Stormlight Archive Funny - Blog Posts

Another scene that should be in stormlight archive book 5

There is a commotion outside the tower. Even though there are 10 days left. Both sides are going to be making moves.

Kaladin sees the early signs of conflict and is worried. Humans and singers are about to clash. They had been called to discuss a seize fire but on both sides there are those who bent on fighting.

Kaldin looses it. In a fit of cold rage he jumps into the sky.

"Windrunners!" He calls out. Tho he no longer A soldier. Every windrunner and squire joins him in the sky without question.

"There will be no more fighting" kaladin roars. His voice like the storms. Eyes ablaze with a tint of red.

"In 10 days the war will end. There are many among you who just want to life. You are free to join us. I and all of the windrunners will protect you. Humans or singer or anyone. And if you wish to fight we'll fight you too"

A regal flie out to attack kaladin but he finishes him swiftly.

Then slowly the murmmers die down.

Kaladin calms and gets back to the clinic like nothing happened.

Some time later kaladin is walking through the tower when we sees solders rushing forward. Some singers had accepted their offer to enter the tower till the war ends. Many had returned to alethkar.

He grunts as he goes to investigate. Queen is there surrounded by guards. Who are facing singers with spears who are defending somebody on the ground.

Moash.

Kaladin suppresses the surge of anger. Looking at his former, now blind friend. Surround by singers.

"The traitor needs to be punished for his crimes" navani says.

The singers object. These are the singers that kaladin had helped. They see him but say nothing. They are still bitter with him.

"We won't let you take him" the singers yell.

"He is a traitor and dangerous. We cannot let him roam free" snarls a solder.

"Leave him in our care. We will take full responsibility for him. He... he's our friend"

Kaldin is torn.

Just then an impatient solder rushes out to attack the singers. Before kaladin can interfere. The singer disarms the solder and subdues him on the floor.

A move that kaladin recognized. The same move moash used on kaladin when kaldin had tried to go after dunny.

Kaladin steps forward glowing which shuts everyone up before a fight can break out and asks, where the singer learned that move.

The singer answers that moash taught them. That he helped them and protected them when kaladin betrayed and left them so they wouldn't be helpless.

Everyone is silent before kaladin advises singers to keep a close eye on moash from now on and walks away while moash makes a snide remark but kaladin keeps walking.

KALADIN!!!!

helen “trans people are perpetuating gender steriotypes” joyce is now upset that the scientific american is writing about how women were hunters too back in the day, not just mothers and caretakers. feminist win!

All of these.

Cosmere books as bad news headlines

• "Young woman of questionable parentage kills god after eating copious amounts of metal"

• "Apple voice assistant marries mute rainbow god after sister defeats army of undead alongside hobo and talking sword"

• "City of zombies saved by angry man in armor and friendly chef's niece"

• "Depressed people snort lightning, use it to fight lobsters the size of battleships." (idea credit to @Elisabeth_Wheatley on YouTube)

• "Cowboy makes deal with the new god"

• "Girl and mouse boyfriend undo curse on cabin boy"

• "Man cheats death by stabbing his own eye, forms intergalactic gang"

• "Young woman stacks rocks to destroy computer"

• "Dehydrated young man unites senators against himself"

• "Man with PTSD breaks All the Rules, upsets mentor while running from sunrise"

• "Man(??) avoids eternal punishment from several sources while roasting everyone in existence"

It's the coolness factor. Stories should be realistic but they also have to be cool. Also mind get used to it once it realizes that it can just heal.

i'm so mad at the way physical traumas are treated in stormlight. Like yes even when you get heal by stormlight being hacked at the spine to the point of paralysis over and over again or having an arrow impaled through your face would absolutely be a traumatic experience, but this got treated like it's just a cool fighting sequence and our heroes are just that badass. Like??? Why is neither the characters nor the narrative talk or even mention it??? The books want to realistically portray mental illness and then completely failed to also realize that being radiant also means you're experiencing even more traumas?? A lot of this just feels like mindless action scene and glorification of violence tbh

More scenes for stormlight archives future books.

A mysterious cloaked figure is walking through the tower.

A war meeting is going on. Wit is his usual asshole self. He then suddenly perks up and starts to pour two drinks.

Pattern starts to buzz nervously.

Everyone pauses as the shadow of the figure stretches into the room.

Everyone is quiet. Dalinar stretches to his full height as the stormfather rumbles ominously.

The figure speaks. "We need to talk bondsmith. Things have changed"

"Who are you?" Dalinar asks. "Thadikar. Leader of the ghostbloods"

Immediately shallan and jasnah become alert. Summoning their shardplate and attacks but thadakar either dodges or simply can't be hurt.

He calls for his subjects and suddenly one soldier comes forward and its mariaze. Then hoid gives thadakar the drink and takes a sip of his.

Kelsier tells them that they must work together and everyone is doubtful.

Explains his deal with gavilar and tells them what a monster he was.

Until he pulls out devices that has the conversations of that night recorded.

They are about to listen to one when Navani stops them and tells them that maybe they should just hear him out.

Top corner: Kaldin × Adolin

Right corner: Kaladin x Shallan

Left corner: Kaladin x Moash

Shipping isn't trying to explain why a relationship is actually canon. It's not even trying to explain why it should or could be canon. Shipping is saying "wouldn't it be funny if these two fucked" and everyone needs to remember that.

In the next stormlight archive book I want scenes of kaladin with his grandparents. His grandfather hating larin and being fully supportive of kaladin as a soldier and giving dalinar a much needed reality check. Pulling everyone down from his high towers. Just causing unhinged chaos throughout and syl just vibing.

Ima use em

some SLA characters as onion headlines in no particular order

Kaladin:

Lunamor:

Raboniel:

Teft:

Dalinar:

The Lopen:

Shallan:

Adolin:

Ehlokar:

Jasnah:

Teravangian:

Sadeas:

Moash: