbi finishes. “Nightmares are in the past. The past doesn’t matter. What matters is the present.”

His voice goes harsh then, but Pepito doesn’t notice. He’s too busy thinking about the future: Captain Pepito in charge of the S.S. Pepito and beating up any annoying Navy guys he finds with his totally amazing crew.

Pepito yawns. Without thinking, he shuffles so he’s next to Captain Celbi. He leans against Captain Celbi, eyes slipping shut as he thinks of the future.

Apa Roier will be on the S.S. Pepito. So will the rest of Pepito’s parents, and they can bring their Good Pepito, too. They’re all Ocean Pepitos, so they won’t be able to breathe in the Sky, so they’ll have a swimming pool in the ship.

Pomme and Richarlyson will be there, too. So will Captain Celbi and Miss Baghera and Misters Pacandmike and Miss Mouse and Mister Felps and…

Soothed by the rocking of the waves and the comforting presence of his super scary and evil captain, Pepito finally manages to fall asleep, right there on the deck of the ship tucked into Captain Celbi’s side.

(And that’s how Richarlyson finds the two of them hours later when the sun rises.

Ew, Richarlyson thinks. He glowers and storms below deck to get some trash to dump on them.

Gross.

Pepito really should just learn that he isn’t Pai Cellbit’s kid, the little shit…)

-_-_-_-

A/N:

And that was Part 2 for you!

Hey guys!! PLEASE reblog this! And leave an ask or a comment or a tag or a whatever telling me your thoughts and questions! Let me know if you want more, because there is more!

Breaking Dawn 17 - "I don't know who you're talking about."

Chapter Summary:

Three Things That Are In This Chapter:

1. Goodbyes 2. Demons 3. Dapper

-

Translations done by an Anonymous Translator and by @lil-lost-mind! Muito Obrigado!

-

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COMMENT COMMENT

spiderbit knows two things: 1. make out with each other with everyone as witness and 2. casually suggest murder as a fun couple activity

Despite what Apa Roier says, Pepito knows a great many things about the world.

Like:

The Ocean is big. It's where Pepito and Apa Roier and all the other Pepitos live, but there's still room for SO MANY other Pepitos!!

Pepito's gills don't work right all the time, so Apa Roier and Pepito's other dads all have to swim slowly so they don't lose him. This is called "asthma", and Pepito is probably gonna grow out of it soon!

Water Pepitos live in The Ocean. Sky Pepitos live outside of The Ocean. Pepito hasn't ever seen a Sky Pepito before, but Apa Roier has, and he says that Sky Pepitos are all ugly and they smell bad.

Apa Roier will return Pepito to the bottom of the ocean and get a new Pepito if Pepito isn't a good Pepito.

Pepito knows that last thing very well. He pretends that he doesn't because it makes Apa Roier said every time Pepito mentions being traded in for a new Pepito, but it's true. It has to be! Apa Roier and Apa Mariana both say it, and they're never wrong!

So, when Pepito does the Very Bad Thing, he doesn't wait for Apa Roier to find out. He swims himself to the bottom of the sea, and he curls into a ball, and he pulls his glasses off so he can cry without getting them all gross, and then he cries.

There's blood under Pepito's claws; he can't get it out no matter how hard he scrubs at them with the sand, it won't come out and that just shows how evil Pepito is, because Pepito is a bad Pepito and now Pepito may as well just die. Apa Roier will get a new Pepito, and they'll be much happier together because that Pepito won't be a monster like Pepito is.

The bottom of the ocean is silent, because the only people who live there are lost little mermaids (like how Pepito and Sunny and Empi all used to be) and bad people. Bad Pepitos, just like Pepito is now.

The worst of the bunch is the Sea Witch, known for his eight long scary tentacles and his glowing white eyes and his evil magic. Apa Roier says that the Sea Witch eats lost little Pepitos, and Pepito believes him, because Apa Roier is always right.

Pepito sniffles and rolls onto his back, staring blindly up at the sun rippling above. It's blurry, and its light barely reaches the bottom of the ocean, but it's pretty. It looks... warm. And Pepito is very, very cold.

Normally when the water is a bit too cold, one of Pepito's dads or Ama Rivers will take Pepito into their arms and hold him real tight until he's warmed up. He always treats it like a hug even if Apa Roier doesn't usually hug back, but that's fine because all the others hug back.

("He's a good boy," Apa Roier says. He glares over Pepito's shoulder at Luzu. "Not a killer. Can you get that through your skull, hmm?")

Pepito's lip wobbles and he covers his eyes with his hands before he gets any bright ideas. He doesn't deserve bright ideas, he's a villain. He doesn't deserve the sun, he doesn't deserve to be a son. He's no better than a... than a... than a pirate!!

Pirates are evil, Apa Roier says so. He met a pirate once when he visited the Sky, and he says that he never wants to see a pirate again. They stink and their teeth are rotten and their nails are blunt and they don't even have tails. All they do is kill and steal and fight and they're horrible- villains!

Maybe that's where Pepito belongs, with the pirates, not in The Ocean. He deserves to have stinky breath and bad teeth and whatever the heck "legs" are (Pepito doesn't know, but Apa Quackity always starts laughing when he describes them, so they have to be stupid.)

The Ocean is where all the Good Pepitos live. Pepito isn't a Good Pepito anymore, so he needs to leave.

There's only one person who can make Pepito into a Sky Pepito, and he lives at the bottom of the ocean.

Pepito whimpers at the thought, but he quickly wipes his eyes and sets his jaw into a firm, determined expression. He slips his glasses back on, and he pushes off of the ocean floor and goes in search of the Sea Witch.

It's what he deserves.

-

The Sea Witch isn't too happy to see Pepito, but he lets Pepito into his house and sits Pepito down with a plate of fish on his couch, and he listens.

With a frown on his scary face, the Sea Witch asks, "Okay, but what did you actually do?"

Pepito's eyes start watering at the thought, but he answers anyway, because he has to if he wants the Sea Witch to help him.

"I... I did a Very Bad Thing," he whispers, curling in on himself. He wipes at his eyes and looks away to the side. "If I don't become a pirate, then I'll have to go to jail down here, and I don't wanna go to jail, Mister The Sea Witch. Pepitos aren't meant for jail."

"Pepitos aren't meant to be pirates, either. You're a good kid! What happened?"

Pepito just shakes his head in response. He's crying again, but that's fine. Apa Roier always cries, and nobody ever notices, so the Sea Witch probably hasn't noticed Pepito's tears. Maybe he's blind? He doesn't have any eye holes in his eyes (what are they called, pupils?)

There's quiet, but eventually the Sea Witch lets out a long sigh and nods.

"Fine," he says. "But-" (He cuts Pepito off as Pepito snaps his head up and starts thanking him.) "-I get to pick the pirate crew you go with. I know a bunch of pirates, I'll find a super evil one for you to go with."

That sounds... scary. But Pepito has to be a Brave Pepito. If he says no, then the Sea Witch might eat him, and Pepito doesn't wanna die. Pepito just wants to live in misery agonizing over his mistake for the rest of his unholy, evil life. That's all.

So Pepito nods and reaches out to hug the Sea Witch (it's how Pepito thanks his parents at home, and they like it well enough.)

The Sea Witch hums and hugs Pepito back. "There, there. It'll all be fine, Pepito. This big, scary pirate is going to take good care of you, I promise."

And that sounds scary, but it's fine! Pepito is brave!!

A moment passes, and then the Sea Witch pulls out of the hug and leaves to go get his spell ingredients.

Pepito sits on the couch, and he closes his eyes, and he imagines feeling the sun for the first time in his life, and he pretends that he doesn't already have a big hole in his heart from leaving his parents.

(But, really, they were going to leave him if he didn't leave them. So it's fine.)

-

(Meanwhile, Roier gets home from visiting Bobby's grave to find an empty house. He, of course, panics. Mariana and Quackity are both on vacation, and Rivers is across the reef sparring with Fit, and gods only know where Carre is, and Pepito literally doesn't go anywhere without one of his parents so. So.

Roier's halfway through searching the house when the entire reef shakes. He dashes to a window and looks out just in time to watch a huge column of light erupt from the drop-off point to the bottom of the sea.

He swears and grabs his bag and rushes out the door, not bothering to close it behind him.

Fucking BadBoy...!)

-

The sun is warm. Pepito thinks he loves it, and he thinks it loves him back with how much sunlight is on him as he and the Sea Witch walk through the Sky Pepito town.

It's a shame he can't say as much. His throat hurts, but it isn't from asthma this time. It's from magic.

"Remember, Pepito, you can't talk when you're on land," the Sea Witch reminds him. "I got you legs and lungs, but you had to give me something in return."

A pause.

"If your dad asks, it was your idea. Not mine. I had nothing to do with this."

Pepito nods, duh.

The Sky Pepito Town is huge, though! So many Pepitos, all wearing different outfits and with legs.

Pepito looks down at his own legs thoughtfully. He doesn't know what to think of them quite yet. They look goofy, but he almost likes them better than he likes his tail.

...Liked his tail. Because he can never go in The Ocean again. If he does, then the magic will run out, and he'll have to go home and watch his parents all interact with the new Pepito they'll have gotten while he was away.

But the buildings in the Sky are so tall! They're taller than even Apa Mariana, and he's HUGE!! And all the Sky Pepitos are tall, too! Taller than Pepito, anyway...

Maybe Pepito would be taller if he got shoes. The Sea Witch had managed to magic up some clothes for him before they got into town, but apparently shoes are hard.

Pepito wiggles his toes as he walks. He smiles. Now these? Really silly.

Pepito walks obediently beside the Sea Witch as the Sea Witch leads him through the town's winding streets towards the docks, which is where the pirates live. Supposedly.

"Now, remember, this guy is super evil," the Sea Witch warns him. "So you need to watch out."

Pepito nods, though he only halfway listens as the Sea Witch continues talking about this super scary pirate captain they're going to. Because, really, how much worse can the pirate captain be than Pepito? It's not like he did the Very Bad Thing.

Pepito isn't paying attention, so he doesn't notice the enormous ship in front of him until he's being led up to a bridge leading up to its... roof?

(What are the parts of a boat, again?)

"Cellbit!" the Sea Witch calls, one hand cupped around his mouth. "I have a present for you!"

Pepito winces at the volume, but he doesn't cover his ears. That would be rude, and he needs to make a good first impression if he wants to show how evil he is to the captain.

Pepito watches the ship's roof until he sees a sign of movement. And then... there he is. The pirate captain, the evil one. Captain Celbi.

According to the Sea Witch, Captain Celbi is the most wanted pirate on the seven seas. The Sea Witch says that Captain Celbi eats people, but he didn't say that Captain Celbi murders them, so maybe he isn't that evil after all. Pepito's probably worse than he is.

Captain Celbi looks small when he's on the roof, but he gets bigger and bigger as he walks down the bridge, and then he's huge when he's standing in front of Pepito with his hands on his hips.

He has a sword, is the first thing that Pepito notices. Second is the scar stretching across his face from his left eyebrow down to the right side of his chin. His hair is long, tied back and hidden under a bit, three-pointed hat; but where are his ears? His eyes are so blue that they remind Pepito of The Ocean.

He looks down at Pepito with his mouth twisted into a worried line.

Pepito tries to look intimidating. He puffs his chest out and stands up tall and furrows his eyebrows the way Ama Rivers does before one of her fights.

Captain Celbi looks to the Sea Witch with a couple of rapid, confused blinks.

"Bad," he says, "what the fudge is this?"

Pepito can't introduce himself, so he just waves. Evilly.

The Sea Witch answers for him, how nice!

"This is Pepito," he says, putting a hand on the top of Pepito's head. "He said that he wants to become a pirate."

Pepito nods.

Captain Celbi blinks again before looking back down at Pepito.

Slowly, the captain crouches in front of him, hands on his knees to brace himself.

"You really want to be a pirate?" he asks.

Pepito nods again, firmly. Evilly. He's evil, just like Captain Celbi is.

"It's very dangerous," the captain continues. "Can you handle that?"

Pepito nods a third time. He squeezes his mouth into a determined line. He's got this.

The captain stares at him, and then he stands and grabs the Sea Witch by the arm and says, "Bad, can we talk?"

The Sea Witch doesn't get a chance to argue before getting dragged away and into the crowd.

Pepito watches them go. There's... a lot of people.

A lot of people.

Who knew there were so many Sky Pepitos!?

Pepito steps backwards until his back is against a tall barrel. He looks down at his hands and immediately tears his eyes away from them because there's still blood under his nails even now that his claws have been dulled into weird beige flat things.

Suddenly, and for whatever reason, Pepito misses Apa Roier. He's good with people. He'd be friends with the entire town by now, because he's a good person. Pepito isn't, though. His only friends are going to be the pirates on Captain Celbit's boat.

Yay.

Eventually, Captain Celbi and the Sea Witch come back.

Captain Celbi looks... less confused, but he still looks a little puzzled. He looks at Pepito like he's the puzzle, which is silly. Pepito's Pepito! Nothing crazy about him.

The Sea Witch, though, looks pleased. He bends down and ruffles Pepito's hair briefly before standing and cracking his back with a wince.

"Welp, I'll be on my way. Pepito," he says, looking Pepito in the eye, "take care of Cellbit for me. He might be a super evil pirate, but he can be a bit silly sometimes."

"Hey!" Captain Celbi protests, lightly smacking the Sea Witch's arm. "Fuck you, man!"

"Language!" the Sea Witch snaps.

Pepito giggles, surprising both himself and the Sea Witch. Huh, guess the magic only took away his voice, not his noise.

Captain Celbi's mouth twitches. He blinks slowly, crouching again and extending a hand.

"Pepito, right?" he softly asks.

At Pepito's nod, Captain Celbi continues, louder, "After you shake my hand, you'll officially be part of my crew. There's no going back, okay?"

Briefly, Pepito considers going back home. He never said goodbye; his parents would've said goodbye before abandoning him for a new Pepito, at least.

But he bites his tongue and takes Captain Celbi's hand, anyway. His hand only manages to hold four of Captain Celbi's fingers, but that's fine. Pepito will be a big Pepito soon.

Captain Celbi nods, and he stands.

He looks at the Sea Witch and says, "Tell Foolish I say hi, okay?"

"Yeah, sure." The Sea Witch nods. He glances down at Pepito. "Be careful, okay?"

"Please," Captain Celbi scoffs. "I'm always careful."

The Sea Witch rolls his eyes, and then Pepito blinks his eyes, and then the Sea Witch is gone.

"What a creepy guy," Captain Celbi comments.

He looks down at Pepito and smiles- he has fangs, what!? So cool...

"Come on, Pepito, we should get on board before my crew leaves us behind."

Pepito's eyes widen in panic, and he runs off for the bridge up to the ship's roof, accidentally pulling Captain Celbi behind him because maybe Pepito forgot to let go of his hand. Maybe.

But Captain Celbi doesn't say a thing. He doesn't pull his hand away, either. (He has to be soooo scared of Pepito!)

Pepito gets to the ship's roof and gasps, eyes flicking from the ship's big stick to the big wheel to the group of people watching Pepito and Captain Celbi back to the big stick.

There's another kid in the group of people, Pepito notices. He's glaring, arms crossed.

Pepito shrinks back and steps behind Captain Celbi; he may be evil, but this other kid seems scary. Cool, but scary.

"Everyone, meet Pepito," the captain announces. He's still holding Pepito's hand despite the stares, wow, he's tough! "Bad brought him up from underwater so he can learn how to be a pirate."

A woman in the group raises a hand. "Are we pirates now?"

Captain Celbi shrugs. "I guess. Can't be that hard, can it?"

What?

Pepito snaps his head up to stare at the captain in shock. What?

But...

Oh! They're lying. Just like Apa Roier said pirates do, they're all scumbags and liars!

That makes much more sense.

Pepito pokes his head out from behind Captain Celbi and offers the most evil smile he can muster. He even waves, evilly; to his confusion, most of the other pirates smile back. Except the kid, who huffs and looks away moodily.

(Captain Celbi is the captain, but this kid must be the boss. Hmm...)

"Baghera, can you help Pepito find a bunk downstairs?" Captain Celbi orders. "I need to finish taking inventory with Pac before we can get going."

The woman who had spoken up earlier grins and salutes, stepping forward and taking Pepito by the hand.

"Come on, Pepito," she says. "You can sleep near me. Unlike some people, I don't snore."

The captain starts shouting in protest, but Baghera just giggles and skips away with Pepito by her side.

As they head down into the bowels of the ship, Pepito takes one last look up at the sun. He waves goodbye to it.

(He just wishes that he got to say goodbye to Apa Roier...)

-

(Meanwhile, Bad hums as he tends to his plants in his garden. He's just returned from dropping Pepito off with Cellbit, and he's exhausted.

He doesn't look up as a shadow falls over him.

"What the fudge did you do to my Pepito?" Roier demands.

He levels his sword at Bad's Adam's apple; its point digs in slightly, drawing sickly green blood.

Bad calmly pulls his neck backwards.

"Look up," is all Bad says in response.

And that's when the shadow of Cellbit's ship passes over them. They'll have been sailing for, what, an hour now? Just long enough for Pepito to have gotten settled in. (Hopefully, Richarlyson hasn't gotten jealous yet...)

"Fuck," Roier swears. He drops his sword into the sand and runs his fingers through his hair, pacing through the water in frustration.

In a flash, he turns back to Bad and demands, "Me, too. Take me up, too."

Bad hums. "I don't know, you'll have to give something up."

"Yes, yes, I know, just- take this."

Roier points to his bottom-most pair of eyes. (Honestly, Bad hasn't figured out what the heck kind of fish he is.) Without those, he'll be down to two eyes, and he'll basically be blind.

Eh, it'll work.

"Oh, fine," Bad sighs. He gives Roier a look. "But we'll have to wait until they make port again. I can't just stick you up there like this, it'll scare him."

Roier frowns. "What?"

That settles Bad's suspicions, then. Roier really doesn't know what Pepito did, huh.

Well. He's going to find out.

Bad just hopes Roier doesn't scare the poor kid when he gets to the surface and realizes that Pepito's new best friend is Cellbit of all people. All those feelings, ew.)

-_-_-_-

A/N:

Hey guys!! PLEASE reblog this! And leave an ask or a comment or a tag or a whatever telling me your thoughts and questions! Let me know if you want more, because there is more!

i LOVEEEEE The qsmp but one thing i do hope returns after the break is over is the islanders actually finding and solving lore on their own rather than it always being scripted events and qsmp channel streams. i miss the whole maze thing i miss ordos theoritas i miss them gathering and just Talking about whatever the fuck they found doesnt matter if its actually relevant or not MAYBE IM CLOUDED BY NOSTALGIA I DONT KNOW and i dont mind scripted global lore at all!! But i do wish player participation when it comes to getting information amps up again

was talking with friends about how insane the conspiracy videos must look in the qsmp universe

I love gay people happy pride

murder husbands

Save me Hideduo... save me...🤎💙

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."

When I think of the QSMP, I think of joy. I think of impossible friendships and hysterical laughter, parties, events, music, stupid jokes, families, and home. I think of the bridging of communities and the invaluable memories and all the pure intrigue and excitement it brought out in all of us. And the eggs have been there for all of that. They have been a vital part of the joy and the families and the memories, weaved deeply into the fabric of the server.

It will never be the same without all of them with us. They have always been such a large part of the life breathed into the QSMP. Home is empty without them.

I suppose today was so bittersweet because it felt more like home than it has for a long time. I suppose for a second we felt like we were back there. I think that's why it has hurt so much. The fact that the game wasn't a celebration of the future but instead one last hurrah.

We will miss them dearly, just like we will miss all of the other eggs and players who we lost before them.

until next time.

o/

A big thank you and goodbye <З

I've been rewatching Fits qsmp vods, and I just got reminded that Ramon canonically is allergic to cinnamon. Like in day 77, Ramon asks for a churro for the quest, which leads to Fit saying, "dont you and cinnamon not mix well, Ramon." Only for Ramon to reply with "I'll die happy."

And later on, when they make the churros, Fit says something about Ramon bursting into hives. So can you imagine Pac taking care of Ramon and being asked if he could make something with cinnamon, which he gladly does since he doesn't know Ramon is allergic. This leads to Pac freaking out while trying to make a healing cream from potions he has while Ramon, who has hives now trying to comfort his pai and saying that Fit/Dad won't be mad.

Do you guys think Ramon is scared of death. And not in sense of dying himself, since he's very adamant about protecting those he cares about even if he'll get hurt. He even told Fit that he wanted him to aleast having someone just in case he is no longer there. Now I'm not saying Ramon wants to die or isn't scared of dying, but if it meant either him or a loved one, he'd chose the loved one over himself.

Like the eggs only have two lives, and we've seen them die. Which is way Ramon is very protective of Sunny and Empanada since he doesn't want them to meet the same fate as his siblings. His even seen what death does to a person, like how Slime went crazy and started attacking the eggs. And how quick he was to shoot Slime to protect the others. And how Quackity wanted to make a deal with Fit to have Ramon be the only egg standing so him and Fit can split the reward.

Fit was very hesitant about it and even said he wasn't going to do it. Ramon had made Fit promise that he'll protect all the eggs, and if he does die, that Fit doesn't go crazy like Slime.

Now Ramon's first time hearing a player/islander die was when Fit told him about Spreen, which Ramon was very happy that Fit was widowed and that means Fit can find another partner and one that'll actually care and love Fit.

But do you think later on when his left to his thoughts, he realizes that players/islander can be killed permanently. And Fit is very adamant about not dying mainly because he thought he hadn't died yet. Like the only times he knew his dad had died is when Fit himself tells Ramon.

And the prison would be the first time Ramon has seen his dad die. Do you think Ramon sighs in relief when he sees that his dad has respawned. Do you think every time an officer killed his dad, he feared that Fit wasn't going to respawn and that he'll die permanently?

Do you think Tubbo dying made this fear even worse. And when Sunny was able to find a way to bring Tubbo back, do you think Ramon wanted to ask her how she did it, so just in case it happens to Fit, he can bring him back or anyone he cared about.

So you guys know how Madagio said that if Fit disregards the mission entirely, he'll trap them in 2B2T and then hurt his loved ones, right. But since fit didn't technically do that, he still very much wants to do the mission and complete enough to the point where he doesn't have to worry about it anymore. What if when Madagio is unsatisfied they decide to basically torture and beat the shit out of Fit and since Fits arm being mechanical is technically a headcannon what if they make it Canon by ripping / cutting it off on the due date or when Fit goes and meets them.

What if Madagio turns Fit into a god/makes him immortal as a punishment.

(Cross post from twitter)

Look at him!

Just to let you'll know, you can fuck off my blog if you are hating on Tubbo for the homophobia jokes/rp. One, if you are going to dislike Tubbo for this. You're going to have to dislike everyone else who I've been making these jokes like FitMC, Philza, etc no exceptions. Two, Tubbo's is queer. Three, that shit is funny as fuck I enjoy the jokes that they make. Fourth, they are all friends. Five, if you are uncomfortable that is valid, but it doesn't excuse hate and being a hypocrite. So I highly advise you to stop watching if any content makes you uncomfortable, whether it's Qsmp or any other content that you like.

Do we know what will happen to an islander if they take the happy pills without the treatment first? Like before Pac was given the pills, he had to go through a treatment before being able to take the pills. Like, will the pills work the same that they did on Pac, and if so, why did he have to go through a treatment beforehand, or do yall think the pills' effect will be different like maybe the treatment was so some drastic effect didn't happen to the islanders taking the pills. Like the Fed, most had run so many test with the Pills and know the safes way for an islander to take them was for them to go through a treatment beforehand

I'm so curious how drastically the pills affect someone without the proper treatment. This train of thought has come back because of all the islander who have happy pills on them. Like, I know Bad, Mouse, Foolish, Jaiden (only saw them in the picture with Foolish when they broke into the vault, so im assuming they also have some), and Fit have some. Like most of the islanders have these pills on their person or with their items. Like I know, most of them won't take them because of how it effect those who did take them, but it always has me thinking how it would effect them.

(Also sorry if I didn't mention anyone else who also have the Pills, those are the only ones I know of for sure from the Povs Ive watched)

I want to make sure everyone doesn't have any misinformation about Fit's lore. None of his loved ones will get hurt by Madagio unless Fit disregards the mission entirely or if he cheats them out of the mission and as a punishment, they are going to trap Fit in 2B2T forever and make those he loves/care about suffer.

When it comes to attachments what is said is that "Fit needs to blend in and make friends and states that he already might know some people there so it should be easy but don't make attachments because it will complicate things" Madagio advises Fit to not be attached because it could affect the mission and Madagio doesn't want that and we have seen throughout the streams how Fit reacts to his love ones getting hurt or kidnapped. And we've also seen how others react to those they care about getting hurt and harmed. Remember they started grefing near spawn when the eggs were gone.

Also, Madagio already has known about Ramon for a while now remember a while back a cat followed Ramon, Chayanne, Philza, and Fit on an egg quest a while back. If Madagio truly didn't want Fit to have any attachments I feel like they would have killed Ramon off, but they seem at least to me to just observe. I know Ramon said his cats are safe, but I don't think so, I feel like Madagio over time spys through them to get some sort of information on what's going on and maybe to spy on Fit as well.

I also believe that Madagio had Regulus aka Sunny's cat who was missing and then after a few cats started to appear Regulus came back with a new collar I believe. I'm positive Madagio is going to use Regulus to spy on them to see if they have any useful information either about the island or about Fit. We also know that Bagi's cat has gone missing and that cats were spawning for her. I'm not sure if her cat is back but if it is I'm also positive that it was taken by Madagio as well.

I kind of want Fit to be immune to the black matter. Or just weird stuff in general. And the big reason why I want this it's cuz I think it's funny if this man is generally just a human who should be more susceptible to this type of shit and he's just immune for some reason. I also think it would bring more attention to him and have whatever is doing this stuff become interested in him, and I think that would be interesting.

I can't be the only one who wants more Sunny and Ramon interactions! I love those two so much. Their friendship is going to be legendary

Fit talking about wearing a stupid crown and how he doesn't like wearing it but has to wear it whenever Sunny's around. Me: "I hope one day Sunny hears you say that Fit, because OH the angst."

If anyone is looking for a FitMC Qsmp stream focus playlist on YouTube I found one a while back by FitMC Vods Unofficial. Here you go! It's currently up to date with all of his streams.

YouTube

FitMC QSMP Streams

These are FitMC streams from the Qsmp. Day 1 - Day 159 are posted by Fairy Rave's Archives.