Worth The Read - Blog Posts

Where do you think skk currently stand with each other now? Reading the lns and then rereading the manga, I was honestly surprised with how openly Chuuya showed concern for Dazai whenever he got hurt during the Lovecraft fight. It feels like their dynamic has shifted from when they were kids, but it's hard to pinpoint what exactly.

Ohhh boy thanks for the ask, anon!

I think right now they stand in a place where their dynamic from when Dazai left the mafia shines through, despite Dazai's "betrayal". That being said, we don't really know what that dynamic was. Dark Era has 0 Chuuya in it, and I don't think that's unintentional on Asagiri's part. I think he wants us to wonder a little bit more before he tells that part of their story. He literally said as much in the Stormbringer afterword, after all. My guess is that they've gotten to the point where they both understood they didn't actually hate each other, quite the opposite, in fact. Still too young and stubborn to actually talk about it, but I do think they consciously considered each other friends and partners in more than just the teamup Mori thrust them into. We see Dazai hides less and less of his affection toward Chuuya when no one who's opinion he cares about is looking. And in the Dead Apple manga adaptation we get to see a little more of Dazai and Chuuya. Dazai only gets off his ass when Chuuya calls him out on it. And Dazai trusts Chuuya to figure out his plan and come rescue him. Hell he lets Chuuya pass out on his lap afterward, a clear parallel to the ending of Dead Apple. That particular moment shows us that this kind of thing happened quite often, a natural progression to them using Corruption as a tactic and the ending we saw in Stormbringer, when Dazai caught Chuuya and let his true affection shine through in the moment when Chuuya couldn't hear him. Again, we know nothing of 17 and 18 year old soukoku, but if we follow that progression to its conclusion, then Dazai and Chuuya started to trust each other more, become closer as partners and friends, be less afraid of showing it to one another.

And then Dazai left, and Chuuya was fucking devastated.

Here's the boy who not only dragged Chuuya into the mafia, but who became the first person to treat him as a human being, not a tool that could be used and discarded when need be. The Sheep didn't do that. Rimbaud never did that. Mori was frank when he said he saw all his subordinates, including himself, as tools. But Dazai was the one who said that Chuuya could do what he wanted with his power. It was Dazai who made sure to never force Chuuya to use Corruption when he could, to give him a choice, from the very beginning. That's why Chuuya trusted him. And then Dazai, who joined the mafia alongside him partly because he wanted to live long enough to have Chuuya by his side, left him and the entirety of the Mafia. It's only inevitable that Chuuya saw it as a betrayal.

There's a whole analysis of 18 to 22 year old Chuuya I could do, what he was like after Dazai's betrayal, how he became the person he is now, but that would take. So long. Maybe later.

Anyway then Dazai shows up in the Port Mafia's basement and is like "hey whatsup don't get me wrong I still don't like you also remember how we used to be partners?" And Chuuya is clearly hiding A Lot of Feelings but he plays along and lets Dazai go, along with the information Dazai needed.

I think Dazai and Chuuya see their relationship quite differently. Because Dazai never saw his leaving the Mafia as him leaving Chuuya. Hell, look how he talks to Akutagawa vs Chuuya. He literally tells Akutagawa that Atsushi is his replacement. He never does that with Chuuya, hell, he keeps reminding Chuuya of their partnership. Literally tells him that Dazai's second reason was that he wanted to see Chuuya again. That it was a "reunion long in the making". I have a feeling Dazai also got caught cause he wanted to see what Chuuya would do. And Chuuya lets him go! With information! They bicker and bully each other like old times, it's better than he could have hoped!

Anyway. To Dazai, Chuuya is still the same old Chuuya as the one he left behind when they were 18.

As we said before, Chuuya sees it differently. He's clearly still bitter about it, saying that Dazai "made a fool of everyone, be it friend or foe". Like, he's clearly talking about Dazai leaving here. Chuuya's clearly hurt because he trusted someone, and again, that trust was met with a betrayal. He doesn't know what to make of this "new Dazai", doesn't trust him, because he sees Dazai be merciful and kind and that's not what he remembered Dazai to be like. And if Dazai was secretly a good, kind person the whole time, why would he leave Chuuya like that? Did that mean Chuuya just wasn't worth that kindness? So their interactions so far have been about Dazai testing and building back up that trust and partnership they had beforehand. Showing up in that basement to tease him. Letting Chuuya choose to use Corruption. Getting himself "killed" by Shibusawa, putting his own trust forward that Chuuya would come for him.

Also, they're not teenagers anymore! They're adults! Which means they can process their feelings in a more mature way! So Dazai is way more overt with his fondness for Chuuya, he's got the guts to call him "buddy" to himself. He seems to understand his own feelings for Chuuya a little more. His little conversation with Akutagawa before Shin Soukoku's fight with Fukuchi? You can't tell me that's not Dazai understanding his loyalty to Chuuya and seeing that same partnership in Atsushi and Akutagawa.

"You'll save him. You know the reason yourself, don't you?" Like bitch kill me now just

AND THEN AKU FUCKING DIES JUST SO ATSUSHI CAN ESCAPE I CAN'T.

If Dazai is modeling Shin Soukoku off of his partnership with Chuuya, then you know exactly how he feels about it. It means a whole heck of a lot to him.

And now we have an arc where Dazai's one true enemy is using Chuuya like a glorified pet bodyguard. I keep thinking of that line he said to Aku and, like, I'm 99% sure Dazai would die for Chuuya if he had to? (wow Dazai please don't die).

Meanwhile Chuuya's feelings a little less clear but I'm getting a "I want to trust Dazai even though I know I shouldn't cause he left me behind before what makes me think he won't do it again?" Please, Asagiri, I need to see this boy's crisis when Dazai left. I need it.

Note that all of this is mostly just speculation I infodumped in this ask, but if we're talking canonically, their relationship seems to be heading into a moment when they both need to deside how important they are to each other, admit it to each other, epecially with Dazai finally admitting that he cares a heck of a lot for Chuuya. In terms of shipping, their maturity makes them understand their own feelings for each other more. Dazai is no longer so intimidated by his giant obsession crush, and Chuuya can understand why he needs Dazai in his life, even after all the betrayal and the hurt. This is just a fun little thing, but the current jailbreak arc kind of reminds me of that moment where Adora needed to fight Catra to bring her back home:

Okay okay I'll stop typing now.

we were never meant to be permanent

not in

mortality

so the story behind this, today, is that I got emotionally attached to a class I only have for three months ish. that's college for you.

and we came to the end of our time together today sitting around a table, slamming markers and gatorade down in a game in Portuguese I felt so content even knowing it was coming to an end even with the primal fear of someone aboard a speed train about to reach the end of the track one day, it will be permanent but not in this life I will see you all again on the other side Even if I never see you again in this mortal life

It comes down to the principle of Gatorade. That's what I call it because I remember a time when I was a kid that Gatorades were a prize. You could only obtain them by playing soccer because the other kids' soccer moms would bring Gatorade and CapriSun and all those glorious things your parents didn't get for you. Basically, you can't have one Gatorade forever. Makes sense, right?

But what if you could make a Gatorade last forever? What if you were in that one glorious moment forever? The sun shining off the thick clouds in the late golden hour, illuminating the greens and blues in the mountains around, the wind your best friend so exhilarating, the satisfaction of completing a soccer game you loved not for anything in particular other than the fact that you were outside and alive and proving yourself alive and you have a Gatorade.

Make that moment last forever. Now, what do you lose?

Years from now, you'll be at a movie night with friends. You will be scrunched between two people you love on a couch, or maybe curled cozily into a corner, or marinating in a beanbag with a super soft blanket. The movie is the greatest movie you've ever seen and it's only augmented by being cozy with true friends. One day you will finally achieve that skill you spend years trying to perfect. One day you might even learn to cook. You'll meet someone new a thousand times, then a million times. You'll even get to meet the same person again and again if you try. There will be so many people that come and go in your life. So many hobbies and loves and passions and YouTube recommendations.

You will change as a person and maybe you will be scared to. Maybe you'll long for the comfort and safety and glory of the Gatorade in the fresh air.

But if you remain there forever, you will never meet your best friend. You will never have that cozy movie night and never accomplish that tricky thing. You will never encounter so many things to love. TV show or drawing styles or color palettes or characters or songs. You're going to make an awesome PowerPoint one day. Would you give that up for the Gatorade you've already had?

As mortal beings we are confined to a timeline. Time-bound. Afterwards, though, we'll get to be whole, and let me tell you time isn't a problem for God. We'll get to remember each moment of joy we got to have down here on earth. We'll get to live each of them all at once if we want, and be with everyone we love all at once, forever, and I know I'm a mortal and probably butchering this description of what comes next because heck it I've not been there yet but that's sort of what it'll be like.

It's possible for everything we want to be permanent to be permanent in eternity. That's the point of eternity. That is not the point of mortality. The point of mortality is to do many things, experience many things, keep moving.

(As for the loved ones who stay in your life? They change, too, and that's beautiful.)

We were never meant to be permanent in mortality. The permanence comes later.