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Hello hope you're doing good. Question, if you want to answer: what does catatonia feel like for you? I watched a friend have her first catatonic episode last year and she didn't have a good memory of it afterward. I'd like to get some idea of what goes on there. Obviously if this is an unpleasant topic ignore
There are different types of catatonia and not everyone will have the same symptoms; I dont even have the same symptoms every episode. So my experience is just that; mine.
Withdrawn catatonia feels like being stuck inside my body. I can see and hear everything going on, but I can't react to it as normal. It's kind of as if I'm externally inanimate; I can't move (or can barely move), but if you move my limbs for me they stay in whatever position you put me in. I often get stuck in uncomfortable positions because one of the first symptoms I usually get is abnormal or exaggerated movements (and Im hypermobile so its even worse).
It's very hard to describe the actual feeling that goes with it though. It's like being drugged by your own nervous system. My body feels like lead and all my processes feel slowed. Even though I am aware, depending on the episode and trigger I may be confused and/or dissociated.
But I also experience excited catatonia, which is pretty much the opposite of what I described. I cant slow down. I either cant speak or cant communicate normally. I'll repeat things over and over, I'll do the same movements over and over - which usually ends up with me hurting myself. I feel very panicked when I experience this. It doesnt happen as often as withdrawn type, though. And when I do experience it, its usually a severe episode where I flip back and forth between withdrawn and excited.
For me, withdrawn episodes are usually triggered by stress like - dissociation, anxiety, and trauma. Excited episodes are usually triggered by autistic/schizophrenic nervous system overload. Both can be related to/triggered by psychosis, and there's decent overlap between my catatonic episodes and disorganized speech/thinking episodes.
So yeah. If anyone's ever wondered what it might be like, now you know.