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But Not Alcohol - Blog Posts

Y’all ever just come up with some crazy shit to make drinking more fun?

Like I’ll have some cranberry juice and pretend it’s red wine and I’m a monarch sitting sluttily on an ornately hand carved dark oak throne drinking to sooth my worries and pondering how to get my kingdom out of debt.

I’m holding my warm mug of fresh tea with honey. In my mind I’m an ancient witch sitting inside my greenhouse, watching two frogs hop merrily together outside. I think fondly on the times when I took evening sunlit strolls with a blonde-haired maiden who stole my heart.

I’m drinking a glass of orange juice. After a 16 year journey through space I finally reached the once thought desolate planet, and found it teeming with life. But I knew the nature of mankind, to destroy. I write a false log claiming the planet exponentially uninhabitable, and am taking the knowledge to my grave. I slowly sip on the toxic neon orange poison I found deep in a cavern, waiting patiently for it to consume me. Thoughts of the life, the family I left behind for the advancement of humanity. But now I throw myself in between humanity and a possible golden age, because I know what happens after the golden age.

I drink milk and I’m a c a t and I ✨lick✨


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