Thoughtstoponder - Blog Posts

It’s suffocating,

loud and exhausting.

It’s a downward spiral

And I let myself fall

In the rabbit hole.

A space of my heart,

Locked away.

For oh so long.

You knew about it

And you question

The small confine

Where you belong.

You hold the power

Over me

No one ever had,

Will ever have.

Am I just

Punishing myself?

Not making peace

With the choice

I’ve made.

How come

You don’t want me

In your life?

When I will

Welcome you

In my arms

A thousand times.

I am a bus stop, so you weren’t supposed to stay.

A gentle reminder of us

“I would’ve love you for the wrong reasons, and I would’ve love you more for the right reasons. But one thing is for sure, we will tear and break each other apart.”

You are always at the back of my mind. Like a flicker of light I can’t seem to fix.

Is this still a part of moving on or I’m still a fool for you

More willing to let go than hold your hand.

Had to give myself a chance to live without you

‪“I never really stopped. You know? Loving you. It’s just... I’m better off without you.”‬

If she ever asks when I stopped loving her

“But you’re allowed to be you, to be spontaneous.” And still I wonder why I sought for your approval.

I am allowed to be me. Never again should I allow you to enter my state of mind. You aren’t the boss of me.

And suddenly you can’t run from it anymore. You face it not to just overcome it, you face it just to end a suffering.

I still don’t know what my “it” is

Sober enough to check up on them at 4 in the morning.

‪The detachment that comes with love is unimaginable.‬

It’s what after of the aftermath of falling out. I wish it wasn’t with you.

Do you ever get the feeling of “on the verge of being distant” to a person you’ve become so closed with and the anticipation it comes with kills you and you feel heavy inside

It happened too soon when it shouldn’t.

There’s something I have to write using my thoughts.

It was scary that I mattered yesterday and today, I’m just another stranger.

We lost us

If you ever find yourself unable to get up in the morning, catch yourself lying on your bed or staring at the ceiling for hours, I am here to tell you that it’s okay. The world may have already begun but even the sun take its time to rise. Take your time. Gather yourself. Close your eyes. Breathe.

Why is it not easy in the morning?

After all these years,

I still yearn for you.

And after all these years,

Hope you brought a part of me

Even at the end of our story.

Whole world out there, but still I want one with you in it

I guess, if you ever ask me if I still love you. I’d say, I do. I love you. I still do. There are times that I still think of you, and I hope you do, too. But, I’ve forgotten more than I could actually remember.

So, I guess, if you ever ask me if I still love you. I’d say, I do. My love for you will always be somewhere. It stays wherever you chose to leave me, wherever I chose to leave it. And, it’s here. Never moving. Never growing. It stays wherever I want. It stays behind.

‪I breathe so loud,

someone heard me

on the other side of the world.

Because I broke the silence,

thinking it’s the loudest

scream I’ve ever had.