Tdj - Blog Posts

BRAIN SNIPPET……

*shaking screaming* (hootering and hollering) (a WIP that might be expanded on??? i haven’t properly written in ages idk if i can execute the vision)

HELP. Me. they are making me unwell 👆

and another lil segment. a treat.

(tagging a few people who i hope may be interested to see my writing maybe perchance >_< 🤞: @clawbehavior @gayautisticraccoon @gaylilsherlock )

toxic codependent familial dynamics this. toxic codependent romances that. what about toxic codependent coworkers. i can’t do my job without this guy here or i’ll kill myself.

why is skz hyunjin and chan’s new song “escape” genuinely So the devil judge gahan coded.

like. “by burning myself up i’ll melt your coldness,” “i can’t let you go ‘cause the world’s bout to break,” “i’ll take all this pain, can you promise me to give me all of you everyday?” LIKE. do y’all see that??? hello???

You’re hurting. You’re hurting so much you want to blame someone.

THE DEVIL JUDGE / 악마판사 (2021) dir. Choi Jung-kyu

no thoughts, head empty, only the devil judge ost playing in the background

this last addition is SO SO BARS i’m in love. yes, exactly; gaon chooses and thrives with the kangs from the start because that’s a place where he can comfortably act on his own based on what he wants and what he envisions. he has so much free will that he makes use of in that house, he has the chance to take charge in a way that he’s very comfortable doing, and he has so much influence on those around him — in contrast to his other relationships, where it is largely just him being influenced and affected by the choices and desires of the other person (min jungho, soohyun).

it’s honestly hard to blame yohan for wanting that family gaon had built up with them to be gaon’s first priority, but by pushing with that ultimatum — instead of, say, just talking to gaon and letting him make that choice — he’s effectively shown to gaon that even here, he does not have the power or equal standing to simply choose whatever he wants and be respected for it, not in the way gaon respects the decisions of the others around him (with a little nagging towards yohan sometimes but ultimately comes back to acceptance, at least up until that scene). and in being triggered into this realization, he pushes back against yohan, lashes out, walks away.

soon afterwards, he chooses soohyun, who dies barely an episode later. his choice is wrested away from him again by something completely out of his control, and it’s no wonder that being manipulated into thinking that there is, indeed, someone to blame for it, and that that someone is yohan, prompts such fury in him that he does go and confront yohan — who, actually, seems to understand and empathize with that anger very well, based on how he initially reacts to gaon trying to stab him.

gaon needs to heal and grow from this place of disempowerment, where his choices are so guided by those around him. he’s frankly a pretty static character throughout the show, and i think it’s done deliberately — that the people around him and his circumstances don’t allow him to really change or grow in a way that’s meaningful to himself. it’s only set up in the very end that he is entering new circumstances which will allow him to explore and exercise his power and free will. (god. i want a season 2 so badly.)

simultaneously, though, yohan is the same in some sense. despite how unilaterally he works and how in control of everything and everyone he seems to be, yohan is a man that’s been driven by his desire for revenge for years — that’s the ultimate “making choices based around the influence of others.” he needs to learn, too, how to take on a life he genuinely wants for himself now. in the time gaon spent with the kangs, yohan clearly realized how much he valued that sort of peaceful, domestic life with his loved ones; but yohan can’t rely solely upon gaon to realize that dream for him. if he wants it, he needs to put in the work to heal and prioritize that, too.

it’s why their choice to walk away / stay away from each other in the last scene of ep 16 is so powerful, in my opinion. no matter how much they still have left unsaid between them, and how deeply they still clearly care for each other, they know that both of them need to grow and heal in their own ways, separately. they want the best for each other — if not yet themselves — and so they choose to leave each other to their personal growing. to them, just getting to see one another, and ascertain that they are safe and healthy, is enough for now.

Kim Gaon as a character is so important to me.

This poor boy, whose parents committed suicide when he was so young, ends up being manipulated by almost everyone in his life who think they know what's best for him.

His mentor, who he saw as a father ends up manipulating him to further his own agendas and goals all while giving him the illusion of choice. Ga On has never truly had a choice.

And Soohyun too. Yes, she only ever wanted to keep him safe, and that is a nice sentiment, but in acting the way she did towards him she caged him in.

Maybe it's the Gemini in me, but if someone tries to limit my freedom of choice or influence my judgement in any way, I start to get suffocated. No matter what the sentiment behind their actions are. She didn't deserve the end she got, and she genuinely cared about Gaon but at the same time she ended up trying to influence him because she thought she knew what was best for him.

And then comes Yohan. Yohan is complicated (as morally grey characters tend to be), because for a good while in the beginning, he too tries to use (or at least wants to use) Gaon for his own ends.

But also, after he sees who Gaon truly is: a kind and caring and a firecracker of a soul, he is the first in Gaon's life to offer him a choice. And not the Min Jungho type of choice where it's just an illusion; but an actual choice.

And Gaon. Gaon only ever tried to do what he thought was right even while being pulled in a thousand different directions by different people. He tried so hard to make the right choices. He finally found the family he lost when he was young in Yohan and Elijah and Ms Ji. Lord knows I wouldn't survive if I found out that the fucker who drove my parents to suicide was living alive and well somewhere else with nothing on his conscience, and that I had been lied to for so long. And then, Soohyun, the last person who he has left from his past tied to his parents, his best friend, dies.

And then he loses his found family as well.

Kim Gaon, at the end of the show has absolutely no one left from his past; the Kangs, Soohyun, his parents and Min Jung ho are all gone.

All he has left is himself and a herculean task of rebuilding the justice system.

And how miserable must that be?

currently rewatching the devil judge as i study for a populism and democracy final and i think my next step might just be writing a fic where gahan just Talk and Argue about everything i’ve gotten out of all 75 of the readings that i need to review for this class

I have. Something to talk about and its very very VERY important.

We know that last scene of TDJ where its just PEAK yearning but can we PLEASE appreciate the micro-expressions that passed over both Yohan & Gaon's faces when they faced each other DIRECTLY after a MONTH (if im not wrong) of that whole blowing up fiasco + Yohan's arrest before that??????? Because my GOD.

So we see Gaon call Yohan by his Full Government Name™ (which wasn't very wise for a declared dead enemy of the state who is ALSO wanted but we'll let it pass for romanticisms' sake) and look at his face. His face is one of a scared man. He's not hesitant but he is afraid of how Yohan views him after what transpired between them.

In turn, Yohan looks back and well.

He is also somewhat apprehensive. They're both testing each other & the waters they're in. Although Yohan doesn't have a revenge vendetta shackling him down anymore, Gaon, on the other hand, has tremendous stuff to unpack. They're carefully, if not gently, evaluating the distance between them.

And then, Yohan gives a clear sign that he holds nothing against Gaon. An open arm, an open invitation. To join him? Maybe. To decide what to do with them? Perhaps. It's vague but it's also clear that Yohan is done manipulating Gaon & that he has left the ball in Gaon's court.

Then come the positive changes. With Yohan's green signal, Gaon is somewhat relieved but also incredibly guilt-ridden. I think these frames speak for themselves.

The wet smile & the eye crinkles. He is so relieved to be in Yohan's good graces but also just looking at Yohan be his ever glowing self after serving his life's purpose.

Yohan. My dearest Yohan. Look at him. He's equally heart-broken to be seeing Gaon like this, to be leaving him behind but that little nod he does???? Like he's made a decision that he needs to stick with for the betterment of Gaon???? That's what truly gets me. It's so clear the distance between them is hurting him but he also knows that it's necessary to give Gaon space & time, to unravel & to explore things on his own. Perhaps another assumption on his part because who truly knows what Gaon wants except Gaon himself?

Then it's a brief look exchanged. As he turns, giving Gaon one last reassuring smile as he turns and leaves behind one of the most important people to him.

And gaon watches. Look at his micro-expressions here. Look at his breathing. His sagging shoulders. His eyes. His wet smile. His balled hands. His tiny nods.

He also thinks this is necessary but you can so clearly see its taking every bit of nerve & fiber in him to stay rooted to his place & not chase after Yohan. He's DELIBERATELY not taking a single step towards Yohan. He thinks he doesn't deserve to chase after him, that hes content to see Yohan: alive, well and so utterly free. That's all that matters.

I would genuinely like to appreciate both jinyoung and jisung for their acting bcs they NAILED the raw emotions needed for this absolutely stunning yet gut wrenching scene. It's so difficult to convey such complex emotions through such little means yet they did it to PERFECTION. They both gave their characters LIFE. And for that i will always be grateful bcs i dont think anyone else could've done Kang Yohan and Kim Gaon the way they did.