Your gateway to endless inspiration
anyone else use drafts like a todo list
i have so many drafts that just have like one or two words where i was like omg gotta post about this and then moved on and i dont really know what i was trying to say !!
pls communicate with urself better ty bee
i find it interesting the overlap of c-ptsd symptoms with autistic traits.
i get asked all the time if im autistic. i even started questioning it myself just from how often this happened to me.
but while yes i have a lot of symptoms that are a part of many autistic peoples experiences, i wasnt always this way. i developed these symptoms throughout my childhood as i went through more and more trauma.
i remember when i wasnt sensitive to noise, light, etc. i remember when my social abilities were practically the same as my neurotypical peers. i remember when i never needed to carry stim toys everywhere i went. just to name a few.
anyways, i have so much in common with my autistic friends. while we arent the same, we get each other on a level that i havent found with many neurotypicals. ive also found that i often gravitate towards autistic people without meaning to.
i think its nice that we can find community where we didnt really expect it.
i really want to reapproach the way i see success.
i think ive slowly been doing it for a few years now, but theres definitely more i can do.
i always think of it in the grand life goal kind of way.
but it doesnt need to be that..
and for me, i really wanna see if i can find things in my day-to-day life that are, a success.
did i put myself out of my comfort zone that day trying something new?
did i take a deep breath and calm my thoughts before getting frustrated at somebody?
did i show care to myself even when i felt unworthy of life?
did i do anything where if i was reading a book about me. would i be proud of the bee on that page?
because the answer is probably yes most days. but im not treating myself as if thats the case.
im so harsh to myself and i know this. i give grace to others where i would never for myself.
i just want to treat myself gently.
so cheers to small successes, the steps forward even when theres also steps backward..
and to not just treating others the way we want to be treated, but treating ourselves that way too.
“my songs” are songs where you go “this song is for me it is mine.”
people can have the same “my songs” that doesn’t make them any less yours, they’re just also someone else’s mine.
its just songs that get you on another level, songs that represent you!
its okay to mourn.
its okay to mourn the childhood you could’ve had.
its okay to mourn the career you could’ve had.
its okay to mourn the children you could’ve had.
its okay to mourn the education you could’ve had.
its okay to mourn the friendships and social life you could’ve had.
its okay to mourn the hobbies you could’ve had.
its okay to mourn the travel you could’ve had.
its okay to mourn the life you could’ve had.
nobody gets to tell you that you need to cheer up.
its really confusing when youve had a traumatic childhood, but your adult life has been really traumatic too.
because on the one hand i have so much nostalgia for my childhood and i long for it, but on the other hand it really wasnt that great.. i just had less responsibility for my health.
i feel like im constantly searching for when i felt safe, but im not even sure if there was really a time where i truely felt safe.
i think thats why i love engaging with media from my childhood so much, its what helped me escape as a kid and im still running after that feeling.
feeling so utterly sick of life, i dont know how to keep myself aflame when it feels like everything wants to put me out.
anyone else ever think about where they would be if they werent sick?
couldve graduated high school, couldve gone to university, couldve had a job, travelled, practiced my skills regularly, chased my passions..
reaching out for help feels like this:
“hi, i know i need help and i am not coping.. and i dont know what to do that will help me”
“well what do you need from us exactly? what do you want me to do?”
“i dont know…?”
“well i cant do what you dont ask for”
“great.”