Actually Dissociative - Blog Posts

i feel so fuzzy, i don’t think weve been this dissociative for so long for over a year. amnesia is getting worse.

Endos who claim to want things to be different for them but freak out when they encounter a system with system experiences 💀

We are NOT splitting a guy about it

Putting this here in case Forest decides to spy what i have to say again

Do not do any of the stuff i talk about guys

Pretending to be tougher than you really are won't shield you from the lack of love and affection you experience pretending you don't need it btw.

You know what makes me more enraged about this? He kept acting like i was talking about it as if having alters is some funny shit when i hate these fuckers. I want them dead. I'm being so serious when i say if there was a way to detach them from my brain i'll just instantly kill them. I'm suffering here i'm not here for the shits and giggles. Fuck you

How to force myself to feel emotions my brain doesn't allow me to feel

I seriously need endos to fuck the hell off, what i go through daily isn't fun quirky little game you can decide to play, it is a fucking trauma response and i actually have to waste tons of my energy not to cause any more unreversible damage to the other alters. Having other people in your head isn't fucking funny, they're not just "friends you can have inside jokes with". It's tiring. It's debilitating. It's not knowing what will happen when you're not in front. Is having the others getting potentially exposed to danger and being unable to do anything to protect yourself and/or the body. It's others hating you for doing exactly what you were formed to do. The shame, the guilt, the self hate you constantly have to carry around that came after years and years of terrible trauma. It can sometimes be fun but the main point is it's a fucking disorder. I can't stand you guys fucking de-medicalising it so that you can enjoy a fake ass romanticised version of it. I hope my traumas hit you all at once. I hope you split a pre self-consciousness me. I wish all the worst to y'all