Self Aware - Blog Posts

900 words

I see - easily - 900 of the thousand words a photo is worth

And each one is a word of praise

To your effort and success

To your intent and vulnerability

To your compassion and critique

To your honest expression

To your physical beauty

To your mental wonderland

To your spiritual depths

To your loving heights

A pic is worth 1000 words…

And a 900 of mine are expressions of why I love you!

-pati3ntwo1f (012625)

FOMO of the senses, pt. one

Blood rushing

Desiring our bodies to mimic what we do with our eyes… and our words

For it to feel a portion of what our souls sense

Of my senses, touch has FOMO with you

And is jealous of my other senses that are teased through our interactions

- pati3ntwo1f (081524)

DAYDREAMING SOMETHING Mmmmm!

I’d shower with you

I wish

I’m daydreaming rn

You out the shower…

1st time we’ve shared such a space

Based off our interactions & now face 2 face again, you trust your intuitions more… our magic is more real

So you walk out in just your towel - wrapped just enough around you to keep warm, hide nipples, and tease treasure

Eye contact

We both smile

Words not needed

You took the trusting step and we both recognize and celebrate it with excitement

I say “let me help you”

I come over. Grabbing the towel i spin you to where your back is to me, but i have control of the towel…

I move your hair and dry your back

Your waist… never fully reaching your front 😉

Then i say “excuse me” as i spread your legs futher apart, drop down, and dry from your inner thighs to toes

Your right leg

Then your left

While on one knee i ask you… “turn around, please?”

Never looking up, i begin at your feet

Left shin

Left knee

Back down to right shin

Right knee

As i adjust the towel in my hands, i look up at you

And ask if you are cold

With the towel as i need it i shuffle closer, face less than an inch from your skin

Exhale so you feel the warmth of my breath on your drying skin

(And to compose myself, because what your eyes are saying is str8 starting shit 😜)

I pat. I dab the towel, that is wrapped behind you right leg - across the front of your lower thigh… working my way up

And just before…. I switch to your lower left thigh… doing the same

I Lick my lips

And ask…

“May I?”

I kiss just under your belly button

My warm lips are contrary to the cold touch from the tip of my nose

Your body reacts

As it does you realize where my hands are, as they supportively grip you to go no where

I kiss lower, as my right arm begins to lift your left thigh

You reach for balance (wall, chair, bed, door, whatever it there)

I lick my lips again as you look to see why i slightly paused

You can sense my breathing has changed

And u like it’s intensity

I put your left thigh on my shoulder, adjust my kneeling accordingly

And lick between your lips gently

Letting my anxiety to taste you be your moisturizer

I gently lick again

Ever lower

Ever closer

Till my moisture is met with yours,…

Just after, your clit gets the first glimpse of what this tongue can do

I can taste you

How ready you are, only deepens my breath

Exhaling want and desire, you can feel its warmth

As i quickly say “Let me” before i dive in - never allowing you to respond (verbally)… only to respond (physically) as i spell the alphabet in lowercase and capitals until i learn (from your reaction) your letters of the day

Lowercase “L”

Capital “W”

Lowercase “A”

Lowercase “E”

I grip your waist as you teach me your code to unlock your goddess

Until i stop

Because as a gentleman, i need you not to strain… and standing is getting difficult

I just stop and stand

Place my right hand on the side of your face

Gently turn your head to your left

Lean into where our bodies touch and my lips are grazing your neck, just below you ear

And i say …

“Mmmm. Baby? I need you to lay down.”

You move without words, but i hold you in place

In the same spot i speak - while embracing you closer…

“May I… do more?”

You take a few steps back as i lead you, like we are ballroom dancing

You lay back on the bed

I return to my selfishness, tasting my way to your clit’s password

You can sense how i like it when you slip from receiving to giving - trying to ride my tongue

As you become more expressive, i only come up to quickly say things like:

“Let go”

“That’s it”

“Gimme”

“I want you to cum”

“Good girl”

And very possibly, if your day was as stressful/eventful/energy-draining as recent days

Then after your climax

I savor the flavors you gifted me, as i calmly grab the lotion

And begin to lotion you like we should have done 3 orgasms ago

I ask you to roll on your back, as i finish and our eyes talk for us

I intermittently place kisses here and there

You lay on your left as we embrace and i tease you with kisses and talking - where my lips intentionally run gently against yours

I get lost in your eyes again

Start rambling

You smile. Put your finger over my lips… &

Kiss me like there is no such thing as an ending

And roll onto your right side… keeping my arms around you like it’s the only blanket you have

I slightly adjust to be as comfortably close as possible

We snuggle

I move your hair and kiss the back of your neck

And say “thank you”

You roll over to be face to face

I break eye contact to admire your body… and bring my eyes back to yours

Never breaking eye contact i take a deep breath in and exhale

My eyes become more sincere

You see my truthfulness b4 i say a word

I smile (as you always make me do)

And say…

“Thank you for sharing your pleasures with me.”

I swear whatever exists beyond this life can be seen - in glimpses - in your pleasures

Eyes

Smile

Voice

Body

Mmmm…!

I love your language

-the end

—————

pati3ntwo1f (04272023)

Statement of Intent

You okay if I take some of that weight on my shoulders and I intent-fully commit myself to your honest expression - as a form of homage to self, respect, recognition, reverence, release, restructure, renew, reenergize, … and potentially so many other plusses that there can be no minus….? May I? Yes?

Statement of My Intentions:

I intend to not pressure but be an available reminder. I intend to not burden but to ease. I intend to not limit or define or expect. I intend to accompany, to balance, to provide presence and mutuality. I intend to do more by doing less. I intend to serve and not be served. I intend to stand in the gaps where i fit and be a reinforcing echo of your own intentions. I intend to be weightless but felt as support, safety, encouragement, reassurance. I intend to be complimentary and accepting of you as you are, however you are, wherever you are (in mind or spirit or emotion) at any given time.

- pati3ntwo1f (080322)

She…

She trusts - be it blindly, intent-fully, instinctually, passively - that the connection (acceptance) will be there whenever she returns

… and it will be… because she deserves… because he has earned… because she has burned… because he has reserves… because she emits it… because he elicits…because she just does… because he just loves… because she been through… because he’s been too… because she accepts… because he respects… because because because… “the connection will be there whenever she returns”…

Imagine if she learns..?!

-pati3ntwolf (062422)

In Ways…

I Love You, too

In ways i feel and are still hard to explain

(Smile) I just said hard to explain - haha…

It is on the fringe of what i’ve known (experienced)

Often one love is an accumulation of all the loves one can mimic from experiences of receiving them…

Then there is the “intent filled love” often spawned from one’s recognition and will for something different/deeper/wider/enveloping/freeing/more…

Then after that is the comfortably imagined.. the beginning of “not possible” or “that’s just emotional romantics” or “only in books or movies or poems” or even “beyond (me/us/this lifetime/possibility/deservedness)…

I Love You there! … and bravely desiring the beyond,

Into the unknown vacuum of Our Nature, Our emotional ecosystem, Our science, spirit and wonder… naturally creatively creating Our Love…

Our Loving…

Countless…

In (Our) Ways…!

-pati3ntwo1f (060222)

While Listening to https://youtu.be/R7a6sr45YmE

While listening to ‘It’s You’

If we were to only get 9 minutes … this lifetime… only 9 minutes more of each other… I would spend 8 minutes and 29 seconds making this song our immediate reality, this rhythm the metronome to our hearts intertwining dance, these chords as emotional fireworks bursting in the splendor and beauty of our chemistry…

… and enjoying all else we give freely to each other…

And the last 31 seconds… I will spend holding you with endless intent, and infinite presence, and present purpose … and repeatedly whisper these words - gently grazing your lips with mine as I repeat -

“I’ve Loved You & Will Love You Forever. I Will Find You Every Lifetime. I’ve Loved You & Will Love You Forever. I Will Find You Every Lifetime. I’ve Loved You & Will Love You Forever. I Will Find You Every Lifetime.”

… until I’ve exhausted each fraction of our 9 minutes, …

and with your scent in my nose, your taste on my tongue, your voice in my ear, your aura in my sights, and your unmistakable energy surging over my flesh… I will begin my way back to you… again, and again, and again.

-Pati3ntWo1f (02082022)

The thoughts that explode like thunder and crackle down paths of thoroughness as meticulous and effortless and natural as lightning’s dance…

Our heat generates wind in this cold world, thus storms follow… however they are often misunderstood… for what is of nature is of nurture… and our innate nature is to nurture.

And we do… boldly, bravely, beautifully, bountifully…

Brutally…

Not in violence but sacrifice.

Cost is simply a question of what one is willing to give and …

I Give All To and For My Muse;

Thus we breeze and bellow and blow houses down, we mist and sprinkle and rain and pour and flash flood, we warm and bathe and tan and bake and scorch and smolder…

We still and babble and flow and splash and whirl and current and rapid and waterfall…

We speak without words and converse without hearing… we’ve evolved communication to a beyond, and then back to simplicity.

Seeing you was a novel with no title or chapters or page numbers or order - just worlds of words already known, and attachments of “if spoken or not”; welcoming me to unravel - now - what i’ve already know and grown to love…

Hearing you is the life of the imaginative mind, well prompted and eager to delve, connect, betroth, and ascend, … explorative and fanciful, detailed and connotative, genuine and beholding… our amplify, our soundtrack, our praise, our outcry, expression, our honesty, our pleasure…

Inhaling the nostalgia of times felt, but not readily known, the total body calming recognition of your essential bodily oils scent… the riveting, compelling, memorable, convincing, time bending accelerant that is “smells of you”… its welcoming, identity, intoxicating influence on all my other senses, its air - its 2nd to oxygen… its mix-ability, how it blends, transforms, transfixes with mine… how it evolves, elicits, enthralls and enchants as “ode de OURS”…

And Our Touch, our… feel, our gateway, our ascension, our vehicle, transponder, in-tune-ment, enhancement, limiter that we’ve made limitless - taking the most finite, transfixed, selfish of senses… and making it a vessel to the lost infinite, complimentary thus encompassing, selfless of the senses… our literal connection that bridges my energy to yours… and then we… hmmm… light up the sky and more…

Yet and still… tasting you is foreign and distant, reminiscent from your scent and vouched for by your touch and encouraged by the sight of you.. and although hearing falls deaf with pre-influence, it resounds and reverberates to be used as the result of… of my insatiability with tasting all of you…

Betwixt each kiss and lingering with each lick, enough within each suck and… Mmmmmm… sorry. Confidence within my Assurance is now lesser than the Eagerness propelling my Performance… my lightning dance, my natural nurture of you and us, my sacrifice, my smolder, my splash, my spoken or not, my outcry, my mix-ability, my energy to yours… the my in “Us”, the my in “Ours”, the my in “for you”…

And “We” still seem to exceed these enhanced basics, these connected selfishnesses, these overwhelming urges to reconnect and exist as we are… together & beyond

As…

We…

Are!

- Pati3ntWo1f (011122)

There is an intimacy with this picture that resounds beyond any caption than makes this a meme… something beyond the laymen’s assesment at first glace - of a welcomed dominant and submissive interaction.

There is the resolution of a conversation deep within both parties. A trust exercise. A confessional. An acknowledgement. A belief. A calculated risk. A relief. A resolve.

I’d dont want to dominate… i want to build/venture/explore with you… both first and foremost…. That said… i only imagine the wolf within my passion being expressed with you.

She replies: Allowing me to submit doesn't necessarily mean you have to dominate.. it allows me to be safe.

I reply: That’s why I love you.

- Pati3ntWo1f (12192021)

Retracing: I miss you too

I trust that upon a kiss i will taste a flavor that i have unknowingly longed for all my life.

That upon a hug i will feel the comfort my mother always wished for me.

That i will smell of you a scent from my last and our future.

And that i will feel... while interlocked with your body, your skin...

The meaning of Heaven on Earth, the fruitfulness of milk and honey and something promised, the vastness of our potential and the lack of limits before US... i will feel our destiny.

-Pati3ntWo1lf

#pati3ntwo1lf

Continue to enjoy your immediacy, your wanted moments, your convenient satisfactions, your less offered infatuations, you right now

Although the statement of “the whole world does not revolve around you” is a truthful statement... its delivery and sentiment is bestowed upon one as spiteful and controlling and imposing on one’s motivations... therefore I intentionally repeat:

Continue to Enjoy Your Immediacy, Your Wanted Moments, Your Convenient Satisfactions, Your Less Offered Infatuations, YOU, Right Now!!!

-Pati3ntWo1f

I’ve already set the light and the music and created additional environment and mood. Right now i am Cleansing via lather then Manifesting via moisturization then Energizing via Confidence’s scent...

I wish to tempt just enough to entice you to follow my lead. I wish nourish enough for you to bloom before our eyes. I wish to wash away all energy that is entrapping and/or limiting and/or relying (like leeching) and/or not of you...

And i seek to...

Set...

You...

Free!

To escape the confines of time, and habit, and subjection and all other mental/social limits...

And resurrect you in your glory...

- With all the percs of the flesh bestowed and becoming to your whim -

... as the Goddess you are! ... and I know you to be.

-Pati3ntWo1f (03232021)

A Poet’s Chance - 1am & 3 Hour Drive (10.25.20)

The second verse AND how he sings it... and how it feels while i listen to it rn (after watching a 25min doc how this song was made - Netflix) and after that feeling, that all-ness in my chest we all call our heart (the idea)...

and the sensation like drinking ice cold water after having a peppermint... or breathing in freezing air while not dressed for the weather and its like with each breath you can feel your entire respiratory system... but, place that feeling in your heart (the idea) and feeling the gap, the hole in the all-ness... and feeling it whistle as your breathing cadence slows and deepens and swells as you sense it... the missing…

Its space

Its empty volume

And the phantom feelings faintly teasing, haunting, ghosts of what was... what I used to be able to and did feel

... the thoughts ... they echo like questions ... with no response, just these feelings, imaginings, swells and hollow whistles…

And the song repeats, again

I’ve lost track of how many times, because I set it, intentionally to repeat... and trap me here…

Because I felt it... i feel it... and morbidly am too excited to feel the

All-ness of my heart (the idea) again... that i am sorrowfully enjoying

The cold air exposing the hole, the missing, the empty space of me.

-Pati3ntWo1f (102520)

Be You!!! Astoundingly, bountifully, compassionately, distinguishingly, energetically, fluidly, gratefully, heiressesly, instinctually, jubilantly, knowingly, lavishly, momentously, naughtily, optimistically, purposefully, qualitatively, reverently, saturatingly, thoroughly, unequivocally, vibrantly, wholely, x-marks-the-spot-ingly, zestfully, You!!!

-Pati3ntWo1f (091520)

So even-though it is torture, because my dream cannot be completed... i will do it anyway, because the dream is worth enough, worth the pain and burden of never being fulfilled... and those few moments - although incomplete - are so enriching and magical. If i am left to only feel partially and woefully, then so be it, because i cannot deny my desire to feel. I’ll be the sad story and tragic ending that troubled souls cure their moments of loneliness in, when they hear it or see it. I’ll be the warning of what to avoid and how lifeless and bleek things can really get. I’ll be the bottomless abyss, the void, the emptyness and hopeless and romantically make them my home... and the opaque that, by contrast, gives the heroic, redemptive, compassionate, enduring, triumphant, joyful, desirable, fulfilling, optimistic, happy-ending stories their array of emotional fragrance, their textures of enjoyability, their sweet palpability and enticement - their thrill, their signs of life and worth living.

- pati3ntwo1f (091120)

To the present day “Joanna”s:

On behalf of those with your ear and not your attention; towards the benefit of those with your attention and its spoils; for your health and happiness; because of our unheard desires: see thyself as those with your ear do -beautifully badass. Let not your heart wander so far as you to forget that... for those with your ear turn to whispers the farther away you drift, and those whose possess your attention are not promised to be attentive.

Don’t lose sight of yourself; nobody in this world is worth you losing your shit. There’s no reason to act jealous, be possessive, and allow yourself to become sad and desperate. If someone doesn’t like you, who fucking cares? Find one who does. If your significant other makes you feel like shit — they’re fucking shit — bury them in a sandbox, forget about ‘em, and move on. Don’t be like Joanna of Castile. Don’t ruin your life and your reputation with insecure obsession . . . Born in 1479, Joanna (Spanish spelling, “Juana”) was the third child of Queen Isabella of Castile and King Ferdinand II of Aragon. But this royal privilege didn’t stop her from working hard to improve herself. As a young woman, she spoke six languages, excelled in religious studies, was active in equestrian sports, played music, and could dance with the best of them. Plain and simple, Joanna was a fucking badass. She was smart AND beautiful; this obviously attracted the attention of men. And, in 1496, she married Philip of Habsburg, also known as “Philip the Handsome.” Seriously, the dude’s nickname was PHILIP THE HANDSOME — are you fucking kidding me? He must have looked like Idris Elba and Ryan Gosling had a baby the height of Dwayne The Rock Johnson. My point, even Philip’s handsome ass wasn’t worth “losing it." But, Joanna couldn’t resist, she let her imagination get the best of her and became paranoid that he was going to cheat. Her insecurities intensified and her mental instability grew evermore apparent around the kingdom. She was like a fucking vulture, constantly swarming over Philip, checking his iPhone, and demanding his email passwords. Needless to say, it was sad to watch. She was once such a smart, intelligent, confident woman. Not even Philip’s surprise death in 1506 quelled her insecurities. She wouldn’t allow nuns to approach his corpse before his burial — afraid he’d put his ghost boner in one of them. In the end, Joanna of Castile became known as “Joanna the Mad,” leaving behind a reputation of being pathetically jealous, instead of beautifully badass. Well, you just learned some fucking history. You’re welcome. Now, enjoy your Sunday, you beautiful idiots. #SUNDAYSCHOOL

Lead you... to Us.

- - - - - - > us < - - - - - -

You cross my mind everyday

I want what comes next

An awakening release

I want that too

Two givers: Giving intent-fully, purposefully.

Two givers: Reciprocating, Appreciating.

Two givers: Learning to be selfish with one another, selflessly spoiling the other...

(with attention, detail, effort, ease, complimentary being - being me bringing myself to the complimentary degree necessary to balance with thee and always bring us the complete 360)

... After you.

So ready

And waiting, patiently

And wishing, anxiously

I need my turn to hear it...

To earn the emphatics of how i’ve compelled you to say it - To hear you make it yours...

(Then exceed those limits together as you give me a name of your own... And known words lose their worth, when compared to the value of how we are sharing our minds, bodies, energy, ourselves... We create a new language unique to us, written in passion, uttered in pleasure, understood spiritually, experienced entirely)

... Soft voices because we are always so close,

Countless smiles because your presence brings me joy,

An endless hug... always enwrapped in eachother... be it fingers, lips, arms, legs, bodies, minds or souls.

Any combos they can produce, We will surely create more.

Lemme please you beyond request?

I’ll lead you there...

... to Us.

(And the place where we defy time and space and self... Where our love making is an evokation of greater truths within ourselves... As my intent drips from my lips and is whispered into your flesh... as our rythm and intensity satisfy and soothe you into being in two places at once - As one flesh with me, And of the guided meditation I'm speaking into your skin... somewhere between your collarbone and where your jawline meets the lobe of your ear).

-Pati3ntWo1f (07262020)

Let him be the first...

That you tell how you feel, honestly and completely... the sweet and the salty...

A number have wanted to hear you speak that freely, from a place they believe exists within you and they admire, are astonished by, fantasize about...

It is something each of them, directly, indirectly, wishingly and/or needingly sought/seek from you... a confirmation, a correction, an acknowledgement, an expression of...

That...

That culmination of your beauties, that sounding of your intentions grander than themselves, that display of your alluring mysteries, that momentum of your irresistiblities...

That unpronouncable word pronounced only by a bookay of emotions blooming in sync...

That familar song only heard in the vacuum of one’s chest that was once occupied by the air that pressure sealed my vulnerability, cadenced by the upbeat rythm my heart is now beating as i am faced to admit how you’ve captured me...

That unearthly draw, as though my purest joy is now a body of water that i bathe in, fearless of its endless depths, awaiting day to turn night to day - but not for the apppeal of the sun of the colors of the sky... but for the movement of, the tiding of my joys - atuned to your gravitaional pull on my world...

My...

I mean, Their...

I should stop while I am ahead. But know, there is more to the point.

-Pati3ntWo1f (07202020)

“It's all subjective... the agony of the experience is the truth in it. Be it a princess having to do common work, a prisoner forced to do what it takes to survive, or a persons spirit - which craves for other than - to be subjected to another 40 hours of that which he/she wishes to avoid. Unfortunately, all we have to convey this value is expression. And therefore the currency of emotion is subjective to the understanding and reciprocation of one's audience. Understanding is cash. Reciprocation is credit.” -Pati3ntWo1f (04192020)

“It is like I have a cast over my heart, and a sling to hold it in place. Hidden. Unseen behind the smiles and jest and seemingly well wishes and responses. And there are the special ones… that somehow seem to sign the cast - leaving their mark, with no intent to stay or return when I heal… if I heal.”

-Pati3ntWo1f (03102020)

My Pleasure, My Joy

Experiencing you is my Pleasure

Pleasuring you is my Joy

I wanna feel what else you can do to me... and return the sensation 3 fold

I wanna lose track of time and space and being,by being with you... and just become something else, together

I want your heart beating against mine; your lips amidst my own; your arms and legs enveloping me; your ass in my hands...

Your passion riding the tip of my tongue; your imagination balancing on the tips of my fingers, awaiting your command... I wanna be inside your endless intimacy

I want Lust to flow freely, but have no taste, because greater emotions overwhelm our palate

Mmmm... gimme you, please

I wanna incite a confirmation for each thought i have ever thought of you... via your undressing kiss, your clutching hold, your magnetic intensity, and/or your sensual whisper

I wanna learn you in ways you didn’t know you can be learned... and purposefully exploit that knowledge for your agreed benefit

I want our intimacy to be the ultimate antidote against anything this life can bring... and be the only elixer i get drunken off of... and be as spectacularly nourishable as miracles of multiplying fish and bread... and as promising as a land of milk and honey

-Pati3ntWo1f (11262019)

Beauty of Bubbles

I’m feeling as though I need to be brutally honest. Not with the intent to be brutal... and I don’t want to over-rotate, but... to be honest to the point of risk... and then into risk. Because without the risk, there is no - ... no highs, just minor swells of in-between. Like there are still lows - No risk and still Lows - but the highs...? I mean, maybe occasionally... short-lived. When we do and don't know how.. its like when two distinct complex patterns momentarily synchronize - or seemingly so. Empty bliss... enjoyably empty gestures... the beauty of bubbles. We float - mystifyingly so - reflecting the world as it is not. Empty and fragile... to burst with no pieces to collect and build again, ... just gone. Because our film was so thin, lacked substance, weight... lacked the consistency of that which comes with risk. The beauty of bubbles... the effortlessness, the carefree, the whim... the ability to disappear... due to a consistency made to wash clean. Because what you risk... sticks and gums and clings and spills and soils and stains, has substance and mixture and composition, leaves residue - evidence it was there, of it’s presence... of attempt... to be something... more than - ? ... beauty of bubbles.

-Pati3ntWo1f (11012019)

“The pain you endure is not a total waist of energy or obstruction of progress ... such pressures create gems... takes ones willpower and being and refines it... like a sifting to find gold or a pressing to of grapes into wine... time and pressure has an ability to purify...

You are sweet pineapple juice- concentrate... a spiced rum distilled... a spring, welled from the frigid of a mountain top, that exists as stream and river and rapids and waterfall... all providing life to the ecosystems you pass through and spawn...

Said simply: Your Pains have yielded you a better quality standard. Others drink from the well, but you are top shelf. Don’t offer of yourself for less.”

-Pati3ntWo1f

Call this... “Us”

... She trustfully replied, “whatever you want to do...”

... I explained...

“Passionately... Intensely... Thoroughly... Genuinely... Intimately... Intentionally...

I wanna wander through your thoughts, igniting romantic flame after romantic flame, until the glow is visible within your smoltering stare...

And its warmth is emitting through your supple skin...

And then we can cast playful shadows across the ceiling, as we dance in flames of desire stoked between us...

The friction of our bodies creating a fireworks show...

I'll submit my vulnerability as sage for us to smudge... and cleanse through the steam created from the moiture of our kisses, the sweat of our bodies, your gateway to...

Paradise...

Our emotions flowing slow yet momentous - in some state between solid and liquid - my magma crashing into your ocean...

The heat our your intensified breathing... on my neck, my chest...

Us, both, unable to form words... we create a new language of sounds and exhales and pauses...

This is tantric... this is medatative... exotic and erotic... profound and provacative... deep yet weightless... beautifully fierce...

I’m using my lips like extra fingertips... just because i’m so in love with how you feel - idk if this can be even called a kiss...

But with this, I christen each inch of you as beautiful... each touch of yours as magical... each breath of yours as sacred...

And being unwrapped from my guards and masks... and then soulfully interwined, purely, with you -spectacular you - is surely beyond incredible...

I am entranced by the ‘what’ and ‘how’ of what you do to me.. for me... with me...

I am passioned by every thought of you... we are what others would call "impossible"...

We call this... ‘Us’...”

-Pati3ntWo1f (10202019)

Questioning Butterlfies

“After the determined caterpillar climbs its heights and death defyingly dangles from its limbs and commits to a CrossFit Games effort to cocoon itself… there is nothing to say that its cocooned transformation is painless. In a state too vulnerable for the everyday elements it exists in, left with a shield like barrier and itself, it submits itself to a process that literally resculpts its entire being. And there is no evidence that it just slumbers peacefully; or basks - spa like - im a sauna of in-depth and intrinsic and intimate transformation. Physically and mentally. This being is being equipped to fly. One, that could only walk, is now expected to be adept to and have the awareness of one whose means of transports is inexperienced and virtually unfathomable. And there is no evidence that this transformation is painless. As such, I no longer imagine or anticipate my transformative moments or years to be pleasant, or calm, or comfortable. I now prepare for the fears of vulnerability; the burns of recasting my metaphorical heart; the blunt traumas of forced change; the spasms of exhaustion; the fatigue of trying to understand and link past, through my present into my future. And there is no promise that I can even fathom the awareness, comprehension, and/or the innate instinct that i will become. I wish that I could ask the transforming caterpillar: ‘What keeps you going? Do you even know what a butterfly is? Do you even want to change?’ Because I have been burdened, I have climbed and begun to cocoon myself (out of instinct, off of reaction) and amidst being fully committed to seeing this transformation through - I’m finding myself vastly under-aware and under-prepared… and that is slowly becoming okay. I remind myself to, ‘Trust your Nature’... and then… forcefully Trust my Nature , again… until I have transcended form - anew.” - Pati3ntWo1f (09132019)

“I feed my angels and my demons. Set them at a table before me and we all feast. Each flashing tooth and fang and clawing for their choice morsels to be selfishly consumed. It's interesting how often their influence subsides and their interests change and move on, once they’ve sampled what they desire. I am slave to no vice. Our satisfactions and displeasures will forever change. See, the awakening I’ve come to is this… my angels, my demons, they are MINE. So I nurture them and discipline them the same, as though pets or subservient subjects to my Mastery and Sovereignty.” - Pati3ntWo1f

Crazed

I'm crazed by how the thought of you overwhelms my immediately/ and expodiciously exposes my vulnerability exceedingly/ needing this fix, shock, wake up call/ to awaken my ability to be enthralled/ shock becomes awe as numb becomes dumb/ to the sensation that mundane can make ones sensation become/ u conquered (my defenses) I saw (felt u while senseless) we came (and climax consistent)/ forever changed (ever-present and persistent)/ for I thought and dreamed and knew you/ I wished and believed and knew you/ I doubted and denied, coward and lied to myself in the face of your truth/ knowledge of you is spiritual, protecting you is ritual/ wanting you is now habitual, as the idea of living without you is minescule/

-Pati3ntWo1f