Your gateway to endless inspiration
this right here is describing me in the fullest and that makes me realize why I personally kin her. My friend group literally call me Mom willing because I have such a caring nature when in reality… caring for people is a coping mechanism! Is that the best thing for me and my self love NO! But it’s so funny how it took me a good 5 years to realize what I was doing and another 3 years for me to attempt to even stop the cycle (fail miserably a good amount of time while trying to heal)
But over time I’ve learned that trauma can be lessons learned and/or be handle in a better way than just giving all your power away ya know
…thank you for coming to my ted talk
(regarding the momatha ask)
GIVE US THE UNFUN EMOTIONAL ONE ANSWER PLEASE 🙏🙏🙏 WE NEED IT
Wow that was fast. I mean like 20 of yall asked for it immediately. Congrats, you're the one I grabbed to answer it (but you're all winners in my eyes).
Ok you asked for it, my very long, actually serious, unfun answer.
Would ragatha be a good mom?
Unfun Answer: It's easy to confuse people pleasing/care taking trauma as 'good parent' material. But that isn't always the case and by default I don't think those qualities alone would make Ragatha or anyone a good parent. I think what actually makes someone a great parent is the ability to recognize their trauma and actively work to process and heal through it so they don't replicate their traumas with the people around them.
Everyone has emotional baggage and trauma in some form. And kids will eventually trigger you. They won't mean to, but they will. When that happens, you need the tools to give them empathy and understanding and structure, even through whatever you're dealing with at the time. Not just during the fun moments but during the times when they do unintentionally hurtful things too.
That's hard to do, and for a lot of people, they end up having kids before they even realize they have these unresolved traumas. To be clear, I don't think that makes them inherently bad parents in that case, it just makes being a parent that much more complicated when it's already one of the most difficult things a person can do.
There are a lot of parents out there who became parents because they thought it's what they were 'supposed' to do. And if they never learned how to set boundaries for themselves, or communicate their needs or wants, to hold space for themselves as a separate person not defined by what they do for others, they often unintentionally pass those habits off onto their kids. The cycle continues.
I know some truly incredible parents who come from trauma and have worked through it and the perspective it's given them is invaluable. But it's a choice. It's hard work. And it can only start when and if someone even recognizes there's something there to process to begin with.
All that is to say, I think we as humans all have the capacity to do that work. I think Ragatha as a character has the capacity to be a good parent. But I also think there is hard work involved, and it depends on if someone makes the choice to do that work. Or, to be stuck in their cycles.