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i feel so gross. so rotten, i almost feel dead in a way. it feels as though i’m not living, merely drifting through my existence. i haven’t cleaned my room in weeks, i haven’t done any of my assignments, i haven’t been reading, i haven’t been writing, i just haven’t been able to do anything for weeks now. i’ve been getting angry with my friends and the people i love the most, and it’s never justified so i swallow it. but i feel so cruel for being irritated by those i hold so close. i am so scared. i am so, so scared. i should be better, and i am in some areas, but overall things haven’t improved much for me internally. i don’t know. i just feel so separated from everything and everyone.