I've Never Been Married But I've Been Divorced At Least 3 Times

Freelancing in technical theater means you’re on a lot of different email lists. People need a crew, they send out an email, you respond with your availability. Now, most people start these with things like “hey folks” or “hi everyone”. Neal is not most people.

His openers started off innocent enough.

Then, he started to push boundaries.

And as you can see, it has spiraled out of control since then.

my liege we your council would not advise this course of action but we all agree it would be pretty funny regardless

I was definitely not built for human interaction I was built to stare at turkey vultures circle in the sky above the river

Men invented dueling so they could shoot hot loads into eachother

It’s been so long since I’ve felt affection I’ve legit stopped having romantic crushes or fantasies.

you may now join the knights templar

This isn't even a hate message this is just the funniest possible thing in the universe. I'm losing my shit laughing right now

love when writers are like “this character is SOOOO tormented. they are undiagnosable. no one could possibly understand them. they’re just so disturbed and impossible to label. they’re a mystery. no one will ever quite comprehend what goes on in their mind” whole time the cunts just autistic

hey man i think your twink is disturbed. On a very deep fundamental and psychological level

i love the concept of divorce lawyers. the only things in the world that have the power to undo your marriage are death itself or a special little boy with a law degree.