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Xuexiao - Blog Posts
Someone needs to study why everyone who meets Xiao Xingchen becomes permanently obsessed with him.
A-Qing knew him for about five minutes and was like, yeah I’m gonna follow him around for the rest of my life.
Song Lan is more subtle about this, but I want people to remember that they knew each other for only about a year, max two years. And after their parting he spent his whole time searching for Xiao Xingchen and now will spend the rest of his life trying to heal his soul. He’s a little more stable about it, I would say, but still.
And then Xue Yang, I don’t think that needs any explanation.
While the source material clearly intends Xue Yang to be read as an orphan (perhaps orphaned so young he has no memory of his parents), I think it’s underexplored in fandom that he never ACTUALLY SAYS that his parents DIED, but rather that he was a child without parents.
“He had neither dad nor mom nor money” (via the official english translation)
I think there’s something in here worth exploring about the possibility that Xue Yang was abandoned by his parents.
Perhaps he remembers one or both of them and/or the event, perhaps he does not but just has a sense of it having happened, perhaps he has no memories of it at all but it still psychologically impacted his development.
Just about every character in the story can be better understood by looking at how they were raised, and Xue Yang is CERTAINLY not an exception.
There are myriad ways to interpret his childhood (though none of them stable, safe, or cared for), but I have been thinking a LOT lately about how being abandoned by his parents could have shaped him into who he later became.
His behavior in the Villainous Friends extra (wherein he, seemingly arbitrarily, breaks things and antagonizes people and then specifically challenges Jin Guangyao about paying for damages) COULD be interpreted as acting out in a way that’s common for children and teens with a history of abandonment who are testing the waters of just how much their new guardian/s will tolerate. This sort of behavior can be a self fulfilling prophesy as well as an attempt to prove to themselves that their expectations of rejection or punishment are correct.
If Xue Yang has only ever known the world to be a painful place where people reject and abandon him, then that’s how he expects the world to continue behaving. If suddenly someone defies this expectation, it is simultaneously a fascinating and wondrous thing, and also a threat to his worldview. After all, if THIS person can be kind and care for him, then why didn’t anyone else?
If JGY, who at this point is essentially just his handler, can be unconditionally patient with him… then why couldn’t others have been patient with him over much less? And why couldn’t his own parents, who had considerably higher responsibility to him, be as patient as JGY?
It’s much easier to push and push and push until you break the patience and prove your cynicism correct, than it is to grapple with those painful questions. And after all, Jin Guangyao had an exterior force (Jin Guangshan) requiring him to show patience. And once that force was removed, so was Xue Yang. This, perhaps, felt as much like validation as it did betrayal.
There might be a parallel to be made here, too, about how JGY was and felt betrayed/abandoned by his father. This in common might be something that they bonded over.
And of course, as always, there’s Yi City.
Xue Yang expects Xiao Xingchen to abandon him, and his elaborate “revenge” was at least in part in preparation for that anticipated betrayal. He “knows” he will be betrayed and, perhaps unlike what happened with Jin Guangyao, he intends to be ready for it this time. Ready to punish Xiao Xingchen the MOMENT it happens, or ready to convince him not to betray him after all (what is “We’re not so different, I’m not uniquely evil, you’re ending our life together because you think you’re better than me but look! Look! You and I are the same now” if not a deeply misguided and utterly desperate plea?).
At some point he starts hoping it just won’t happen, and stops needing the “revenge” plot. When it starts unraveling before him, he tries for understanding first. What is “Hear my story, THEN decide–” if not begging to be understood?
Of course it doesn’t work.
Xiao Xingchen doesn’t even kill Xue Yang, either; he goes Away. Goes where Xue Yang can’t. If Xue Yang is read as having this particular trigger, Xiao Xingchen’s suicide may feel like abandonment all over again.
Perhaps Xiao Xingchen NOT killing Xue Yang becomes a parallel to Xue Yang’s parents abandoning him to suffer alone instead of keeping him or killing him. Or else maybe Xue Yang’s mother DID try to kill him (drown him or left him out in the cold) and he just managed to survive, in which case Xiao Xingchen NOT trying to kill Xue Yang puts him a cut above even Xue Yang’s own mother/parents.
Final thought:
While I find Xue Yang’s lack of familial connection to the rest of the cast compelling, I also find “what if” scenarios fascinating to explore, and “Xue Yang was abandoned by parents who might still be around during the story” does create some fascinating opportunities for fic.
Such as:
What if Xue Yang was yet another illegitimate son of Jin Guangshan? What if he knew but Jin Guangyao didn’t? What if Jin Guangyao knew but Xue Yang didn’t? What if Jin Guangshan himself knew? That would really put the insistent protections into a very weird light (is there a heart in there? Or did he think he could string Xue Yang along like he did Jin Guangyao? Or was Xue Yang blackmailing him?)
OR
What if Xue Yang was the illegitimate son of Chang Cian? It certainly puts a spin on that entire scenario. Little Xue Yang has another reason to want to please this man, and a further reason to feel betrayed by the abuse. Chang Cian not even recognizing him. Xue Yang taking revenge on the entire family because they ALL wronged him in a way he can’t articulate. Because they got to live the life he could have if he’d been wanted.
Certainly none of this is canon, but it’s not TERRIBLY far beyond the bounds of canon either, and makes for some juicy food for fic.
The air was heavy around them. Suddenly there was a bright flash and a loud clap of thunder. Xiao Xingchen gasped in surprise beside him as Xue Yang felt a large droplet of water hit his cheek and trickle down. He looked up, only now noticing the dark clouds scudding across the night sky. Raindrops began to play a tinny tune on the stones around them, random notes here and there that began to blend as the patter of rain increased.
(...) Xue Yang wasn’t sure when Xiao Xingchen’s hand had slid down from his forearm to his hand, but as they stumbled their way through the town and he guided Xiao Xingchen through the maze of coffins in their courtyard, he became aware that their fingers had slid together and they were gripping each other so tightly his fingers were becoming numb.
He didn’t quite know what to make of it, but also didn’t want to let go or draw Xiao Xingchen’s attention to it, so he kept holding on tightly as he stepped over the high threshold into the house. He immediately turned and placed his left hand gently but firmly against Xiao Xingchen’s chest to slow him down...
THIS is an excerpt from The taste of rain on skin, by @fieri-sentio-et-excrucior and with the incredible art by @wrathyforest, two amazing and talented artists whose work I recommend you all to check!!
I'm honoured to know such wonderful people and I wish nothing but the best to all of you. Keep writing, keep drawing, keep creating things that make me happy please! >w<
