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Honestly, from what I’ve read, this general pattern seems almost-typical for AvPD.
We’re good at masks, at acting through situations. We’ve usually learned how to “pass” and seem “good enough” on the surface. That’s so we can escape being noticed for who we actually are -- rather than “how” we can act.
It’s a kind of invisibility. And masks can suffice, until somebody tries looking behind them. (Not because we’re defective and the cat is finally out of the bag!, but because ... when we feel exposed, we run away. Yep.)
This isn’t necessarily the same as social anxiety; different things can make us feel exposed. Like I’m fine chatting with strangers, but people I’m close to? Who expect me to have things to say? Hoo boy.
Also: Yes, I definitely do the “avoid, avoid, oh no it’s too late to choose” thing. Usually by being noncommittal when people ask me to do something. (I should really write a post about that.) I’ve started not doing it, though, which is a real adventure.
Followers & other AvPD peeps, how about it? Do you relate to any of this stuff?
AvPD Pondering Two…
I avoid my problems a lot and lie quite a bit to make myself seem more capable. I know the problems won’t go away by ignoring them, but I always feel like if I can get them to a point of no return then I can deal with the aftermath better than trying to fix the problem. I’d rather face the consequences than fail at trying to right things in the first place. And I do this consciously. Sometimes I wait and see if the issue will resolve itself, and by the time I realize it won’t I’m in Too Deep and I just kind of… let it happen. I don’t know if it’s because then I can tell myself there wasn’t anything I could do about it, or obviously if there had been an easy solution I would have done it, etc?
But then, whenever I see people admit to their short comings I’m like, how do they do that?? And people still like them?! Even after they mess up or have a different opinion or get angry. They are still thought of with as much respect as they were before they did something Wrong. I don’t know why I can’t see how that could be said for me too, but I just can’t. Which means I’m hyper critical of myself whenever I do anything even slightly off. I don’t even like telling people mundane things for fear the ‘facts’ will change in the future and I will have been the deliverer of False News. Even with factors outside of my control. Like if I say something it’s the absolute truth, and if I have to go back on what I said it’s Not Good, but with others it’s fine. I understand mistakes happen, and plans change, it’s just that when I’m the one relaying the message the same logic doesn’t hold. I feel like it’s my fault when I’m misinformed.
And this is the last, and most intriguing to me, point I have for this post before it becomes too long- Is anyone really good at first impressions? I have a lot to write about in regards to how I think I portray myself and how I get through social interactions, but a big chunk of that, that I didn’t understand until now, is that I’m great at first impressions. I’m good at putting on a Face and being relatable and then I’m SUPER good at keeping it superficial. I make better first impressions than my introverted, or shy friends, but they’re better at staying on top of the relationship as it progresses. Because they’re becoming more themselves as they get comfortable and I’m becoming distant as I get uncomfortable.
(I’m actually really interested to see if anyone else relates to the first impressions thing. Because I used to wonder why I could do so well and then fade away every. time. And I finally realized it’s because I don’t want relationships to progress, and I wonder if others do the same? A way to keep people at bay? Because I know a lot of people with AvPD seem to have social anxiety tendencies as well, and are uncomfortable around most people, and I’m not really sure I relate to that.)