Me When Someone Complains About Something That's Been Genuinely Bothering Me Too But I Just Brushed It

"I had a wife but they took her in the divorce" is a Groucho Marx level joke. pure vaudeville. it's semantically perfect, blisteringly fast, and completely efficient. just an unbelievable stroke of genius which was apparently a complete accident. you could tell this joke onstage at any period in history between probably 1500 and now and get a genuine guffaw

I mean yeah I guess you could make me your blade, what with me being an empty vessel with no sense of self it would probably be pretty easy, but right now I'm kinda hungry so I can't really think about that. Oh, you'll feed me in order to establish a base, animalistic trust response in me? Fuck yeah that sounds great actually.

i've never been married but i've been divorced at least 3 times

Bitch “I’m” On 12 Ego Deaths

*literally choking with want* nah man it's fine DW about it

I can sense that one of you has turned on me

Remember, that line of thinking doesnt get you any closer to the cup or the scepter

(scary dom voice) call the restaurant, slut. im too shy

Freelancing in technical theater means you’re on a lot of different email lists. People need a crew, they send out an email, you respond with your availability. Now, most people start these with things like “hey folks” or “hi everyone”. Neal is not most people.

His openers started off innocent enough.

Then, he started to push boundaries.

And as you can see, it has spiraled out of control since then.

Had a dream last night that i was a knight and this bigger scarier knight had me on the ground and right before he swung his sword at my neck he said smth like "i mourn the loss of life for the tree who will become your coffin" which shouldnt have turned me on like it did but alas