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do y'all ever reread your own fics from like years ago and realise you've regressed in writing ability because that's how i feel about this fic lmao
Hey y’all, fun fact if you didn’t know, I wrote a fic like ages ago where Salim moves to London, so… if you wanna check that out it’s linked below<3
https://archiveofourown.org/works/35081476/chapters/87385063
Hey y’all, fun fact if you didn’t know, I wrote a fic like ages ago where Salim moves to London, so... if you wanna check that out it’s linked below<3
https://archiveofourown.org/works/35081476/chapters/87385063
Jason: why do the vampires keep trying to kill us?
Salim: maybe they’re homophobic
Jason: we’re not gay, Salim
Salim: we're not???
Salim: you often use humor to deflect trauma
Jason: thank you!
Salim: that is not a good thing.
Jason: what i’m hearing is you think i’m funny
Jason: sticks and stones may break my bones-
Salim, nodding solemnly: but chains and whips excite me.
Jason, wheezing: nO! WHAT THE FUCK?!
Nick in the caves: I have to admit, I am not living la vida loca
Salim: no i’m not tired of being nice, yes i still just wanna go apeshit, these things can coexist, stop asking me
Jason: alright, listen up you little shits
Jason: not you, Salim, you’re an angel and i’m glad you’re here
Zain: I can’t find my phone
Jason: I can call it for you
Zain: wait no-
Phone ringing: you are my dad (your my dad) BOOGIE WOOGIE WOOGIE
Zain:
Jason:
Zain: I can explain-
Salim: you all would not have if did not do it first!
Jason: y’all’dn’t’ve’f’i’dn’t’ve
Salim:
Salim: what the hell is wrong with you
Jason: ow! son of a bi-
Salim pointing to Zain: Jason! children!
Jason: … isexual. son of a bisexual.
Jason: ow! son of a bi-
Salim pointing to Zain: Jason! children!
Jason: … iscuit. son of a biscuit.
Nick: nice save.
Jason: yeah. fucking nailed it.
Salim: Jason, can you do me a favour ?
Jason: i would literally cover up a murder you committed, plant my dna at the crime scene and take the blame for you.
Salim: cool i guess ? can you do the dishes please ?
Jason: no.
Salim, eating a cinnamon roll:
Jason, shaking his head: cannibalism.
Salim: *confused chewing noises*
Jason: *pointing* Can I sit there?
Salim: That’s my lap.
Jason: That doesn’t answer my question
Salim: Guys, I’ve been meaning to tell you… Jason and I are dating.
Jason, Nick, Rachel, and Eric: *gasp*
Salim: Jason, why are you surprised?!
Zain with Tariq in town: I did that adult thing you can do where you buy an entire cake and just eat it.
Zain: I am eating an entire cake.
Zain: Update: there is more cake than I imagined.
Zain: I see now why my dad didn’t let me do this.
Nick: Hey, Jason? Can I get some dating advice?
Jason, sighing: Just because I'm with Salim doesn't mean I know how I did it.
Salim, thinking about Jason: I could fix him
Jason, thinking about Salim: I could make him worse
Nick: Jason, Are you free this Friday at 8:00 pm?
Jason: I guess, yeah.
Nick: And what about you, Salim?
Salim: Yes, I am.
Nick, clapping his hands together and smiling: Great! Because I’m not. You two have fun on your date!
Jason: Wait-
Salim: Did he just-?
Jason: We can’t have Salim come to his party yet. The sign’s not finished- it’s supposed to say ‘Salim’s Birthday’
Nick: What does it say now?
Jason: ‘Salim’s Bi’.
Jason:
Jason: Nevermind, that’s perfect. We’re ready!
Nick: Do you support gay rights?
Jason: I am literally dating Salim.
Clarisse: He's dodging the question.
Pre-marines Jason: it’s always ‘how high are you’ and not ‘hi, how are you?’
Jason: Are you a painting?
Salim: What-?
Jason: Because I want to pin you to a wall.
All of the confused marines: OH GOD I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO SAY YOU WANTED TO HANG HIM OR SOMETHING-
Jason: How do you know how to kiss? like who teaches you?
Salim: Well it’s actually a class, but sadly it’s full at the moment now.
Salim: Would you like private lessons?
Nick: Damn that was smooth.
Salim: Everyone has their demons
Salim, holding Vampire!Jason: This one is mine
Eric, teaching Jason to drive: Okay, you're driving and Salim and I walk into the road. Quick, what do you hit?
Jason: Oh, definitely you. I could never hurt Salim.
Eric, massaging his temples: The brakes, Kolchek. You hit the brakes.
Jason: Salim and I don't have pet names for each other
Nick: what do bees make?
Jason: Honey?
Nick: huh, really thought that would work
Jason: ha! You idiot
Salim, from another room: yeah?
Salim: Hostage or not, sometimes it's nice being held.
Jason:
Jason: Are you okay.
Jason: Due to personal reasons, I will be fucking sinking to the bottom of the ocean in a large metal box.
Nick: Did Salim say 'I love you' and you said 'Thanks'?
Jason: DUE TO PERSONAL REASONS–