Raw Angst - Blog Posts

hi it’s green again 😙

i’ve been thinking a lot about han and his line on the volcano song: “yeah you can hurt me, i don’t care / yeah you can burn me / yeah you can hurt me, i don’t care / yeah you can burn me / unlike those who run away from you, i’ll embrace you”

i just think it’s so raw and so so beautiful, but i have no idea what to write with it. try as i might, i can’t come up with a solid idea right now. so i was hoping you could? i loved what you wrote for my last request, so i thought of you ❤️

Bittersweet

Pairing: Bestfriend!Han Jisung x gn!reader

Genre: Angst

Warnings: Mentions of getting burned and stabbed (figuratively)

Words: 601

Summary: Jisung could never shake his crush on you, even when you were younger. His feelings grew with each passing second. But, as they say, love is painful.

A/n: This ignited something within me, because I immediately knew I wanted to do a forbidden love type of thing, and I wrote this all in one sitting. Uhh, hope you like it! Thank you for being so amazing, green!

Volcanos are one of life's most dangerous beauties. They erupt glowing orange lava that you could stare out for hours, but get too close and you'll get burned. The best you can do is watch from a safe distance. It's a bittersweet experience, really. You get to witness something so beautiful, and while that may he enough for some people, it's not enough for others.

That was the one word that always popped into Jisung's head when he was with you: volcano. You are the most beautiful person he's ever known, and he always feels warm around you... but he knows he can't get too close. You're his best friend, you have been for years, but he can't get too close. Not when he knows what would happen.

You're not his- this is something he had to come to terms with years ago when you got together with your current boyfriend. No matter how much he wishes he could have you for himself, finally be able to bask in your warmth without worrying about the consequences... he can't.

So he has to force himself to be content with just being your best friend. Someone you have and love, but not in the way he wants. He can't touch you or hold you in ways that he dreams of, and while that crushes his heart, he knows it's for the best.

Seeing you smile when you talk about your boyfriend is such a bittersweet experience. He gets to witness your beautiful smile, but he knows he's not the cause of it. He knows that someone else, someone who gets to kiss you and hold you the way he's only ever dreamed, loves you and has you forever.

The worst part is, you're right there. You're so close yet so far, and it breaks him into pieces. He gets to be near you, and talk with you until the sun goes up, but he doesn't get to truly show you how much you mean to him. How much he thinks about you every day and every night of his life... because you're not his.

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"Hannie, look what my boyfriend got for me! He remembered that I was looking at this sketchbook when we went to the mall, so he got it for me. Isn't that so sweet? He also got me a new pack of markers to go along with it," you spoke with a wide grin on your face, which made Jisung smile in return, even though he had to bite his tongue.

Every time you spoke about him, gushed about him, he felt like he was being stabbed in the heart. Each new gift he got you was like a twist of the knife, and he felt himself bleed out. You gave him life, with your warm smile and beautiful eyes, but you also killed him, slowly.

"That's thoughtful of him," he spoke softly, his eyes scanning over your features like he has thousands of times. Despite the fact that he has every little detail of you memorized, he still takes his time to make sure your face was tattooed into his brain. As if he was nervous you would slip away from him at any moment.

So yeah, you hurt him every time you talked about your boyfriend, but you also cured him like no other medicine could when you smiled or laughed. He knew he couldn't have you in the way he wishes he did, but he was okay with that. Because like a volcano erupting beautiful lava, he had to watch from afar.

Or he would be burned.