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Only In Gotham - Blog Posts
I would read the fuc out of that!!!!
My favorite thing about the bats is that… they are gothamites. And sure they scare the shit out of people… but they are in Gotham. Superman is loved by his people, Flash is adored, people pray to Wonder Woman, Green Arrow is feared. But the Bats? The Bats are like all of Gotham's weird older brothers/sisters/parents. Superman and Green Lantern are visiting Batman in Gotham and all of a sudden he gets smacked in the face by a banana and they turn and find a group of teens skateboarding away and one kid calls over his shoulder ‘eat the fucking potassium you absolute brick.’ and Batman doesn't even do anything. Barry is chilling with Nightwing when a girl runs beneath the building they are sitting on and screams “Nice ass Night! But get it the fuck down here, my cats stuck in a tree.” And Nightwing does a flip off the building and just?? helps her?? Wonder Woman and Black Canary are passing through Crime Alley on their way to the Batcave and spot Red Hood standing in an alley, being lectured by a woman who is half his size and she ends the lecture by throwing two sandwiches at his face and walking away. Red Hood just takes his hood off and starts eating. Superboy is helping Red Robin defeat Scarecrow and while they’re hiding, waiting for him to walk into their trap, RR is casually conversing with a Gothamite about Hogwarts Houses, and when he says the Gothamite looks like a Gryfindor he pops his head out and screams “Yo scarecrow hes right fucking here!” J’onn is heading to the Manor to discuss League business with Bruce when he spots Robin(Damian) fighting Riddler all alone and is about to intervene when three teenagers show up and just fucking deck him instead. Damian doesn't thank them, just glowers, and one of the guys goes “you're welcome you fucking brat.” And the girl even smacks the back of his head and goes “manners.” Clark is sent to go find Tim and Steph and Damian and finds them at this girls birthday party, in full costume, eating cupcakes and drinking punch, jumping on the bouncy house and is like “errr, B-Batman needs you home.” And as one the entire birthday party group went “Fuck Batman.” Spoiler was spotted painting these guys nails, Black Bat was seen teaching calculus to a group of teenagers, Batgirl(Babs) was running after a group of kids screaming “Give me back my laptop you fucks!” Just- just the batfamily and Gothamites being annoying to each other and appreciative yet bitches.
Bus driver: stop getting thrown at my fucking bus, i got places to be and my insurance only covers so many shatter windshields and person sized dents Batman: I don't really control where I get thrown Bus Driver: well you better fucking start otherwise theres gonna be another fucking villain on these streets *drives away and almost runs him over* Superman: *gaping* yo-you're just gonna let him do that? Batman: *shrugs* Gotham insurance aint what its cracked up to be Superman: *staring dumbly*
third week in Gotham after getting tranferred here from Central City:
Ok, routine took some getting used to, but I think I've got it now: Avoid elderly neighbor's house; niece is called...Dolphin? Fish? Yeah, don't mess with her.
College boy on the corner isn't selling drugs, he's just prepping for finals and hasn't felt sun in days.
Avoid favourite coffee shop around 4pm: That's Poison Ivy's usual time and she sometimes throws hands with the bartender. Who also knows her order off by heart. They have the weirdest relationship.
Just got transferred to Gotham Police Department from Central City, and it's so...weird?? There was an immediate drug bust, the perps were wearing speedos and joker masks, my partner just subtracted 20% of the cocain as "travelling fees" 'cause we're driving through the east end?? What! is! this place!!
At least rent's low.
Soft and Safe
I have a friend, let's call her Soft and Safe.
Let's call her that because it's shorter than Fluttering butterflies and excited hands waving, lilac purple capris and silk blouse, also soft ripped jeans and oversize hoodie. It's shorter than the Life of the party, social butterfly, but also sleepover deep talk.
She was the first one to fully support me when I came out as bi. She's still the one I feel most comfortable telling my insecurities to.
She's physically beautiful, yes, with brown curls and doe eyes, but more like her soul would make any body beautiful, you get it? It really doesn't matter how she looks. Does that make sense?
I know Soft and Safe doesn't see herself this way, so this is my way of telling her. A Tumblr post she'll never see.
Because all Soft and Safe sees is her flat chest and her acne prone skin. All she sees is that she was asked to the ball last in dance class last year. She was recently told she has depression, and she said "yeah, checks out." I don't think she sees how much I admire her, and want her to stay in my life forever. But I never told her.
So, how can you be sure you're not someone's Soft and Safe?
A war I didn't sign up for.
We're teenage girls, me and my friends. In every sense of the word.
We've got one who loves k-dramas, Tom Holland and makes great almond cake, we've got a tiny one who's sarcasm mutes me every time (to her great delight) and loves anime, we've got one who's the light and laughter of any party, who's soft safety and recently was diagnosed with depression, and we've got a childish and dreaming one who's beautiful, stunning. Everyone tells her. It frightens her.
I haven't seen my friends in a while.
No one's fault, just life. School, tests, a pandemic. So imagine my happiness! Our excitement! When a friend's friend invited us to a party, and we found time to meet up beforehand, to talk! Laugh! Eat pizza!
My friends came. And we laughed. I told them I've never been to a party, that I was pretty nervous. Soft And Safe grinned at me, told me it was fine, the boys that invited us were nice. And guess what? She had kissed one of them!! A drunken make-out, wasn't that cool??!
Then she stopped. Her smile slipped a little
Well, not that cool. She started, sitting there beside my bed.
Not all of it.
And sentence for sentence, Soft And Safe, who I grew up with, who I'd known like the other girls since I was ten, new in town and was adopted into their little group, hesitantly told me a story I'll never forget. Because it taught me life.
Because the boy she made out with was nice.
Until he asked her to kiss him on the cheek for a picture and she felt too uncomfortable and drunk to say no.
Until, when they were kissing alone in a room, he kept trying to put his hand under her shirt, even when she pushed it away.
Until he pulled her onto his lap, crotch pushed uncomfortably against her jeans, and held her waist down.
Until he barked at the girl checking up on Soft And Safe to get out.
Until he put his hand into her pants, and answered "everything is fine, relax", when she told him she didn't like that.
Until he pushed her over the sink.
Until, when she said she didn't want that and that they should go back downstairs, he got back claps and fist bumps from the other boys.
She got her best friend, whom she had rejected a week earlier, call her a slut. He said he could never see her the same way again.
We thought it wouldn't happen to us. But as we sat there in my room, staring at her forced smile, eyes frantic, we realised how she had done everything right.
And it had still happened.
It had happened to me three weeks earlier, at my gym.
And we realised
It wouldn't stop. We wouldn't grow out of it.
Being a woman would be a war we hadn't signed up for.
We went to the party. I saw him. I didn't deck him like I had planned. Because everyone would think I'm the one out of line.
i love how we all just collectively agreed that the butts match
The sky does occasionally look beautiful though.
the sunset over metropolis cannot be topped. srry gotham
Considering regular FDA regulations (or lack thereof), it was already poisoned. They just added a bit of spice.
someone poisoned the food again. yippee.
Found them.
To the person who left a bottle of weed killer on my balcony: count your days.
Ah. Well, if you ever need assistance I’m not afraid to throw hands with a vigilante.
Hey, I've got your phone. Red Hood decided to send it to the archives. It'll be back by tonight.
Oh thank goodness. I can pick it up if that’s easier. The vines are a little hostile towards visitors right now.
Oh. Should I be concerned? I gotta baseball bat if you need some help.
Hey, I've got your phone. Red Hood decided to send it to the archives. It'll be back by tonight.
Oh thank goodness. I can pick it up if that’s easier. The vines are a little hostile towards visitors right now.
You should have seen him dangling from the balcony.
Actually, there’s probably CCTV footage somewhere. Do with that information what you will.
Do you think the bats might see some of the fan-fiction we write? I was gonna start writing some, but what if they see it? Is it worth the risk?
Sorry I took forever to respond, the fucking Red Hood took my phone. I was sitting out on the balcony and he just…took it? Hopped on the railing and snatched it. The vines got it back, but wtf? Anyways, just started working on it.
Do you think the bats might see some of the fan-fiction we write? I was gonna start writing some, but what if they see it? Is it worth the risk?
Yes.
Do you think the bats might see some of the fan-fiction we write? I was gonna start writing some, but what if they see it? Is it worth the risk?
Bruce Wayne x Batman fan-fiction it is then.
Do you think the bats might see some of the fan-fiction we write? I was gonna start writing some, but what if they see it? Is it worth the risk?
Thank you for the idea, JJ. Imma get started on this right away.
Do you think the bats might see some of the fan-fiction we write? I was gonna start writing some, but what if they see it? Is it worth the risk?
Holy shit! You’re onto something there. So much angst potential!
Do you think the bats might see some of the fan-fiction we write? I was gonna start writing some, but what if they see it? Is it worth the risk?
It really depends on what kind. I would recommend wearing gear if you’re flying, long sleeves and pants as well to prevent any potential contact with irritating foliage.
Flying is really hard....
Also ...anyone know if evergreen bushes give rashes?
Can someone please tell me why HARLEEN FUCKING QUINZEL just thanked me? First the clay pots and now rogues thanking me. Also, I think I just saw the Red Hood on a roof top across from my apartment…should I be concerned?
Just got back home from work and there are a bunch of clay pots on my balcony???
Just woke up to this news report. I’m already on GCPD’s radar so…wish me luck folks.
Almost got mugged by some fucker in an alleyway. I rocked his shit with the clay pot I just bought.
Almost got mugged by some fucker in an alleyway. I rocked his shit with the clay pot I just bought.
Sorry you got arrested for a stupid reason but then again poison ivy exists.
- :-(
Look, I’m not even upset about being detained. I’m upset because it wasn’t even an exotic plant. It was an Aloe. If I’m going to be arrested, at least book me for the right reason.