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If look back I’m sure I’ll remember, the words I held back and chose not to say. I am sinking, drowning, dying in my despair; a despair I caused and chose not to share. How I feel feels unimportant, not worthwhile of mention, I just wish I’d had said it before I started to feel benched in; inside my room is where I’ve chosen to stay, despite how I wish and want to feel the sun and go out to play. I have not the words to describe the way I feel caged, it’s pitiful truly. Stuck in a gilded prison I myself made. I find it sad though to be honest, I finally spoke my mind and mentioned this bind that in myself I find; and the reaction was tame, it makes me feel lame to say that I was hoping for hope, for words left unspoken to fall from my mouth and for your response to make me not quite hate myself, but here I am sitting in bed, phone in my hand and pillow at my head listening to you ramble on unabashed, wishing I’d trusted you less and acted less rash. Your speech is slow, words are slurred as you speak about pottery sharing interests long unheard. A part of me feels bad for my one word responses, for the fact that if you asked what you’d said I’d be at a loss for words that were supposed to be held in my mouth; words that even had I known I’d dare not spout. I love you my dear, you’ve always been there, and you’ve kept me up as sturdily as the chair, that was carved on the day I turned 8, I ate those feelings away, lost to the old wind, the passage of time, a reference to a time that bas never been mine but I have longed to reach in hopes of some simpler days that my mind conjured up in a tired, alone, upset, and tied down haze; And even as I speak these words now I am all to unsure that my words will be heard, that the ears I called forth for word, will brush me off to the side and my the words I once chose to keep but now relent on saying will once again go unheard. I love you my dear, but goddamnit are you dense; I wish I’d not crossed that fence, the line where I chose to belt out my heart in hopes that you’d hear, but to my dismay you were gone away in the fray of people living through their days, Ignoring me and walking around me without a word as if I am in their way.