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Without going into too many personal details, my chronic illness has prevented me from attending my shul for over a month now. I miss my community so bad. It’s so hard to feel engaged while watching service livestreams. I just want to be in the building again, with my friends.
Fighting a new chronic condition during the entire high holiday season has got me feeling real down. I keep having dreams about dwelling in a sukkah because I haven’t felt well enough to do so irl. I’m praying for enough wellness and energy to enjoy Simchat Torah in person, rather than on my synagogue’s livestream.
I know logically that there’s no shame in taking care of my body. But it’s so hard to feel fulfilled this time of year when I’m stuck on my sofa.
Being awake during the middle of the night is a great excuse to practice my Hebrew, right?
Anyways, guess what I’m doing at 4am
Chronic illness vibes refusing to stop for the high holidays shouldn’t surprise me, but I’m still upset about it
Every day I think about how I opened up to a friend about a threat that was sent to my synagogue, and her initial response was confusion, followed by a statement that whoever sent the threat should know that “Judaism is not the same as zionism.”
I’ve never felt more scared realizing that people I know and work with could rationalize threats of attacks at local American synagogues if the synagogue was ✨Zionist✨
And I think about it all the time, because that was supposed to be a statement of comfort in her mind. With the implication was that I was a good, non Zionist conversion student and had nothing to worry about.
It’s not that people can be grossly antisemitic. Their intention and values were just aimed at the wrong place?? 🤨🙄
I know this isn’t a new line of thinking. But it was jarring to hear it said to my face.
If you can understand that it is wrong to misgender a trans person you don’t like, but can’t understand that it is wrong to be antisemitic to a Jewish person you don’t like, well… good luck, Charlie.
HEAR ME OUT
A collection of kippot designed to look like the faces of various Pokémon. And the pikachu one? It’s called Pika Kippah, of course.
Beetle They/He 26yo Converting to Judaism! Likes: Baking, cats, art, learning, groan-worthy jokes, and choreographing silly little dances
Notes:
If you can't be normal about Jewish people without scanning their entire internet presence to see if they're an ~Evil Zionist~, I can promise you, this isn't the blog for you. I also encourage you to research more about Jewish history, the history of Zionism, and the weaponization of Jewish terms and concepts by antisemites.
This is my blog to be open about my Jewish journey, and explore conversations + connections with other Jewish bloggers. I block people without apology if they make me feel unsafe or unhappy during my time here.
Other intersections of my life might come up, especially in relationship to Judaism. Examples include my experiences as a trans and disabled person.
Tags: #BeetleSays = my personal posts
Might add more as I make more posts lmfao