Latest Posts by greendeanwinchester - Page 4
Hello please reblog this if you're okay with people sending you random asks to get to know you better
headcanon that when dean sent castiel a ten hour rickroll, he watched the whole thing
In season 14 episode 10, Nihilism, when Micheal traps Dean in his own mind while possessing Dean, he creates a fake version of Pamela along with a bar in order to keep him there. However, isn't it strange that Pamela is there, and not someone else Dean had a stronger connection to? No. In season 5 episode 16, Dark Side of the Moon (Sam and Dean go to heaven), Dean has a conversation with Pamela that makes him start thinking about saying yes to Michael, even though he doesn't end up doing so in that season.
(PAMELA: Yeah, well, close enough. Look, Dean, I’m happy. I’m at peace.
DEAN: What? Are you trying to sell me a time share? I mean, what’s with the pitch?
PAMELA: (chuckling) I know that Michael wants to take you out for a test drive.
DEAN: (interrupting) Pamela…
PAMELA: Just saying. What happens if you play ball with them? Worst case.
DEAN: A lot of people die.
PAMELA: And then they come here. Is that really so bad? Look. Maybe… you don’t have to fight it so hard. That’s all I’m trying to say.)
Pamela tells him that it wouldn't be so bad if Dean let Michael possess him. I think this is why she is in his mind prison that Michael creates in season 14. She tried to convince Dean to say yes to Michael, and almost did, therefore causing Michael to use her as a trick.
Everyone's talking about how Nina and Maggie seem on the outside to mirror Crowley and Aziraphale respectively, but it's actually switched, and Nina mirrors Aziraphale while Maggie mirrors Crowley.
But I haven't seen as much talk about how the same thing is happening with Shax and Muriel.
Shax is Crowley's replacement on earth at the beginning of S2, and Muriel becomes Aziraphale's by the end. Muriel and Aziraphale particularly are presented as very alike on the surface (see their enthusiasm over playing a 'human police officer' and an intrepid 'newspaperman' for example). And Shax is eager to learn from Crowley, who has kind of taken her under his wing and is teaching her how to be a demon on earth.
But beneath their surface appearances, Shax is actually a mirror to Aziraphale, and Muriel is a mirror to Crowley. Shax and Aziraphale are the (soon-to-be) leaders of their respective Sides. Muriel and Crowley are nobodies, insignificant (as of now) to either Side. Shax and Aziraphale are stubborn, ambitious, and determined to make real change to their respective organizations for the benefit (or detriment) of humanity. Muriel and Crowley both crave connection, they both have (or will) come to deeply care about earth and humanity, and they both are (or once were/still are deep down) openly curious and filled with wonder and love for creation. In season 3, it's going to be Shax vs. Aziraphale in Heaven/Hell, and Muriel and Crowley figuring things out on earth together.
This parallel is just as important as the Nina/Maggie parallel, and will arguably be more important in Season 3.
Nina and Maggie mirror Aziraphale and Crowley as a couple, as partners. How they have to all grow into themselves before they can really be together.
Shax and Muriel mirror Aziraphale and Crowley as individuals. Aziraphale and Crowley have become increasingly codependent for 6000 years, and even more so in the four years before season 2. They need this time apart to learn and become comfortable with who they are without each other. And in that time, their encounters with Shax and Muriel will push them to grow, challenge them, and help them embrace parts of themselves that, up until this point, they relied heavily on each other to bring out in them.
It's Aziraphale, who's always been stereotyped as soft, vulnerable, ultimately weak, who's going to showcase his own strength. It's Crowley, who's always seen as all walls and sharp edges, who's going to become comfortable with his own softness. It's Aziraphale, who's always relied on his connections, not just to Crowley but to the people in his community, the restaurants where they know his name, who's going to have to trust himself to stand alone in order to face off with Shax. It's Crowley, who started out "on my own side" and who's only ever let Aziraphale in on it, who's going to have to open himself up to meaningful connections, first with Muriel, but then with other people and the world.
I have a lot more to say about how this mirror works and how it might play out in season 3, so let's get into it! (Seriously, this is gonna be a long one)(Like I've been writing this for weeks).
Shax and Aziraphale
By the end of season 2, Shax is the new Grand Duke of Hell and Aziraphale is the new Supreme Archangel of Heaven, so they are now each other's counterparts, the heads of their respective Sides.
(Sidenote: I am making an assumption here — Beelzebub does offer Shax the position of Grand Duke, but it's unclear whether that means she's got it. Maybe she'll start the season fighting with the Dark Council for the position, if she doesn't immediately start as Grand Duke. But this parallel works even if she doesn't actually occupy that role yet).
Remember, Gabriel and Beelzebub in season 1 were going along with the Great Plan, but they weren't really personally invested in it, so when that didn't pan out, they both realized they didn't want the headache of another Armageddon. In season 2 they're largely disillusioned and done with the whole thing. It's hard enough running Heaven and Hell as it is, they don't need another huge project like that to add to their plates.
Unlike their predecessors, then, Aziraphale and Shax both actually have a vision for their respective organizations, a vision that is uniquely their own and wasn't just written down and handed to them.
Aziraphale, post-season 1, is deeply disillusioned with Heaven. It's just a great, dull bureaucracy, with no understanding of morality and no interest in learning, which means it does more harm than Good to humanity. He goes to Heaven determined to change it, to align it with the sense of morality he's developed over thousands of years spent among humans. He will bring Heaven back to its true Purpose of preserving Humanity and influencing them towards the Light. He will make Heaven really, properly Good.
Shax, meanwhile, is in largely the same place as Aziraphale when we meet her. Deeply disappointed that Hell is just a great dull bureaucracy, and that her job as ambassador to earth is too easy, that Hell can't even do real Harm to humanity. Hell can't even muster a proper legion of Demons, for Satan's sake! But as Grand Duke of Hell, she could change things for the worse. She could bring Hell back to its true purpose of tearing Humanity apart, influencing them towards the Darkness. She could make Hell really, properly Evil.
Aziraphale and Shax are both driven and ambitious. They're both disappointed in the institutions they work for and equipped with big ideas for change. They're both clever and steely and determined. They're both adept at influencing people to get what they want, with a kind or a harsh word (See: Aziraphale getting the whole street to come to the meeting; Shax riling up Maggie in the bookshop).
They're both stubborn, and they're both fighters, and their approach to problem solving is essentially single-mindedness and blunt force, insisting that they will get their way. (See: Shax storming the bookshop even though they couldn't get in; Shax reappearing as the Hitchhiker until Aziraphale relented; Aziraphale refusing to be threatened by the people in the Edinburgh graveyard; Aziraphale miracle-ing everyone into a Jane Austen novel).
I think they’ll go head to head in season 3, and I think that relationship with Shax is gonna be really important to Aziraphale’s growth as an individual, to him figuring out who he is without Crowley.
Because Aziraphale has always relied on Crowley to externalize his inner strength.
Crowley constantly pushes him, challenges him, forces him to confront the places where his orders from Heaven or what he was taught don’t align with what he truly values, what he feels in his gut. Crowley forces him to act when Aziraphale's standing there, twisting himself up into knots trying to be Good. It's not that Crowley gives Aziraphale strength, no, Aziraphale has always had it in him. It's Aziraphale's strength that draws Crowley to him in the first place (giving Adam and Eve the flaming sword — Aziraphale frames it as a spur of the moment thing but really it took great strength of conviction). But for the most part, it's Crowley who draws that strength out of Aziraphale, who helps him accept and embrace that part of himself, who makes him comfortable with it.
(Their encounter with Furfur is a prime example of this to me. Crowley's mere presence beside him means Aziraphale is calm and confident and it's extremely hot. He stares Furfur down, performs the magic trick with ease. Contrast that with how flustered he gets when Shax confronts him alone at the beginning of that episode. And how he gets even more flustered when Shax threatens Crowley).
Crowley tempts Aziraphale into trusting himself, into being himself. And Aziraphale needs Crowley — he admits that plainly, in the end. Without Crowley, he doesn't know how to be himself. Aziraphale fundamentally lacks self-trust and self-confidence. Crowley’s belief in him, Crowley’s trust in him, stands in for what he lacks on his own. Now, facing Shax, I think it'll force him to trust his instincts and his judgments, and ultimately help him see things more clearly. All this time he's kind of let Crowley do that clear seeing for him. Now he's on his own against an adversary that's evenly matched to him and I think it will force him to become more sure of himself and what he wants and believes.
I've said that I think we'll see a darker side to Aziraphale in season 3. But I think where he'll ultimately land is with a balance between softness and steeliness, one that's anchored within himself and not reliant on Crowley. Because of the way they're set up as each other's mirrors, I think Shax will be really important to that growth. Shax has this skill of pinpointing and exploiting people's weaknesses and vulnerabilities. I think this means she'll be part of what forces Aziraphale to confront all the uncomfortable truths and contradictions and complexities he's been pretending not to see in himself for millennia. I think he'll have to openly define who he is and what he values in response to her poking at his weak spots (not only in response to her — Aziraphale has far deeper Issues than just Shax — but she'll kind of force him to do that growth himself).
We can imagine that season 3 is going to build towards Aziraphale seeing clearly what Crowley's known this whole time, that the entire system is fucked and can't just be fixed the way he hopes to. And I think maybe, in another clever role-reversal, we'll end up with Aziraphale explaining that to Shax, convincing her to join him and take on the Metatron together. The forces of Heaven and Hell, allied. And Aziraphale, now firm in his convictions and sure of who he is, leading the charge.
Muriel and Crowley
By the end of season 2, Crowley and Muriel are both, essentially, exiles. Crowley has rejected both Heaven and Hell, and neither of them have much of an interest in him anymore, especially now that the Metatron has managed to separate him and Aziraphale. Muriel has been (not completely, but all the same) cast out of Heaven, left on earth to run the bookshop, but really because they know too much and have seen too much, and the Metatron needs them contained.
Crowley sees pieces of himself in Muriel, feels some sense of kinship with them. (I mean yeah outwardly he's annoyed by them but especially after their little excursion to Heaven together you know they're best buds). They both crave connection. They are both endlessly curious, and fascinated by the world and humanity. Pure, open wonder at the world. A deep love for creation and excitement about its potential.
And Crowley sees these things, and gives them The Crow Road to read, which I have not read myself but I gather from the summary on Wikipedia that it's essentially a crash course in humanity, for the purposes of this show. So in this way, everything that Crowley has come to admire in humanity, he imparts to Muriel. I don't know how conscious his choice of book was, but by giving them a book at all he is saying, on some level, look. Look how fascinating, how weird and complex, how infuriating and scary and wonderful humanity can be.
Those qualities still live in Crowley (just look at that smile as he's watching Nina and Maggie in the rain) even if the pre-Fall version of himself that could express them openly is barely a memory to him. He is still full of that wonder and fascination, that curiosity and love, even if he's in deep denial about it out of necessity. And I think Crowley's relationship with Muriel is going to be very important to him fully claiming and owning those parts of himself again, and figuring out who he is without Aziraphale.
Because Crowley has always relied on Aziraphale to externalize his inner softness.
Aziraphale constantly pushes him, challenges him, forces him to confront the places where his behaviors and actions, who he truly is, don't align with the detached, uncaring front he puts up, or his orders from Hell. Aziraphale names him kind and good with that knowing little smile on his face while Crowley twists himself up into knots trying to justify his actions as Evil. It's not that Aziraphale makes Crowley soft, Crowley has always had it in him. It's Crowley's softness that draws Aziraphale to him in the first place (not just the Starmaker, but the "hello, Aziraphale!" at the Flood, and the way he spoke to Jemimah, a million other instances throughout the millennia). But for the most part, it's Aziraphale who names the softness that Crowley displays, who calls it out and embraces it when Crowley cannot.
(The Job minisode is a prime example of this to me. I mean, Aziraphale is hella annoying about it but still. When Crowley looks him in the eyes, full of anger, and insists he's pure Evil, Aziraphale stares right back and demands he prove it).
Aziraphale recognizes Crowley, sees him clearly, sees right to the heart of him, in a way Crowley struggles to do for himself. And Crowley needs Aziraphale to articulate the parts of himself that he cannot give voice to, because of the threat of Hell but also because of the deep trauma of his Fall and the fear and despair he carries from it. Crowley fundamentally lacks the ability to truly express himself, to stand up and say, this is who I am and what I want. And more than that, Crowley's entire purpose for millennia has been protecting Aziraphale, helping Aziraphale, defending "our side" and their "precious, peaceful, fragile existence" from the threats of Heaven and Hell both. So without Aziraphale, Crowley doesn't know how to be himself.
Now, on earth, I think his relationship with Muriel will force him to do that, to name the parts of himself that he's always let Aziraphale name for him. To call himself kind, to admit how much he cares for the earth and humanity, to reconnect with that feeling, after pushing it down and denying it for so, so long. I bet he'll try to sleep until Armageddon comes, but Muriel won't let him. I bet they'll keep finding him, asking him questions, relying on him to guide them as they get to know the earth and humans. And I think that will force him to truly drop the act, to state plainly that yes, he's not as evil as he paints himself to be, he does care for humanity, and to reckon with all the reasons why he's felt the need to deny that for so long.
I think we'll see a lot more of Crowley's past trauma in Season 3. I think we'll hear the full story of his Fall (and if he tells that story to anyone, I bet it'll be Muriel). I think he'll have to truly process through it, and I think where he'll ultimately land is with a fuller, more complete version of himself, that he doesn't need to rely on Aziraphale to express. He'll never be the Starmaker again, that's not the goal. But he will be able to care openly, to protect the earth and humanity because he wants to, and not feel the need to cajole Aziraphale into agreeing to do it with him. I think Muriel will be really important to that growth. Muriel is learning, and they need a teacher. They need someone who understands that the qualities that Heaven looks down on in them are actually strengths, someone to encourage them and bring them out. I think they'll be part of what forces Crowley to confront those same qualities in himself, to recognize and name them himself. I think he'll have to openly embrace who he is and what he values in order to help them do the same.
At the end of season 2, both Sides are content to leave Crowley and Muriel on earth, among the humans. The threats they both posed to the system have been neutralized by the end of season 2, in their view. How much harm can they do, really? A heartbroken ex-Demon and a "dim," low-ranking Angel, on earth, among the humans?
Quite a lot of harm, actually.
Because here's the crucial thing. Everyone overlooks Muriel. No one cares what they're thinking. They're sweet and a bit dim and easy to manipulate, so it seems. But they have always been curious, eager to learn, eager to connect. And they're on earth now. They're meeting humans, asking questions, reading books ("they're like people, only portable!"). Muriel is learning, not as painfully or viscerally as Crowley did, but still, learning.
Crowley knows this story too well. Crowley has lived this story, and season 3 will be his chance to live it again. How do you bring Heaven and Hell down? It starts with the Muriels. The Angels whose spark of curiosity wasn't beaten out of them, who weren't important enough to be paid much attention to, who are still open to question and to learn. The most overlooked and underestimated are the most dangerous to a system like that. They're the ones whose questioning could bring the whole thing down.
We can imagine that season 3 is going to build towards Crowley seeing clearly what Aziraphale has known this whole time, that neither of them would ever be content to just run away and leave the earth to Heaven and Hell's mercy. And I think maybe, in another clever role-reversal, we'll end up with Crowley pulling his community together. Crowley rounding up Muriel (and Eric? and other Angels and Demons in the same place?) and all his human friends, banding together to save the earth from Heaven and Hell. Crowley, come to terms with who he is, making a stand to protect the humans he's come to care about so much.
ooh also!! i've got a couple fic recs!! not necessarily that similar to the girlfriend experience but! in spirit of that they're all rated E (and all destiel obviously) nsgdhs anyway from what i've gathered our taste in fics is fairly similar and i really enjoyed these (i wrote some short descriptions!):
regarding castiel - the episode regarding dean but cas is there
the last resort - case fic at a hotel, d&c pretend to be married but they find out it's a hotel where usually single men come to just have one night stands
hungimpala67 - dean starts an onlyfans nsfdh really that's it. half outsider pov
talkin' bear mountain picnic - case fic where a town is under a truth spell
i hope you haven't read these yet lol i tried to pick less popular/newer ones. also i hope the links work nsfshs🐞
omg thank youuuu!!!! <3333
Butterflies
Butterflies by everydayistuesday Rating: Teen and up Word count: 3k
Sometimes, Cas gets butterflies. It can’t have anything to do with Dean, though. Can it?
As a person who is always looking for demisexual!dean fics, I feel like I hit the jackpot when I found not only that, but ace!cas as well when I found Butterflies in the tag. With 3k, this fic packs an emotional punch as Cas experiences a sexuality crisis that hit really close to home. Not only does he figure out that he’s ace, but he’s also biromantic. As a fan of bisexual!cas, this felt natural and right from the high school boy's perspective.
Dean is exactly who we hope he is when Cas is finally able to confess, and we get a very sweet happy ending when Dean confesses his own secret too, one that only brings them closer. One thing I can’t forget to mention is how cute both these high schoolers are, Dean a total nerd with his Star Wars shirts, and Cas, the moody goth with his head-to-toe black wardrobe and black eyeliner. They’re adorable together, so you’re not going to want to miss this little read.
swimming with the fish pond fish
swimming with the fish pond fish by februyuri (@kuvopal) Rating: Explicit Word Count: 26k
Some time between Dean bleeding out on a makeshift hook in a barn in Ohio and Sam roasting marshmallows on his funeral pyre, Dean was brought back to life. By Castiel. Again. Dean agreed to it if only to give Jack time to work out the glitches up top. So, now Dean’s back in the land of the living and things are ... actually good, for once. Or, as good as they can be when demons are attacking Earth, Dean’s failing to get over why he died in the first place, and Cas is suddenly, inexplicably taking every opportunity to casually tell Dean that he loves him.
This story is saved in my brain as “the one where Cas constantly tells Dean that he loves him and poor Dean gradually loses his mind”!
Yeah, Dean is having a hard time in this story. There are demons on Earth keeping him busy, annoying brothers who love to tease him at every opportunity and of course a certain blue-eyed angel who walks through the bunker and nonchalantly confesses his feelings to Dean over coffee every other day and Dean is supposed to be normal about this??
This fic is a wonderfully realistic depiction about the development of our two favorite idiot’s relationship. Because let’s be honest here, they just love to make everything unnecessarily complicated. Why simply fall into each other’s arms and have a happy ending right away if you can make it messy, awkward and also kind of hilarious (at least for the readers) instead?
So if you’re in the mood for that sort of story, please don’t hesitate to dive right in!
Dean’s lost his wallet. He’s freaking the fuck out. It’s not because he’s gotta worry about his credit cards getting stolen—technically, he stole them first—or the shitty savings cards he stuffed in there since he’s got ten more back home. No, Dean’s freaking out because right in the middle of a heated debate with Cas over noodle shapes, the intercom comes on and an totally oblivious lady’s voice says to the entire freaking store—“Would Dean Winchester come to the front desk please? Figure he might want his wallet and photo of his cute husband back.”
To be fair, the old lady was clearly one of those sweethearts who dote on customers and find anyone of a younger generation to be absolutely adorable and not dealing with delicate issues such as the photo of Cas Dean’s been hiding in his wallet for years.
So naturally, in the midst of total mortification, Dean forgets all about bowtie and elbow noodles and avoids Cas at all costs as he makes a beeline for the front desk, perplexed angel at his heels. His ears are burning, his face is burning, Dean feels like the entire store his watching him as he speed walks as fast as he can without full on sprinting.
“Dean—“ Cas hisses, but because he now thinks he’s in an action movie, Dean makes a wild turn into another lane to skitter out of Cas’ view for a moment. It’s enough time for him to pretend he didn’t hear.
The old lady is smiling when Dean reaches the front desk, Cas following and standing too too close right behind him. Her eyes dart from Dean’s bright red flush to Cas, sparkling in fond amusement.
“Was gonna ask you to describe your hubby in the photo to make sure it’s you, hon.” She chuckles in a Southern drawl. “No need to when he’s right behind yah, hm?”
“There is no one behind—?”Cas began, but Dean cut him out with a strangled sort of noise. The lady chuckles again.
“Here’s your wallet, honey. You two have a good day now.”
“Thanks.” Dean wheezes, stuffing his wallet in his pocket like he could bury the last five minutes six feet under.
Neither of them talk about it until they’re in the car.
“What did that lady mean by the husband in your wallet?”
Dean gulps, eyes fixed on the road as if that would save him embarrassment. It doesn’t.
“It ain’t some random smuck, if that’s what you’re asking.” He grunts. “S’just a photo of you I threw in there.”
Cas was silent for a moment.
“Ah.” He murmurs a moment later. “She assumed we were—“
“Yeah.”
“Why did you put it in there?”
“What?”
“You usually keep photos of your family in your nightstand. Why didn’t you put the one of me there too?”
Dean knew how Cas was looking at this. That because he separated Cas’ photo from the ones of him, Sam, Bobby, and Mom, that it didn’t equate him to family. That Dean didn’t see Cas as family like he did the others. And that just couldn’t slide for him.
“‘Cause I wanted to.” He mumbles, ears burning again. “Got a habit of carryin’ a piece of you ‘round when your gone. Your coat, your ashes, your bloody handprint…” he gulps against a sudden lump in his throat. “Guess I’m waiting for you to leave me again. Or somethin’.” He trails off into silence, avoiding the heavy gaze on him.
“I’m not leaving.” Cas says after a long moment. “Never again, unless you ask it of me.”
“I ain’t gonna do that.”
“Then I’m not going anywhere. There’s no need to carry of piece of me around when I will always be right here.”
Dean swallows again.
“Do you believe me?”
And, just how Cas continuously put his faith in Dean, Dean decides it was time to put his faith in Cas.
“Yeah.”
“Good.”
Dean still keeps the photo in his wallet, not because he thinks Cas will leave him, but because seeing his angel’s face every time he goes for his stolen credit card or shitty savings coupons makes him smile.
On Air
On Air by wincechesters Rating: Explicit Word count: 21k
Cas and Dean are radio DJs who host the second most popular morning show in Lawrence. They’ve been co-hosts for years at different stations across the country, and they own a house together out of necessity, even though they’re just friends. But for some reason, a lot of their listeners and even some of their friends and family seem to think that they’re secretly in some kind of relationship, which they’re totally not (besides that one time that totally doesn’t count). In spite of that, Dean thinks he’s got everything figured out, until an ill-fated on air game of Truth or Dare turns everything upside down (and the billboards around town aren’t helping either).
There are plenty of fics out there where Dean is the one dating someone and Cas is the forever single one, who gets to pine and be jealous throughout the fic before Dean realizes who he really wants.
So when I saw that in this fic it happens the opposite, I was immediately on board. Not only I have a soft spot for jealous!Dean, but it’s also refreshing to have the tables turned on them.
What begins as a harmless truth or dare game, quickly turns into Dean being confronted and ultimately realizing his feelings for his best friend. Dean has been in love with Cas for years, but not counting with “one stupid mistake” when they slept together while drunk some years ago, Cas has never showed any interest in Dean besides being best friends. To make matters worse, Cas has been dating a wonderful girl for a couple of months now. So Dean can do nothing but try to squash his feelings, all the while pining and being his grumpy self.
Fear not, though, because Cas’ relationship with Daphne happens all behind the scenes. And even though it takes a third party for our boys to get their heads out of their asses, it all comes together in the end and the reality is that both of them have loved each other for years.
I should've saved the fics I like while scrolling and now that I'm in section 90 I figured out I can start now and visit the section 1-89 later.
Babysitter - where Cas and Dean got hit by a de-aging spell and Sam is stuck with 3 year old big brother and angel of the Lord.
Dragon in the cup - obviously. Cas is the Dragon. Like Haku from spirited away but enough to fit in a mug. And cuter.
Only children and fools tell the truth - Dean in pacifier. I died.
Across the Devide - Cas forgets everything and the only lead he has is a bright green eyes.
F.U Flowers - Destiel AU where Cas is mad to his coworker and asked the flower shop owner for help.
Little big brother - Dean is a 5 years old who needs to take care of Sam.
Summoning a Deanmon - Cas is being bullied and decided to make a deal with a Demon in flannel shirt.
Three and a half foot angel or not - Cas got cursed with deaging spell. But He is still an angel of the Lord and a soldier.
I've fallen in love many times - Where Cas tells Dean about the love of his life and Dean gets jealous.
I was never gone - Soulmate AU where Cas and Dean don't know they are soulmates but their friends do.
(Don't) fear the reaper - Castiel is an odd reaper and Dean is...Dean.
Part 1 / ?
This is random, the only thing common about these is they're not that long. 1k - 5k mostly. The reaper, if I remember correctly, has 50k? 9 parts. I think same with Across the Devide. But these are all great. I saved them thinking I want to read them again. Most of them are fluff. (But I do read smut and I'll try to include those next time.)
in honor of the two year anniversary of 15x18, here’s a fix it
it was good, it was bad, but it was real 11k rated T the empty tortures cas with visions of dean rescuing him, so that when dean finally does, cas doesn’t believe it’s real
Relationship: Dean Winchester/Castiel
Summary: Cas and Dean finally meet again in heaven after the confession.
Tags: angst with happy ending
Dean couldn't stay still.
After rearranging Bobby's entire house (Bobby was not happy), Dean had cleaned the whole gun collection (twice), the attic, and then resealed the drafty windows. That was done pretty quickly so he also cleaned the yard, refitted the back door, and even fixed the creaky porch - why the hell did that thing still creak in Heaven anyway?!
But it wasn't enough.
There was still an itch below his skin, a restlessness he couldn't kill. So he was now elbows deep in a Pontiac Firebird, trying to fix a problem that Bobby claims doesn't exist - but Dean knows there's a squeaky noise coming from somewhere and he's gonna find it. He rubs his arm against his sweaty forehead, unwittingly smudging it with a streak of oil. He's so focused that he doesn't notice the presence behind him until Castiel speaks.
"Hello, Dean."
Dean startles and nearly hits his head on the hood of the car. He turns around quickly, green eyes clashing against blue.
He hasn't heard that rumbling voice since that day in the bunker, and he hasn't seen those eyes staring at him since they were being devoured by the black tendrils of The Empty. The sight momentarily brings flashbacks that Dean would rather forget - of words that whispered a goodbye, of a fantasy that was far too real, and of the cold despair after being left alone in an empty room, staring at the spot where his everything had once stood.
"Cas," he tries, but his voice falters.
Cas smiles, though his expression seems somewhat sad. They stare at each other for what seems like an eternity, lost in each other. Then, the moment cracks. Dean frowns and turns away, back to the car. There's something dark and bitter lodged in his chest, it tastes of bile and it spills into his words.
"Good of you to finally show up."
If Cas is bothered by the harshness in his tone, he doesn't show it. Instead, he chooses to remain silent, but does come closer, peering over Dean's shoulder to observe what he's doing. For some reason, it strikes another nerve and Dean huffs, throwing the wrench he was holding on the floor and turning back fully to meet the angel.
"Look, I don't know why the hell you think you can show up here like this after avoiding me for months."
Cas moves away, allowing Dean space now that he's facing him again, especially since he looks like a mountain lion ready to pounce. It pisses Dean off even more, but he stubbornly keeps his glare and folds his arms - demanding something, or maybe anything.
Cas opens his mouth to speak and Dean waits, and waits, and waits but nothing comes out. Chapped lips close once again, like a tomb being sealed back up. The angel avoids his gaze, staring at the floor. Dean's jaw ticks, tightens, then explodes:
"You know what? I'm fucking done. Months, Cas! Months!"
Fuck, he hates the way his voice sounds.
He knows he's at the edge of holding it together, like a dam ready to overflow. He closes his eyes and forces himself to calm down, breathing in and out. His hand comes up to run against his head, streaking dark black oil into the short hair and messing it up. It feels like Chuck still has him dancing in his palm, and that Billie is still there, waiting outside the door. It feels like the Empty never let go of Cas, never returned him. And Dean is still on that floor, head in his hands, phone ringing into the silence. Yet here is Castiel, angel of the Lord, standing in front of him, safe and sound.
"Why are you even here? Why now?"
"I miss you."
The words crash into Dean like a truck doing 90 on the highway, punching all the air out of him. His lungs burn with the weight but he can feel part of that anger dislodging and falling away. His ribcage is cracked by the claws of hurt, his eyes flooded by resent, but his heart - the traitor - sings a choir of pointless, stupid, hope.
He throws his head up, staring at the sky and trying to keep it all in. Finally, he surrenders to that tug of hope, feeling like a rabbit caught by a fox but still praying to be spared. He's madness shaped haphazardly into the shell of a man.
"Well... I was here." His voice cracks, following the betrayal of his heart. "Where the hell were you, Cas?"
"I..."
The angel seems just as lost on what to say, what to feel.
"I thought it would be best to give you some time, and space."
Dean swallows the rock in his throat that's keeping him from breathing. They stay like that for a beat, and then another, and then another. It seems like centuries before Dean finally gains the courage to look back down.
"You know... I... I dreamed about how you would tell me."
Cas frowns, not yet picking up on Dean's meaning. Dean continues.
"Sometimes it looked like you were about to say it... like that one time when we were at the diner after the twin witches case. We were laughing about something stupid - I don't even remember what anymore. And all of the sudden you looked at me like I hung the moon. I... I thought you were gonna say it then. I was so freaking scared."
Castiel's eyes widen slightly. Great, the poor bastard is finally catching on. Still, Dean presses on.
"Or that one time in the library, when you caught me reading Jane Austen and I kept sayin it was for a case... but hell, you knew the truth... and you just played along and smiled at me like it was ok. You looked like you were about to say it then too."
"Dean..."
"Then there was that one time in the kitchen... I was making burgers and asked you to help me but you kept messing up. I have no idea how someone who can master an angel blade like you do, can suck so hard at cutting tomatoes. But when I was complaining and teaching you how to do it you just looked at me with these big freaking eyes..."
Castiel's breath falters, even though he doesn't need to breathe. It's enough to make Dean brave, it's enough to make him step closer. Cas tilts his head, eyes rimmed red and seemingly about to burst.
"You knew?" Cas gapes, shocked, eyes big and round. He looks hurt, confused.
"I think... part of me always knew. And it freaking terrified me, Cas."
"I'm sorr-"
Dean doesn't let him finish, instead just grabs his lapels and pulls him in. If Cas doesn't get it yet, Dean will just have to show him.
The clash of their lips is like stars colliding - explosive, colossal, namelessly bigger than Dean can ever define.
But if Cas is Icarus, Dean is the Sun - and every star devours itself until there's nothing left. Cas had pried him open, ruthlessly, mercilessly, with three little words. And then? Then he had left. He'd left Dean behind just like everyone always did.
'Don't do this, Cas.'
The words echo in his mind now, even as he loses himself in the feeling of Cas, so close, so perfect, finally here - his - even if just for a breath, before Dean's alone again. For once, Dean doesn't care if he will be broken forever, beyond repair, or if he will eat himself alive until there's nothing left... not if it means living this moment of truth, of freedom, of love.
Dean knows he should pull away. He can feel the wetness trailing down his cheeks, the despair in his hands, the eagerness in the pathetic sounds escaping his mouth. He should let go, but doesn't know if he will ever have the strength.
But then something magical happens:
Cas starts to kiss back. Slow, tentative at first, but then with a kindness that picks Dean apart and glues him back together, and a gentleness that swallows worlds. Suddenly the destructiveness, the bottomless hunger, the fear - they all melt away into nothing. The planets align and the universe sings a harmony of
'yes',
of 'right',
of 'meaning'.
Maybe it was always supposed to be like this - maybe part of Dean had to die for a galaxy to be born. Maybe the part of him that was so afraid of getting hurt had to be murdered so he could receive the sacrament of Castiel's lips on his, so he could feel the angel's hands like salvation on his skin, so he could fall with the surety that he would be caught. It all becomes too much - too big - and Dean hides his face in the crook of Castiel's neck, his hands fisted on the crinkles of the trenchcoat.
Something had irrevocably changed, and could never be put back.
"Dean... I'm sorry."
Cas says, astounded, finally getting it. For someone who always read Dean like a book, who always saw right through him, it had taken him a while to understand that the very thing he wanted, he could have always had - if only he had asked. If only he stayed. If only he was Dean's.
"I didn't realize."
"S'okay..." Dean mutters, the sound wet and breathless. His fists unwind, and he lets his hands travel across the expanse of Castiel, all around until they're pressing against the angel's back, and then pulling, hugging Cas close. "Just... don't ever do that again. I need you."
Don't leave.
Don't leave me.
"I won't. I promise."
Cas whispers, treading his fingers across Dean's hair. A tingle of grace hums and the oil and sweat and grime disappear, almost like they were never there. Gently, he kisses Dean's temple - it's a shrine worthy of worship. Cas confesses once again, but now enlightened:
"I love you."
Dean holds on tighter, arms trembling.
He doesn't say anything back, so Cas pulls his chin back up, kissing the words against his lips again and again and again until Dean starts to believe them.
When Dean finally whispers it back, the look on Cas' face irradiates a warmth he never thought could exist. It pads the hole inside him with something soft, and sweet, that promises to grow. Cas kisses his knuckles, reverent and slow and then smiles, wide and brighter than any single point in time before.
Just like that, Dean is sure:
He'll never have to say goodbye again.
gabriel throws dean & cas into changing channels scenarios, except this time they keep running into gay people… for some reason? 🤔
aka - ‘Changing Channels: Queer Premiere’ (co-written with @fellshish)
(6 chapters, complete, updates thursdays & mondays)
- chapter one
yo I just got this cool expansion pack called social anxiety
PAGES 1, 2, 3 NEXT: HERE FIRST: You’re here! UPDATES SATURDAYS
Heeeeeey! So! I was talking to a writer over on AO3 and they were nice enough to let me make a comic of their fic! It’s about 80 odd pages and will be explicit in the second half (there’ll be ample warnings etc) just so you know what to expect, but it’s a really sweet little fluff about what happened after the not-apocalypse.
You can go and read the fic yourself HERE! If you want to get a head start, or wait for me to get done with pages! I’ll be posting them in sets of 3 each time, barring the cover.
Go and see the writer!: @knightofthesevenfandoms
See the finished pages early!: https://www.patreon.com/user?u=22040210
The Magic Trick You Didn’t See: Being An Analysis of Good Omens Season 2
(or: Neil Gaiman, Your Brain is Gorgeous But I Have Cracked Your Sneaky Little Code And Have You Dead To Rights*) (*Maybe)
***
Soooooo I just spent the last 48 hours having a BREATHTAKING GALAXY BRAIN EPIPHANY about Good Omens Season 2 and feverishly writing a fuckin16,000 word essay about the incredible magic trick that @neil-gaiman pulled off.
Yes, it’s long, but I PROMISE your brains will explode. Do you want to know how magic works? Do you want to know what Metatron’s deal is (I’m like 99% sure of this and it’s EXTREMELY FUCKING GOOD)? Do you want to know about the Mystery of the Vanishing Eccles Cakes and the big fat beautiful clue I found in the opening credits? Do you go through the whole inventory of Chekov’s Firearm & Heavy Artillery Discount Warehouse?
Here is the essay, go read it: https://docs.google.com/document/d/193IXS11XN46lziHRb6eUpM17yK0BQkRqke1Wh64A_e0/ When ur done u can tell me I’m an insane crackpot, and u know what, i won’t even be offended
In case you don’t know whether you want to bother reading the whole enormous thing on google docs, I’ve put the first couple sections of it under the cut. JUST TRUST ME OKAY, HEAR ME OUT, THIS IS VERY EXTREMELY COOL, NEIL IS GOOD AT HIS JOB–
Keep reading
Aziraphale understands suffering only as an opportunity to show how "good" you are. He doesn't understand the suffering itself because he has not experienced it. Even though he's been on Earth for thousands of years, he has never had the displeasure of actually going through the negatives of the human experience. Angels don't age and die. Angels don't need money or shelter or food. In his mind, the worst things angels face are strongly worded letters. Smacks on the wrist because, of course, their whole being is good, but everyone makes little, harmless mistakes sometimes.
He has spent his time among the humans appreciating the positive aspects of life- the fine food and drink, the art, the creation and beauty and COMFORT. He has witnessed human suffering- but he only absorbs the after effects when they're in line with his beliefs. The coming together, rising above, the triumph! They got through in the end, they proved how GOOD they are! These poverty stricken people, slaves and serfs, can rise above the system and succeed if only they are good enough. I don't think he thinks too deeply on why the people that don't get dealt good cards still have to suffer. It probably never even actually crossed his mind beyond- "Well, that is the Great Plan." And I think to him that means, the good are rewarded and the angels are the goodest of all, so we get to live in Heaven and show the right path to the pitiful humans who have to choose between Good and Evil. Except sometimes he has to face the moral grays that suffering implies, like with Elbeth in the graveyard episode. When her only friend in the whole world dies, I think Aziraphale might've secretly had a moment of
"Ah, well, there is your punishment for doing wrong."
Because he just doesn't get it. He's carrying around enough money to buy a farm. He's not human- he doesn't feel angry emptiness eating away at his guts. Every occupation is just a way of whittling away your time to him. Money is an afterthought. Money is for the idolation of material things that he tries to ignore in himself. "Why don't you start a bookshop? Farm?" He had to think of things other people do for money, and he wasn't thinking of what she'd be able to do. "Sew?"
When Maggie can't pay the rent, of course it's no problem. Why would it be a problem- he likes Maggie, Maggie is good. She loves that shop and she's sharing the music he loves with the world (and him). Benevolent- if a human was doing it. Selfish, really, of an angel. He's had thousands of years to collect money and treasures (that he doesn't even need) to rise in status. But he doesn't see it that way. He gets to live unfretted and collect and cherish for thousands of years because he is fundamentally better than the humans. But he wouldn't say that. Maybe not even think it. He just knows it in the back of his mind without having to put words to the thought. And at the same time, he feels guilty. But not for anything I've mentioned. He knows he is indulgent and in love with all the sinful pleasures of humanity. He knows he's in love with Crowley. But it is only because of the temptation of a demon. It's not his fault. On the other hand, it's not Crowley's fault that it's in his nature to tempt- that he's Evil. That is the extent he understands moral grays. So it's no one's fault, and there's no need to dwell on it. And all of this twisted up nonsense is why Crowley is so good for him. He keeps on trying to show him the other side. First the pleasures, then the pains. Crowley loves humanity too, but he has a better understanding of its depth that came from his questioning nature and his fall. He wants Aziraphale to understand and accept the whole of humanity- the whole of him. Which is what makes their romantic relationship so heartbreaking. Because Aziraphale just doesn't get it.
What I love most about this is that absolutely nobody voted for Crowley.
rating: E words: 6623 relationships: The Trickster/Dean Winchester, Gabriel/Dean Winchester, Gabriel/Michael (Implied) other tags: One Night Stands, Canon Compliant, Tall Tales, Secret Identity, Power Bottom Gabriel (Supernatural), Oral Sex, Misnaming, Wrong-Naming status: complete
summary:
As if in response to his thoughts, his own name, “Dean,” is being whispered syrup-slow under his ear. The guy has an interesting way of saying it, like it’s a puzzle piece he’s turning over. Inspecting it. Easing it into place with his tongue against the roof of his mouth.
Everybody has their own backstory. Dean gets a glimpse of the janitor’s mid-way through Tall Tales.
he's a pretty princess!