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“Time for your monthly peeny check, baby. Let’s get you measured. Okay, you’re down to two inches now, but that’s still so big and intimidating. Ladies will be scared of it. Don’t worry, mummy will help you shrink it more so it’s a size ladies will like. Okay, let’s get you on all-fours for a milking then locked back up in a smaller cage. Isn’t mummy kind to you? Don’t forget to say thank you.”