Humans Are Weird - Blog Posts

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For some reason, I wonder what aliens think of sky diving, I like to think like this (H is human) (A is alien)

A: human... I did some research, and I have a question

H: Sure, ask away

A: What is "sky diving"

H: Oh, it's a sport where we get in a plane, fly very high... And jump

A:YOU WHAT!?!

H: We jump, but don't worry, we can land safely

A: oh thank god... So, you use some kind of gravitation device? Or use some technological device to land slowly?

H: Uhhh, not exactly....

A: .... Human... What exactly do you use....

H: ...

A: Human, what... Exactly... Do you use?

H: a backpack with a bunch of fabric... Sometimes silk....

A: ...

H: ...

A: YOU USE CLOTHING, TO STOP YOUR FALL, AFTER JUMPING OFF SEVERAL THOUSAND FEET UP!?

H: Yeah, but it's a different kind of fabric you know...

A: ... Okay, but what do you do if the fabric breaks, or if it gets tangled

H: ... Enjoy the view?

A: ... I still don't know why you aren't extinct

“Life Pod 37″

I can’t decide if I loved or hated this chapter. I suffered a lot, yes, but it was awesome > - <

Side note: I thought Adam was on the shuttle. I was surprised later.

From my now-favourite piece of original work:

Humans are weird, by @starr-fall-knight-rise

       Master post: https://starr-fall-knight-rise.tumblr.com/post/182501791735/master-post

        in-progress novel adaptation: https://www.wattpad.com/user/starrfallknightrise 

“Outside the S.S. Stabby”

Feat. Captain Adam Vir and Convict (or just Conn).

Humans are weird, by @starr-fall-knight-rise

Master post: https://starr-fall-knight-rise.tumblr.com/post/182501791735/master-post

in-progress novel adaptation: https://www.wattpad.com/user/starrfallknightrise 

Art by me :)

Humans are weird

Hey there demons, it's ya Boi. I have no thoughts, head empty but that brings me to my point. How much of social media is just mindless thoughts? Like really why do we do this, do aliens do this? Just randomly talk about anything to complete strangers. Would they find it weird? Find out thoughts weird? Just imagine the senario, trying to show an alien your phone and then bringing up the topic of social media.

Alien: So you just say things and people listen?

Human: well yes but only certain things, like funny shit or fun ideas. No one likes to listen to the stupid things we read

Alien: then why read it if it's bad? Why not ignore it or not look?

Human: well some people just have the need to argue and we like to watch, it's funny to laugh at stupid people. But we mainly just look at cat videos, here look at this one-

Alien: You watch those willingly?! They are royalty where I am from!! You should pay money for this!!!

Human in a quiet voice:….. I fucking knew it.

Humans are weird

School. I hate it, I think everyone does. Imagine if school was actually fun and we actually wanted to learn stuff. But imagine if aliens didn't do school, what if they just kinda learned everything as they grew up. Imagine how confused they'd be when they saw children being forced to go to places they don't want to and sit there for 6 hours.

Alien: where does the smaller humans go during the day?

Human: oh to school

Alien: ... School?

Human: yeah where he goes to learn? The teachers there teach him science, math, and English. Do you not have that?

Alien: no, our parents teach us all we need to know and then when we leave we learn the skills we need from others

Human: ......... What?!

Humans are weird

Periods. I mean from a guys perspective they are hella weird. Why do people have to bleed for a week straight WHILE in so much pain that they barf? I mean are we the only species that do that???

Alien: Human Quinn, where has all our blankets and chocolate gone?

Human: I took them. Oh and the chocolate is gone, I ate it.

Alien: but why have you eaten all of it? That was our chocolate for the week

Human: cause I got my period and I was craving chocolate, oh and the strawberrys

Alien: is that what a period is? Craving food?

Human: no its our bodies way of telling us we're not pregnant, we also bleed for a whole week and usually get quite hungry. Oh yeah, it happens once a month.

Alien: and how would I help you through this?

Human: I don't know just be nice and understanding I guess?

The alien nods and proceeds to buy cake and fuzzy blankets the next day.

Humans are weird

Sleep. Sleep is honestly so strange. Sometimes I go to bed at a reasonable time, like 11pm. But then there are other times where I got to bed at 5am. Why do we do this? The struggles most of us have with sleep is unreal. But then even if I try to go to sleep I'm left with my thoughts, and I don't know if that's worse.

Alien: Human Kevin, you told me a human needs 8 hours of sleep a night.

Human: I'm aware

Alien: So why haven't you moved in 24 hours?

Human, drinking it's 15th cup of coffee: next question-

Humans are weird

Eating. Oh my godddd I hate eating! Having to stop and eat enough nutrients 3 times a day just so we can function. It's dumb! In the words of Captain Holt(Brooklyn 99) "if it were up to me I would just drink a grey smoothie that provides enough nutrients for the day."

I mean imagine how much more time we would have during the day if eating didn't slow us down! Also if we didn't need to eat then no one would have to struggle with an ED! It would be so much nicer, in my opinion.

Alien: So you're telling me.. You have to sit here for about 10 minutes, 3 times a day, just so you have enough energy to function as a human?

Human, with a mouth full of food: Yuppers man.

Alien: First of all, that's really gross. Second, that isn't very efficient. Why doesn't your body just naturally produce energy?

Human: -Shrugs-

Humans are weird (Tw. Barfing, passing out, blood)

Human bodies. They are so freaking strange, I'm not even joking. Don't eat enough? Pass out. Eat too much? Barf it up. Not drinking water? Pass out. Drink too much? Barf it up.

But then comes pain. We freak out at stubbing our toes, getting paper cuts, hitting our elbows. But I remember one time I crashed on my skateboard, ripped off like a chunch of skin on my knee and my hand, wasn't wearing a helmet and hit my head, But I was able to walk home (20 minutes away) like nothing happened.

Imagine aliens watching us with wide eyes on how we're still living on this planet. Why do our bodies do this? Are we the only species that can do this, or are there more? What if aliens can do this. Imagine how quickly they would die here.

Humans are weird

Art, In any form. What if aliens don't have that creativity in them? Kinda like 'Mars need Moms' the aliens have a very bleak and sad world. So what if they see a human expressing their art, how would they react?

Alien: Human Kevin, what are the strange shapes and colours that you are making?

Kevin: oh it's just a doodle of what I'm feeling.

Alien, taking notes that humans make shapes when feeling their emotions: Interesting..

Humans are weird

What if aliens don't have pets? Like keeping animals as friends is just completely foreign to them

Alien: So you're telling me… That you took a predator from your forests, saw that it was fluffy…. And kept it?

Human, petting a dog: he also gets really happy when you pet his stomach!

Alien, bending down to cautiously pet the dog:……

Alien: I would die for you.

Humans are weird

What if glasses aren't a thing else where? What if aliens didn't understand why we wore pieces of glass in front of our eyes that could possibly interfere with battles? Why are we born with inferior eyes?

Alien: Human Kevin why did you exhale very loudly about 34 hours ago while drinking your beverage?

Kevin: It made my glasses fog up so I couldn't see.

Alien: You are left defenseless while recharging?! Your species is strange…

Humans are weird

What if aliens didn't understand the concept of humans dyeing their hair? Like they'd be super confused on my we put chemicals so close to where are brain is stored, just for our hair to change colour

No one will ever see, feel, experience things the you do. You are the only one that experiences the world that way. You will never be able to fully explain exactly how you feel about something.

Now isn't that a head fuck

Thinking about if other species becoming insanely obsessed with random parts of human history because it's just so VAST and there's so much. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure that other events like the first contact with the Aksani, the Barkonian renaissance, the whole federation-Eminian 'poison saliva dinner' fiasco, or the Lokirrim-Iconian-Risian trading war were all very interesting.

But I can't help but imagine the endless hilarity that involves something like a group of Andorian teens all being like:

"Did you know that there used to be other types of human sub-species living on earth billions and billions of years ago? Yeah! they were called like knee-an-do-thals and erik-toss or something" "Really? So, it was like the human version of Aenar on their planet?" "I guess so yeah" "So, what happened to them?" "The ancient humans killed them all." "..." "..."

"...maybe...on second thought, we should help Anika with her biology project after all."

I have my own personal headcanon that in the star trek universe Human musicals are EXTREMELY popular amongst the stars and across all galaxy's. Cause sure, other aliens have singing and dancing and music of all sorts but everyone quickly agrees that there is nothing like a human musical. It baffles a few Ferengi's ears when hoo-mans sing in such a high frequency for such a long time that shouldn't even be possible with their lung size! Vulcan's can appreciate the synchrony of their dancing and consider it a very pleasing experience (Their incredibly impressed by it and it becomes a frequent topic of conversation). Cardassian's admire the way the characters sing/talk to the audience and reveal what their feeling but not to the other characters, it's fun to watch secrets unfold or explode to someone's face as chaotic antics happen all around them (Their favorites tend to be Stephan Sondheim musicals). Surprisingly, even Klingons aren't immune to the talent of human musical theatre, on any given night you'll see a large group of Klingons sitting around a table ready for an opera show and tales from soprano's receiving numerous thanks and glory be's! from burly Klingons after a show.

Idea that once human movies and tv series becomes accessible to the rest of the universe they immediately have to get re-called and re-regulated by the federation.

Like, the Andorians thought they had sexy romance shows, but then the terrans come along and now you've got angry zhavey's, shreya's, charan's, and thavan's calling in concerned on what their teenagers are watching.

And this especially applies to horror movies, Klingon space gets access to some classics and figure they'll sit around and laugh at the silly human horror. Cut to one Texas Chainsaw Massacre marathon later and now some human captain's are reporting that the Klingons are looking at them weirdly, like they almost seem... nervous of them?

Same thing goes for when Vulcans begin to approach human crewmates to ask how they manage to keep their children away from "The animated blue kanine and the female pink sus scrofa domesticus?"

Ferenginar just has a flatout ban against any and all talent/contest shows. To win profit just for having a talent? For showing good teamwork? Without any cheating or lying? Disgraceful media. (Although they would appreciate the trick of adding a sob backstory to gain more sympathy votes)

Humans Are Weird

So there has been a bit of “what if humans were the weird ones?” going around tumblr at the moment and Earth Day got me thinking. Earth is a wonky place, the axis tilts, the orbit wobbles, and the ground spews molten rock for goodness sakes. What if what makes humans weird is just our capacity to survive? What if all the other life bearing planets are these mild, Mediterranean climates with no seasons, no tectonic plates, and no intense weather? 

What if several species (including humans) land on a world and the humans are all “SCORE! Earth like world! Let’s get exploring before we get out competed!” And the planet starts offing the other aliens right and left, electric storms, hypothermia, tornadoes and the humans are just … there… counting seconds between flashes, having snowball fights, and just surviving. 

Humans Are Weird

So there has been a bit of “what if humans were the weird ones?” going around tumblr at the moment and Earth Day got me thinking. Earth is a wonky place, the axis tilts, the orbit wobbles, and the ground spews molten rock for goodness sakes. What if what makes humans weird is just our capacity to survive? What if all the other life bearing planets are these mild, Mediterranean climates with no seasons, no tectonic plates, and no intense weather? 

What if several species (including humans) land on a world and the humans are all “SCORE! Earth like world! Let’s get exploring before we get out competed!” And the planet starts offing the other aliens right and left, electric storms, hypothermia, tornadoes and the humans are just … there… counting seconds between flashes, having snowball fights, and just surviving. 

Some people can’t handle different skin colors. I don’t think furs will help.

I feel like a whole bunch of human aesthetic problems could be solved if we just re-evolved fur

You ever think about how unified humanity is by just everyday experiences? Tudor peasants had hangnails, nobles in the Qin dynasty had favorite foods, workers in the 1700s liked seeing flowers growing in pavement cracks, a cook in medieval Iran teared up cutting onions, a mom in 1300 told her son not to get grass stains on his clothes, some girl in the past loved staying up late to see the sun rise.

I read a post saying that ‘what if we were the cute otters/pandas of the galaxy and aliens actually found us incredibly cute?’

And I want to bring ; ‘what if we’re the blob fish of the galaxy and we’re so ugly it’s cute to aliens?’

Aliens being shocked by the fact that we taste our cake mixtures when they aren’t cooked yet like;

Alien : Human Steve, why are you ingesting raw foods?

Steve : Cause I wanna know if it tastes good? Don’t you do it?

Or

Alien : Human Maria please don’t eat the uncooked batter!

Maria : But! COOKIE DOUGH!

Me and bro on some meta shit you wouldn’t understand

He doesn’t understand that it’s harder for humans to come out of recharge in the morning 😴🥱

Based this sketch off of that one panel of skywarp and buster. Super adorable pose and I was like huh. I can use that.

Nothing say Human are werid like "evolution gave us a shark made of pee that survives the icy depths of the Arctic and eats bears, and we found a way to eat it."

Straight people are so weird to me, like you can just MAKE A COMPLEX ORGANISM BY ACCIDENT!!!! Like you were having ‘fun.’ And then BANG YOU’RE GOING TO BE A MOM. I’m so glad I’m a lesbian.

i have a teacher kinda like this and i feel like she’s under appreciated

To the hero professors

So, I’m taking U.S. History one and two over the summer at my community college, and the professor is this older white man. Naturally, this is history, and my first assumption walking in to the class is that I’m gonna be stuck listening to this guy drone on for two months of boredom. Great.

Within the first five minutes I knew I was wrong. So, so wrong.

“I don’t want you to be stuck memorizing dates,” he says. “I want you to know the story, the people, the conditions and reactions so that maybe we can all learn from past mistakes.” I was baffled. A history class that doesn’t require you to be able to rattle off dates? Not only that, there’s no homework and we don’t have to read the text book. The only things that are going to be on the test are things that come straight out of his mouth during class. He introduces himself, and proceeds to go around the room and greets every person one at a time. He will do this every day for the rest of the summer one and two semesters.

Then the lecture begins. I say lecture, but it feels more like story time in kindergarten. He begins to speak with such prose and personality that I forget this is a college course. He’s taken something that has so much potential to be mundane and turned it in to a book that I can’t put down. You bibliophiles know what I’m talking about. And then this glorious fucker ends the class in a mid-sentence cliffhanger.

Every class he carries on this way. It feels as if I’m there. Signing the Declaration, fighting against brothers in the Civil War, listening to FDR’s fireside chats, storming the beaches of Normandy… And he remains unbiased. He wants to make sure we see there’s two sides to every story; understand the conditions that lead to those reactions.

We took a test today, a week from our final exam. He goes around the room in his usual affable fashion, but rather than just ask how we’re doing, today he asks if there’s anything he can do for us. Most folks like myself say something along the lines of nothing, or I’m good. This girl next to me jokingly says, “You can buy me a coffee.”

“How much is it?” He asks.

“About five dollars.” She answers.

And without hesitation, this professor, this wonderful man with a love of teaching, and a love of his students, pulls out a fucking twenty dollar bill, hands it to her and just says “Go get your coffee, and bring me the change.” Then continues on his way like it’s nothing.

And it may be nothing. Maybe I’m blowing something small out of proportion. But in a world where it feels as if every class is just dragging you along in the gravel behind it, and the professors seem to just be going through the motions; to see someone actually do something kind and ask nothing in return is so refreshing and uplifting.

I don’t know. Maybe this is just a boring shit post, but I really needed to share my appreciation for this hero of a teacher. A teacher who after over 30 years of teaching is still happy with what he does.

tl;dr: Some teachers leave a long lasting impact on your life; change the way you think, the way you see the world. Appreciate them for what they are. The unsung heroes of a failing education system.

Alien: how did you humans survive long enough to form a functioning society? You have no claws, sorely lacking physical strength as a species, no physical defenses…

Human: we just walked quickly after things that were faster than us until they died or got too tired to run away anymore and accepted death.

Alien: what the he-

Human: Yeah, badass, right? There’s a reason we’re top dog on Earth.

Human: *trips over own feet, gets foot caught in a bucket, yanks ladder down onto self trying to stay upright, falls in a pile of limbs and pain*

Alien: …are you sure

As much as I love ‘Earth is space Australia’, I love ‘Earth is Space Australia and the aliens haven’t figured it out yet!’ far more. ‘Cause lets face it, humans have a great ability to go on and on about minor inconveniences while at the same time severely underplaying the big ones. So aliens get the impression that humans are incredibly weak because we spend a day in bed from a headache, or gripe for an hour about a paper cut and then turn around and walk on a broken leg or consider a gushing head wound nothing to worry about. 

so I want aliens to get the impression that earth is a perfectly normal place to live, a couple of dangerous fauna, maybe some troubling weather patterns but nothing too terrifying. Then an earthling makes an offhand comment about earthquakes (and the alien’s think that they are joking because the earth’s crust? moving? Ridiculous!) But another chimes in and they think that it’s just a normal thing? That happens sometimes? and then they start talking about tornadoes and what is this? 

And the weather has nothing on the animals! The aliens are used to some large toothy predators, maybe a couple of little poisonous skittering things. But large orange felines that are capable of blending effortlessly into their environment? Rodents capable of chewing through metal? Small fish that climb into your reproductive organs and cannot be removed?????? That is horrifying. Even the most innocuous of their tiny insects is capable of carrying horrendous diseases. 

Like I just want aliens standing there staring in horror as a group of earthlings casual discuss their near death escapes as though they are completely normal and nothing to worry about and slowly come to the dawning realisation that these people are insane.