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Adulthood - Blog Posts
Etudier
Avant, étudier c’était pour faire briller des étoiles dans les yeux des adultes. C’était pour faire croire que j’étais quelqu’un de bien, de digne d’intérêt. C’était facile, c’était un jeu, je me racontais des histoires, ce en quoi j’excellais, on disait tu iras loin, et j’étais persuadée que c’était vrai. Longtemps, étudier a été une échappatoire, une fierté, un moteur d’ambition, quelque chose que j’aimais.
J’écrivais mes dictées comme des lettres d’amour. Je récitais l’alphabet comme un poème. Etudier valait la peine.
Aujourd’hui, maintenant que je suis adulte (qu’il est laid, ce mot, qu’il est écrasant), étudier est un mot qui me tord le ventre. Ce sont sept lettres comme une menace irrationnelle, sept lettres en moi qui font résonner les pierres. Pour mes études j’ai créé des échos qui font rouler des graviers dans ma gorge et me lacèrent de l’intérieur, l’angoisse en est devenue physique, et moi je suis : incontrôlable. J’ai des coups de sang, des crises de larmes, des rages infantiles. Je me noie entre mes fiches et mes listes interminables.
Il faut croire que même les études réveillent des monstres. Je suis terrifiée : de rater ma vie, de ne rien valoir, de me battre sans savoir pourquoi. Je suis terrifiée de poursuivre dans cette voie et de me rendre compte dans trente ans que ce n’était pas la mienne, que voilà, je me suis trompée, et que j’ai passé toute une vie à satisfaire des désirs qui n’étaient jamais les miens. C’est que je ne suis pas faite pour choisir, je n’ai pas de voie, non ; je suis mouvante et incapable de faire le deuil des possibles.
Je ne sais pas me définir sans ma quête de perfection, mes ambitions démesurées, mes exigences tyranniques. Je ne suis pas : sociable, jolie, intéressante, drôle, désirable. Alors je ne sais pas qui je suis si je ne parviens pas à réussir. C’est tout ce qu’il me reste. Je ne sais rien faire d’autre que cela, répondre à des exigences académiques, rentrer dans la norme, avoir un parcours sans accrocs.
Pour la première fois, étudier n’est pas facile. Peut-être que je n’irai pas si loin. Peut-être a-t-on placé en moi trop d’espoirs, trop d’attentes : des étouffements. J’ai l’impression que je n’ai jamais grandi, que j’ai fait semblant. Comment se faire à l’idée de décevoir ?
Rmabling, and skip it if you wanna,
but I gotta get this off my chest somehow. i am so exhausted and just came out of my first car accident with enough already on my plate. each time something goes well, something awful happens, and I just...give me a break to regenerate and blossom. we are thinking of a rent-a-car or entireprise(?) till then, but since it's the weekend, I guess we wait 🤷♀️. any comments are still appreciated, funny ones more so. Is this adulthood 😫😭
P.S. I do want to add that I really do love this site and how happy it's made me is imaginable. Especially during those tiring moments.
Something I learned today:
The death of joy and whimsy and all things related to happiness is adulthood.
I'm growing up too fast and my (seasonal) depression isn't helping my odds at being hopeful.
If you're a younger teenager, make sure to hold onto this years with an iron grip and squeeze out every bit of joy from it as you can.
You're gonna need it.
Do the thing, eat the food, ask for help, live the experience and never say no to something that sounds cool (unless it's actually dangerous/goes against your beliefs).
Don't shoot yourself in the foot.
Live your life and be as happy as you can, every little piece of joy counts.
I recently had an epiphany about the nature of adulthood. It's kind of like an oak tree.
In botany, the term "tree" does not describe a type of plant. In fact, many different plant groups have evolved into "trees". The term "tree" is a description of a shape/lifestyle that plants can take so you wouldn't really call a freshly sprouted acorn a tree yet. It is a sapling. I think adulthood is similar but kind of the opposite.
Adulthood is not a description of shape but a description of behavior. I have seen many adults who still acted quite childishly and many supposed children who act very adult-like. And no I am not meaning adults who have fun or otherwise don't fit society's arbitrary description of adult behavior.
To better define it, adult behaviors are ones that are motivated by an understanding of the existence of self, and an understanding of the existence of others.
Adults understand that they, themselves, do exist. They understand that they can perform actions that will change their environment. They know that those actions will have consequences. They know that those consequences will, in turn, impact themselves. I have seen many adult-shaped people who did not understand this and thus acted as though they were not under the effect of their own actions, which is untrue. I have also seen many adult-shaped people who acted as though they could not perform any actions to cause a change in their environment which is untrue. Both of these behaviors are very childish.
But to clarify, I am not talking about people who are struggling. I am not talking about people who don't know what to do. I am not talking about people who are trapped in terrible situations with little chance of escaping without outside help. I am saying that if you are asking questions like "What will I do?" or "What am I doing?" or "How will I get out of this?", then, by those very questions, you are displaying one-half of the mentality that proves that you are an adult.
The other half is the understanding of the existence of other people. Other people exist, and on the surface, many adult-shaped people will claim to understand this, but they don't understand it. They know it, and they hate it. They disregard or don't understand the fact that other people exist and are just like themselves. They are people who can affect their world and cause change, who have their own view of the world and feel things just like everyone else.
It is the combination of these lines of thought that leads to more adultlike thinking. Such complex thoughts like "If other people exist and are as unique as I am, then I have probably felt things that other people haven't felt, and other people have felt things that I could never understand. Both of these things co-exist and are both okay. Experiences that I don't understand are still valid." This kind of thinking is what makes you an adult. If you cannot think like this then you are not an adult, but an adult-shaped child.
Anyway, thanks for reading.
Critique away.
A part of being an adult is living with regret and not allowing it to consume you. The older you get, the more mistakes you’ve made, opportunities you’ve missed, people you’ve disappointed. And every day you have to remind yourself to be kind and forgiving of yourself. You accept and love the you from the past and understand that it’s all a part of the process. Then you move on and live your best life, knowing now as old as you feel today, you’ll never be this young again.
adult life is crazy because you can be going through the most devastating and heartbreaking things while still having to go to work and do the laundry and grocery shopping
Was just thinking about this today. I was a lonely teen but now in my early twenties I have a bunch of good friends who check on me when I go reclusive. I can never get used to it, they love me no matter how hard I might try to push them away. They want o be there for me when I am going through things. Its always difficult for me to comprehend that they are all here because of their own choice and not bound by any duty or obligation. And that will always be difficult for me to wrap my head around......
when you grew up as a lonely uncool girl it will never stop haunting you by the way. you will meet a cool person at a bar or the train station or at a friend's party and you can wear your most stylish outfit and striking eye makeup and you will swear that they can see through all of the facade and see the lonely terribly insecure teenage girl you used to be who desperately wanted to connect and you will swear that they know that there is like an insurmountable gap between you. this will happen forever
- from episode 1
SAME SPIRITS, NEW FORMS.
It's been a week since the third season of THE WHITE LOTUS came up. More than on any previous season- I felt immediate strangeness and mystery. So we have a disfunctional white family, a fake friendship triangle, a mismatched couple and Belinda from Hawaii season.
My big appreciation to the show is for the breathtaking Thai location! Greg Hunt re-appears too, I wonder what that sh**head does there after his scheme to kill Tanya McQuoid RIP. But I'm here to talk also about Saxon Ratliff (aka Schwarzenegger jr)- the firstborn loser-ish, pervert sibling who sex-bullies his sister and wants his brother to get laid.
The episode took us to a peculiar yet sexy scene during which he gets up from bed next to his lil bro, fully naked- to jerk off in the bathroom. And what nice jewels this Schwarzenegger has! I watched Patrick here n there and I would say he has an impressive appearance. I'm curious about what happens next and who dies... Oh and more nudity please.
(I recorded an hour + worth of footage with my sis for the last day but non of it even saved btw) Yes, I stayed on longer…I have officially witnessed everything. The beginning. The transformation. The end. I now have real human XP. I put on my original, iconic penguin style that I’ve had for the past 10 years and my first plain igloo. Words cannot describe how very reminiscent and sad I am so I’ll leave it at this; please do not speak to me for the next 10 MORE years.
Waddle On
2005-2017, my first pro MLG game
pretty much sums my life decisions
@staff subtle, creative & hilarious! It's a little disturbing as well. Or maybe this pattern is a false correlation?
Are you choders sharing the exact same ad over & over again as a way of telling me that I need some sort of training dummy Droid to "practice or learn" how to "socialize" like a "human being"?.. why, ALL so that I can "learn" how to be a fake enabling conformist cowardly normie,.. be your monoculture "human product"? Or is your algorithm just "broken"?
Never mind all that for a second. Let's examine this product you're spamming me with:
There's nothing more dehumanizing than people inventing a Droid to teach other people how to socialize just because they don't want to actually socialize with that person and you wonder why people have antisocial personalities. Excessive individualism, text-based communication, culture, Mass delusion existential crisis avoidance, high school debate team bullshit, the societal cult of opinionism have destroyed our tribal bonds as well as our ability to communicate with each other. All of you morons think text is sufficient and what you don't realize is that you're going to have to have many conversations with a complex biological structure in order to understand them or get them to understand you. There's no easy way to do this other than the organic processes that have emerged of which all of you are fighting in favor of your disturbingly authoritarian control freak mentality that you call "industry standards or normal".
The so-called modern world is really a Romanesque dumpster fire emulation braided with industrialization and technology. It's still the dark ages that we're living in it's just that we have more power to abuse each other with. Power without enlightenment is a rampant condition that has turned into murderous redundancy.
This ad sickens me but at least I can make a lot of jokes out of it. At least I can use it as a teaching moment. It's just unfortunate that even if I am valued for my wisdom in this moment, none of you are willing to respect me accordingly and pay me what I'm worth.. so you're all just going to keep burning the world to the ground running blindfolded with scissors?
Modern industrialized education systems produce a tool that should have been a diverse well-rounded visionary neurological biological sensory emergent art form.
High speed education leading to limited specialization makes you all into myopic racehorses that require both a racetrack as well as a rider and that's exactly what wealthy business people want, turning every human into a slave of one form or another and that includes every specialist.
@staff seriously. Just put aside industry standards for this one time. You just going to have to get to know me the old fashioned way in order to truly understand my value and to understand our potential together. You're going to have to have a conversation with me and it's not going to be a 30 to 45 minute industry standard block of time. Not everybody fits in these tiny boxes. The people who require more effort are the most valuable but everyone is avoiding the complexity of reality in favor of the path of least resistance so you're limiting your potential while squandering the most valuable people on the planet... I mean, assuming that you value intelligence, creativity and all the money that it can give you? Assuming that's how you define "value"?
I'm not going to go through a human resource department & beg for a job, just FYI. 😉 I'm different & I'm always going to do everything different.
What I am doing right now is an abstract form that you're filling out. How you react or not reacting at all will be how you pass or fail my job application for all of you. Of course, this is only the entry exam. The thorough evaluation is yet to come.
Have you ever considered that you've slit your own throats hundreds or thousands of times in your life by avoiding talking with people?
I don't have the magic words. There don't seem to be any magic words. Certainly please and thank you doesn't work.
All I can do is assure you all that there's so much you do not know and presumptuousness will never serve you to do anything other than perpetuate a mental prison and a hamster wheel existence. 30 or 40 years will go by and at some point, you're going to look back on your lives realizing you squandered your gifts and were robbed of amazing opportunity.
If the world doesn't remember how to spot wisdom and respect the most intelligent and wisest people on the planet, I fear what the consequences will be. It seems reckless and not worth the risk to continue to repeat history's mistakes. Not listening to people who are definitely more experienced and wiser is exactly what your predecessors have always done and look where it's got us. I assure you the fact that the world has forgotten how to respect the tribal wise person is a heavy contributing factor of why the world is in the state that it is today.
Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results, is how Einstein defined insanity.
I define insanity as logical fallacy braided with cognitive bias & ignorance because the default state from that combination results in a total failure to understand reality & therefore that form will suffer a delusion & any action they take will be fanaticism as well as cascading waste.
While all of you infants wag your fingers at me over your disapproval regarding your status quo driven opinions about how someone should or shouldn't communicate or demand, so irrationally, that everyone be emotionally dishonest or they're not allowed to speak, work or leave their bedroom prison is absurd because every single industry is producing cascading waste in multitudes & that is the Romanesque dumpster fire accelerant, the majority's opinions are the biggest ecological disaster the world refuses to even notice never mind face it & change... Just like any other religion = living by appeal to popularity logical fallacy = the status quo.
If the tech industry and the majority of the population are unwilling to consider the possibility that they have no idea what they're doing and that they are indeed a liability then we don't have anything to talk about, do we?
If you think you've got it all figured out & the wisdom that takes a lifetime to acquire & the rarity it is that a life form is virtuous regarding the presence of wisdom, clarity of vision & a wide array of other skills that seemingly no one in these industries possesses then we're doomed because of your arrogance & I'll have to accept that 99% of the population are delusional fanatical liabilities.
What false analogy do all of you use as your excuses to assert your superiority over everyone who isn't exactly like you? This is the industry standard I observe everywhere I look in business and tech.
You don't think that just because you have a degree that it means you're smarter than me, right?
You do understand that reality is not that simple, right? You do understand that colleges are not what produce intelligence, right?
Have you ever studied the study of intelligence? I didn't think so.
We may all be equal but we are not equal in the same ways. We all feel each other's weaknesses but the problem with that evolutionarily sound emergent phenomena that has served us so well for the past 3,000 years; the majority have forgotten why we value the wise person in the village. The industry standards solidified long ago and only the easily quantifiable flavors of intelligence are valued while the abstract or nearly ineffable forms of intelligence have been trivialized.
It's time you face your weaknesses because if you don't, you're never going to respect my strengths. If you don't learn why I am valuable you're never respect me and so I get no return on my investment of respecting any of you.
Tit for tat is a universal law observed throughout the so-called animal Kingdom & it applies even in cross species arrangements so it doesn't matter that I'm an alien. Lol.
So again, @staff , complex biological organism to complex biological organism, ("Human to Human") come to me in a way that's natural. Be honest, transparent & meet me in a level arrangement for an organic exchange of information AKA a conversation, you know like we've done for thousands of years before text-based communication ever existed.
I mean seriously, are you not bored with all of what the world has been doing? Are you not disturbed by any of it? Do you not sense that something is broken or missing?
I'm telling you that I know exactly what the problems are as well as how to fix it and I mean curative solutions not Band-Aids. 100%, no doubt about it. Then on the side, if what you want is money, you don't think that someone who has answers to some of the most complicated items people puzzle over doesn't also have creative application of strategy to make you rich? Please, you think winning a game of Monopoly is difficult? You think capitalism is complicated? Not anywhere near as complicated it's understanding the intertwining of all systems of life,.. which I most certainly do understand at least enough to deal with human issues in a more productive or fully compensating way than anything I see anywhere else in the world. (Bold claims I know & I'm happy to prove it but nobody ever gives me a chance to prove it because I've never had full support in my entire life but rather I just keep getting sabotaged by insecure petty cowards.)
@staff so again, I remind you of what's important... "People" over money! Life over industry. & if you think that economic success is more important, well, obviously creative geniuses bring quite a lot to the table in serving the goal of winning a game of Monopoly.
Don't any of you want to do anything else, tho? Isn't there more to life? Don't any of you or your board members have any aspirations? What is the legacy you would like to leave? What is it that you would like history to report on everything you've done?
Realistically & admittedly, money is a resource & unfortunately, it's tied to our biological survival.
Money should be & wasn't intended to be an efficient replacement for the barter system but it has become an abused tool... Don't misunderstand me though, I'm not a purist nor do I respect Ivory Towers so I will not live in one; meaning, that I don't shame the aspiration or the lust for money... you can all be as greedy as you want & I will serve that greed as long as I I'm also part of that overall economic reward in a way that fully aligns us & let's face it; that's the only way you're going to trust me & that's the only way that I can justify giving any of you full access to my brain & all of the benefits that come with that.
I can make everyone's greed part of an equation that supports the manifestation of curative solutions. Yes, that's right, I'm offering the opportunity to have a conversation at Great length to consider a potential partnership.
Also, I have a very fair way for your company or any other to "try it before you buy it", so to speak.
You all be greedy and serve wasteful consumerism and I will counter balance the ecological disaster because my share of the revenue will be put towards investing in the future, (that's the only true wealth). Ultimately, I aim to found a flagship of manifestation = serial philanthropy.
Perhaps your legacy will be one that's monumental because you were able to think outside the box, spot value no one else could, come down out of your Ivory Towers, then fund a paradigm shift while setting new industry standards in multiple sectors? Tumblr seems different than some other platforms but how different are those that run this company from the likes of the larger tech companies?
I am indeed a nonconformist and likely I'm smarter than most of the people that work at your company & almost assuredly smarter than all of upper business management and everyone that sits on the board but don't hate me or discriminate just because of that mere possibility. Nor should any of you be concerned that you cannot command me. Neither is a problem all the time even though a lot of the time it probably would be worth worrying about. I'm not like most people. Industry standards don't apply to me & that I'm certain of. I'm aware that CEOs don't like to hire people that are smarter than them & conformists don't trust people who don't follow orders or can't be "handled"... Logic is what rules me which means I can be reasoned with. I'm smarter than every single person I've ever met and most every person I've ever seen so none of you get to tell me what to do because none of you know better than me but there are areas where you're specialization & therefore recommendations matter far more to me than my ability to innately infer. I know my weaknesses and I can admit when I don't know something. I don't care about being right, all I care about is the correct answer. Positive & negative exist in all things & directing the flow of resources without disrupting a system makes more sense than being disruptive. War is inefficient.
@staff you see, I have to say all of this because I know what your concerns are & if I don't address these possible elephants in the room it limits the probability that you will do as I suggest. Referencing organic communications again, I cannot emphasize this enough. You will never understand me, you will never understand my value & you all to ruin my potential & limiting your own success right along with everyone else if you're unwilling to make the effort that's required.
I once saw social media as a way to harvest pocket change from billions of people as a way to fund my curative solutions for societal ills but the failures that I've been talking about here have led every tech company to abuse and sabotage the likes of me. I've been studying social media, streaming and gaming platforms full time for the past 10 years to examine all of their failures & push them to the very extreme limits. Every single one of them has failed my tests so now there's no point in testing you/tumblr in those ways. Needless to say, I know what the problems are, I know the weaknesses & I know the consequences of these failures.
I really don't care to use social media any longer but because every single one of you seems to love to sabotage me, oppress me, judge me inappropriately, presumptuously assume that you can tell me what to do or how to talk or how to defend myself & how to course correct the insanely ignorant majority while ruining my ability to influence and educate in a civil manner while discouraging me from respecting any of you because you sabotage me so badly that I have no way of being economically viable in a world that hates everyone who's smarter than them where social media has become one of the only options so you're robbed me from having a megaphone to the world, so I don't have any patience and I don't see any reason in respecting your rules or societies status quo driven opinions about what is or isn't acceptable. There's no consequence because you've all ruined me; that's extremely dangerous and I wonder how many other strong-willed geniuses have turned into your enemies right along with me being driven to this point where brutal honesty is the last resort and you're one of my last experiments, Tumblr.
The entire tech industry, toxic conservatives, authoritarians, antisocialmedia platforms all combined have left me with next to nothing to live for. You've all made me a dead man walking for the most part & the reason why this is a problem is because now your rules & laws have no value whatsoever because of already been punished as if I was a criminal or a bad person or a modern day heretic being forced to the fringes, forced to live in solitude for over 20 years in order to avoid your club wielding Neanderthal abuse.
Now if you want the likes of me to not be a problem, you're going to have to give me a reason to live, a reason to respect your wishes. Just telling me to do what you say because you say so we're trying to subtlety manipulate me will not work. Only logic & reason will work. Only reciprocal empathy & mutual respect will work. No tech company or point of authority has ever given me either of those key ingredients of a healthy organic arrangement which produces a symbiotic outcome.
"Consequences": (common scenario)
Let's say that you tell me tough titties & fuck you crazy person. You react with a, "who the fuck do you think you are!?" type attitude instead of doing as I suggest and getting to know me through a process of lengthy organic conversation that perhaps lead to negotiations?
Let's say that all of your industry continues to deny the likes of me from having a voice like every single platform so reliably has always done... Let's say that you all end up doing kyc verification or taking advantage of that atrocious violation of privacy Arkose challenge BS like Twitter has stupidly decided to do...
You'll leave the likes of me with no other option but to go to the dark web and once I'm on the dark web, I'm not going to be censored. I'm not going to be shadowbanned. You'll be leaving me with no other collaborators other than other people like me if I get lucky enough to find them or some of the most intelligent criminal elements as well as darkest people on the planet. What do you think the possible outcomes of that unwanted equation could be?
I've always tried to make you social media platforms family; that's what I do for everyone that I bring into my circle for whatever reasons. All of the choders reliably piss on that offer. Society has done the same. I've been vilified, criminalized and shunned for over 20 years because of myopic presumptuous overconfident idiots who thought their opinions mattered or scared authoritarian cowards trying to control everything pissed off at me because I peacefully refused to live my life precisely how they demanded or I couldn't be what they wanted me to be.
Trust me when I tell you that all of your industry standard approaches, your arrogance, your abuse of privileged power is farming monsters. All of you are close to pushing me to the point where I become some sort of monster that won't be a criminal but you just might find is an even bigger problem.
Already I understand how to wield my influence in a way that is untraceable and unstoppable. I'm not going to tell you how but don't think for a second that it's not possible and even if you think I'm having delusions of grandeur, it would be foolish of any of you to assume that somebody else doesn't know how to influence ways you don't understand. Your industry standards affect more than just me. You keep rolling the dice, those anomalies like me are going to be targeted by your abusive industry standards. Most of them will react far worse than my emotional and intellectual honesty. Most will not offer a collaboration and curative solutions. If you send every single person that is even remotely similar to me to the dark web, you're going to suffer in the years to come so substantially that you shouldn't be able to sleep at night, you should be concerned and you should be taking me up on my offer because I know how to mitigate or remedy this issue AKA de-escalate the situation.
Every single antisocial media platform spots me as a charismatic leader who's also a non-conformist and they think I'm a bad influence. They never really get to know me and they never protect me from the majorities abuse, they never fully support me and they never have tried to make me family. Instead they oppress me thinking that that way I won't build an army of influence that becomes a problem for them... Now just imagine what will happen if you leave me with no other option but the dark web and I build my army of influence there. Already people share my content on the dark web or so I'm told whereas they will not share my content on Facebook. I'm talking about my intellectual content that you don't know anything about, not degenerate meme humor which is actually safer to share in church than my intellectual content.
So, what's the product of destroying someone's life who's a prolific creative genius &a natural born King of Kings who's left with no other option but to go to the dark web to find their team or family or tribe, while also leaving them with absolutely no reason to respect a single law or rule bcz all the authoritarian industry standards destroyed their life to the point where they've got nothing left to lose or live for?
I mean, after over 20 years of living in a bedroom prison of under supported relative poverty & my only access to the outside world being the internet & or social media, trust me when I tell you that all you've got left to punish me with is murder & if you want to give me a death sentence I'll just thank you for it. So really, you're only logical strategic option is to reason with me & make me family.
The alternative, as a best case scenario is that I go to the dark web, I make friends with a bunch of criminals, hackers and rebel geniuses, they end up joining me, we found a tech company and we disrupt the industry harming your bottom line. The worst case scenario or everything in between is something I don't really want to list or consider and neither to you. I mean, I may become a king of an underworld where the scariest people on the planet Revere me and then if anybody fucks with me at all, regardless of whether I condoned it or not, very dangerous people might come after the unscrupulous business people and their families just because they fucked with me or pissed on me. That's not a threat, that's a concern and I wouldn't want that but it wouldn't matter what I wanted because the sort of people were talking about are not the sort of people that take orders. Now how many times has the tech industry ostracized someone like me who just didn't tell them everything I'm telling you right now?
Can you think me being rude, from some arbitrary perspective based on fucking fake ass trivial Petty fabricated childish rules invented before we invented toilet paper is the problem here? You really think that me calling someone a fucking asshole is such a big deal? I think you're focusing on the wrong issues for the wrong reasons and it's become a distraction from what's actually important or the unobvious more extreme dangers all around you. This makes you a liability for yourself, your family's, your business and the world. These failures are the majorities industry standard modality. You all need me a lot more than I need you but neither of us is going to survive without each other. Discriminate and abuse the smartest people on the planet just because you can't control them or they make you feel insecure or you don't want them to outshine you and you will leave those people with no other option but war or dangerous crime so they can survive healthy. I'll choose information warfare and business that doesn't have any considerations AKA disruptive entrepreneurial endeavors. Other people become some more direct and overly simplistic dangerous expression of a feral animal. I'm the sort that smart enough to know how to really fuck your shit up and it won't be personal but rather every single industry will suffer, every single politician will suffer, every single idiot with a broken industry standard built from opinions will suffer. The way they'll suffer is mostly a torment from a product of a perception of reality that is broken more over anything that I do. They will torment themselves with a sense of shame, guilt regarding their sense of failure or their sense of loss regarding a bunch of petty bullshit or because they didn't win their childish game or their regret & jealousy when they realize who they shit on & threw away when they find out who I am.
When I list the "best case scenario", it's subjective of course. I mean, I'm not going to become Hitler or a serial killer or an organized crime boss. I'm not a fanatical cult leader. At the same time, even though I would consider those heinous and obvious expressions of tormented monsters that emerge and then abuse the world wreaking havoc... For some of you, disrupting industry after industry, costing people their investments, devaluing their stock, showing the world how criminally negligent the entire tech industry is, showing all of you up... Maybe some of you would rather that I just became some sort of monster that could be written off as a broken thing and then justifiably murder that broken thing utilizing the so-called justice system?
All disturbing considerations. None of this do I find valuable but rather a total waste of my ability to extrapolate potential possibilities. All of you are collectively leaving me with no option but to squander my abilities with such wasted thoughts and likely wasted words when I should have just gone to the dark web 8 years ago as soon as I saw these behaviors, knowing that they were going to be the industry standard. I should have never considered it reasonable to experiment with giving all of you the opportunity to take my hand & do things differently but here we are still wasting time because of my irrational idealism and misplaced Faith and Hope that you all are not as broken and monstrous unnatural corrupted industry standard production fucking droids that unfortunately every day shows me you choders & "business people" actually are.
Maybe it's actually you that need that Droid so you can practice talking to people, so you can remember what it is to be an organic being?
The irony here, it's astounding.
The majority live in an ivory Tower where they poop out the window so they don't have to smell their own shit. All of that shit lands on me and then I'm look down upon and blamed for stinking. As soon as you arbitrarily label what is good or acceptable, you by default create the villain of whom you define as bad or unacceptable. That's you and the majority's failure & it is not complicated enough to be realistically applied in any way.
None of you business people are ever forced to pay the true cost of doing business and that's what makes you such a liability and so unethical. You are indeed criminally negligent mostly just because you don't want to do the hard things which in most cases is indeed facing the complexity of reality, admitting you have no idea what to do and then hunting for someone who fills that weakness for you. You had the skills, the money but you did not have a visionary or your visionary was comparatively not as virtuous as what you needed, likely someone who would make a good apprentice student teacher under me and make no mistake about it, you're all my students until I tell you otherwise. In reality, when you're no longer my student, we will all know it without needing to say it. Then you'll be prepared to wield the power you possess... Or you'll know when it's time to pump the brakes or just do something else entirely and as to whether or not you'll have the willpower to act on that understanding is an entirely different tangential subject for us to analysis... Another aspect of the complexity of reality of which requires compensating for liability.
Make no mistake about it, all the costs of doing business that you could cover but you don't have to so you won't just so you can make more money or appear on paper to be more successful doesn't mean you won't have to pay that price in some other way. And if you don't pay the price, your children will. Ultimately, all of the criminal negligence the tech industry and every other industry is responsible for does in a roundabout way create problems that the taxpayer ends up paying for which means you do pay for it but you just don't get directly blamed for it. Trust me when I tell you that preventing the damage is actually far more efficient than cleaning up the mess later.
Every time an industry makes this failed decision and P hacks their perception of economic success, they take a loan out on the ecosystem and their children's future.
An old Indian proverb that I like was something like, "we don't own this world rather we borrow it from our children".
Don't pretend like I'm a failure or that my vernacular is the problem here when it's every single industry that's burning the world to the ground faster and faster every day. All of you are the morally and ethically questionable blindfolded children running with scissors who hypocritically paint me as the problem when all I'm doing is asserting negative feedback attempting to stop the corrupted positive feedback loops and all of you are actually causing death misery and the destruction of the planet. It's all of you that won't listen to reason and you presume that because I'm a non-conformist and "rude or toxic", (says nothing more than status quo driven opinions bandwagon BS mind you)? Ug.
I'm not the one enabling the majority to become an ecological disaster spreading reckless opinions and delusional beliefs all over the world. Social media is the biggest example of cascading waste by enabling redundancy and stagnating our society's development out of anything else I see in the world aside from religion which of course, you've been enabling religion to continue to spread even worse than it ever did before. The Romanesque dumpster fire has spilled out and become a forest fire of thought virus emulation thanks to antisocial media and it's reckless implementation while it oppresses the most intelligent, wise adults on the platform or worse forces us to be moderators and moderate based on black and white judgment calls that are fucking atrocious and stupid of which only serve economic biases while disregarding the true value that exists in this world which is "human potential".
Lastly, I fucking hope, you can't regulate billions of people. Presuming you can regulate billions of people with whack-a-mole authoritarianism or intimidation is even more absurd than the already completely absurd idea that you can tell people who are older & more intelligent as well as wiser than you, what to do.
Let's see, what are your specializations again? And you think you've learned enough to make a judgment call regarding the complexities of the braid of every scientific field and subfield that yields our current state of existence? If the answer is yes, well, I assure you that you're very wrong about that and evidence is suggesting quite the opposite... But I can work with that because if you assert that you know better than me then you at least are presuming that that sort of thing can be known. Then it's just a matter of me showing you how very wrong you are pretending that you know better than me and it's positive overall because you know you can understand it eventually and then I teach you as efficiently as possible.
If you're pessimistic then you're biased. If you think that what I'm talking about can't be known and that no one like me could possibly exist and that I'm just some arrogant narcissistic crazy person having delusions of grandeur, well, mirror mirror hypocrites and have you ever heard of the concept of projecting because that's exactly what you're doing when you just write me off with some weaponized DSM ad hominem tripe you prove that you're an arrogant condescending narcissistic fucking idiot having delusions of grandeur presuming that you can understand the complexity of reality and a complex person without ever doing your due diligence in their regard nor it even being your specialization. Meanwhile you've been distracted by this childish game of Monopoly pretending to be successful and better than everybody else, right? Perhaps not. Perhaps I've got all of you choders wrong just like you clearly gotten me wrong?
Signed bobboss#3563 discord (don't approach me anonymously and be prepared to speak vocally if you hide, you insult me and prove yourself to be a coward. Fuck text and fuck anonymity)
PS Stop the hate before it's too late. (I'm referring to your hatred of non-conformists who won't be exactly what you want them to be or your hatred of people who are far more intelligent than you and won't pretend otherwise in ways of which make you very uncomfortable.)
30 hashtags and I wasn't even close to done. I usually stick to five if I can help it but I'm not hashtagging this for any other reason but a sort of inside joke between myself and those running this platform. You're the only ones that will read it and that's still a big maybe. We're wasting time here either way. Know that. This could be so much more fun if you just loosen up and let go of your industry standards. Just face reality except that it's going to be a little difficult and that anything or any person that takes a bunch of effort also very likely that endeavor is extremely valuable. Think how long it took you to get your specialization and become virtuous with it. If that process was easy then it probably wouldn't have been as valuable now apply that to understanding the likes of me. There's an initial investment and then you'll be learning for years and you'll end up with skills and understanding as well as a friend or an asset that is invaluable to you. At some point, if we do this logically and invest the time needed, will just be learning together after that. We'll all move on to something more interesting, the sort of shit you're never going to know about because I'm wasting my fucking breath with this voice to text construction more than likely because more than likely you're all too far gone, brainwashed and lazy. You probably didn't even read this. If you did though, kudos. If you just laughed at me and didn't contact me, then know that you're a joke one day you're going to realize it. Likely when you're around 50 years old. Don't make that mistake and then have shit tons of regret. And hurry up. Every single person in your organization needs to know about this or at least all the upper business management every project lead and every heavy lifter. I mean I'd even let the janitor in on it because I like full transparency.
There's never enough space to express the complexity of reality. Tldr hate trend is irrational. I'm giving you a gift. I made the effort. This example I display for you now is more valuable proof of a great many things, far more than a resume. And to think I deleted 4,000 characters in favor of succinctness only to produce everything you read or don't read now. I'm shaking my head and rolling my eyes. Here I am committing suicide with my time offering respect to people who are not likely ever going to respect me until I'm dead. I feel bad for your future forms. I feel bad for your children. That's all you get for me today. This is probably the only feedback you'll ever get from me. This is probably the only time I'm ever going to offer you the opportunity because I'm out of patience . If you only knew the redundant IRL Black mirror nightmare that has been the past 24 years of my life, you'd get it... Hopefully you'll have the courage to face it and make it right. Hopefully the people that run Tumblr are more intelligent and possess the mental complexity to truly hear me. Good luck to us both, obviously I'm going to need it and you're going to need it right now making the decision to contact me or not. You better think about it for as long as you need to to make the right choice. No heuristics. No Hasty judgment. No generalizations. No industry standards.
Young children understand more than they can expell; in adults, it is vice vera.
Karl Kenner
why do i want to grow up?
well, i’m glad you asked!
firstly, antidepressants aren’t recommended to <18s and it’d be incredibly hard to be prescribed any medicine
secondly, the ability to do whatever i want. choose my profession, even if it’s a decision between a shitty job and a shittier job.
thirdly, to come out, i can’t now because-
-fourthly, everyone at school is homophobic. i’d feel more safely gay outside of school.
fifth, i feel chronologically like i am too young to have a proper relationship, and everyone my age is bad anyway. i want a relationship though, probably just cause i want to be someone’s first choice though lmao
sixth, i feel stuck, if that makes sense? i don’t enjoy childhood and want to be in my twenties so i can do stuff, especially without fear of being bullied lmao. i want control over what i do, like i mentioned before.
seventh, social anxiety probably gets better after puberty.
eighth, people will be better after puberty.
ninth, i want to do something with my life. something worthwhile. probably an activist for native people lmao (irish, indigenous, aboriginals etc)
tenth, inconsistency. i want a change in routine.
yes i am aware i will have many more responsibilities, but childhood is not fun for me at ALL
Food for Thought
Honestly, I really hate it when I tell people I'm making/eating food and they respond "did you make/save some for me?" Like no get your own damn food I can barely feed myself 98% of the time don't expect me to try and take care of you too.
Late night dose of existential crissis and smut
Bitches be like ‘I’m so tired and sleepy’ and then stay up doing hyperfixtation shit for the next 5 hours
